The names would run out regardless of how carefully, how slowly, he delivered them. In fact, if he delivered them too slowly the Soviets would grow impatient, demand that he tell them where he was getting his information, and then, when he refused, they"d come into the villa to find out for themselves, and his last hope would be ended.
So he went looking for someone to help with the press. He met Agi later that year, as the first wave of deportations, imprisonments, and executions took place. Her father and mother had been devoted communists dating back to Bela Kun"s brief dictatorship of Hungary in 1919, and were persecuted in the white terror that followed against Jews and leftists when Admiral Horthy established control over the country for the next twenty-four years. Her father had been both-Jewish and leftist-and more than once it was only the thickness of his skull that kept him from being beaten to death, just as it was his skill with the printing press that kept all three of them alive during the period of anti-Semitic laws, ghettoization, the Holocaust. "If you wear the yellow star they will kill you," he once told Agi, tossing hers and her mother"s and his into the flames, "and if you do not they will kill you." He stirred the fire. "So why bother?" But he had done more than just that, drawing up papers for many others-Jews, but also members of the resistance, fellow communists, British soldiers parachuted into the capital, others who needed to escape, for one reason or another, from the powers bearing down on them-whatever he could do to subvert the fascist cause. And therefore, like so many other communists, Agi"s father was arrested after the Soviet occupation on Malinovsky"s orders, not so much for his vocal criticism of the Russian "liberator"-for asking what good it had done them to await liberation when it meant free looting for the Red Army, rape, robbery, extortion, the requisitioning and h.o.a.rding of the country"s food for the military while the general population starved, the ransacking of the nation in the way of reparations, ma.s.s arrests, murder-but because he wasn"t afraid for his life. They were to be sent to a prison camp-one of the many the Soviets had set up-in G.o.dollo, when Laszlo stepped in, saying he needed someone adept at "paperwork." Malinovsky had reported to Moscow that he had captured 110,000 fascists, but as he only had 60,000, the rest had to be made up by dragging people at random from the streets and their homes, and Laszlo was put in charge of making these subst.i.tutes look legitimate.
Naturally, Agi"s father objected, and so Laszlo took him aside, reminding him that the youngest women raped by the Red Army were twelve, and the oldest ninety, which meant that both his wife and daughter were within the normative range; he spoke, too, of the sorts of venereal diseases they could expect, not to mention how long it would last, given that some women were locked up for two weeks "entertaining" as many as thirty soldiers at a time. In the end, Agi"s father agreed, and to soften the blow Laszlo made sure they were provided for, keeping his promise even after Agi"s parents, having done the work they were asked to do, were visited one night by the aVO and taken away for "unauthorized forgery of government doc.u.ments," and Laszlo inherited Agi.
He made a nominal attempt to save her parents, trying to get her on his side, to make her believe he wasn"t really an apparatchik, that he was just using the system until he could make his escape. So he made sure she was there when he made inquiries and phone calls, made sure that when they came to the villa for her as well, the agents of the aVO knocking on the door, he was there to bar the entrance, listing off his decorations and accomplishments and contacts to make it clear he, and by extension she, was "protected," though in truth, no one was protected, no matter how high up your friends were, for the most dangerous friend of all was the highest ranking, Stalin himself.
It was an act of bravery, maybe the only act of bravery he"d ever performed, though it was only due to his hope that Agi would fix the printing press hidden beneath the villa. He knew that she could fix and operate the press with her eyes closed, the old man had said as much, boasting that she"d been more than his little helper. When her father was called away on business, she"d run the whole show.
Agi was silent through it all, absolutely quiet, the look in her eyes exactly the same as Karola"s had been, too hard for a girl of nineteen-still lithe, a little boyish-meeting his gaze with one in every way its equal. The war had made them old. He saw it in the way her eyes left him isolated, a lesson on shouldering what he"d done alone rather than lessening the burden by pa.s.sing it on, by turning it into a secret she had to share.
It always seemed to be winter, down in the hole, Agi squatting above the trapdoor peering at him, as if listening to the clack and whir as Laszlo tried, without expertise or success, to start up Tibor"s old machinery, the presses and lamps and generators. Nothing worked. All that happened was the clashing of parts, the tearing and spewing and grinding of paper, the flickering of lamps. The generator hummed dangerously, and charged every metal object around it so badly Laszlo was continuously cursing the jolts and shocks.
