The Summer Triangle, or Square
The rain that had fallen since yesterday finally stopped by noon. As I stepped carefully down the road with puddles here and there, children on bikes rushed past me from behind one after another. One of them was shouting something and pointing - at a large, clear rainbow. I stopped and gazed at it for a few seconds. Once I looked back down to start walking again, the children were already nowhere to be seen.
Maybe they’d gone in search of something at the end of that rainbow, I thought.
There’s a superst.i.tion that a pot of gold lies at the end of a rainbow. I never really liked that. I wasn’t pleased with the idea that buried under something beautiful was something beautiful. I was the one of those people who wanted there to be a corpse buried under a cherry blossom.
Things that were “just beautiful” made me uneasy. I worried that someone out there was taking the hit to balance out that beauty. Would be nice for there to be a graveyard at the start of a rainbow, I thought. I wanted those brilliant seven colors to have been brought about by a thousand-some piles of bones. Since maybe then I could innocently appreciate the beauty of a rainbow a little more.
On a visit to the town library, I reunited with the girl searching for ghosts. While putting my 100 yen in the vending machine and choosing my juice, I noticed a girl holding a parasol standing in front of another machine. She was frozen with her 100 yen in hand, staring at the options as if facing the most important decision of her life. Noticing me looking, she raised her parasol and looked at me.
“Ah, mister.” Her eyes widened, then she bowed her head. “Good day. How unexpected we’d meet here.”
“Suppose you wouldn’t be looking for ghosts all day.”
“Well, that’s not quite true.” She hoisted up the bag under her arm. “Both of the two books I checked out today are on ghosts.”
“Fantastic,” I commended.
“You think it’s stupid, don’t you?” Her mouth twisted. “Go ahead. For I truly am stupid. My grades are awful, too.”
“I wasn’t saying it ironically. I really think it’s fantastic. Don’t be too normal, please.”
The girl glared at me in silence for a while, but her expression suddenly softened, and she pointed at a bench on the road facing the library.
“If you don’t mind, can we talk for a bit?”
We bought our juices and slowly drank them on the bench together. From the thicket behind the library, I heard an ear-aching cicada buzz.
“By the way, what sort of ent.i.ties do you think ghosts are?”, I asked. “I mean, people have their own perspectives on them. Some think they’re ent.i.ties that watch over you from close by, and others think they have grudges, cursing and killing people. And some think they can’t interfere with living people - they’re just there. So I wanna know your view.”
“Did you forget? I told you, I don’t believe in ghosts in the first place. A UFO, a cryptid, anything will do,” she said with a demure look. “It’s simply… the town of Minagisa is bountiful with ghost stories, is it not? So for the time being, I’m searching for ghosts.”
“Then I’ll change up the question. What would you like ghosts to be like?”
The girl took a sip of juice and stared into the sky. Her wet lips shimmered in the sunlight.
“Let’s see… I think ghosts should be in much suffering, hateful of the living, lamenting their circ.u.mstances. That’s what I’d want them to be.”
“Why?”
“If that were how it was, living would be a bit more preferable, wouldn’t it?”, she replied, still looking to the sky. “If all ghosts were peacefully watching over the living, I might find myself so jealous that I’d want to join them.”
“Ah. Makes sense.”
Maybe glad about my agreement, the girl’s feet swayed under the bench.
“Though once I grow old, I may come to say the exact opposite thing.”
“To affirm your approaching death?”
“Exactly.” She smiled under the parasol. “You understand an oddball like me so well, mister.”
“I’m not doing anything but talk naturally. If we understand each other, you must not be an oddball. Or else, I’m an oddball.”
“It’s the latter. No doubt,” she snickered.
“Come to think of it,” I said, “I forgot to mention, but don’t call me "mister.” We’re the same age.“
The girl peered at my face.
"I’d thought you were two or three years older,” she mumbled as her eyes wandered around. “…But can you let me keep on with that a.s.sumption?”
“I guess, but why?”
The girl averted her eyes. “The thought that I’m talking with a boy my age makes me so tense, I might just send back up my breakfast.”
I couldn’t resist a chuckle. “Got it. Let’s just say I’m older.”
“Indeed, that would be helpful.” She closed her eyes and sighed. Then she spoke cheerily to regain her spirits. “Say, I want to hear from you too, mister.”
“From me?”
“It’s unfair for me to do all the talking. Tell me something.”
I thought about it. I was bad at talking about myself. I’d always lived under the a.s.sumption that no one would have any interest in me, so I had far less “things to say about myself” saved up than a normal person.
Ultimately, having no topics worth bringing up, I decided to talk about something that was currently on my mind.
“Lately, I’ve been going to see the stars at night.”
“Ah, how wonderful. To think you had such a hobby.”
“Nah, it’s not my hobby. I’m just going along with it.”
“Hmm. Sounds like fun,” she said sulkingly. “I suppose you’re going with a girl?”
“Girls, and a guy too.”
“As I thought, so many friends.” Her shoulders drooped. “I feel betrayed.”
“For your information, counting you, I have about five friends total right now,” I explained with a pained smile. “It’s a mish-mash group. I’m the only one who’s acquainted with all of them, and I’m always struggling to make them get along.”
The girl stared closely at my face.
“That doesn’t sound like your kind of thing, mister. Tiring, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, deathly so.”
Her cheeks softened at once. “Because you’re reaching out into unfamiliar territory. A good feeling.”
