"But you"re like a pool shark or something. You have strategies."
Sarah shook her head. "Okay, you want my RPS secret? It"s about understanding people. Rock"s basically a weapon. Like something an ogre might hurl. It"s an angry throw. Some people shy away from it because it seems crude, but they"ll use it if they"re desperate."
"Okay," Justin said.
"Now, scissors. Scissors are shiny and sharp. Still dangerous, but more elegant, like a rapier. Lots of people make their first throw scissors because it seems like the clever throw. The rakish throw. The hipster throw."
"Really?" Justin frowned.
"You threw it the first time. And the second." threw it the first time. And the second."
He thought back, but he couldn"t recall. He wondered which play Sarah usually opened up with. Was it always rock?
"Now, paper. Paper"s interesting. Some people consider it a wimpy throw and they use it very infrequently. Others consider it the most subtle throw. Words can, they say, be more dangerous than rocks or scissors.
"Of course, scissors still cut paper," Sarah said.
"Oh," said Justin suddenly, getting up. "They do. You"re right." He could cut Linda out like a paper doll.
700-The Arts Justin pulled book after book from the shelves, not caring about their spines, not caring about the mess he made, scanning each one for a mention of Linda. They piled up around him and the dust coated his hands, ink smearing his fingers as he ran them down countless pages.
Heavy metal scissors weighed down the pocket of his coat and sometimes his hand would drop inside to touch their cool surface before emptying another shelf.
"What are you doing?" Sandlin asked.
Justin jumped up, hand still in his pocket.
Sandlin was dressed in another waistcoat. A single silver pin held a cravat in place at his neck. He sneezed.
"I"m looking for my girlfriend. She got out of her book, but I don"t know which book she got into."
"The girl with all the piercings I saw you hiding with last night?"
" No," said Justin, trying not seem as rattled as he felt. If Sandlin knew If Sandlin knew . . . No, he couldn"t dwell on that. "That"s Sarah. Linda"s my girlfriend, or she was, and she knew how to put things into books. She put herself in a Russian novel, but last night you took her out and I don"t know what book she"s in now." . . . No, he couldn"t dwell on that. "That"s Sarah. Linda"s my girlfriend, or she was, and she knew how to put things into books. She put herself in a Russian novel, but last night you took her out and I don"t know what book she"s in now."
Sandlin ran his hand over his short beard.
"You see," Justin said, his voice rising. "She could be anywhere, in danger. Novels are always putting characters in peril because it"s exciting. Characters die."
"Your problem isn"t with books, it"s with girls," Sandlin said.
"What?" Justin demanded.
"Girls," said Sandlin. "You don"t know why they do the things they do. Who does? I"m sure they feel the same about us. h.e.l.l, I"m sure they feel the same way about each other."
"But the books," said Justin.
"Fiction. I used to own a bookstore before I inherited a lot of money from my great aunt. The money went to a cat first, but when the cat died, I was loaded. Decided I"d shut my store down, sleep all day and do whatever I wanted. This is it."
"But . . . but what about what you said about books being alive? Needing our protection?"
Sandlin waved his hand vaguely. "Look, I love spending time with characters from books. I love the strange friendships that spring up, the romances. I don"t want to lose any of them. Did you know that Naruto has become close to Edmond Dantes and a floating skull with glowing red eyes? I couldn"t make that up if I tried! But it"s still fiction fiction. Even if it"s happening in my bas.e.m.e.nt. It"s not real."
Justin looked at him in disbelief. "But books feel feel real. Surely they must seem more real to you than anyone. They can hurt you. They can break your heart." real. Surely they must seem more real to you than anyone. They can hurt you. They can break your heart."
"It wasn"t a book," said Sandlin, "that broke your heart."
800-Literature & Rhetoric Justin went home and slept for the rest of the day and night. When he woke up too early to do much else, he opened a familiar paperback and re-read it. Then he went to a cafe and bought two cups of coffee to bring to cla.s.s.
"Oh wow," said Sarah. "Double latte with a sprinkle of cinammon. I think I just drooled on myself."
"You still have to win it," he said. "You made up the rules. Now be made miserable by them."
She made a fist. "You sure you don"t want to pick some game you"re good at?"