Agi would leave his dinner at the edge of the trapdoor, listening for a moment and then hammering it with the heel of her shoe, making him jump in the midst of whatever repairs he was attempting so that he would lose his grip on the screw or wire or flashlight and have to scramble after it in the dark. Laszlo sometimes felt she was transforming the villa by her presence. The smell of her cooking in the kitchen. The bedroom filled with the rustle of her turning in sleep. The shaded gallery, with its columns and ivy, unbearable for him because the only time a smile ever played across Agi"s face was when she stepped out onto it and took in the smells of the garden and sunshine she and half the country had dreamed about in cellars and shelters during the siege, when all they had was the sound of bombs, the slow fog of plaster shaken from the walls and ceiling and floor with every explosion.
Instead of helping him, Agi reminded Laszlo, day after day, of the terrible things he"d done. She made love to him without flinching, without motion, the daughter of a man he"d killed, a woman unlawfully his, stolen, forced against her will, as if nurturing his hopelessness, his self-hate, his absent courage.
When he grew frustrated with the work he"d sit with her in one of the ruined rooms, Agi staring at the floor, not at all there. "What would you have done?" he asked, as if having told her about the press, his plan to create a new ident.i.ty, to get away before scrutiny of his activities became too intense, he was now free to tell her everything, all of what that scrutiny might uncover. "What other choice was there?"
She stared at the hatch he"d left open, or the slow work of renovation he"d begun, trying to replaster the walls, to repair the hole in the ceiling, to paint over a half decade of water damage, her silence refusing him the one thing he most wanted: to hear someone, anyone, say that they too would have done what he did. But all he heard was the villa, rain on its roof, the ticking of radiators and plumbing, the wind playing on the windows, as if it was telling him it took a special person to do what he"d done, to have shot those boys. "No one but you could have done that," the villa said.
At other times he would remind her of those he"d a.s.sisted-the legless girl in the infirmary, Agi herself-and ask her to help him square this against the other things he"d done-to her parents, to the two boys. "How is it that I could do any good at all?" he asked. "Maybe I haven"t gone so far. Maybe there"s still something of me left," he said, waiting for her to speak, the villa answering instead.
When he grew angry with her silence, he threatened to stop protecting her from the aVO. Agi never raised her eyes from the floor, and he would shout that they were both going to die there, in the villa, and then go back down the hatch, kicking and beating the useless machinery. "If only you would help me!" he yelled up through the trapdoor, letting it out before he could stop the words. "We could use this machine." But it was pointless. For years now, his job had been destroying names, not creating them.
In March of 1947 Laszlo finally ran out of names-all but one. He"d done what he could, he told Agi. At first, he"d only handed in the aliases Tibor had given to communists, to those, Laszlo knew, who were even now active in the party, and who"d enjoyed their fill of atrocity, and now it was their turn. When these were used up, Laszlo had moved down the list to those he knew were missing or sick or single. The very last names he"d handed in belonged to men who had families-wives, children, next of kin. And when those were gone-identified, questioned, arrested-when there was only the last, the one he"d picked out in advance, an address in Szekesfehervar, someone guiltier than most, susceptible to blackmail, with the means necessary to help Laszlo hide away, then he turned to Agi.
"If we"re going to get away, you"re going to have to help me." She made no reply. He turned, putting his hands against their bedroom wall. "I"ve been waiting," he said. "I thought there might be time, and that if I was patient, the names would last longer than the Soviets. We could make this place mine, or ours, whatever." He took his hands from the wall. "But they aren"t leaving this country. They aren"t ever leaving this country. You wait and see! And there are no names left!"
She watched him pacing back and forth, giving her a precise account of who was asking questions about him, what departments were interested, whose hands had delivered and traded memos on how he happened to know so much, on where he"d gotten the information that led to so many arrests. "The only thing that would have been worse," he hissed, "is if I"d given them no names at all."
He moved to the bed and grabbed one of her wrists. "If only I could fix the equipment Tibor left," he said. "It would at least give me, give us, a chance to get away."
She looked at him as if she had no idea who he was.
"What"s wrong with you?" he shouted. He yanked Agi out of bed then, and she stumbled after him, rounding the corner to the room where Tibor and Ildiko had died, and down the ladder to the workshop.
He grabbed a list of names from a bench he"d built, thrusting it in her face. "Read it!" he said to her. "Read the names!"
Lazily, her eyes moved along what was written there.
