I felt a little bitter. It was, of course, better that the connoisseur should have discovered the flaw before concluding the transaction; but although I had pointed it out myself I was not entirely pleased to have the article returned.
"I am infinitely ashamed that it should have taken me all these days--day after day and each contributory--to discover what you saw so easily and so completely."
"You forget that I am her mother," I could not resist the temptation of saying.
"Oh, for G.o.d"s sake don"t jeer! Please be absolutely direct, and tell me if you have reason to believe that to the extent of a thought, of a breath--to any extent at all--she cares."
He was, I could see, very deeply moved; he had not arrived at this point without trouble and disorder not lightly to be put on or off. Yet I did not hurry to his relief, I was still possessed by a vague feeling of offense. I reflected that any mother would be, and I quite plumed myself upon my annoyance. It was so satisfactory, when one had a daughter, to know the sensations of even any mother. Nor was it soothing to remember that the young man"s whole att.i.tude towards Cecily had been based upon criticism of me, even though he sat before me whipped with his own lash. His temerity had been stupid and obstinate; I could not regret his punishment.
I kept him waiting long enough to think all this, and then I replied, "I have not the least means of knowing."
I can not say what he expected, but he squared his shoulders as if he had received a blow and might receive another. Then he looked at me with a flash of the old indignation. "You are not near enough to her for that!" he exclaimed.
"I am not near enough to her for that."
Silence fell between us. A crow perched upon an opened venetian and cawed l.u.s.tily. For years afterward I never heard a crow caw without a sense of vain, distressing experiment. Dacres got up and began to walk about the room. I very soon put a stop to that. "I can"t talk to a pendulum," I said, but I could not persuade him to sit down again.
"Candidly," he said at length, "do you think she would have me?"
"I regret to say that I think she would. But you would not dream of asking her."
"Why not? She is a dear girl," he responded inconsequently.
"You could not possibly stand it."
Then Mr. Tottenham delivered himself of this remarkable phrase: "I could stand it," he said, "as well as you can."
There was far from being any joy in the irony with which I regarded him and under which I saw him gather up his resolution to go; nevertheless I did nothing to make it easy for him. I refrained from imparting my private conviction that Cecily would accept the first presentable subst.i.tute that appeared, although it was strong. I made no reference to my daughter"s large fund of philosophy and small balance of sentiment. I did not even--though this was reprehensible--confess the test, the test of quality in these ten days with the marble archives of the Moguls, which I had almost wantonly suggested, which he had so unconsciously accepted, so disastrously applied. I gave him quite fifteen minutes of his bad quarter of an hour, and when it was over I wrote truthfully but furiously to John....
That was ten years ago. We have since attained the shades of retirement, and our daughter is still with us when she is not with Aunt Emma and Aunt Alice--grandmamma has pa.s.sed away. Mr. Tottenham"s dumb departure that day in February--it was the year John got his C.B.--was followed, I am thankful to say, by none of the symptoms of unrequited affection on Cecily"s part. Not for ten minutes, so far as I was aware, was she the maid forlorn. I think her self-respect was of too robust a character, thanks to the Misses Farnham. Still less, of course, had she any reproaches to serve upon her mother, although for a long time I thought I detected--or was it my guilty conscience?--a spark of shrewdness in the glance she bent upon me when the talk was of Mr. Tottenham and the probabilities of his return to Agra. So well did she sustain her experience, or so little did she feel it, that I believe the impression went abroad that Dacres had been sent disconsolate away. One astonishing conversation I had with her some six months later, which turned upon the point of a particularly desirable offer. She told me something then, without any sort of embarra.s.sment, but quite lucidly and directly, that edified me much to hear. She said that while she was quite sure that Mr.
Tottenham thought of her only as a friend--she had never had the least reason for any other impression--he had done her a service for which she could not thank him enough--in showing her what a husband might be. He had given her a standard; it might be high, but it was unalterable.
She didn"t know whether she could describe it, but Mr. Tottenham was different from the kind of man you seemed to meet in India. He had his own ways of looking at things, and he talked so well. He had given her an ideal, and she intended to profit by it. To know that men like Mr.
Tottenham existed, and to marry any other kind would be an act of folly which she did not intend to commit. No, Major the Hon. Hugh Taverel did not come near it--very far short, indeed! He had talked to her during the whole of dinner the night before about jackal-hunting with a bobbery pack--not at all an elevated mind. Yes, he might be a very good fellow, but as a companion for life she was sure he would not be at all suitable. She would wait.
And she has waited. I never thought she would, but she has. From time to time men have wished to take her from us, but the standard has been inexorable, and none of them have reached it. When Dacres married the charming American whom he caught like a b.u.t.terfly upon her Eastern tour, Cecily sent them as a wedding present an alabaster model of the Taj, and I let her do it--the gift was so exquisitely appropriate. I suppose he never looks at it without being reminded that he didn"t marry Miss Farnham, and I hope that he remembers that he owes it to Miss Farnham"s mother. So much I think I might claim; it is really very little considering what it stands for. Cecily is permanently with us--I believe she considers herself an intimate. I am very reasonable about lending her to her aunts, but she takes no sort of advantage of my liberality; she says she knows her duty is at home. She is growing into a firm and solid English maiden lady, with a good colour and great decision of character. That she always had.