“Tell me about it,” I agreed.
After getting home, I put the radio on a music station and continued to read the books I checked out from the library. Even with the windows open and fans blaring, it was hot enough to make sweat stains on my shirt. After dinner, I took a bath, then went straight to bed. At 1 AM, the alarm clock at my bedside went off. I slowly got up, quickly got ready, and left the house.
Even in the middle of the night, cicadas were buzzing in places on the road. Maybe they were confused by the streetlights and the persistent heat into thinking it was day. Or maybe cicadas who weren’t able to make noise during the day were doing their best to make up for it now. Lately, I’d seen the phenomenon of cicadas stopping all at once during the at hottest part of the day numerous times. I guess it makes sense, but it seems even cicadas hate extreme heat.
The heat this summer was abnormal, to be sure. The news was reporting new record highs for days in a row, and even adults said this was the hottest summer they’d ever seen. The rainfall during rainy season had also been less than half the average, there were water shortages around the country, and some places were cutting off the water at night. Maybe all the ambulance sirens I’d been hearing were because of people collapsing from heat exhaustion.
After walking along, occasionally brushing away spider webs that came out of nowhere, I arrived at Yui Hajikano’s house. As expected, Chigusa Ogiue was already waiting by the gate, and gave a little wave when she noticed me. Chigusa always faithfully wore her uniform when going out, but probably thinking a school uniform would just be suspicious at this hour, tonight she wore a shirt one-piece with thin stripes.
“Regular clothes today, huh?”, I pointed out.
Chigusa tugged on the sleeve of her one-piece worriedly. “It isn’t odd, is it?”
“It’s not. It suits you.”
“I see. Does it, now?” She smiled, swinging slightly left and right.
While talking with Chigusa about the heat wave, the back door opened silently and Hajikano appeared. She saw my face, then looked to Chigusa.
“Good evening, Hajikano,” Chigusa smiled, and Hajikano silently bowed her head.
The three of us went to Masukawa Hotel together. Opening the door to the rooftop, we saw Yuuya Hinohara there early, setting up a telescope. Seeing us arrive, he just said “Hey,” then beckoned to Hajikano. “Hajikano, help me with this.”
Hajikano stood beside the telescope, and Hinohara began to instruct. “Okay, I taught you how to tune the finder last time. You can do it yourself now, right?” Hajikano nodded wordlessly.
Chigusa and I watched from a distance as Hajikano tuned the telescope in silence and Hinohara supervised. Chigusa took peeks at me with a complicated smile on her lips.
“Why did it end up like this, you think?”
Yes, why had it come to this?
I retraced my memory to recall the day that had set it all off.
*
Back to the day Hajikano and I had a call together. The day a phone booth at an empty train station where Hajikano was and the phone at my house rang simultaneously.
Finally getting the chance to have a proper conversation with her, I at last spoke the feelings I’d kept in for years. The call ended before she could reply to them, but for the time being, it seemed like the roughness between us had been smoothed to some extent. I’d learned that Hajikano didn’t really hate me, and got Hajikano to realize that I wasn’t just pitying her. Just those two things made for a big step forward.
That night, right at 2 AM, I visited Hajikano’s house. When Hajikano came out the back door in less than five minutes, she saw me and stopped.
I raised my hand and greeted her, and she glared at me like she wanted to say something. But that expression didn’t have the hostility and hate there had been before. Depending on your point of view, it could be seen as merely covering for her embarra.s.sment.
“Well, let’s go see the stars, as usual,” I said. “Like the night with the shooting stars.”
Hajikano lightly shrugged with an amazed look, and giving neither a “fine” or “no,” began to walk. For the first time, I got to walk toward the ruined hotel not tailing behind her, but alongside her.
As she sat on the chair on the rooftop and looked at the sky, I casually asked a question.
“If you like looking at stars this much, why not use a telescope?”
“I want to,” she honestly replied. “But those things are expensive.”
“Ah,” I nodded. Then I suddenly thought of something. “Actually, I have a friend with a fairly pricey telescope.”
Sure enough, Hajikano latched on. “…Really?”
“Yeah. Would you want to borrow it?”
She kept silent. But if Hajikano didn’t instantly refuse, that usually meant agreement, I felt. Silence was her way of resistance.
“Okay, leave it to me. I’ll have it ready by tomorrow night.”
I didn’t get my hopes up for a true response, but after seeing two shooting stars, Hajikano spoke in a voice so quiet as to be practically inaudible.
“…Thanks.”
“Don’t mention it.” I bowed my head overly low. “I didn’t expect to get thanks. I’ll have to write that in my diary when I get home.”
“Hm.”
Hajikano turned away with displeasure.
The next morning, rubbing my sleepy eyes and walking under the blazing sun, I visited Hinohara’s house.
The flowers in the pots in a row under the shop overhang were all terribly wilted without exception. Only the morning glories wrapped around the window lattices had healthy blue and purple flowers. The drab mortar walls hadn’t been painted over for years, and there were dark cracks all over them. The entrance said “Bar” with a paper lantern hanging down, and the white electronic sign in front had the name of the place in deep blue letters, “Sea Roar.” The outdoor air conditioning unit under the second floor window made a strange rattling noise.
It was still only ten, and the cicadas were holding back. I opened the creaking gate, went around to the dwelling-side door, and rang the doorbell. I counted to thirty, then rang it again, but there was no response.
