It was toward sunset before Miss Roxy and Mara started on their walk homeward. Their way lay over the high stony ridge which forms the central part of the island. On one side, through the pines, they looked out into the boundless blue of the ocean, and on the other caught glimpses of Harpswell Bay as it lay glorified in the evening light. The fresh cool breeze blowing landward brought with it an invigorating influence, which Mara felt through all her feverish frame. She walked with an energy to which she had long been a stranger. She said little, but there was a sweetness, a repose, in her manner contrasting singularly with the pa.s.sionate melancholy which she had that morning expressed.
Miss Roxy did not interrupt her meditations. The nature of her profession had rendered her familiar with all the changing mental and physical phenomena that attend the development of disease and the gradual loosening of the silver cords of a present life. Certain well-understood phrases everywhere current among the ma.s.s of the people in New England, strikingly tell of the deep foundations of religious earnestness on which its daily life is built. "A triumphant death" was a matter often casually spoken of among the records of the neighborhood; and Miss Roxy felt that there was a vague and solemn charm about its approach. Yet the soul of the gray, dry woman was hot within her, for the conversation of the morning had probed depths in her own nature of whose existence she had never before been so conscious. The roughest and most matter-of-fact minds have a craving for the ideal somewhere; and often this craving, forbidden by uncomeliness and ungenial surroundings from having any personal history of its own, attaches itself to the fortune of some other one in a kind of strange disinterestedness. Some one young and beautiful is to live the life denied to them--to be the poem and the romance; it is the young mistress of the poor black slave--the pretty sister of the homely old spinster--or the clever son of the consciously ill-educated father. Something of this unconscious personal investment had there been on the part of Miss Roxy in the nursling whose singular loveliness she had watched for so many years, and on whose fair virgin orb she had marked the growing shadow of a fatal eclipse, and as she saw her glowing and serene, with that peculiar brightness that she felt came from no earthly presence or influence, she could scarcely keep the tears from her honest gray eyes.
When they arrived at the door of the house, Zephaniah Pennel was sitting in it, looking toward the sunset.
"Why, reely," he said, "Miss Roxy, we thought you must a-run away with Mara; she"s been gone a"most all day."
"I expect she"s had enough to talk with Aunt Roxy about," said Mrs.
Pennel. "Girls goin" to get married have a deal to talk about, what with patterns and contrivin" and makin" up. But come in, Miss Roxy; we"re glad to see you."
Mara turned to Miss Roxy, and gave her a look of peculiar meaning. "Aunt Roxy," she said, "you must tell them what we have been talking about to-day;" and then she went up to her room and shut the door.
Miss Roxy accomplished her task with a matter-of-fact distinctness to which her business-like habits of dealing with sickness and death had accustomed her, yet with a sympathetic tremor in her voice which softened the hard directness of her words. "You can take her over to Portland, if you say so, and get Dr. Wilson"s opinion," she said, in conclusion. "It"s best to have all done that can be, though in my mind the case is decided."
The silence that fell between the three was broken at last by the sound of a light footstep descending the stairs, and Mara entered among them.
She came forward and threw her arms round Mrs. Pennel"s neck, and kissed her; and then turning, she nestled down in the arms of her old grandfather, as she had often done in the old days of childhood, and laid her hand upon his shoulder. There was no sound for a few moments but one of suppressed weeping; but _she_ did not weep--she lay with bright calm eyes, as if looking upon some celestial vision.
"It is not so very sad," she said at last, in a gentle voice, "that I should go there; you are going, too, and grandmamma; we are all going; and we shall be forever with the Lord. Think of it! think of it!"
Many were the words spoken in that strange communing; and before Miss Roxy went away, a calmness of solemn rest had settled down on all. The old family Bible was brought forth, and Zephaniah Pennel read from it those strange words of strong consolation, which take the sting from death and the victory from the grave:--
"And I heard a great voice out of heaven. Behold the tabernacle of G.o.d is with men, and he will dwell with them, and they shall be his people; and G.o.d himself shall be with them and be their G.o.d. And G.o.d shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow nor crying, for the former things are pa.s.sed away."
CHAPTER x.x.xVIII
OPEN VISION
As Miss Roxy was leaving the dwelling of the Pennels, she met Sally Kittridge coming toward the house, laughing and singing, as was her wont. She raised her long, lean forefinger with a gesture of warning.
"What"s the matter now, Aunt Roxy? You look as solemn as a hea.r.s.e."
"None o" your jokin" now, Miss Sally; there _is_ such a thing as serious things in this "ere world of our"n, for all you girls never seems to know it."
"What is the matter, Aunt Roxy?--has anything happened?--is anything the matter with Mara?"
"Matter enough. I"ve known it a long time," said Miss Roxy. "She"s been goin" down for three months now; and she"s got that on her that will carry her off before the year"s out."