I point out to John, when she takes our crumpets away from us, that she gets it from him. I could never take away anybody"s crumpets, merely because they were indigestible, least of all my own parents". She has acquired a distinct affection for us, by some means best known to herself; but I should have no objection to that if she would not rearrange my bonnet-strings. That is a fond liberty to which I take exception; but it is one thing to take exception and another to express it.
Our daughter is with us, permanently with us. She declares that she intends to be the prop of our declining years; she makes the statement often, and always as if it were humorous. Nevertheless I sometimes notice a spirit of inquiry, a note of investigation in her encounters with the opposite s.e.x that suggests an expectation not yet extinct that another and perhaps a more appreciative Dacres Tottenham may flash across her field of vision--alas, how improbable! Myself I can not imagine why she should wish it; I have grown in my old age into a perfect horror of cultivated young men; but if such a person should by a miracle at any time appear, I think it is extremely improbable that I will interfere on his behalf.
2. An Impossible Ideal.
Chapter 2.I.
To understand how we prized him, Dora Harris and I, it is necessary to know Simla. I suppose people think of that place, if they ever do think of it, as an agreeable retreat in the wilds of the Himalayas where deodars and scandals grow, and where the Viceroy if he likes may take off his decorations and go about in flannels. I know how useless it would be to try to give a more faithful impression, and I will hold back from the attempt as far as I can. Besides, my little story is itself an explanation of Simla. Ingersoll Armour might have appeared almost anywhere else without making social history. He came and bloomed among us in the wilderness, and such and such things happened. It sounds too rude a generalization to say that Simla is a wilderness; I hasten to add that it is a waste as highly cultivated as you like, producing many things more admirable than Ingersoll Armour. Still he bloomed there conspicuously alone. Perhaps there would have been nothing to tell if we had not tried to gather him. That was wrong; Nature in Simla expects you to be content with c.o.c.ked hats.
There are artists almost everywhere and people who paint even in the Himalayas, though Miss Harris and I in our superior way went yearly to the Simla Fine Arts Exhibition chiefly to amuse ourselves by scoffing.
It was easy to say clever things about the poor little exhibits; and one was grateful to the show on this account, for nothing is more depressing east of Suez than the absence of provocation to say clever things. There one afternoon in May as we marched about enjoying ourselves, we came upon Ingersoll Armour, not in the flesh, but in half a dozen studies hanging in the least conspicuous corner and quite the worst light in the room.
"Eh, what?" said I, and Dora exclaimed:
"I SAY!"
"Sent out from home," I said, ever the oracle.
"Not at all," replied Dora. "Look, they are Indian subjects. SIMLA subjects," she went on, with excitement.
I turned up the catalogue. "Ninety-seven, "Kasumti Bazaar"; ninety-eight, "Clouds on the Chor"; ninety-nine, "The House of a Friend"--Lord, what apricot blossoms! Yes, they"re all Simla."
"For goodness" sake," said Dora, "who painted them? You"ve got the catalogue!"
""I. Armour,"" I read.
""I. Armour,"" she repeated, and we looked at each other, saying in plain silence that to the small world of Simla I. Armour was unknown.
"Not on Government House list, I venture to believe," said Dora. That in itself may show to what depths we sink. Yet it was a trenchant and a reasonable speculation.
"It may be a newcomer," I suggested, but she shook her head. "All newcomers call upon us," she said. "There in the middle of the Mall we escape none of them. He isn"t a calling person."
"Why do you say "he"? You are very confident with your p.r.o.nouns. There"s a delicacy of feeling--"
"Which exactly does not suggest a women. We are undermined by delicacy of feeling; we"re not strong enough to express it with brushes. A man can make it a quality, a decorative characteristic, and so we see it.
With a woman it"s everything--all over the place--and of no effect. Oh, I a.s.sure you, I. Armour is a man."
"Who shall stand against you! Let him be a man. He has taste."
"Taste!" exclaimed Miss Harris, violently, and from the corners of her mouth I gathered that I had said one of those things which she would store up and produce to prove that I was not, for all my pretensions, a person of the truest feeling. "He sees things."
"There"s an intensity," I ventured.
"That"s better. Yes, an intensity. A perfect pa.s.sion of colour. Look at that." She indicated a patch of hillsides perhaps six inches by four, in which the light seemed to come and go as it does in a sapphire.
We stood and gazed. It was a tremendous thing; only half a dozen studies with feeling and knowledge in them, but there in that remote fastness thrice barred against the arts a tremendous thing, a banquet for our famished eyes. What they would have said to us in London is a different matter, and how good they really were I do not find the courage to p.r.o.nounce, but they had merit enough to p.r.i.c.k our sense of beauty delightfully where we found them--oh, they were good!
"Heaven send it isn"t a Tommy," said Dora, with a falling countenance.
"There is something absolutely inaccessible about a Tommy."
"How could it be?" I asked.
"Oh, there are some inspired ones. But it isn"t--that"s French technique. It"s an Englishman or an American who has worked in Paris.
What in the name of fortune is he doing here?"
"Oh," I said, "we have had them, you know. Val Prinsep came out at the time of the Prince of Wales"s visit."