I heard a familiar engine noise from the back of the house. I went to check it out and found Hinohara in a cramped, messy garage, fiddling with a scooter. Probably changing the oil; next to him was an oil can, a box wrench, and a cut-open water bottle.
“Want some help?”, I asked.
Hinohara turned around, and his eyes widened as he saw me. “Ohh, f.u.kamachi! Rare for you to visit. …Here to have your revenge for three days ago, maybe?”
“That wouldn’t be a bad idea.” I picked up a monkey wrench in the corner of the garage and tapped it in my palm. “But I’ve got other business today. Hinohara, as I recall, don’t you have a telescope?”
“Yeah, I do. What about it?”
“I’d like to borrow it for a little while.”
He wiped the sweat off his brow with his arm.
“That’s real abrupt. Sheesh, you make fun of my hobbies so much, and now you’ve got an interest in astronomy?”
“I don’t remember making fun. And I’m not the one interested in astronomy. Someone I know likes to look at stars.”
Hinohara stared me down with his mouth half-open.
“Sorry, I’ve got no intent of lending it out. It’s valuable, so I’m not letting some ignorant amateur touch it.”
With that, he returned to work. He stopped the warmed-up engine, put on vinyl gloves, removed the drain bolt, and caught the dripping oil in the water bottle. Once the old oil was all poured out, he retightened the bolt, opened the oil pump cap, and poured in new oil from the can. He closed the cap, started the engine, and again let it run for a while. I’d helped him with this many times in middle school, so I learned the process well.
“I really do need it. I’ll repay you. And I’ll forget all about the other day. I’ll treat it with extreme caution so I don’t break it.”
“Do you know how to use it?”
“I’ll start learning now.”
“Come to me after you learn.”
“I’m in a hurry. Please, I’m serious about this.”
“Doesn’t seem like you to beg like this,” Hinohara said curiously. “Is there a woman involved?”
“Depends on your point of view,” I said, muddling the answer.
“Then all the more reason you’re not getting it. I don’t want my precious telescope being used just to get a woman’s attention.”
I shrugged. “A girl I owe a lot to is really in the pits right now. She usually stays locked up in her room, but goes out at night just to see the stars. It seems like the only time she can feel at peace is when she’s looking at the night sky. I want to help her out.”
Hinohara stopped the engine, removed the oil cap, wiped it with a rag, then stuck it back in and checked the amount of oil. Confirming it to be sufficiently full, he tightened the cap and removed the vinyl gloves.
After taking the scooter to the back of the garage, he brought a folding table leaning against the wall over and set it up in front of me. Kneeling in front of the dent-filled wooden table, he rolled up his sleeves and put out an arm.
“The rules are simple,” Hinohara said. “We’re gonna arm-wrestle. As many times as you want. If you win even once, then I’ll lend you my telescope.”
“Arm wrestle?”, I repeated. “As if I have a chance of winning that?”
“I’m the one lending the telescope. What’s the point of giving you the advantage?”
“That’s still too unfair for me. I was hospitalized from graduation to the middle of last month. My whole body’s gotten weak.”
“Then give up. I don’t intend on changing my conditions.”
I reluctantly kneeled in front of the table. And I looked again at his shoulder, upper arm, and forearm in order. He worked out regularly, so they were all trained up very well. He was a man who wasn’t in the exercise club, but ranked first in the school in numerous physical tests. I had no shot at victory.
And yet, I couldn’t give up before I even started. I put my elbow on the table and grabbed Hinohara’s hand. With my left hand, I gripped the edge of the table.
“You ready?”, Hinohara asked. I nodded.
On his signal, I put all my energy into my right hand. It didn’t budge. Without exaggeration, it didn’t move a millimeter. As if his arm were affixed in place with screws. He gave me a c.o.c.ky smile. Putting some slight force in his wrist, my wrist buckled at once. And he took it to the end in one motion. “One win,” he counted. My entire arm was numb, and sweat poured from my body. “Well then, round two?”, he said.
After ten rounds, my right hand shook against my will, and I had trouble moving my fingertips. The inside of my elbow hurt like it was inflamed, and everything from my shoulder down felt incredibly hot.
Once my arm felt a little less numb, I doggedly put my elbow on the table. Hinohara, convinced of his victory, coolly talked to me in the midst of the match.
“Where did you get to know her?”
“Her?”, I looked up and asked. Sweat from my forehead went down my cheek and neck.
“The girl who almost got involved in the quarrel with Nogiyama three days ago.”
I attempted a surprise attack as he was talking, but he predicted it and instantly pushed back with even more force. I clicked my tongue, then answered him. “Ogiue? She’s just a cla.s.smate. She has the seat next to me.”
“You go see the stars in the middle of the night with "just a cla.s.smate”?“
"Stars?” I twisted my neck. “Oh, Hinohara, were you under the impression I’m stargazing with Ogiue? She’s totally unrelated to this. The one I see stars with is a different girl…”
Just as I got that far, the force in Hinohara’s arm suddenly weakened. I wasn’t sure what happened, but I noticed it, and used all my remaining might to bring his arm down.
For a while, Hinohara looked curiously at his arm which suddenly became non-functional during the match.
“…A promise is a promise.” He scratched the back of his neck. “Alright, fine. I don’t want to, but I’ll lend you my telescope.”
“Thanks,” I said, wiping the sweat from my brow and ma.s.saging my right arm all over.
“But I have a condition. If you don’t accept, we’re back to square one.”
