"Surely it wasn"t you lighted the lamp under the ikon?"
"Yes, it was I lighted it."
"Did you do it believing?"
"The old woman likes to have the lamp and she hadn"t time to do it to-day," muttered Kirillov.
"You don"t say prayers yourself?"
"I pray to everything. You see the spider crawling on the wall, I look at it and thank it for crawling."
His eyes glowed again. He kept looking straight at Stavrogin with firm and unflinching expression. Stavrogin frowned and watched him disdainfully, but there was no mockery in his eyes.
"I"ll bet that when I come next time you"ll be believing in G.o.d too," he said, getting up and taking his hat.
"Why?" said Kirillov, getting up too.
"If you were to find out that you believe in G.o.d, then you"d believe in Him; but since you don"t know that you believe in Him, then you don"t believe in Him," laughed Nikolay Vsyevolodovitch.
"That"s not right," Kirillov pondered, "you"ve distorted the idea. It"s a flippant joke. Remember what you have meant in my life, Stavrogin."
"Good-bye, Kirillov."
"Come at night; when will you?"
"Why, haven"t you forgotten about to-morrow?"
"Ach, I"d forgotten. Don"t be uneasy. I won"t oversleep. At nine o"clock. I know how to wake up when I want to. I go to bed saying "seven o"clock," and I wake up at seven o"clock, "ten o"clock," and I wake up at ten o"clock."
"You have remarkable powers," said Nikolay Vsyevolodovitch, looking at his pale face.
"I"ll come and open the gate."
"Don"t trouble, Shatov will open it for me."
"Ah, Shatov. Very well, good-bye."
VI The door of the empty house in which Shatov was lodging was not closed; but, making his way into the pa.s.sage, Stavrogin found himself in utter darkness, and began feeling with his hand for the stairs to the upper story. Suddenly a door opened upstairs and a light appeared. Shatov did not come out himself, but simply opened his door. When Nikolay Vsyevolodovitch was standing in the doorway of the room, he saw Shatov standing at the table in the corner, waiting expectantly.
"Will you receive me on business?" he queried from the doorway.
"Come in and sit down," answered Shatov. "Shut the door; stay, I"ll shut it."
He locked the door, returned to the table, and sat down, facing Nikolay Vsyevolodovitch. He had grown thinner during that week, and now he seemed in a fever.
"You"ve been worrying me to death," he said, looking down, in a soft half-whisper. "Why didn"t you come?"
"You were so sure I should come then?"
"Yes, stay, I have been delirious... perhaps I"m delirious now.... Stay a moment."
He got up and seized something that was lying on the uppermost of his three bookshelves. It was a revolver.
"One night, in delirium, I fancied that you were coming to kill me, and early next morning I spent my last farthing on buying a revolver from that good-for-nothing fellow Lyamshin; I did not mean to let you do it. Then I came to myself again... I"ve neither powder nor shot; it has been lying there on the shelf till now; wait a minute...."
He got up and was opening the cas.e.m.e.nt.
"Don"t throw it away, why should you?" Nikolay Vsyevolodovitch checked him. "It"s worth something. Besides, tomorrow people will begin saying that there are revolvers lying about under Shatov"s window. Put it back, that"s right; sit down. Tell me, why do you seem to be penitent for having thought I should come to kill you? I have not come now to be reconciled, but to talk of something necessary. Enlighten me to begin with. You didn"t give me that blow because of my connection with your wife?"
"You know I didn"t, yourself," said Shatov, looking down again.
"And not because you believed the stupid gossip about Darya Pavlovna?"
"No, no, of course not! It"s nonsense! My sister told me from the very first..." Shatov said, harshly and impatiently, and even with a slight stamp of his foot.
"Then I guessed right and you too guessed right," Nikolay Vsyevolodovitch went on in a tranquil voice. "You are right. Marya Timofyevna Lebyadkin is my lawful wife, married to me four and a half years ago in Petersburg. I suppose the blow was on her account?"
Shatov, utterly astounded, listened in silence.
"I guessed, but did not believe it," he muttered at last, looking strangely at Stavrogin.
"And you struck me?"
Shatov flushed and muttered almost incoherently:
"Because of your fall... your lie. I didn"t go up to you to punish you... I didn"t know when I went up to you that I should strike you... I did it because you meant so much to me in my life... I..."
"I understand, I understand, spare your words. I am sorry you are feverish. I"ve come about a most urgent matter."
"I have been expecting you too long." Shatov seemed to be quivering all over, and he got up from his seat. "Say what you have to say... I"ll speak too... later."
He sat down.
"What I have come about is nothing of that kind," began Nikolay Vsyevolodovitch, scrutinising him with curiosity. "Owing to certain circ.u.mstances I was forced this very day to choose such an hour to come and tell you that they may murder you."
Shatov looked wildly at him.
"I know that I may be in some danger," he said in measured tones, "but how can you have come to know of it?"
"Because I belong to them as you do, and am a member of their society, just as you are."
"You... you are a member of the society?"
"I see from your eyes that you were prepared for anything from me rather than that," said Nikolay Vsyevolodovitch, with a faint smile. "But, excuse me, you knew then that there would be an attempt on your life?"
"Nothing of the sort. And I don"t think so now, in spite of your words, though... though there"s no being sure of anything with these fools!" he cried suddenly in a fury, striking the table with his fist. "I"m not afraid of them! I"ve broken with them. That fellow"s run here four times to tell me it was possible... but"-he looked at Stavrogin-"what do you know about it, exactly?"
"Don"t be uneasy; I am not deceiving you," Nikolay Vsyevolodovitch went on, rather coldly, with the air of a man who is only fulfilling a duty. "You question me as to what I know. I know that you entered that society abroad, two years ago, at the time of the old organisation, just before you went to America, and I believe, just after our last conversation, about which you wrote so much to me in your letter from America. By the way, I must apologise for not having answered you by letter, but confined myself to..."