"APRIL 17.
"I have brought the reality near me, that mine eyes may never behold you again on earth. I can say, even of that, it is well; but the idea of the horrors of tempest, a leaky vessel racked by the storm, and sinking by inches; sickness, nervous timidity, and the sufferings to be undergone before the entrance to the haven of rest be attained, is my chief disquietude, I will not even say distress, because when these horrors--horrors they are to mere nature--dart across my mind, filling my soul with momentary anguish, Satan too seeking to distract my mind, the Spirit of the Lord lifts up a standard against him, and comforts me with his own word, the everlasting promises suited to every possible circ.u.mstance in the believer"s lot. Thousands of times have I grasped that promise, "Leave thy fatherless children, I will preserve them alive." I pleaded it for the life of their souls; He answered my prayers; he has given them life, and they live to him. Yes, I see the fruit, and though iniquities still prevail against them, he still purges away their transgressions; kindles their repentance; humbles their souls; lays them prostrate in penitential confession; washes them afresh in the open fountain; restores to them the joys of his salvation; seals their pardon by shedding abroad his love in their hearts, and making them walk in the path of righteousness for his own name"s sake.
"Thus he carries them on from strength to strength by various means of his own appointing, and some terrible things in righteousness, in the course of his providence; in all which he is sovereign, but ever consistent with his new covenant name, as proclaimed to Moses on the mount, as manifested in the character of G.o.d dwelling with us in our own nature, in whom mercy shone prominent; by which mercy they shall appear in Zion, before G.o.d, in due time.
"Is it so? Is this G.o.d my G.o.d, and the G.o.d of my seed? Is he himself become our salvation? Are we heirs of G.o.d and joint-heirs with Christ? Is our life hid with Christ in G.o.d? When he appears, shall we, I and the children which he hath given me, in very deed appear with him in glory? Is all this so, and shall I tremble at the approach of any of his providences? Shall I not say when it has taken place, "The will of the Lord be done," especially when clothed with love? I trust that as my day, so shall my strength be, and in the interim I have the same confidence for you; for "he giveth power to the faint, and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.""
"APRIL 25.
"The wind roars and howls in my windows, though not facing the storm, and the white waves in the river picture in my mind the foaming billows of the ocean. The name of our G.o.d is my consolation: "though the waters roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof, there is a river the streams whereof shall make glad the city of G.o.d. G.o.d shall help her, and that right early." When I walk about Zion, and go round about her, when I tell the towers thereof, mark her bulwarks, and consider her palaces, my heart rejoices that "this G.o.d is our G.o.d; he will be our guide even unto death; and O the joy that my children are the citizens of this Zion, and the heirs of all the promises by virtue of the new testament in Christ"s blood. A covenant of works it was to our Surety, and his heart"s blood finished the requisites of it. It is now a testament to you, sealed by the same blood. Wherever in his word I meet the character, the providence, the work of G.o.d, I read my own and my children"s interest. I hope your experience shall be in Psalm 107:28.
If not wholly, it shall terminate in Psalm 23:4. Though you walk through the valley of the shadow of death, you shall fear no evil, for this G.o.d, who is your guide even unto death, shall be with you, his rod and staff shall comfort you; and our darling Jessy he shall carry as a lamb in his arms, and hide her from the horrors, in his bosom. I dwell much on these subjects, and I feel comforted, whatever be the event.
"If the Lord has carried you safe through, and you live to read this in the body, know that our G.o.d continues to bless us abundantly in health, peace, and plenty, as to temporals; we also experience the peace of his covenant, and have tastes of the bread and of the water of life. Thanks, all thanks to our new covenant Head for the stability of the covenant; we change, but he changeth not. He himself is the covenant given to the people, and because he lives, his people shall live also, in spite of Satan and his colleague sin in our hearts: sin may, and does bring his people into captivity, but it shall not keep them in bondage for ever. The time of deliverance shall come, when they shall revive as the corn. Oh, is it not a well-ordered covenant, and sure?"
Her next letter gives an ill.u.s.tration of fidelity in a difficult, and, it is to be feared, much-neglected duty.
"MAY 10, 1801.