“I’ll accept most conditions,” I replied. “What is it?”
“When you use the telescope, you have to take me along.”
“…Uh, hold on. That’s a problem.” I shook my head. “I’ll study up on how to use it, so don’t accompany me, please.”
“No way. I won’t yield to this one.”
“A guy like you would scare her, Hinohara.”
“If she’d get friendly with you, f.u.kamachi, I’m sure she can get friendly with me too.”
“We’re old acquaintances. You, not so much.”
The dispute continued until noon, and Hinohara really wasn’t going to submit. So I decided to borrow his phone and call Hajikano’s house.
Hajikano’s older sister Aya answered the phone.
“Can you hand it over to Miss Yui? If you say it’s about the telescope, she should come out of her room.”
“Telescope?, Aya repeated, it not ringing a bell for her. "Well, whatever. I don’t understand, but if you say so, Yocchan, I’ll try it. Hold on a second.”
Not a minute later, Hajikano came to the phone. “…It’s been handed over.”
“First, the good news,” I began. “After some discussion, I’ve been allowed to loan the telescope. …Now, the bad news is, the guy who owns it won’t allow it to be used without him coming along. I wouldn’t say he’s a bad guy or anything, but I’m turning him down if you don’t agree, Hajikano. What do you want to do?”
“If he’ll lend a telescope, it doesn’t matter,” Hajikano answered simply.
“You’re really sure?”, I pressed. “Isn’t that a special place for you? You aren’t opposed to outsiders knowing about it?”
“I don’t really think much of it. Also, you already know about it, Yosuke.”
“…Well, uh, that’s true.”
Bewildered by Hajikano’s demeanor softening up so much quicker than expected, I suddenly realized something.
“If it’s okay, can I bring another girl along? It might be uncomfortable with two guys, right?”
Hajikano replied with silence showing neither agreement nor disapproval.
“You had a cla.s.smate at Mitsuba Middle School named Chigusa Ogiue, right?”, I asked.
“Maybe,” Hajikano answered.
“I’m thinking of bringing her. Would you mind that?”
After another long pause, Hajikano spoke. “It doesn’t matter.”
“Then I’ll see about inviting Ogiue. Wait for me to come by at 2 AM tonight. See you.”
Lastly, Hajikano softly muttered, “…Thanks.”
“Don’t mention it.” I hung up.
“It’s decided,” Hinohara remarked, seeing me end the call. “Now, what about the location?”
“Remember Masukawa Hotel? We go there all the time to look at stars on the rooftop.”
“Ahh, the "Red-Room Ruins.” Hung out there a bunch in middle school,“ Hinohara nodded, full of nostalgia. "But why go out to such a dangerous place?”
“Hajikano seems to have a liking for the place.”
“The heck? Weird girl.” He tilted his head. “Oh well. Just gotta be on the roof of Masukawa Hotel by 2, right?”
“Yeah. Make sure you do it.”
“‘Course. A promise is a promise.”
After leaving Hinohara, I called Chigusa from the nearest public phone. I couldn’t raise my right arm after the arm wrestling, so I carefully dialed the numbers one by one with my left.
“h.e.l.lo?”, Chigusa said through the phone.
“Do you have time right now?”, I asked.
“f.u.kamachi? This is f.u.kamachi, is it not?” Her voice lit up slightly. “Of course, I have time. What is it you need?”
“I have another request for you, Ogiue.”
“A request… Concerning Hajikano, I presume?”
“Yeah, you got it.” Feeling like attempting to hide it would only have the opposite effect, I truthfully explained the situation. “I’m planning to see the stars with Hajikano tonight, but some things came up, and now a guy named Hinohara is coming along. But I’m sure Hajikano would feel uncomfortable around two former delinquents. I think having a girl like you around might mitigate that. So I called.”
“In other words, I’m to be a front in order to get close with Hajikano?”
“Can’t help it if you take it that way. But I don’t have anyone else I can ask. Of course, you can refuse if you want.”
Chigusa gave a deep sigh. “…Well, I am the one who said "If there’s anything I can a.s.sist with, let me know.” Very well, I’ll a.s.sist you.“
"Thanks. I’m in your debt.”
“Playing with people’s love… You truly are a natural-born bad boy, f.u.kamachi,” Chigusa said playfully. “But please, do not forget this. I, too, am a bad person just like you. If you’re negligent, I may just steal you away from Hajikano.”
“I’m aware of that danger. I’ll be careful.”
“No, no. Please, be negligent,” Chigusa snickered. “When and where should we meet?”
“Wait at her house at 2 AM. I’ll come pick you up.”
“Understood. I look forward to it.”
“Can you sneak away without your parents finding out?”
“I’ll be all right. As my father and mother would not even dream of me going out in the night.”
I put down the receiver and headed for the small local library, checked out a book on telescope operation, and skimmed through the whole thing. I diligently read for the first two hours or so, but all the astronomy terms I’d never seen before and cross-sections of various lenses got me incredibly sleepy, and I fell asleep without realizing. It was gloomy outside when I woke up. I went home, had dinner with my mother, lied down in bed and read over the book again. A brief nap left me leaving the house pretty much right on time.
The meeting of Hajikano and Chigusa, root of my worries, went smoother than I thought. As Hajikano tried to hide behind my back, Chigusa spoke to her very naturally.
“We haven’t met in some time, Hajikano.”