Her earrings swung and glittered. Justin wondered if she wore them to tournaments to distract her opponents. He wondered if it worked.
He wished he could raise an eyebrow, but he tried to give her the look that might accompany one.
"Your funeral," said Sarah.
Rock. Paper. Scissors. Scissors cut paper. Justin won. He gave her the coffee anyway.
"I didn"t think you"d throw scissors again," she said. "Since I pointed out that you threw it the first two times."
" Exactly." See See, he thought, I don"t have a problem figuring out girls I don"t have a problem figuring out girls.
Just one girl.
And possibly himself.
900-Geography & History Later that week, Justin attended the midnight party at Sandlin"s house. He walked through the front door, disturbing as much dust as he could, before heading down the stairs. He arrived fashionably late. Characters were making toasts.
"Salut!" a group shouted together.
"To absent friends, lost loves, old G.o.ds, and the-" started another before Justin walked out of earshot.
He touched the heavy scissors in his pocket. His plan had changed.
Linda sat on a stool in black robes embroidered with the Hogwarts emblem and talked earnestly to a frog in a crown. Imps, nearby, appeared to be sticking a lit match between the st.i.tches on the sole of a boot belonging to a chain-smoking blond man with a thick British accent.
"Linda," said Justin, "I have to talk to you."
Linda turned and something like panic crossed her face. She stood. "Justin?"
"Don"t bother thanking me for bringing you to Sandlin," he said. "I won"t bother saying I"m sorry. You were right. I"m glad I moved, glad I started library school. But what you did-"
"I"d always wanted to," she said. "Put myself in a book. It wasn"t you. It would have happened eventually."
"Look, what I came to say was that you have responsibilities in the real world. Your parents haven"t heard from you in forever. What you"re doing isn"t safe. You have to come back."
"No," she said firmly. "I"m not ready yet. Not now, when I can visit any book I want. I"ll come out when I"m ready."
"You should have stayed and fought with me," said Justin. "It wasn"t fair."
" I could have put you you in a book." She tilted her head. "I still could." in a book." She tilted her head. "I still could."
He took an involuntary step back and she laughed.
"You don"t deserve it, though," she said. "You don"t love books the way that I do."
He opened his mouth to protest and then closed it. It was true. He didn"t know how she loved books, only that he loved them differently.
She turned away from him and he let her go. He stayed for the rest of the party and after all the characters were back in their books, he took Harry Potter Harry Potter off the shelf. off the shelf.
"Found the girl?" Sandlin asked.
Justin nodded and took the scissors out of his pocket.
"What are you going to do?" Sandlin sounded nervous.
Justin turned on the old computer. "I"m going to change the story. Just a little. No one will notice." He flipped to a page where Linda"s name appeared and carefully cut her out. Sandlin winced.
"Don"t worry," Justin said. "It"s just fiction."
He typed a few words and printed out the page. Then he carefully taped Linda"s name in place so that the sentence read: "Linda doesn"t just know how to put things in books. She knows how to get things out again, including herself. Hopefully someday she will."
Folding the paper in half, he tucked it between the pages. When he left, he didn"t take the book with him.
GOING IRONSIDE.
La lala la. that"s part of the song. I don"t remember it all right now, but it"s okay. Cally remembers the rest. So we can go back to the hill soonsoonsoon. La la. When our bellies are big as moons. Then Bucan Jack will play his fiddle and there"ll be nettle wine and the Queen will ask me to tell this story a hundred hundred times.
But right now, the wall is cold against my back and I can feel the bricks shredding the gold lame off my skirt. La lala la. The rain is cold too. Making my mascara run. I jam my hands in the pockets of my jacket, feeling the grit and the nasty tissues at the bottom.
I do a little dance, but n.o.body sees.
When we first came Ironside, we tried to make money out of leaves, but we didn"t know what money looked like and we did it wrong. The lady at the counter started yelling, "This is Monopoly money!" Her getting red in the face just made us laugh. We thought we were so smart. We stole everything right under people"s noses. Plastic skirts and dolls and lipsticks. Piles of magazines and apples with a bitter, chemical taste.
