{349} CHR. And did you do as you were bidden?
HOPE. Yes; over, and over, and over.
CHR. And did the Father reveal his Son to you?
HOPE. Not at the first, nor second, nor third, nor fourth, nor fifth; no, nor at the sixth time neither.
CHR. What did you do then?
HOPE. What! why I could not tell what to do.
CHR. Had you not thoughts of leaving off praying?
HOPE. Yes; an hundred times twice told.
CHR. And what was the reason you did not?
HOPE. I believed that that was true which had been told me, to wit, that without the righteousness of this Christ, all the world could not save me; and therefore, thought I with myself, if I leave off I die, and I can but die at the throne of grace. And withal, this came into my mind, "Though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry." [Heb. 2:3] So I continued praying until the Father showed me his Son.
{350} CHR. And how was he revealed unto you?
HOPE. I did not see him with my bodily eyes, but with the eyes of my understanding; [Eph. 1:18,19] and thus it was: One day I was very sad, I think sadder than at any one time in my life, and this sadness was through a fresh sight of the greatness and vileness of my sins. And as I was then looking for nothing but h.e.l.l, and the everlasting d.a.m.nation of my soul, suddenly, as I thought, I saw the Lord Jesus Christ look down from heaven upon me, and saying, "Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved." [Acts 16:30,31]
{351} But I replied, Lord, I am a great, a very great sinner. And he answered, "My grace is sufficient for thee." [2 Cor.12:9] Then I said, But, Lord, what is believing? And then I saw from that saying, "He that cometh to me shall never hunger, and he that believeth on me shall never thirst", that believing and coming was all one; and that he that came, that is, ran out in his heart and affections after salvation by Christ, he indeed believed in Christ.
[John 6:35] Then the water stood in mine eyes, and I asked further.
But, Lord, may such a great sinner as I am be indeed accepted of thee, and be saved by thee? And I heard him say, "And him that cometh to me, I will in no wise cast out." [John 6:37] Then I said, But how, Lord, must I consider of thee in my coming to thee, that my faith may be placed aright upon thee? Then he said, "Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners." [1 Tim. 1:15] "He is the end of the law for righteousness to every one that believeth."
[Rom. 10:4] "He died for our sins, and rose again for our justification." [Rom. 4:25] "He loved us, and washed us from our sins in his own blood." [Rev. 1:5] "He is mediator betwixt G.o.d and us." [1 Tim. 2:5] "He ever liveth to make intercession for us." [Heb. 7:24,25] From all which I gathered, that I must look for righteousness in his person, and for satisfaction for my sins by his blood; that what he did in obedience to his Father"s law, and in submitting to the penalty thereof, was not for himself, but for him that will accept it for his salvation, and be thankful.
And now was my heart full of joy, mine eyes full of tears, and mine affections running over with love to the name, people, and ways of Jesus Christ.
{352} CHR. This was a revelation of Christ to your soul indeed; but tell me particularly what effect this had upon your spirit.
HOPE. It made me see that all the world, notwithstanding all the righteousness thereof, is in a state of condemnation. It made me see that G.o.d the Father, though he be just, can justly justify the coming sinner. It made me greatly ashamed of the vileness of my former life, and confounded me with the sense of mine own ignorance; for there never came thought into my heart before now that showed me so the beauty of Jesus Christ. It made me love a holy life, and long to do something for the honour and glory of the name of the Lord Jesus; yea, I thought that had I now a thousand gallons of blood in my body, I could spill it all for the sake of the Lord Jesus.
{353} I saw then in my dream that Hopeful looked back and saw Ignorance, whom they had left behind, coming after. Look, said he to Christian, how far yonder youngster loitereth behind.
CHR. Ay, ay, I see him; he careth not for our company.
HOPE. But I trow it would not have hurt him had he kept pace with us. .h.i.therto.
CHR. That is true; but I warrant you he thinketh otherwise.
HOPE. That, I think, he doth; but, however, let us tarry for him.
So they did.
{354} Then Christian said to him, Come away, man, why do you stay so behind?
IGNOR. I take my pleasure in walking alone, even more a great deal than in company, unless I like it the better.
Then said Christian to Hopeful, (but softly), Did I not tell you he cared not for our company? But, however, said he, come up, and let us talk away the time in this solitary place. Then directing his speech to Ignorance, he said, Come, how do you? How stands it between G.o.d and your soul now?
{355} Ignorance"s hope, and the ground of it
IGNOR. I hope well; for I am always full of good motions, that come into my mind, to comfort me as I walk.
CHR. What good motions? pray, tell us.
IGNOR. Why, I think of G.o.d and heaven.
CHR. So do the devils and d.a.m.ned souls.
IGNOR. But I think of them and desire them.
CHR. So do many that are never like to come there. "The soul of the sluggard desireth, and hath nothing." [Prov. 13:4]
IGNOR. But I think of them, and leave all for them.
CHR. That I doubt; for leaving all is a hard matter: yea, a harder matter than many are aware of. But why, or by what, art thou persuaded that thou hast left all for G.o.d and heaven.
{356} IGNOR. My heart tells me so.
CHR. The wise man says, "He that trusts his own heart is a fool."
[Prov. 28:26]
IGNOR. This is spoken of an evil heart, but mine is a good one.
CHR. But how dost thou prove that?
IGNOR. It comforts me in hopes of heaven.
CHR. That may be through its deceitfulness; for a man"s heart may minister comfort to him in the hopes of that thing for which he yet has no ground to hope.
IGNOR. But my heart and life agree together, and therefore my hope is well grounded.
CHR. Who told thee that thy heart and life agree together?
IGNOR. My heart tells me so.
CHR. Ask my fellow if I be a thief! Thy heart tells thee so! Except the Word of G.o.d beareth witness in this matter, other testimony is of no value.
{357} IGNOR. But is it not a good heart that hath good thoughts?
and is not that a good life that is according to G.o.d"s commandments?
CHR. Yes, that is a good heart that hath good thoughts, and that is a good life that is according to G.o.d"s commandments; but it is one thing, indeed, to have these, and another thing only to think so.
IGNOR. Pray, what count you good thoughts, and a life according to G.o.d"s commandments?
CHR. There are good thoughts of divers kinds; some respecting ourselves, some G.o.d, some Christ, and some other things.