Hajikano nodded, her lips tight and straight. It wasn’t a disinterested nod, but one that, while nervous, was a proper response to Chigusa’s greeting.
“I did not expect to meet with you again in a way like this. You never know what destiny holds.”
Thinking about it, in the three months I was hospitalized, Chigusa and Hajikano probably saw each other often, since the former sat behind the latter. As far as I could tell, Hajikano had no ill will toward Chigusa. I didn’t sense Chigusa had issues with Hajikano either. Though the degrees of it varied, maybe there was some resonation given their general lack of friendliness with cla.s.smates.
Hinohara came to the ruins early to set up the telescope, so his meeting with Hajikano was slightly postponed. According to him, the telescope lens and reflector took a while to adapt to the night air, and if you didn’t let it adjust to outdoor temperature one or two hours before viewing, the seeing would have distortions. Tuning the finder also seemed to be easier in lighter hours. Masukawa Hotel happened to be a place Hinohara knew, so there was no problem letting him go on ahead.
The most pressing issue was avoiding a rejection of Hinohara from the other two. Hinohara would casually do rude things even to people he was just meeting or give them awful nicknames; in general, he had a prodigious talent for earning people’s contempt. I needed to keep a handle on him in order to protect Hajikano and Chigusa from his innocent ill will. Once I arrived at the ruins, I braced myself for the three meeting. Though certainly, it would be best if nothing happened.
I also had to escort Chigusa who was unfamiliar with the ruins, so I brought a flashlight to light up the floor and proceed with care. At the rooftop, I turned off the flashlight and called to Hinohara, who was done setting up the telescope. “Sorry to keep you waiting.”
“Ah, you’re here.” Hinohara put out his cigarette and tossed it in an empty can. Standing up and taking an electric lantern at his feet, he illuminated our three faces. Since our eyes weren’t adjusted to it, the lantern light seemed as dim as if it were about to go out.
Hinohara first looked at Chigusa’s face with scrutiny. In a few seconds, the faint smile vanished from his lips. His eyes went round, and he looked all over Chigusa’s face like an important message was written on it.
“Yuuya Hinohara,” he said with bizarre respect, extending his right hand. “I was f.u.kamachi’s best friend in middle school.”
“I’m Chigusa Ogiue,” Chigusa said, timidly extending her hand too and grabbing his. Not surprising she’s afraid, I thought. She only recognized him as “one of the people who was standing around f.u.kamachi about to beat him up that day.”
I whispered into Chigusa’s ear. “Nothing to fear. He’s not that bad a guy.”
“Right. Not that bad a guy,” Hinohara repeated. “Even if I am bad, it’s strictly only as much as f.u.kamachi.”
“Is that a fact? Then I’m relieved.” Chigusa smiled, her tension still not gone.
Next, Hinohara brought the lantern to Hajikano’s face. I held my breath and watched. He rudely glared at the birthmark.
“Awful bruise, there. Like the Ghost Story of Yotsuya.”
If Hinohara made any more remarks so lacking in forethought, I might have punched him on reflex. But before I could even curl up my fist - and in fact, maybe to keep me in check - Hajikano replied plainly.
“Yes. It is awful, isn’t it?”
“No exaggeration there,” Hinohara affirmed. Then he inspected the other side without the birthmark.
“Then again, you’ve got a pretty good face all around.” Hinohara scratched his chin. “Can’t say if you’re a beauty or an ugly. …Eh, if you ask me, there’s not much difference either way.”
Hajikano’s eyes narrowed from the light of the lantern. She at least didn’t seem irritated or hurt by his comments. In fact, she might have even appreciated the way he didn’t mince words. Maybe those with strong inferiority complexes can get along surprisingly well with wide-open people like Hinohara. In fact, that was one reason I chose Hinohara as an ally in middle school.
Chigusa brought her face close to mine. “Hinohara seems like a rather interesting sort.”
“He sure is. For better or worse.”
“In addition, he slightly resembles you.”
“Hinohara resembles me?”, I asked with surprise.
“Yes. You’re even about the same height, and have the same eyes. And I have to say, you have the same air about you.”
“Huh. …I’m not too happy to hear that.”
Chigusa patted my back encouragingly. “It’s all right, you are the cooler of the two.”
“Thanks for that.”
Anyway, that was the biggest hurdle cleared. These four didn’t seem to be desperately incompatible. Hajikano evidently had no negative feelings toward the other two, and the same for Chigusa.
At that point, I suddenly saw myself objectively, and felt a new surprise - to think I would be in a position to be handling relationships between friends. It was the first time in my life I’d ended up with such a duty. Who could have guessed a role that should usually go to the one with most personality in the group would go to me of all people.
The first thing we saw was Saturn. After Hinohara adjusted the telescope, Hajikano, Chigusa, and I looked into it in order.
“If the seeing was a little bit better, there’d be enough detail to spot the gaps between rings,” Hinohara said. Probably means the Ca.s.sini Division, I thought, recalling the book I read before coming. When you view Saturn’s rings not as single thick rings but many small rings together, the three rings making up the main ring are called rings A, B, and C. And the giant gap between A and B is called the Ca.s.sini Division.
To avoid disturbing Hajikano as she looked into the telescope, we sat a few meters away and quietly conversed.
“I never asked, come to think of it, but Hinohara, why did you get into astronomy?”
“Why?” Hinohara groaned in thought as he lied down and looked into the sky. “How should I put it? In my case, the telescope came before the stars.”