"Pshaw, Aunt Roxy! how lugubriously you old nurses always talk! I hope now you haven"t been filling Mara"s head with any such notions--people can be frightened into anything."
"Sally Kittridge, don"t be a-talkin" of what you don"t know nothin"
about! It stands to reason that a body that was bearin" the heat and burden of the day long before you was born or thought on in this world _should_ know a thing or two more"n you. Why, I"ve laid you on your stomach and trotted you to trot up the wind many a day, and I was pretty experienced then, and it ain"t likely that I"m a-goin" to take sa"ce from you. Mara Pennel is a gal as has every bit and grain as much resolution and ambition as you have, for all you flap your wings and crow so much louder, and she"s one of the close-mouthed sort, that don"t make no talk, and she"s been a-bearin" up and bearin" up, and comin" to me on the sly for strengthenin" things. She"s took camomile and orange-peel, and snake-root and boneset, and dash-root and dandelion--and there hain"t nothin" done her no good. She told me to-day she couldn"t keep up no longer, and I"ve been a-tellin" Mis" Pennel and her grand"ther. I tell you it has been a solemn time; and if you"re goin" in, don"t go in with none o" your light triflin" ways, "cause "as vinegar upon nitre is he that singeth songs on a heavy heart," the Scriptur" says."
"Oh, Miss Roxy, do tell me truly," said Sally, much moved. "What do you think is the matter with Mara? I"ve noticed myself that she got tired easy, and that she was short-breathed--but she seemed so cheerful. Can anything really be the matter?"
"It"s consumption, Sally Kittridge," said Miss Roxy, "neither more nor less; that ar is the long and the short. They"re going to take her over to Portland to see Dr. Wilson--it won"t do no harm, and it won"t do no good."
"You seem to be determined she shall die," said Sally in a tone of pique.
"Determined, am I? Is it I that determines that the maple leaves shall fall next October? Yet I know they will--folks can"t help knowin" what they know, and shuttin" one"s eyes won"t alter one"s road. I s"pose you think "cause you"re young and middlin" good-lookin" that you have feelin"s and I hasn"t; well, you"re mistaken, that"s all. I don"t believe there"s one person in the world that would go farther or do more to save Mara Pennel than I would,--and yet I"ve been in the world long enough to see that livin" ain"t no great shakes neither. Ef one is hopefully prepared in the days of their youth, why they escape a good deal, ef they get took cross-lots into heaven."
Sally turned away thoughtfully into the house; there was no one in the kitchen, and the tick of the old clock sounded lonely and sepulchral.
She went upstairs to Mara"s room; the door was ajar. Mara was sitting at the open window that looked forth toward the ocean, busily engaged in writing. The glow of evening shone on the golden waves of her hair, and tinged the pearly outline of her cheek. Sally noticed the translucent clearness of her complexion, and the deep burning color and the transparency of the little hands, which seemed as if they might transmit the light like Sevres porcelain. She was writing with an expression of tender calm, and sometimes stopping to consult an open letter that Sally knew came from Moses.
So fair and sweet and serene she looked that a painter might have chosen her for an embodiment of twilight, and one might not be surprised to see a clear star shining out over her forehead. Yet in the tender serenity of the face there dwelt a pathos of expression that spoke of struggles and sufferings past, like the traces of tears on the face of a restful infant that has grieved itself to sleep.
Sally came softly in on tiptoe, threw her arms around her, and kissed her, with a half laugh, then bursting into tears, sobbed upon her shoulder.
"Dear Sally, what is the matter?" said Mara, looking up.
"Oh, Mara, I just met Miss Roxy, and she told me"--
Sally only sobbed pa.s.sionately.
"It is very sad to make all one"s friends so unhappy," said Mara, in a soothing voice, stroking Sally"s hair. "You don"t know how much I have suffered dreading it. Sally, it is a long time since I began to expect and dread and fear. My time of anguish was then--then when I first felt that it could be possible that I should not live after all. There was a long time I dared not even think of it; I could not even tell such a fear to myself; and I did far more than I felt able to do to convince myself that I was not weak and failing. I have been often to Miss Roxy, and once, when n.o.body knew it, I went to a doctor in Brunswick, but then I was afraid to tell him half, lest he should say something about me, and it should get out; and so I went on getting worse and worse, and feeling every day as if I could not keep up, and yet afraid to lie down for fear grandmamma would suspect me. But this morning it was pleasant and bright, and something came over me that said I _must_ tell somebody, and so, as it was cool and pleasant, I walked up to Aunt Roxy"s and told her. I thought, you know, that she knew the most, and would feel it the least; but oh, Sally, she has such a feeling heart, and loves me so; it is strange she should."
