I have it now--"tis plain enough-- Your hairy business is a m.u.f.f.
Your engine fraught with cooling gales, At once so like your masts and sails; Your thing of various shape and hue Must be some painted toy, I knew; And for the rhyme to you"re the man, What fits it better than a fan?
A RIDDLE
I"m wealthy and poor, I"m empty and full, I"m humble and proud, I"m witty and dull.
I"m foul and yet fair: I"m old, and yet young; I lie with Moll Kerr, And toast Mrs. Long.
ANSWER, BY MR. F----R
In rigging he"s rich, though in pocket he"s poor, He cringes to courtiers, and c.o.c.ks to the cits; Like twenty he dresses, but looks like threescore; He"s a wit to the fools, and a fool to the wits.
Of wisdom he"s empty, but full of conceit; He paints and perfumes while he rots with the scab; "Tis a beau you may swear by his sense and his gait; He boasts of a beauty and lies with a drab.
A LETTER TO DR. HELSHAM
SIR, Pray discruciate what follows.
The dullest beast, and gentleman"s liquor, When young is often due to the vicar,[1]
The dullest of beasts, and swine"s delight, Make up a bird very swift of flight.[2]
The dullest beast, when high in stature, And another of royal nature, For breeding is a useful creature.[3]
The dullest beast, and a party distress"d, When too long, is bad at best.[4]
The dullest beast, and the saddle it wears, Is good for partridge, not for hares.[5]
The dullest beast, and kind voice of a cat, Will make a horse go, though he be not fat.[6]
The dullest of beasts and of birds in the air, Is that by which all Irishmen swear.[7]
The dullest beast, and famed college for Teagues, Is a person very unfit for intrigues.[8]
The dullest beast, and a cobbler"s tool, With a boy that is only fit for school, In summer is very pleasant and cool.[9]
The dullest beast, and that which you kiss, May break a limb of master or miss.[10]
Of serpent kind, and what at distance kills, Poor mistress Dingley oft hath felt its bills.[11]
The dullest beast, and eggs unsound, Without it I rather would walk on the ground.[12]
The dullest beast, and what covers a house, Without it a writer is not worth a louse.[13]
The dullest beast, and scandalous vermin, Of roast or boil"d, to the hungry is charming.[14]
The dullest beast, and what"s cover"d with crust, There"s n.o.body but a fool that would trust.[15]
The dullest beast, and mending highways, Is to a horse an evil disease.[16]
The dullest beast, and a hole in the ground, Will dress a dinner worth five pound.[17]
The dullest beast, and what doctors pretend, The cook-maid often has by the end.[18]
The dullest beast, and fish for lent, May give you a blow you"ll for ever repent.[19]
The dullest beast, and a shameful jeer, Without it a lady should never appear.[20]
_Wednesday Night_.
I writ all these before I went to bed. Pray explain them for me, because I cannot do it.
[Footnote 1: A swine.]
[Footnote 2: A swallow.]
[Footnote 3: A stallion.]
[Footnote 4: A sail.]
[Footnote 5: A spaniel.]
[Footnote 6: A spur.]
[Footnote 7: A soul.]
[Footnote 8: A sloven.]
[Footnote 9: A sallad.]
[Footnote 10: A slip.]
[Footnote 11: A sparrow.]
[Footnote 12: A saddle.]
[Footnote 13: A style.]
[Footnote 14: A slice.]
[Footnote 15: A spy.]
[Footnote 16: A spavin.]
[Footnote 17: A spit.]
[Footnote 18: A skewer.]
[Footnote 19: a.s.sault.]
[Footnote 20: A smock.]
PROBATUR ALITER
A long-ear"d beast, and a field-house for cattle, Among the coals doth often rattle.[1]
A long-ear"d beast, a bird that prates, The bridegrooms" first gift to their mates, Is by all pious Christians thought, In clergymen the greatest fault.[2]