“How do you mean?”
“Not fussing over the pictures, but simply liking the structure of the camera. Not fussing over the music, but liking the look of the vacuum tube amp. Not fussing over the taste of coffee, just liking the bean-grinding and dripping. It’s like that. I always liked the idea of carrying around a telescope and setting it up.”
“But you wouldn’t keep it up for long then, would you? It’s a pretty annoying hobby, honestly.”
“That’s what makes it good. What you’re going to see through the telescope and what I’m going to see through the telescope are the same thing, but there’s a completely different meaning to it. The same way a fish you caught yourself is tastier. Your brain beautifies it according to the amount of effort you put in. And as soon as you see those already-beautiful planets and stars made more beautiful, you might just become a slave to astronomy.”
“That’s a beautiful point of view I can’t believe I’m hearing from you,” I said jokingly, but I wasn’t lying about being impressed. “By the way, I wanted to ask your opinion on something… Why do you think Hajikano likes stars?”
“Hajikano? Oh, the girl with the birthmark.” Hinohara sat up and looked at her back as she enthusiastically peered into the telescope. “Well, it might be the obvious answer, but for her, maybe she likes the darkness more than the stars.”
“…I see.”
That was a logical idea. She came to prefer darkness after her birthmark appeared, and in trying to find enjoyment in darkness, she met the stars. She definitely had that aspect to her, I thought. Of course, since her interest in the stars came far before her birthmark, surely his answer was only one of many things facilitating her appreciation.
“Of course, when you get down to it, reasons for "liking” anything are always after the fact,“ Hinohara added. "People who like stars are just born such that they’ll like stars, and that’s really all it is.”
“You got that right,” I agreed.
After Hajikano, Chigusa looked into the telescope and let out a cheer. “Wow. f.u.kamachi, f.u.kamachi, this is really something amazing.”
Hurried by Chigusa, I too stood at the telescope and looked into the lens.
A lonely sphere floating in the darkness, and giant rings encircling it. It was a unique shape even kindergarteners were familiar with. Yet looking at the real thing through a lens like this, it seemed like a bad joke. Was it acceptable for such an illogically-shaped thing to exist in this world? Since I’d been taught that Saturn had this shape, I was able to leave it at that, but how bewildered would someone who didn’t know anything about Saturn be at the sight of this?
While I was being overwhelmed by Saturn’s appearance, Hinohara spoke from behind me.
“Seeing you looking into a telescope like this reminds me of that night on our cla.s.s trip.”
“…You’re as detestable as ever,” I quietly replied.
“What is this about?” Sure enough, Chigusa showed interest in the story.
“Oh, it’s nothing big,” Hinohara began in a lively voice. “There was an open air bath at the place we stayed for our third year cla.s.s trip. And on the third night, it came to light that we could lean forward and use binoculars to see from our room to the stairs connecting the women’s interior bath and the open air bath. The next day we did some on-site procurement of binoculars, and that night took turns looking through "em. Eh, f.u.kamachi?”
“Hmm… So f.u.kamachi would also do such things.” Chigusa gave me a mix of a scornful look and a teasing one.
“So what? If I were the only one who didn’t look in that situation, that’d make it more suspicious,” I excused, then went on the counterattack. “You know, Hinohara, you always did have a habit of trying to tease me around the girls you were into.”
“You’ve got that wrong,” Hinohara replied without delay. “I just like teasing you.”
“How friendly.” Chigusa grinned with a hand over her mouth.
Hinohara and I shrugged, like saying “I wonder about that.” Then the three of us looked toward Hajikano, still plastered to the telescope and not tiring of looking at Saturn.
“Does she like stars that much?”, Hinohara asked me, lowering his voice so she didn’t hear.
“Yeah. I mean, she comes out here every night just to see them.”
“Every night? You sure there isn’t some other objective?”
“No, nothing. I can be sure of that.”
“Huh. Weird gal.” Hinohara stared at Hajikano’s back like he was making sure of something.
“Hey, ghost of Oiwa,” he dubbed Hajikano. “You gonna get tired of Saturn already?”
Hajikano took her eyes away from the lens and shook her head at Hinohara. “I’m not tired of it.”
“Oh yeah? Well, I am. So I’m gonna have you point the telescope at the moon now. You know how to do that?”
“…Maybe.”
“Okay, take it away. Tell me when you’ve got a good view of the moon’s surface.”
Hajikano bowed her head deeply and carefully began to fiddle with the telescope.
“Well now, you’re using the finder right. Way to go,” Hinohara remarked happily.
“You say it’s too important to want an ignorant novice touching it, then you let a girl you just met fiddle with it,” I pointed out. “So much for that.”
“It’s alright, she won’t break it,” Hinohara said confidently.
“Y"know, I did study up on this too. Even learned how to read star maps.”
“That’s some good spirit. But I can’t trust you since your motives are impure.”
Hinohara seemed to grow impatient while watching Hajikano take her time, so he stood up with a flashlight covered in red cellophane and began giving instructions next to her. “Dummy, first you wanna use the low-magnification eyepiece. Once you line up the focal point, then you can increase magnification.”
“I don’t know how to change eyepieces,” Hajikano complained.
“Then just ask me. Are you stupid?”
“…How do I do it?”, Hajikano nervously asked.
Chigusa and I watched the two mess with the telescope from behind.
“People who understand what you like are wonderful,” Chigusa whispered.