"MY DEAR CHILDREN--Last evening was preparation sermon. Mr. Y---- preached a very excellent sermon from the Song of Solomon, "Who is this that cometh up from the wilderness leaning on her beloved?" First the wilderness of this world, next the church coming up, then the att.i.tude leaning, and on whom; I thought the simile well supported, and practical, as he went on. His application was rich on the Christian"s support, where he brought into view many of the names of Christ.
"After sermon we witnessed a most affecting scene; two female members rebuked and restored to the communion of the church. Never, never did our dear Mr. M---- shine so bright in my eyes; many tears were shed. I knew nothing of it, and wondered to what he was leading, when he addressed the congregation, after sermon, upon Christian walk, watchfulness, and temptation, and the distress occasioned in Christian society when any of the members were left to fall into open and aggravated sin. Such was the case in our own congregation: two, naming the offenders, had been so far left; but while deeply wounded by the sin and scandal, he was consoled by their penitence: he a.s.sured the congregation that they had given great evidence of deep contrition; and were now come forward to acknowledge their crime before their offended and grieved brethren, and to give all the satisfaction in their power, by submitting to the censure of the church in this public manner, which, although painful to him, he must p.r.o.nounce according to G.o.d"s appointment. "Them who sin before all, rebuke before all." He then asked them to rise; scarce an individual turned to look; many were weeping while he laid before them their guilt in strong, yet tender terms; and finished by expressing his approbation of their thus submitting to the rod, and exhorting them to humility and redoubled watchfulness. Then again he addressed the members, requesting them to receive into their Christian love and affection their repenting, returning sisters; that they would treat them with tenderness, and restore them in the spirit of meekness, considering themselves as also in the body and subject to temptation. "Let no one put them in remembrance of the sin which the Father of mercies has blotted out, nor open those wounds which he has closed," "He doth not chide continually, nor retain his anger for ever."
"May the Lord bless the discipline of his church; may he meet us to-morrow with multiplied pardons: may he melt our hearts to contrition, heal our backslidings, and manifest himself as married unto us; may he bring us into his banqueting house and his banner over us be love; may his grace be magnified and his name glorified; and may he send a portion to my dear children--yea, a Benjamin"s portion; may he open wide the leaves of that new testament, and let them read their rich inheritance and rejoice in their portion.
"Farewell, my dear children. The Lord bless you, keep you, guide you, and cause his face to shine on you, prays your affectionate mother."
The following to the same, was written while on a visit to a worldly friend:
"MAY 21, 1801.
"I would fain begin to hope that my children are now on, or near the green fields of Albion. Many a severe gale has agitated them, and tried their faith and confidence before this day. But as He who sitteth on the clouds, commanding and governing the elements, is their own G.o.d in covenant, who loves them, careth for them, and perfects what concerns them, I hope they have had much of his presence: I hope they have found, even on the boisterous ocean, amidst the horrors of the swelling deep, agitated with winds and tempests, all things necessary to life and G.o.dliness in these great and precious promises, accompanied by divine power, by which they are made partakers of divine life, and escape the pollution that is in the world through l.u.s.t. I hope they are enriched in experience, and advanced in the divine life, by all they have suffered, and all they have tasted of divine support in their sufferings; that Christ is still more precious, his word more tried, and their confidence in him more established: if so, great is their gain. And our darling J----, being a sharer in the suffering, shall, at her G.o.d"s hand, be also a gainer, though it be not evident to our perception. O how rich is the Christian, how inexhaustible his portion! his table is ever furnished, his cup ever full; all is blessing, no curse mingled--that our Surety took to himself; prosperity and adversity, sickness and health, light and darkness, all, all shall bless us, work for our good, turn to our profit, and end in the glory of G.o.d and our unspeakable, inconceivable happiness.
"I have been here a week yesterday; all vegetable nature glows and shines in the perfection of beauty; flowers, shrubs, trees, grain, gra.s.s, falling waters turning the busy mill, the brook murmuring on its way to the ocean, fit emblem of eternity, all glorify their Creator; and although no such birds as in Britain charm the listening ear, we have some sweet chirpers of his praise; and what is wanting to the ear, is made up to the eye, for in beauty they excel.
"These I may enjoy; with these hold communion; for Oh, spiritual death holds all within these walls in dismal bondage; not one symptom of life appears, but death, as the dry bones in the valley of vision.
Why do I not wrestle more for the Spirit to breathe on them? I do pray: but Oh, formal, formal."