"Is it?" said Sally, tightening her clasp around Mara"s neck; and then with a hysterical shadow of gayety she said, "I suppose you think that you are such a hobgoblin that n.o.body could be expected to do that. After all, though, I should have as soon expected roses to bloom in a juniper clump as love from Aunt Roxy."
"Well, she does love me," said Mara. "No mother could be kinder. Poor thing, she really sobbed and cried when I told her. I was very tired, and she told me she would take care of me, and tell grandpapa and grandmamma,--_that_ had been lying on my heart as such a dreadful thing to do,--and she laid me down to rest on her bed, and spoke so lovingly to me! I wish you could have seen her. And while I lay there, I fell into a strange, sweet sort of rest. I can"t describe it; but since then everything has been changed. I wish I could tell any one how I saw things then."
"Do try to tell me, Mara," said Sally, "for I need comfort too, if there is any to be had."
"Well, then, I lay on the bed, and the wind drew in from the sea and just lifted the window-curtain, and I could see the sea shining and hear the waves making a pleasant little dash, and then my head seemed to swim. I thought I was walking out by the pleasant sh.o.r.e, and everything seemed so strangely beautiful, and grandpapa and grandmamma were there, and Moses had come home, and you were there, and we were all so happy.
And then I felt a sort of strange sense that something was coming--some great trial or affliction--and I groaned and clung to Moses, and asked him to put his arm around me and hold me.
"Then it seemed to be not by our seash.o.r.e that this was happening, but by the Sea of Galilee, just as it tells about it in the Bible, and there were fishermen mending their nets, and men sitting counting their money, and I saw Jesus come walking along, and heard him say to this one and that one, "Leave all and follow me," and it seemed that the moment he spoke they did it, and then he came to me, and I felt his eyes in my very soul, and he said, "Wilt _thou_ leave _all_ and follow me?" I cannot tell now what a pain I felt--what an anguish. I wanted to leave all, but my heart felt as if it were tied and woven with a thousand threads, and while I waited he seemed to fade away, and I found myself then alone and unhappy, wishing that I could, and mourning that I had not; and then something shone out warm like the sun, and I looked up, and he stood there looking pitifully, and he said again just as he did before, "Wilt thou leave all and follow me?" Every word was so gentle and full of pity, and I looked into his eyes and could not look away; they drew me, they warmed me, and I felt a strange, wonderful sense of his greatness and sweetness. It seemed as if I felt within me cord after cord breaking, I felt so free, so happy; and I said, "I will, I will, with all my heart;" and I woke then, so happy, so sure of G.o.d"s love.
"I saw so clearly how his love is in everything, and these words came into my mind as if an angel had spoken them, "G.o.d shall wipe away all tears from their eyes." Since then I cannot be unhappy. I was so myself only this morning, and now I wonder that any one can have a grief when G.o.d is so loving and good, and cares so sweetly for us all. Why, Sally, if I could see Christ and hear him speak, I could not be more certain that he will make this sorrow such a blessing to us all that we shall never be able to thank him enough for it."
"Oh Mara," said Sally, sighing deeply, while her cheek was wet with tears, "it is beautiful to hear you talk; but there is one that I am sure will not and cannot feel so."
"G.o.d will care for him," said Mara; "oh, I am sure of it; He is love itself, and He values his love in us, and He never, never would have brought such a trial, if it had not been the true and only way to our best good. We shall not shed one needless tear. Yes, if G.o.d loved us so that he spared not his own Son, he will surely give us all the good here that we possibly can have without risking our eternal happiness."
"You are writing to Moses, now?" said Sally.
"Yes, I am answering his letter; it is so full of spirit and life and hope--but all hope in this world--all, all earthly, as much as if there was no G.o.d and no world to come. Sally, perhaps our Father saw that I could not have strength to live with him and keep my faith. I should be drawn by him earthward instead of drawing him heavenward; and so this is in mercy to us both."
"And are you telling him the whole truth, Mara?"
"Not all, no," said Mara; "he could not bear it at once. I only tell him that my health is failing, and that my friends are seriously alarmed, and then I speak as if it were doubtful, in my mind, what the result might be."
"I don"t think you can make him feel as you do. Moses Pennel has a tremendous will, and he never yielded to any one. You bend, Mara, like the little blue harebells, and so the storm goes over you; but he will stand up against it, and it will wrench and shatter him. I am afraid, instead of making him better, it will only make him bitter and rebellious."
"He has a Father in heaven who knows how to care for him," said Mara. "I am persuaded--I feel certain that he will be blessed in the end; not perhaps in the time and way I should have chosen, but in the end. I have always felt that he was mine, ever since he came a little shipwrecked boy to me--a little girl. And now I have given him up to his Saviour and my Saviour--to his G.o.d and my G.o.d--and I am perfectly at peace. All will be well."