“Yeah. I really couldn’t get deep into one thing like that,” I remarked. “Maybe I can’t have that much confidence in my hobbies.”
“I know that feeling. I expect that I’ll at some point get bored or frustrated, and put in less effort as a precautionary measure.”
Looking at Hinohara giving annoyed instructions and Hajikano reluctantly following them, my heart slightly ached. It was a strange sensation I’d never experienced before. At that point, I wasn’t conscious of it being the emotion known as jealousy. Maybe I had experienced it because of my inferiority, but I’d given up on myself to the point that I didn’t compare myself to others, and lived a life where I would never have jealousy toward specific people. As a result, I didn’t know the name to give to that feeling I was having for the first time.
I felt a vague ill omen. Maybe I’ve opened a door that I shouldn’t have opened, I thought.
And that omen was for a not-too-distant future.
“f.u.kamachi, what is the matter?”, Chigusa asked worriedly as I fell silent.
“Nothing. Just had a strange feeling.”
“Indeed. …It is strange.”
Hajikano turned around to glance at us, then went right back to the telescope.
Around 4 AM, when the sky began turning violet, we left the ruins. With an uneventful farewell, we all returned to our respective houses.
Yet by some strange alignment of the stars - or rather, maybe an alignment caused by stars - from then on, me, Hajikano, Chigusa, and Hinohara came to a.s.semble at the ruins every night as if called there.
The most surprising part of this was that Hinohara kept bringing his telescope and setting it up on the roof of the hotel every time without anyone asking him to. Of course, I a.s.sume he did it not out of purely good will, but mostly as an excuse to meet with Chigusa. I didn’t know how serious he was, but Hinohara seemed to like Chigusa, and kept trying to extract information about her from me (which I always evaded).
Chigusa’s reason for being there every night, as she told it, was to prevent me and Hajikano from being alone together. Once, right when Hajikano and Hinohara were focused on the telescope, I asked Chigusa why she kept coming. She glared at me with dissatisfaction and lightly b.u.mped her forehead into my shoulder.
“Is it not obvious I want to prevent you and Hajikano from meeting in secret?”, she said without fear. “Are you not even aware of that?”
“…I’ve been meaning to ask, but what exactly do you see in me?”, I asked. “It’s honestly a mystery to me.”
“Think about it for yourself, you miscreant.” Chigusa turned away.
And the all-important Hajikano - the one who was coming to the roof every night without anyone asking her to. I thought her acceptance of us three intruders was simply due to the telescope. But lately, I’d come to see that differently.
Maybe… Possibly… Potentially.
Perhaps Hajikano wasn’t focused on the telescope, but Hinohara.
I began to think this after an event a few days into our stargazing. I was with Chigusa, watching Hinohara and Hajikano set up the telescope from behind. Hajikano had quickly taken the role of Hinohara’s a.s.sistant, and came to follow his instructions and change lenses, adjust the finder, check star maps without any look of displeasure. Hajikano seemed to enjoy those tasks, and Hinohara trusted her as an astronomy lover, and he was freely letting her touch the telescope he wouldn’t usually let anyone have.
As Hinohara finished preparing and called to us, there was the sudden sound of a car engine in the distance. He put up a finger to silence us and closed his eyes to listen close.
“It’s coming this way,” he groaned. “I can tell from the sound of the engine. Probably the guys who hang out around the mountain pa.s.s. They might be out on a dare or something.”
He was exactly right. After a while, the engine sound stopped near the building, and we heard people getting out and doors shutting. The voices sounded like three or four guys in their twenties. They seemed to be headed right for us.
“We should probably hide,” I suggested. “We don’t want to have a run-in with those guys.”
“We’ve got two ladies here.” Hinohara looked at Hajikano and Chigusa and scratched his head. “Alright, fine. f.u.kamachi, you hide these two. A dumpster, an incinerator, wherever. In the meantime, I’ll put away the telescope.”
“Got it,” I nodded. “Hajikano, Ogiue, come with me.”
Chigusa followed, but Hajikano just stood there thinking about something. “Hajikano, hurry,” I said, trying to grab her hand. But her hand slipped away, and she ran over to Hinohara to help him disa.s.semble the telescope.
Maybe Hajikano figured it would be more efficient to look for places for all four of us to hide after putting away the telescope. Figuring she wouldn’t get in Hinohara’s way, she instantly chose to help him disa.s.semble, ignoring me. That was a perfectly rational notion.
Yet, even knowing that, I felt an indescribable unease the moment Hajikano slipped away from my hand and ran over to Hinohara. I felt like that action was more than it seemed.
Ultimately, the guys on a dare never came to the roof - they wandered the first floor, smashed some windows, and left in about thirty minutes. While waiting for them to leave, we held our breath hiding behind a structure on the roof. Once the car was out of earshot, we sighed with relief and got out to stretch. We felt strangely elated to be free from the tension, and me, Hinohara, and Chigusa laughed. Hajikano’s expression seemed a little less stiff than usual, too.
After that day, I began watching with caution when Hajikano interacted with Hinohara. And I saw that she frequently showed relaxed expressions to him that she never showed to me. Once I became aware of it, I kept finding proof that Hajikano looked at Hinohara in a special way.
It seemed Hajikano was captivated by him. Even someone as estranged from people’s feelings as me could tell what a favorable att.i.tude she had around him. With him around, she instantly smiled more, and when he left, she looked blatantly gloomier.
