So true is this, that a Frenchman of genius, Bernardin de St. Pierre, vouches for this anecdote of himself. He was in a strange city, visiting a friend whom he had not seen for years. The friend"s sister was of that age when women are most susceptible. She was tall, a blonde, deliberate in motion, with blue eyes and fair hair. In a jesting way, St. Pierre, who had never seen her before, and knew nothing of her personal life, said,--
"Mademoiselle, you have many admirers. Shall I describe him on whom you look with most favor?"
The lady challenged him to do so.
"He is short in stature, of dark complexion, dark hair and eyes, slight in figure, active and nervous in all his movements."
The lady blushed to her eyes, and cast a glance of anger at her brother, who, she thought, had betrayed her secret. But no! St. Pierre"s only informant was his deep knowledge of the human heart.
This instinct is founded upon the truth that the perfect temperament is that happily balanced one which holds all the organs in equilibrium,--in which no one rules, where all are developed in proportion. Nature ever strives to realize this ideal. She instills in the nervous temperament a preference for the lymphatic; in the sanguine, a liking for the bilious const.i.tution. The offspring should combine the excellencies of both, the defects of neither. We do well to heed her admonitions here, and to bear in mind that those matches which combine opposite temperaments, are, as a rule, the most fortunate.
THE MORAL AND MENTAL CHARACTER.
Very few words are necessary here. We have already said we speak as physicians, not as moralists. But there are some false and dangerous ideas abroad, which it is our duty as physicians to combat.
None is more false, none more dangerous, than that embodied in the proverb, "A reformed rake makes the best husband." What is a rake? A man who has deceived and destroyed trusting virtue,--a man who has entered the service of the devil to undermine and poison that happiness in marriage, which all religion and science are at such pains to cultivate.
We know him well in our capacity as physicians. He comes to us constantly the prey to loathsome diseases, the results of his vicious life; which diseases he will communicate to his wife, for they are contagious, and to his children, for they are hereditary; and which no reform can purge from his system, for they are ineradicable.
Is this the man a pure woman should take to her arms? Here repentance avails nothing. We have witnessed the agony unspeakable which overwhelmed a father when he saw his children suffering under horrible and disgusting diseases, the penalty of his early sins.
Very few men of profligate lives escape these diseases. They are alarmingly prevalent among the "fast" youths of our cities. And some forms of them are incurable by any effort of skill. Even the approach of such men should be shunned,--their company avoided.
A physician in central Pennsylvania lately had this experience: A young lady of unblemished character asked his advice for a troublesome affection of the skin. He examined it, and to his horror recognised a form of one of the loathsome diseases which curse only the vilest or the most unfortunate of her s.e.x. Yet he could not suspect this girl. On inquiry, he found that she had a small but painful sore on her lip, which she first noticed a few days after being at a picnic with a young man. Just as he was bidding her good-night, he had kissed her on the lips.
At once everything was clear. This young man was a patient of the physician. He was a victim to this vile disease, and even his kiss was enough to convey it.
The history of the sixteenth century contains the account of an Italian duke, who on one occasion was forced by his ruler to reconcile himself with an enemy. Knowing he could not escape obedience, he protested the most cheerful willingness, and in the presence of the king embraced his enemy, and even kissed him on the lips. It was but another means of satisfying his hatred. For he well knew that his kiss would taint his enemy"s blood with the same poison that was undermining his own life.
How cautious, therefore, should a woman be in granting the most innocent liberties! How solicitous should she be to a.s.sociate with the purest men!
Would that we could say that these dangerous and loathsome diseases are rare! But, alas! daily professional experience forbids us to offer this consolation. Every physician in our large cities, and even in smaller towns, knows that they are fearfully prevalent.
We have been consulted by wives, pure, innocent women, for complaints which they themselves, and sometimes their children, suffered from, the nature of which we dared not tell them, but which pointed with fatal finger to the unfaithfulness of the husband. How utterly was their domestic happiness wrecked when they discovered the cause of their constant ill-health!
Nor are such occurrences confined to the humbler walks of life. There, perhaps, less than in any other do they occur. It is in the wealthy, the luxurious, the self-indulgent cla.s.s that they are found.
Are we asked how such a dreadful fate can be averted?
There are, indeed, certain signs and marks which such diseases leave with which physicians are conversant. As if nature intended them as warnings, they are imprinted on the most visible and public parts of the body. The skin, the hair, the nose, the voice, the lines on the face, often divulge to the trained observer, more indubitably than the confessional, a lewd and sensual life.
Such signs, however, can only be properly estimated by the medical counselor, and it would be useless to rehea.r.s.e them here. Those women who would have a sure guide in choosing a man to be their husband, have they not Moses and the prophets? What is more, have they not Christ and the apostles? Rest a.s.sured that the man who scoffs at Christianity, who neglects its precepts and violates its laws, runs a terrible risk of bringing upon himself, his wife, and his children, the vengeance of nature, which knows justice but not mercy. Rest a.s.sured that the man who respects the maxims of that religion, and abstains from all uncleanness, is the only man who is worthy the full and confiding love of an honorable woman.
THE SYMBOLISM OF THE HUMAN BODY.
Philosophers say that every idle word which is spoken continues to vibrate in the air through all infinity. So it is with the pa.s.sions and the thoughts. Each impresses on the body some indelible mark, and a long continuance of similar thoughts leaves a visible imprint.