Food was the hardest. The milk tasted like iron and even the bread was bad. But now we eat caramel corn and licorice and Jolly Ranchers until we"re sick.
Cally should be back soon and I"m glad, "cause my muscles are starting to cramp all over and I already sc.r.a.ped the half a bag I had tucked in my shoe.
We thought we were so smart. We thought it would be easy. Just go Ironside and come back with babies. Not steal "em either. Our babies. Elf babies. Find a boy. Roll around in the gra.s.s. Dash back. What a prank! We"re no selkies. No one can grab our our skins and keep us. skins and keep us.
It might still work. Cally says we should give it three more months. Three"s a lucky number, so I said okay. Anyway, I can"t go alone. She"s got the second part of the song.
I"m rubbing my arms now. They hurt. Rubbing the insides of my elbows, rubbing the bruises, singing to my veins. Soon. Soonsoonsoon.
It"s easy to find boys Ironside. A touch of glamour covers your ears and eyes and all the other parts of you that might give you away. They buy you pizza and take you to parties and clubs, bring you watery drinks and drugs, and screw you in locking bathroom stalls. It was hard at first, but that"s what we wanted, right? I want my elf baby, don"t I?
I have a joint in my purse. I know it won"t help the aches, but I light it anyway. I drag deep, fill myself up with thick smoke. Wait for Cally, I tell myself. When we go back to the hill, I"m going to bring my lighter with me. The pretty pink hologram one. Won"t Bucan Jack laugh to see it! He"ll love it so much that he"ll make up a song just for me.
When I first got here, it was hard to breathe. All the chemicals and the iron, you can feel it, smell it. Molten and roiling. It sticks to your skin and makes you so heavy that you have to lie down. Magic"s hard, Ironside, even trifling stuff, and the longer you"re here, the more you forget. Even the leaf trick doesn"t work anymore. But other things are a lot better. Like when I take a breath, all I smell is the marijuana smoke, the tar of the asphalt, spoiled food, and me, reeking of vomit. I need a bath soon.
Everything is soon, but nothing is nownownow.
I want a baby with crow black eyes and lips like plums. I want Cally to come back with my five bags of brown stuff-good stuff-so I can stop shivering and cramping out here in the rain. I want to go dancing, not at a club, but out there-in a lawn or park, someplace green, just me and Cally.
And Cally, if you come back now, I promise I"ll make the bags last this time. I will. I"ll s.p.a.ce it out. Just enough to stop the aches. Just enough for three more months. We"ll do it your way. I"m willing. More than willing. Just bring me back my dope.
The insides of my arms are little pursed mouths and the needle in my bag is a snake, rolling and flapping against the sides of my handbag, rattling, making me want to shoot up water just to fake my arms out. And the single fang is iron, making black burns where it touches, but it is a good burn. I need that burn.
Do you remember the time we put knots in the horses" manes before the last rade? Or how about the madcap chase when we stole that grindylow"s cap? It was you, me, and Jack that time. Do you remember? Lala la la la la.
I do another little dance, but this one is more like a shuffle. I don"t care if n.o.body sees. I don"t care.
You aren"t back yet, Cally, but I won"t worry. You could easily be stretched out, languid and sated, in the back of a car. Thick-necked Tom beside you, his gold-ringed fingers picking your pockets while that shrew-guy, I forget his name, drives. I hope not, Cally. Be careful. I need it. Put it in the one thing they won"t want you to open. Put it in your mouth.
I watch the rain-soaked headlights come towards me and fly past. Which one is you? I do a little turn on my toe and slip but don"t fall. Not yet. I wonder if anyone will stop and ask me if I need a date? A fix? A ride?
Oh Cally, I"m thinking about Jack again, him standing on his head or teasing you. Does he wonder where we got to? Does he miss us? Oh, sure, he heard us talk, but did he think we"d really do it? Did he think we were smart, crazy smart, sharp as nails, as tacks, as the needle in my bag?
Didja? Didja think it, Jack? Did you think we could do it, go between, go Ironside and get ourselves elf babies? But then maybe you don"t miss us at all, do you? Time"s different here. You don"t even know we"re gone. A hundred hundred years will pa.s.s for you in one sleepy day without me.
The Land of Heart"s Desire