Her actions gradually became easier to understand. While stargazing on the roof, she came to dangle after Hinohara. I wasn’t sure if it was out of love, or friendship between fellow likers of astronomy. But at the very least, Hajikano seemed to be having considerably more fun hearing about astronomy from Hinohara than being alone with me. Once I noticed that fact, my vision went black. Every time I saw them getting close and chatting since, my pulse wouldn’t calm down, and I felt despair like sinking to the dark sea bottom.
Wasn’t this Andersen’s The Little Mermaid exactly? Out of love for Hajikano, I put my life on the line to remove my birthmark, but in trying to save her from her predicament, another man s.n.a.t.c.hed away the credit. It had a lot of overlap with the fate of the little mermaid, obtaining a human form out of love for the prince, but another woman taking credit for her saving his life.
But I was unable to blame Hinohara. It’s not like he tried to lead Hajikano astray. He just liked a girl who had his same interest in stars, cordially answering to her desire.
Also, through this stargazing, Hinohara and I reattained a comfortable friendship like we had in middle school. I hated to admit it, but even I took a liking to him. In the end, Hinohara knew me best, and I knew Hinohara best. It was hard to hate him. And it was none other than me who got these two together who never would have otherwise. I sowed the seeds here.
I absolutely wanted to get Hajikano back, but looking at her pa.s.sionately listening to Hinohara, I came to think of myself as a nuisance. Forcibly trying to pull them apart at this point would only make her sad. I went to the library almost every day to try and catch up to Hinohara’s astronomy knowledge, but cramming didn’t cut it at all. Rather, the more I studied, the more I realized the tremendous extent of his knowledge.
The one small salvation was that Hinohara was captivated by Chigusa rather than Hajikano, but I felt pathetic thinking of that as a salvation. When I noticed myself wishing deep down that Chigusa would reciprocate Hinohara, I felt like vanishing off the face of the Earth from embarra.s.sment.
Out of the four of us on the rooftop, my head was the most dirty. Sure, I’d gotten a normal appearance, but this time it was my mind that was ugly beyond compare. It hadn’t been like this when I had my birthmark. As soon as I felt like I’d gotten something, it turned to greed, and that greed threw my heart into disarray.
Sitting next to Chigusa, sipping on iced tea she made, I watched Hajikano and Hinohara with the telescope between them and drew a long sigh.
“Not going so well, is it,” Chigusa remarked as if knowing what I was thinking.
“Yeah. Not so well,” I repeated like an incoherent mutter.
“All the gears are out of sorts in such strange ways. If only there were some deus ex machina to fix it.”
“Yeah. I’d only want to change the directions of two arrows.”
“Two?” Chigusa tilted her head, ignorant of the arrow pointing from Hinohara to her.
“Why did it have to be like this?”, I mumbled to myself.
“…While it seems unsatisfactory to you, f.u.kamachi, I like these relations,” Chigusa responded. “Of course, the biggest reason is that I can be with you. But that isn’t the only thing. Somehow, the four of us being together feels very natural.”
I thought about it for a while, then spoke. “Yeah, I don’t want to admit it, but I feel the same way.”
“Right?”, Chigusa smiled. “Who knows how long it will go on, but I adore this time. I pray it can go on as long as possible. …Of course, if you were to pick me, that would be a different story.”
Every time Chigusa stated her affection like that, my heart ached. For one thing, I couldn’t face her feelings head-on, but more than that, it was an ache of guilt over the fact that the “me” she was loving wasn’t my real appearance, so I was in some sense fooling her.
“Hey, Ogiue.”
Unable to bear it, I asked in a roundabout way. Or confessed, maybe.
“If the f.u.kamachi you were looking at right now was a fake, what would you do? For instance, if my face were actually much uglier, do you think you would still have this sort of relationship with me?”
Chigusa tilted her head with a stare.
“Ah, do you perhaps mean the birthmark?”, she said casually. “If I hated you that much, I could never love you from the start. In fact, if you were to go back to when you had the birthmark, it would help to reduce compet.i.tion.”
Seeing how I was too shocked to put together a reply, Chigusa laughed like at a joke.
“Did you think I was that unknowledgeable about you? I should have you know, I want to know about you just as much as you want to know about Hajikano.”
“…I’m getting really fed up with my own ignorance.”
I put my hands on the floor and stared up at the sky.
Chigusa had noticed it, and even I was faintly aware. These times wouldn’t last too long. A break would inevitably come in the not-too-distant future.
August 7th was a new moon. Pointing binoculars at the sky, in the Milky Way between Vega and Altair, we could observe star cl.u.s.ters and nebulae.
The night of August 12th, without taking any telescope or binoculars, we climbed the highest hill in town and lied down to see the Perseid Meteor Shower. The one the guidance counselor Endou had told us not to miss. From 1991 to 1994, due to the influence of the returning parent body Swift-Tuttle, the Perseid Meteor Shower was setting record numbers far above the yearly average. On the night of the 12th, it hit its peak, and we saw an average of about 50 shooting stars per hour. Some people would never get to see this many in their entire lifetime, I thought. Hajikano’s innocent smile as she watched the stars go by left a strong impression on me. I thought it was proof that she on the way to improvement.
On August 13th, it rained, and for the first time in a while we spent the night alone.
On August 14th, it rained more than the day before.
On August 15th, unbeknownst to anyone, Hajikano plunged into the sea.
And just like that, our short relations met an end.