"Oh, I shall take a car," Helen said. "I don"t in the least mind going alone; and it"s time both of us were in bed. Good-night, dear; do try and get rested."
XXVIII
BEDECKING ORNAMENTS OF PRAISE.
Love"s Labor"s Lost; ii.--1.
Edith Fenton did not, however, follow Helen"s advice and go to bed. She went to her room and exchanged her dinner gown for a wrapper, and then sat down before the wood fire in her chamber to wait for Arthur"s return.
It is a dismal vigil when a wife watches for her husband and questions herself of the love between them. It was Edith"s conviction that it is a wife"s duty to love her husband till death; not alone to fulfil her wifely obligations, to preserve an outward semblance of affection, but to love him in her heart according to the vows she has taken at the altar. Had one told her that the limit of human power lay at self-deception, and that, while it was possible to cheat one"s self into the belief of loving, affection could not be constrained, she would with perfect honesty have replied as she had answered Helen in her allusion to St. Theresa. She said to herself to-night, with unshaken conviction and the concentration of all her will, that she would not cease to love Arthur; but she could not wholly ignore the difference between the unquestioning affection she had once given him and this love whose force lay in her will.
A picture of Caldwell, painted a year ago just before his long hair had been sacrificed at his boyish entreaties, hung over her mantel. She looked up at it while her lip quivered and her eyes filled with tears.
The keenly sensitive soul instead of becoming hardened to suffering feels it more and more sharply. The powers of endurance become worn out, and to the pain is added a sense of injustice. Since it suffered yesterday the heart claims the right to be happy to-day, and feels wronged that this is denied it. With all her endurance, and with all her faith, Edith could scarcely repress the feeling of pa.s.sionate protest which rose in her bosom. She said to herself that she had done all, and been all, that lay in her power; that there was no sacrifice in life she was not ready to make to preserve her husband"s love; and the most cruel pang of all she felt in thinking of her boy. For herself, it seemed to her, she could have borne anything; but that the atmosphere of the home in which her son was reared should fall short in anything of the utmost ideal possibilities caused her intolerable anguish. It seemed to her a cruel wrong to Caldwell that the love and confidence between his parents should not be perfect. It is probable that more of her personal pain was covered by this pity for her son than she was aware; but as she looked up at his picture she felt almost as if he were half-orphaned by this estrangement between herself and Arthur, which it were vain for her to attempt to ignore.
It was after midnight when she heard the street door open and close; and a moment later came her husband"s tap.
"I saw the light in your room, as I came down street," he said. "What on earth kept you up so late?"
"I was waiting," Edith replied, "to talk with you."
He came across the chamber, and regarded her a moment curiously; then he turned away with a slight shrug of the shoulders.
"You will perhaps excuse me," he said, "if I make myself comfortable. I am pretty tired."
He went to his dressing-room, coming back a moment later in smoking jacket and slippers, cutting a cigar as he walked. The reaction from the excitement of the evening already showed itself in the darkened circles beneath his eyes, and the pallor of his lips.
"Do you mind my smoking?" he asked, carelessly. "We"ve been having the deuce of a time at the club, and my nerves have all gone to pieces. I tell you, Edith," he went on, a sudden spark of excitement showing in his eyes, "I"ve had a tremendous row, but I"ve beaten. I made them pa.s.s a vote of censure on the Executive Committee, and then Herman got them to instruct the Secretary to send out a printed notice taking back that vote of theirs; and then I offered my resignation, and they voted unanimously not to accept it."
"I am so glad!" Edith responded warmly. "That censure was so outrageous. Tell me all about it."
She was so pleased to find herself talking cordially and intimately with her husband that she forgot for the moment what she had meant to say to him. She listened with eager interest while he gave her a picturesque version of the exciting scene at the club. Edith hardly realized how little of the old familiarity there was now between herself and Arthur. It was his nature to be communicative. He enjoyed talking, partly from his pleasure in words and the delight he found in effective and picturesque phrasing, and partly because it pleased his vanity to excite attention and to produce striking effects. He had an inveterate habit of telling his most intimate and inner experiences in some sort of fantastic disguise. The very vain man is apt to be either extremely reticent or very communicative. The only secrets which Fenton kept well were those which his vanity guarded. As desire for admiration and attention provoked him to continual revelations, so the fear that the disclosure of a secret would react to his disadvantage could cause him to be silent.