"I got it from the ministry," he said, holding it up to her face, his other hand still gripping her wrist, "the names of the confirmed dead. I thought I could use it to make an alias. They"d never be looking for someone who has already died."
Her eyes moved side to side, along one of the only records that still testified, name by name, to a whole society that was one day taken out of existence so that this one could come into being. And that"s how she came to it.
"Leo Kocsis," she whispered.
"Yes," he said, "exactly. How eager are you to join him? Because that"s exactly what"s going to happen, your name and my name, right here"-he waved the paper in front of her eyes-"if you don"t get us out."
She let the paper fall. Leo Kocsis. Her father.
Laszlo would never remember whether Agi agreed with a yes or a nod, or whether she agreed at all, only that she moved forward. And he had the premonition he always had, an instinct for how betrayal might benefit him, the same instinct that had made him show Agi her father"s name, knowing it was the only way to break what had formed between them. Agi worked without stopping, and was not finished before the evening of the next day. There was so much to do, so many papers, copying everything Laszlo brought to her, every sheet, without speaking.
And when it was done, days later, and Laszlo was standing in the doorway, his bags packed, it occurred to him that she had not prepared an alias for her own escape, and he quietly asked if she wasn"t coming along.
She stared at him.
"I"m going to Szekesfehervar," he whispered, needing to say something, to cover up this moment, this need for an apology. "I"m going to stay there for a little while." He rubbed his head. "There"s still someone ... I might get help."
Agi said nothing, only stood there in the doorway, as if she had no intention of ever leaving Tibor Kalman"s villa.
"What"s wrong with you?" he asked. "You think they"ll leave you alone when they come for me? You think you"ll be spared?"
"They ..." she began. "They have never left me alone." And she stepped back inside and quietly closed the door.
Laszlo was still standing in front of the villa minutes later, still there, silent, unable to step off the threshold, almost as if he was waiting for her to invite him back in, as if, after all this time, all he really wanted was to be welcomed into the place-as if it had never been about an alias at all.
And even then, Laszlo lingered, unable to turn decisively toward Szekesfehervar, moving along the sidewalk and glancing back, retracing five or six steps, eyes resting on Tibor Kalman"s villa, long after Agi had opened the windows, brought the record player out onto the gallery, and poured herself what remained of the palinka. He stood there, half hidden behind a willow, barely making out the melody of the slager, watching her tilt the gla.s.s to her lips. She had the run of the place now, he realized, and he wondered if she"d known it would come to this, that for him the worst memory of all would be Agi accepted into the villa, as if his removal was all that Tibor Kalman"s home needed to be complete, all it had needed to be finally restored.
Lily Tuck.
Ice.
On board the Caledonia Star, sailing through the Beagle Channel and past the city of Ushuaia on the way to Antarctica, Maud"s husband says to her, "Those lights will probably be the last we"ll see for a while."
Mountains rise stark and desolate on both sides of the channel; already there does not look to be room for people. Above, the evening sky, a sleety gray, shifts to show a little patch of the lightest blue. Standing on deck next to her husband, Maud takes it for a good omen-the ship will not founder, they will not get seasick, they will survive the journey, their marriage more or less still intact.
Also, Maud spots her first whale, another omen. She spots two.
In the morning, early, the ship"s siren sounds a fire drill. Maud and Peter quickly put on waterproof pants, boots, sweaters, parkas, hats, gloves-in the event of an emergency, they have been told to wear their warmest clothes. They strap on the life jackets that are hanging from a hook on the back of their cabin door and follow their fellow pa.s.sengers up the stairs. The first officer directs them to the ship"s saloon; they are at Station 2, he tells them. On deck, Maud can see the lifeboats being lowered smoothly and efficiently and not, Maud can"t help but think, how it must have been on board the Andrea Doria-a woman, who survived the ship"s collision, once told Maud how undisciplined and negligent the Italian crew was. The first officer is French-the captain and most of the other officers are Norwegian-and he is darkly handsome. As he explains the drill, he looks steadily and impa.s.sively above the pa.s.sengers" heads as if, Maud thinks, the pa.s.sengers are cattle; in vain, she tries to catch his eye. When one of the pa.s.sengers tries to interrupt with a joke, the first officer rebukes him with a sharp shake of the head and continues speaking.
When the drill is over and still wearing his life jacket, Peter leaves the saloon, saying he is going up on deck to breathe some fresh air, and Maud goes back down to the cabin.
