No man is better pay than I am; Or, since you"re learn"d in Greek, let"s see Something against the Trinity."
When wrinkling with a sneer his trunk, "Friend," quoth the elephant, "you"re drunk; E"en keep your money and be wise: Leave man on man to criticise; _70 For that you ne"er can want a pen Among the senseless sons of men.
They unprovoked will court the fray: Envy"s a sharper spur than pay.
No author ever spared a brother; Wits are game-c.o.c.ks to one another."
FABLE XI.
THE PEAc.o.c.k, THE TURKEY, AND THE GOOSE.
In beauty faults conspicuous grow; The smallest speck is seen on snow.
As near a barn, by hunger led, A peac.o.c.k with the poultry fed; All viewed him with an envious eye, And mocked his gaudy pageantry.
He, conscious of superior merit, Contemns their base reviling spirit; His state and dignity a.s.sumes, And to the sun displays his plumes; _10 Which, like the heaven"s o"er-arching skies, Are spangled with a thousand eyes.
The circling rays, and varied light, At once confound their dazzled sight: On every tongue detraction burns, And malice prompts their spleen by turns.
"Mark, with what insolence and pride The creature takes his haughty stride!"
The turkey cries. "Can spleen contain?
Sure never bird was half so vain!
_20 But were intrinsic merit seen, We turkeys have the whiter skin."
From tongue to tongue they caught abuse; And next was heard the hissing goose: "What hideous legs! what filthy claws!
I scorn to censure little flaws!
Then what a horrid squalling throat!
Even owls are frighted at the note."
"True; those are faults," the peac.o.c.k cries; "My scream, my shanks you may despise: _30 But such blind critics rail in vain: What, overlook my radiant train!
Know, did my legs (your scorn and sport) The turkey or the goose support, And did ye scream with harsher sound, Those faults in you had ne"er been found!
To all apparent beauties blind, Each blemish strikes an envious mind."
Thus in a.s.semblies have I seen A nymph of brightest charms and mien, _40 Wake envy in each ugly face; And buzzing scandal fills the place.
FABLE XII.
CUPID, HYMEN, AND PLUTUS.
As Cupid in Cythera"s grove Employed the lesser powers of love; Some shape the bow, or fit the string; Some give the taper shaft its wing, Or turn the polished quiver"s mould, Or head the dart with tempered gold.
Amidst their toil and various care, Thus Hymen, with a.s.suming air, Addressed the G.o.d: "Thou purblind chit, Of awkward and ill-judging wit, _10 If matches are not better made, At once I must forswear my trade.
You send me such ill-coupled folks, That "tis a shame to sell them yokes.
They squabble for a pin, a feather, And wonder how they came together.
The husband"s sullen, dogged, shy; The wife grows flippant in reply: He loves command and due restriction, And she as well likes contradiction: _20 She never slavishly submits; She"ll have her will, or have her fits.
He this way tugs, she t"other draws: The man grows jealous, and with cause.
Nothing can save him but divorce; And here the wife complies of course."
"When," says the boy, "had I to do With either your affairs or you?
I never idly spent my darts; You trade in mercenary hearts.
_30 For settlements the lawyer"s fee"d; Is my hand witness to the deed?
If they like cat and dog agree, Go, rail at Plutus, not at me."
Plutus appeared, and said, ""Tis true, In marriage gold is all their view: They seek not beauty, wit, or sense; And love is seldom the pretence.
All offer incense at my shrine, And I alone the bargain sign.
_40 How can Belinda blame her fate?
She only asked a great estate.
Doris was rich enough, "tis true; Her lord must give her t.i.tle too: And every man, or rich or poor, A fortune asks, and asks no more."
Av"rice, whatever shape it bears, Must still be coupled with its cares.
FABLE XIII.
THE TAME STAG.
As a young stag the thicket pa.s.s"d, The branches held his antlers fast; A clown, who saw the captive hung, Across the horns his halter flung.
Now safely hampered in the cord, He bore the present to his lord.
His lord was pleased; as was the clown, When he was tipp"d with half-a-crown.
The stag was brought before his wife; The tender lady begged his life.
_10 "How sleek"s the skin! how speck"d like ermine!
Sure never creature was so charming!"
At first within the yard confined, He flies and hides from all mankind; Now bolder grown, with fixed amaze, And distant awe, presumes to gaze; Munches the linen on the lines, And on a hood or ap.r.o.n dines: He steals my little master"s bread, Follows the servants to be fed: _20 Nearer and nearer now he stands, To feel the praise of patting hands; Examines every fist for meat, And though repulsed, disdains retreat: Attacks again with levelled horns; And man, that was his terror, scorns.
Such is the country maiden"s fright, When first a red-coat is in sight; Behind the door she hides her face; Next time at distance eyes the lace; _30 She now can all his terrors stand, Nor from his squeeze withdraws her hand.
She plays familiar in his arms, And every soldier hath his charms.
From tent to tent she spreads her flame; For custom conquers fear and shame.
FABLE XIV.
THE MONKEY WHO HAD SEEN THE WORLD.
A Monkey, to reform the times, Resolved to visit foreign climes: For men in distant regions roam To bring politer manners home, So forth he fares, all toil defies: Misfortune serves to make us wise.
At length the treach"rous snare was laid; Poor Pug was caught, to town conveyed, There sold. How envied was his doom, Made captive in a lady"s room!
_10 Proud as a lover of his chains, He day by day her favour gains.
Whene"er the duty of the day The toilet calls; with mimic play He twirls her knot, he cracks her fan, Like any other gentleman.
In visits too his parts and wit, When jests grew dull, were sure to hit.
Proud with applause, he thought his mind In every courtly art refined; _20 Like Orpheus burnt with public zeal, To civilise the monkey weal: So watched occasion, broke his chain, And sought his native woods again.
The hairy sylvans round him press, Astonished at his strut and dress.
Some praise his sleeve; and others gloat Upon his rich embroidered coat; His dapper periwig commending, With the black tail behind depending; _30 His powdered back, above, below, Like h.o.a.ry frost, or fleecy snow; But all with envy and desire, His fluttering shoulder-knot admire.
"Hear and improve," he pertly cries; "I come to make a nation wise.
Weigh your own words; support your place, The next in rank to human race.
In cities long I pa.s.sed my days, Conversed with men, and learnt their ways.
_40 Their dress, their courtly manners see; Reform your state and copy me.
Seek ye to thrive? in flattery deal; Your scorn, your hate, with that conceal.
Seem only to regard your friends, But use them for your private ends.
Stint not to truth the flow of wit; Be prompt to lie whene"er "tis fit.
Bend all your force to spatter merit; Scandal is conversation"s spirit.
_50 Boldly to everything attend, And men your talents shall commend.
I knew the great. Observe me right; So shall you grow like man polite."
He spoke and bowed. With muttering jaws The wondering circle grinned applause.
Now, warm with malice, envy, spite, Their most obliging friends they bite; And fond to copy human ways, Practise new mischiefs all their days.
_60 Thus the dull lad, too tall for school, With travel finishes the fool; Studious of every c.o.xcomb"s airs, He drinks, games, dresses, wh.o.r.es, and swears; O"erlooks with scorn all virtuous arts, For vice is fitted to his parts.