From the feeling that his wife disapproved of much that he told her had grown up in Fenton"s mind, at first, an irritated desire to shock and startle her as much as possible. As there came into his life, however, things which he knew she would view not only with disapproval but with abhorrence, and especially since his entanglement with Ninitta, he had grown constantly more guarded in his speech. Edith felt keenly the loss of the old familiar talks, though, womanlike, she invented a thousand excuses to prevent herself from believing in the growing estrangement of her husband. To-night she yielded herself to the pleasure of the moment, and she had almost forgotten both the sad thoughts of her vigil and the fear that troubled her, as she listened to Arthur"s animated words. It was not until he rose as if to say good-night, that her mind came back suddenly to the matter of which she wished to speak.
It was in a very different mood, however, from that in which she would have spoken half an hour before, that she now brought up the thing that had been troubling her. She hesitated a little how to question her husband without seeming to jar upon the friendly tone in which they had been talking. He was watching her keenly, wondering why she had waited for his coming, and speculating whether it were possible that she might altogether have forgotten what she meant to say. He thought she was about to speak, and antic.i.p.ated her by saying,--
"Really, Edith, it would be hard to find, even in Boston, a more incongruous company than we gathered together at dinner to-night."
"There was a good deal of variety," she returned; adding defensively, "but then they fitted together pretty well."
"What a funny old party Miss Penwick is," Arthur went on, inwardly gathering himself up for a rapid retreat. "Almost as soon as she had said, "how do you do" she asked me what I thought the object of life was."
"How very like her; what did you tell her?"
"Oh, I said I supposed the object of life is to transform the crude animal and vegetable substances of our food into pa.s.sions and petty sentiments."
Edith laughed absently, her thoughts elsewhere.
"And she looked dreadfully puzzled," Fenton continued, "as to whether she ought to be shocked or not. But bless me, how late it is!
Good-night, my dear."
He stretched up his arms in a yawn. Edith turned quickly toward him.
"Arthur," she said abruptly, but with the kindness of her softened mood, "are you painting Ninitta?"
He gave her a startled glance and sat down again in his chair. There ran through his mind a sudden pang of fear, but he said to himself instantly that Edith was not one to suspect evil, and she could not possibly know the truth.
"Painting Ninitta?" he returned. "Why do you ask that?"
"Because Fred Rangely told Helen at dinner to-night that you were."
"Where did he get his information?" asked Fenton, with a feeling of tightness in his throat as he remembered how Rangely had knocked at his door that morning.
"He said," was Edith"s answer, "that a carpenter told him Mrs. Herman was in the studio to-day; and I remembered seeing her wrap there last week."
Fenton felt the insecurity of a man about whom all things totter in the shock of an earthquake, but he refused to yield to fear. He wondered how much was to be inferred from the fact that an unknown mechanic was aware of Mrs. Herman"s visits. He had an overwhelming sense of being trapped, and he inwardly gnashed his teeth with rage against Ninitta and against fate.
But he felt the supreme importance of self-control, and he was outwardly collected as he asked,--
"What did Helen say to him?"
"She said," answered Edith, with an exquisite note of sadness in her voice, "that you must be making a portrait for a surprise to her husband."
The artist"s heart gave a bound and he caught eagerly at this suggestion, which afforded him a means of escape.
"Helen is too shrewd by half," he said, with a smile. "It is for Grant"s birthday and n.o.body was to know. As a matter of fact," he added, his invention quickly leaping to the refinements of details in his falsehood, "I fancy Ninitta really wants it for the _bambino_, as she calls him."
He smiled with relief as he went on, and rose again to his feet.
"Deception," he observed, with his natural lightness of manner, "is the bane of married life, but marital felicity is impossible without discreet reserves. It wasn"t my secret, you see, so I didn"t feel at liberty to tell you."
"You were perfectly right," she answered. "The truth is," she continued, hesitatingly, "I was afraid you had persuaded Ninitta to sit for the _Fatima_, you know you said once that she was the only model in Boston who was what you wanted."
"Did I say that? What a dreadful memory you have. I should expect Grant to make a burnt sacrifice of me if I had beguiled her into such an indiscretion. He won"t even have her sit to himself since she was married."
"Of course not," rejoined Edith, emphatically. "Poor Grant! He can"t be very happy with Ninitta. She never can get the taint of Bohemia out of her blood."
Arthur laughed and flung his cigar end into the fire.
"You speak," he said, "as if that were a hopeless poison."
He stood smiling to himself an instant. He had pushed off one slipper and was endeavoring to pick it up, using his foot like a hand. He was in that state of high excitement when he would have found relief in the wildest and most boisterous actions; and it pleased him to be able still to retain the appearance of his ordinary calm.
"Modern civilization," he observed, "consists largely in learning to live without the use of either truth or the toes. Good-night, my dear.
I want to get a nap before the church bells begin to ring."