Of the eighty or so pa.s.sengers on board the Caledonia Star, the majority are couples; a few single women travel together; one woman is in a wheelchair. The average age, Maud guesses, is mid to late sixties and, like them-Peter was a lawyer and Maud a speech therapist (she still works three days a week at a private school)-most are retired professionals. And although Maud and Peter learned about the cruise from their college alumni magazine, none of the pa.s.sengers-some of whom they a.s.sume must have attended the same college-look familiar to them. "Maybe they all took correspondence courses," Peter says. Since his retirement, Peter has been restless and morose. "No one," he complains to Maud, "answers my phone calls anymore." The trip to Antarctica was Maud"s idea.
When Maud steps out on deck to look for Peter, she does not see him right away. The ship rolls from side to side-they have started to cross the Drake Pa.s.sage-and already they have lost sight of land. When Maud finally finds Peter, her relief is so intense she nearly shouts as she hurries over to him. Standing at the ship"s rail, looking down at the water, Peter does not appear to notice Maud. Finally, without moving his head, he says in a British-inflected, slightly nasal voice, "Did you know that the Drake Pa.s.sage is a major component of the coupled ocean-atmosphere climate system and that it connects all the other major oceans and that it influences the water-ma.s.s characteristics of the deep water over a large portion of the world?"
"Of course, darling," Maud answers in the same sort of voice and takes Peter"s arm. "Everyone knows that."
Peter has an almost photographic memory and is, Maud likes to say, the smartest man she has ever met. Peter claims that he would have preferred being a mathematician to being a lawyer. He is an attractive man, tall and athletic looking, although he walks with a slight limp-he broke his leg as a child and the leg did not set properly-which gives him a certain vulnerability and adds to his appeal (secretly, Maud accuses him of exaggerating the limp to elicit sympathy). And he still has a full head of hair, notwithstanding that it has turned gray, which he wears surprisingly long. Maud, too, is good-looking: slim, tall, and blonde (the blonde is no longer natural but such a constant that Maud would be hard put to say what her natural color is); her blue eyes, she claims, are still her best feature. Together, they make a handsome couple; they have been married for over forty years.
Maud knows Peter so well that she also knows that when he adopts this bantering tone with her, he is either hiding something or he is feeling depressed. Or both. Instinctively, she tightens her grip on his arm.
"Let"s go in," she says to him in her normal voice. "I"m cold."
In their cabin, the books, the clock, the bottle of sleeping pills, everything that had been neatly stacked on the nightstand is, on account of the ship"s motion, lying pell-mell on the floor.
Instead of a double bed, their cabin has two narrow bunks. The bunks are made up in an unusual way, a Norwegian way, Maud guesses-the sheet wrapped around the blanket as if it were a parcel and tucked in. In her bed, Maud feels as if she were lying inside a coc.o.o.n; also, she does not dislike sleeping alone for a change. As if Peter could read her mind-he has an uncanny ability to do this sometimes-he pats the side of his bunk and says, "Come here for a minute, Maud." Maud hesitates, then decides not to answer. She does not feel like making love-too much trouble and often, recently, s.e.x does not work out, which makes her anxious and Peter anxious and angry both. Over their heads, on the wall, the public-address speaker crackles and a voice says: "Long before the poet Samuel Coleridge penned his "Rime of the Ancient Mariner," the albatross was a creature of reverence and superst.i.tion. The sailors believed that when their captain died, his soul took the form of an albatross. Of course I cannot speak for our excellent Captain Halvorsen, but I, for one, would not mind being reincarnated as an albatross." In the bed next to Maud, Peter snorts and says again, "Maudie, come over here." Maud pretends not to hear him. "By the way, my name is Michael," the voice continues, "and in case you have not yet met me, I am your naturalist on board." Peter says something that Maud does not quite catch although she can guess at the meaning. "The albatross has the largest wingspan-the record, I believe, is thirteen feet, three inches-and the oldest known albatross is seventy years old. When he is ten, the albatross goes back to where he was born to mate-" Maud tenses for a comment from Peter but this time he makes none. The public-address speaker crackles with static, "... feeds at night ... eats luminous squid, fish, and krill." Maud looks over at Peter"s bunk and sees that Peter"s eyes are closed. Relieved, she reaches up to turn down the volume on the speaker as Michael says, "The albatross will fly for miles without moving its wings, or setting foot on land. Soaring and gliding over the water, the albatross"s zigzag flight is determined by the wind."
