He took her hand in his, but made no attempt to translate the meaning of the moment into language. He had worked against her country; while she plied her rounds of mercy, he had written on the debas.e.m.e.nt and the fallacy of it all. Lying in the wreck of his idealism, in the grip of physical pain, dreading the torture of his own thoughts, could he express what her coming had meant? He wanted to tell her of his heart-hunger, of his loneliness, his grat.i.tude, understanding, reverence, and, above all, of his love. There was so much that it made him silent.
"Good-bye, Elise," he said.
"Good-bye," she answered.
That was the end. Of such paltry substance are words.
"By Gar!" said the French-Canadian, looking after her as she disappeared down the ward, "she mak me tink of my leetle girl Marie; only Marie, mebbe, is only so high, _comme ca_, and got de black hair, so! I am homeseek. Yes. It mak me verra homeseek. _G.o.dam_!"
V.
She did not come again. Every morning his heart quickened with hope, and each afternoon grew heavy with discouragement as the hours pa.s.sed by without the step he listened for. The arrival of the mail was an instant of mad expectancy and mute resignation. But every day carried its cargo of renewed hope, and he grudged the very hours of sleep that separated him from it.
He wrote to her three times--pleaded with her to come again. He begged forgiveness for omitted or committed things which might have hurt her, but no reply came. He thought of writing to Roselawn, fancying she might have gone there, but he was certain that before the letter could reach her she would have come again, and they would only laugh at the idea of any misunderstanding.
He blamed himself for a hundred imaginary crimes. He had not asked her if she would return. Perhaps he had carelessly uttered words that wounded her. He knew her pride; knew that after their parting at the flat it must have been hard for her to make the first move towards reconciliation--and she might have mistaken his joy for petty personal triumph.
Or--had he been an utter fool? Was this her punishment of him? With the consummate artistry of her s.e.x, had she simulated sympathy and forbearance to make his torture all the more exquisite? He dismissed the suggestion as something vile, but, feeding on his doubts and longings, it grew stronger and more insistent with every hour"s pa.s.sing. A hundred times a day he closed his eyes and lived the sweet memory of her visit; but with the gathering arraignments of his doubts, he wondered if it had all been the studied act of the English girl"s reprisal on the American who had dared to challenge her nation.
Weary, weary hours--the inactivity of the body lending fuel to the flames of his mind. He determined to dismiss her from his thoughts, and with his power of mental discipline he reduced his mood to one of mute resignation.
Then the thought of America came to him, and he was seized with an impetuous craving for his own country, his own land, where men"s natures were broad and mountainous, like America itself. He pictured New York towering into the skies, the charming homes of Boston, where so many happy hours had been spent in genial, cultured controversy. He smelt the ozone of the West, where sandy plains melted into the horizon; where men lived in the open, and a man was your friend for no better reason than that he was following the same trail as yourself.
America. . . . He was impatient now of every day that kept him in England. He felt that his emotions, his brain, his convictions would all be rudderless until he breathed once more the air of the New World, with its va.s.sal oceans bringing tribute to both Eastern and Western coasts.
He would not call himself a failure or a success until he looked on his handiwork in the light of the great Republic. As his ancestors leaving the sh.o.r.es of Holland and Ireland, as millions of men and women had done with the Old World dwindling away in the distance, he looked towards America for the answer to existence.
Ten days after his admission he was allowed to leave the hospital for his rooms in St. James"s Square.
He took his leave of the little group who had been his companions for the time--the little c.o.c.kney with his incessant exuberance; the French-Canadian, picturesque of language and imagination; the one remaining Australian, vigorous of thought and forceful of temperament; the nurse, carrying Florence Nightingale"s lamp through the blackness of war. He tried to say a little of what was bursting for utterance, but they only laughed and fenced it off. They wished him "Cheerio--good-bye--good luck;" and he wondered if the whole realm of lived or written drama held any farewell more sublimely expressive of a great people enduring to the uttermost.
His servant had a taxi-cab waiting for him. Driving first to a florist"s, he purchased roses for the nurse; then, stopping at a tobacconist"s, he left a generous order for all the occupants of the ward. After that he went directly to the American Consul"s office and made arrangements for his return to New York.
VI.
It was late in December when, driving to Waterloo to catch the boat-train to Southampton, Selwyn was held up in the Strand by the crush of people welcoming the arrival of Red Cross trains from the front.
Leaning out of the window, he watched the motor-cars and ambulances coming out from the station courtyard, while London"s people, as they had done from the beginning, welcomed the unknown wounded with waving handkerchiefs and flowers, with hearts that wept and faces that bravely smiled.
With a suppressed cry, Selwyn opened the door and leaped into the crowd.
He had seen her driving one of the ambulances, and he fought his way furiously through the human ma.s.s to the open roadway. But it was useless. The ambulance had disappeared.
Struggling back to the taxi, he re-entered it, and turning round, made for Waterloo Bridge by way of the Embankment.
CHAPTER XIX.
EN VOYAGE.
From a sheltered position on the hurricane-deck, Austin Selwyn watched the curtain of night descending on England"s coast. Portsmouth, with its thousand naval activities, was already lost to view off the ship"s stern; and the Isle of Wight was but a dark margin on the water"s edge.
Not a light was to be seen on sh.o.r.e. Like an uninhabited island, England lay in the mingled menace and protection of the sea, while unseen eyes kept their endless vigil.
The vibration from the ship"s engines told him she was gathering speed.
Impatient of the six days that must elapse before harbour could be reached, he walked to the front of the deck and watched the officers on the bridge peering into the darkness ahead.
When he retraced his steps he could no longer distinguish land. Two searchlights playing on the surface of the water revealed a cruiser steaming silently out to sea.
A feeble star appeared in the sky.
Mid-ocean.
A clear winter sunlight touching the green, swirling water with strands of yellow gold; a wind sweeping the ship"s decks, blowing boisterously down companion-ways and along the corridors; a few shimmering snowflakes from an almost cloudless sky; everywhere the vastness of ocean. And the ship buffeting its way towards the New World.
Mid-ocean.
The City of New York.
Anch.o.r.ed down the bay just after sunset, Selwyn watched the great metropolis as her form was vitalised with a million lights. From the ship"s side, it seemed to the eyes watching the birth of New York"s night that the buildings had come to the very water"s edge to gaze into its depths, and see their own reflection.
Here and there in the outline of great buildings a mammoth structure raised its head above all others, losing itself in the foam of light that floated mist-like over the city"s towering majesty.
For more than two hours Selwyn remained motionless in the thrill of patriotism. The burst of light challenging the reign of darkness was a symbol to him. The Old World was crouching in darkness, fingering and fearing the a.s.sa.s.sin"s knife. . . . But America was the Spirit of Light.
How many times, he thought, emigrants must have looked on just as he was doing! How many times that sight must have brought hope to weary, discouraged souls that never thought to hope again!
To the idealist returning to his own country, New York was not a citadel guarding the entrance to a Nation, but a gateway opening to the Continent of Opportunity.
CHAPTER XX.
THE GREAT NEUTRAL.
I.
One afternoon a tall, heavily built young man entered his house on 128th Street, New York, and after divesting himself of his coat and hat, rubbed his hands in genial appreciation of his own hearth and the exclusion of the raw outside air. He was dressed in a gray lounge suit, a clerical collar alone denoting his vocation.
"There"s a gentleman in your room, Mr. Forbes," said his housekeeper, appearing from the kitchen. "He said he was an old friend, and would wait."