Under the names of phrenology, physiognomy, palmistry, and others, attempts have been made at divers times to lay down fixed principles by which we could judge of men by their outsides; but only vague results have been obtained. A learned German author, of high repute in exact science, has gone a different way to work. He has studied the body as a whole, and sought with the eye of an anatomist how different avocations, pa.s.sions, temperaments, habits, mould and fashion the external parts of man. His results are embraced in a curious volume which he ent.i.tles _The Symbolism of the Human Body_. We shall borrow some hints from it, germane to our present theme.
As to size, large-bodied and large-boned men possess greater energy, a more masculine character, but often less persistence, and are usually devoid of the more delicate emotions. Fat people are good-tempered, but indolent; thin people, full of life, but irascible.
The neck is a significant part of the body. View it from in front, and it discloses the physical const.i.tution. There are the conduits of the food and the air; there, the great blood-vessels pa.s.s to the head, and its base is modified by their form as they pa.s.s from the heart. When broad and full, it denotes a vigorous physical life,--a plethoric const.i.tution. A distinguished teacher of midwifery, Professor Pajot of Paris, says that when he sees one of those necks full in front, like that of Marie Antoinette, as shown in her portraits, he prepares himself to combat childbed convulsions. That queen, it is well-known, nearly perished with them.
The back of the neck contains the vertebral column, and is close to the brain. It reveals the mental const.i.tution. The short round neck of the prize-fighter betrays his craft. The slender, arched, and graceful neck of the well-proportioned woman is the symbol of health and a well-controlled mind. Burke, in his _Essay on the Beautiful_, calls it the most beauteous object in nature. It is a common observation, that a sensual character is shown by the thick and coa.r.s.e development of this portion of the body.
The hair, also, has a significance. Fine whitish hair, like that of a child, goes with a simple, child-like disposition; black hair denotes a certain hardness of character; red hair has long been supposed to be a.s.sociated with a sensual const.i.tution, but it rather indicates a physical weakness,--a tendency to scrofula. This is, however, a tendency merely. Thin hair is often the result of protracted mental labor, though many other causes produce it.
Every great man, says Herder, has a glance which no one can imitate. We may go farther, and say that every man of decided character reveals it in his eyes. They are the most difficult organs for the hypocrite to control. Beware of the man who cannot look you in the eyes, and of him in whose eyes there lurks an expression which allures yet makes you shudder. The one has something he dares not tell you, the other something you dare not listen to.
Symmetry, strength, grace, health,--these are admirable qualities in a man. From the remotest ages they have been the marks of heroes.
Secondary though they are to moral and mental qualities, they should be ever highly valued. A _manly_ man! Nature designs such to be the sires of future generations. No danger that we shall fall to worshiping physical beauty again. The only fear is that in this lank, puny, scrawny generation of ours, we shall, out of vanity, underrate such beauty. Let it be ever remembered that this is the ideal, from which any departure is deterioration.
THE ENGAGEMENT.
When our grandmothers were engaged, the minister rose in his pulpit on Sunday morning, before the a.s.sembled congregation, and proclaimed the "banns," stating that if any one knew just cause or lawful impediment why the lovers should not be married, he should state it there and then.
Sometimes a great hubbub was created when some discarded suitor rose, forbidding the banns, and claimed that the capricious maiden had previously promised herself to him. Perhaps it was to avoid such an uncomfortable check on the freedom of flirtation that the ancient custom was dropped.
Certain it is, that to be "engaged" sits very lightly on the minds of both young men and maidens now-a-days. We know some of either s.e.x who make it a boast how often they have made and unmade this slender tie. It is a dangerous pastime. "The hand of little use hath the daintier touch," and they who thus trifle with their affections will end by losing the capacity to feel any real affection at all.
Undoubtedly there occur instances where a woman has pledged herself in all seriousness, and afterwards sees her affianced in a light which warns her that she cannot be happy with him,--that the vows she will be called upon to p.r.o.nounce at the altar will be hollow and false. What is she to do?
We are not inditing the decrees of the Court of Love. Here is the advice of another to her hand:
"First to thine own self be true, And then it follows, as the night the day, That thou canst ne"er be false to any man."
CONCERNING LONG ENGAGEMENTS.
They are hurtful, and they are unnecessary. Is love so vagrant that it must be tied by such a chain? Better let it go. True love asks no oath; it casteth out fear, and believes without a promise.
There are other reasons, sound physiological reasons, which we could adduce, if need were, to show that the close personal relations which arise between persons who are engaged should not be continued too long a time. They lead to excitement and debility, sometimes to danger and disease. Especially is this true of nervous, excitable, sympathetic dispositions.
If we are asked to be definite, and give figures, we should say that a period not longer than a year, nor shorter than three months, should intervene between the engagement and the marriage.
THE RIGHT TIME OF YEAR TO MARRY.
Woman, when she marries, enters upon a new life, and a trying one. Every advantage should be in her favour. The season is one of those advantages. Extreme heat and extreme cold both wear severely on the human frame. Mid-winter and mid-summer are, therefore, alike objectionable, especially the latter.
Spring and fall are usually chosen, as statistics show, and the preference is just. On the whole, the spring is rather to be recommended than the autumn. In case of a birth within the year, the child will have attained sufficient age to weather its period of teething more easily ere the next summer.
THE RIGHT TIME IN THE MONTH TO MARRY.
We mean the woman"s own month, that which spans the time between her periodical sicknesses, be it two or five weeks. Let her choose a day about equidistant from two periods. The reasons for this we shall specify hereafter.