The captain"s c.o.c.ktail party is held in the saloon-or, as Maud refers to it, Emergency Station 2. She is dressed in her best slacks and a red cashmere sweater, and Peter wears his blue blazer and a tie. The saloon is packed tight with pa.s.sengers who are all talking at once. Right away, Maud orders a vodka martini at the bar while Peter has a beer.
"Take it easy," Peter says, handing her the martini.
The ship"s motion is more p.r.o.nounced. Maud hangs on to the edge of the bar with one hand and holds her martini gla.s.s in the other. Sometimes Maud drinks too much. She blames her age and the fact that she is thin and cannot hold her liquor the way she used to-not the actual amount she drinks. Standing in the center of the room, Captain Halvorsen is a tall man with thinning red hair; he smiles politely as he talks to the pa.s.sengers. Maud guesses that he must dread this evening and the enforced sociability. Looking around the room, she does not see the darkly handsome first officer. A woman holding a golf club-which, at first, Maud thought was a cane-walks over to them and, standing next to Peter at the bar, orders a gla.s.s of white wine.
"If I am not mistaken, that"s a five-iron you have in your hand," Peter says to her in his nasal voice.
"Yes, it is," the woman answers. She is dark and trim and does not smile.
"Do you always travel with a golf club?" Peter, when he wants, can be charming and act completely entranced by what the other person is saying. If that person happens to be a woman, Maud tends to resent it even though she knows that Peter"s attention may not be entirely genuine. Peter continues, "By the way, my name is Peter and this is my wife, Maud."
"I"m Barbara," the woman says. "And, yes, I always travel with my golf club."
"As protection?" Maud manages to ask.
"No," Barbara frowns. "My goal is to drive a golf ball in every country of the world."
"Oh."
"And have you?" Peter asks. He does a little imitation golf swing, holding his bottle of beer in both hands. When, in the past, Maud has accused Peter of toying with people, Peter has accused Maud of misreading him.
"As a matter of fact, I have. Or nearly. Except for Antarctica, which of course is not a country but a continent, and a few African nations which are too dangerous. I began twenty years ago-"
Why? Maud is tempted to ask.
"After my husband died," Barbara says as if to answer Maud.
"Can you get me another martini?" Maud asks Peter.
That night, Maud cannot sleep. Every time she closes her eyes, she feels dizzy and nauseated and she has to open her eyes again; she tries sitting up in bed. To make matters worse, the Caledonia Star creaks and shudders as all night it pitches and lurches through a heavy sea. Once, after a particularly violent lurch, Maud calls out to Peter, but either he is asleep and does not hear her or, perverse, he does not answer her. To herself, Maud vows that she will never have another drink.
In the morning, at seven according to the clock that is on the floor-Maud has finally managed to sleep for a few hours-Maud and Peter are awoken by the now-familiar voice on the public-address speaker.
"Good morning, folks! It"s Michael! I hope you folks were not still sleeping! For those of you who are on the starboard side of the ship-that means the right side for the landlubbers-if you look out your porthole real quick, you"ll see a couple of minke whales."
When Maud looks outside, the sea is calm and it is raining.
"Do you see them?" Peter asks from his bed.
"No," Maud says. "I don"t see any minke whales."
"Michael is lying to us," Peter says, rolling over on to his other side. "Be a good girl and give me a back rub. This mattress is for the birds."
In the rubber Zodiac, Maud starts to feel better. The cold air clears her head and she is looking forward to walking on land. Behind her, the Caledonia Star rests solidly at anchor as they make their way across to Livingston Island. The pa.s.sengers in the boat are all wearing orange life jackets as well as identical red parkas-when Maud inquired about the parkas, she was told that red was easy to see and made it easier for the crew to tell whether any pa.s.senger was left behind on sh.o.r.e. And had a pa.s.senger ever been left behind? Maud continued. Yes, once. A woman had tried to hide. Hide? Why? Maud had asked again, but she got no reply.
Holding her golf club between her legs, Barbara sits across from them in the Zodiac. Instead of a cap, she wears a visor that has GOLFERS MAKE BETTER LOVERS printed on it. Michael, the naturalist, is young, blond, and bearded, and he drives the Zodiac with smooth expertise. Once he lands the boat, he gives each pa.s.senger a hand, cautioning them: "Careful where you walk, the ground may be slippery. And steer clear of those seals," he also says, pointing. "Especially the big fur seal, he"s not friendly."
Looking like giant rubber erasers, about a dozen seals are lying close together along the sh.o.r.e; their beige and gray hides are mottled and scarred. Except for one seal who raises his head to look at them as they walk past-the fur seal no doubt-none of the seals moves. Maud gives them a wide berth and makes no eye contact; Peter, on the other hand, deliberately walks up closer to the seals and takes several photos of them.
A few yards inland, Maud sees Barbara lean over to tee up a golf ball. She watches as Barbara takes up her stance and takes a few practice swings. Several of the other pa.s.sengers are watching her as well. One man calls out, "Make it a hole-in-one, Barbara!" The golf ball sails straight toward the brown cliffs that rise from the sh.o.r.e; a few people applaud. Barbara tees up and hits another golf ball, then another. Each time, the sound is a sharp crack, like ice breaking.
Michael is right-it is slippery. Wet shale and bits of snow litter the ground; also there are hundreds-no, perhaps thousands-of penguins on Livingston Island. Maud has to watch where she steps. It would not do, she thinks, to break a leg in Antarctica or to crush a penguin. Like the seals, the penguins appear oblivious to people. They are small and everywhere underfoot and Maud feels as if she is walking among dwarves.
When Peter catches up to her, he says, "You think one of these penguins is going to try to brood on a golf ball?"
"Incubate, you mean," Maud says. "You brood on a chick."
"Whatever," Peter answers, turning away from her. He does not like being corrected, and although Maud should know better by now, old habits die hard.
In the Zodiac, on the way back to the Caledonia Star, the wind has picked up and the sea is rougher. In spite of Michael"s efforts, waves slap at the boat"s sides and cold spray wets the back of the pa.s.sengers" red parkas.
"Tomorrow, we will see icebergs," Captain Halvorsen promises during dinner. Maud and Peter are sitting at his table along with another couple, Philip and Janet. Philip claims to have been in the same college cla.s.s with Peter and to remember him well (he alludes to an incident involving the misuse of cafeteria trays, but Peter has no recollection of it and shakes his head). Janet, a tall brunette with smooth olive skin and dark full eyebrows, is much younger; she never attended college, she tells Maud, giggling. She took up modeling instead.
"If the ice were to melt," Captain Halvorsen tells Peter, "the water would rise sixty-six meters."
"Isn"t a meter like a yard?" Janet asks. "I was never any good at math."
Sitting next to Maud, Philip, who is in real estate, is describing the booming building industry in Florida, where he lives.
"The grounding line is where the ice ma.s.s begins to float," Maud overhears Captain Halvorsen say. "In Antarctica, icebergs form when ice breaks away from large flat plates called ice shelves."
"I read that the Ross Ice Shelf is the size of the state of Connecticut," Peter says.
"The size of France," Captain Halvorsen says.
Leaning over, Janet says something to Peter that Maud cannot hear, which makes him laugh. Maud watches as, still laughing, Peter puts his hand on Janet"s forearm and pats it in a gesture of easy camaraderie.
"Can you pa.s.s the wine, Philip?" Maud interrupts him.
"Eighty-five percent of the ice in the world is in Antarctica," Captain Halvorsen says. Then, as an afterthought, he adds, "and six percent of the ice in the world is in Greenland."
And the rest? The 9 percent? Maud wishes to ask but does not.
For years, as a child, Maud had a recurring dream. A nightmare. In her sleep, she always knew when the nightmare was beginning but she was unable to stop it or wake herself up. The other thing, too, was that Maud could never describe it. The dream had nothing to do with people or monsters or violent situations or anything she might know or recognize. The dream could not be put into words. The closest way she could come to describing it was to say that it was about numbers (even so, that was not quite right as the numbers were not the familiar ones like 8 or 17 or 224); they were something other. (When consulted about the nightmare, the family physician suggested that Maud stop taking math for a while but, at school, math was Maud"s best subject.) The numbers (if in fact they were numbers) in the dream always started out small and manageable-although, again, Maud knew that was temporary, for soon they multiplied and became so large and unmanageable and incomprehensible that Maud was swept away into a kind of terrible abyss, a kind of black hole full of numbers.
It has been years now since Maud has thought about the dream. Antarctica, the vastness, the ice, the inhospitable landscape, is what she a.s.sumes has reminded her of it. When she tries to describe the dream to Peter and mentions the math part, Peter says he knows just what she means.
"You"re in good company, all sorts of people had it. The Greeks, Aristotle, Archimedes, Pascal."