To the same.
"JUNE 17, 1801.
"MY DEAR CHILDREN--Difficult it is for me to exercise patience: the 23d, of this month will make three months since you waved the handkerchief on board the Mars, off the Battery. I had made up my mind not to give way to expectation short of three months; they are nearly past: how many events take place in that s.p.a.ce of time; how many duties ought to be performed; how many sins are really committed; how guilty to wish to annihilate the time that a certain event may come round. For every moment of time we must account, and not one moment of it can we recall. Much you have seen; much you have suffered; much, perhaps, also enjoyed: for the Lord can give songs in the night, and in a dungeon. "Surely his salvation is nigh them that fear him;" to them there is no want. The Lord is their shepherd, he feedeth them in green pastures beside the gently flowing waters; if they wander, he restoreth them, perhaps with the rod, but it is the rod of love; they need not be afraid to enter even the valley of the shadow of death; their Shepherd is with them, and his rod, rod of support, and staff shall comfort them.
"I hope this has been a profitable time to you both; that you have seen more of the evil of sin, and of your own hearts, their deceitful double turnings and windings to cover and conceal the enemy of G.o.d and your own souls; more of the extent and spirituality of the divine law, fulfilled indeed in every jot and t.i.ttle by your Surety; but still doubly binding on you as a rule of life in the hand of your Redeemer, who hath bought you to himself, and taken you into his own hands, that you might be a holy people to himself, delivered not merely from the penalty and curse, but from the power and indwelling of sin. I hope you have seen more of the unsearchable riches of Christ in all he has done and is now doing for your and his church"s happiness, and of those exceeding great and precious promises by which you are made partakers of the-divine life, and privileged to escape the pollution that is in the world through l.u.s.t; more of the faithfulness of G.o.d, as a G.o.d in Christ, pardoning sin and reconciling you to himself; and day by day, teaching you by his word, Spirit, and providences.
"I am but just beginning to see that I am blind; my own character opening upon me as a sinner, in heart and tongue and conduct, against my G.o.d, my neighbor, and my own soul: how comes it then that I am at ease in G.o.d"s world; in health, in peace, in comfort, all in an extraordinary degree as to temporals; and as to spirituals, though grieved with self, my joy in Christ also abounds. Can I believe it?
What can I say; what can I render to the Lord for all his gifts to me?
Nothing can I do, but just take the cup of salvation, calling upon the name of the Lord, and remain an eternal debtor to his grace for spirituals and temporals."
"JUNE 26.
"By this time you are already in port, on earth or in heaven.
Blessed alternative. Ought I to be sad, who can say, "or in heaven?" O no, I trust grace will be given to acquiesce in his most blessed will; a most gracious will it has been to me and mine.
"I wrote you in my last, that our dear Mr. M---- leaves us next month for Britain; his errand is to state the situation of this country, as greatly in want of ministers and the means of educating ministers. Many of his people are dissatisfied, as he has two congregations to supply, and a large family of his own. Why should he be the man? For my own part, I think he is the very man; and I am thankful to feel a degree of disinterestedness. Though I love my minister, value his ministry and his person, I hope the general interest of Christ"s body is more dear to me, and of infinitely more importance than my private comfort, which, after all, I do not believe can suffer by parting cheerfully with its apparent food to Christ, who himself is the sum and substance of all that any minister can be instrumental in conveying. All means are alike to him, or no means. I therefore rejoice in his will, and pray that the Lord may prosper him, give him a double portion of his Spirit, and favor in the eyes of all whose influence is necessary to advance the Redeemer"s kingdom in America.
"Our friend Mrs. K---- is gone; she died suddenly: both Mr. and Mrs. T---- died at their country-seat; he first. She fancied she was getting better. The physician advised her not to ride, as she could not stand the fatigue; she had more faith in air and exercise: the last day she went out she fainted getting into the carriage, and again coming out; and died in the afternoon. She lived near us, yet I never saw her, nor offered one kind office towards the salvation of her soul, which, if lost, leaves me not innocent of her blood, and if saved, as I hope it may be, my sinful neglect is not the less. What a picture in them of the vanity of all under the sun; and in me of the evil of procrastination, for I meant to visit her. O my Saviour, is this the return I make for the millions of pardons which thou hast pa.s.sed on my account; sparing even the rod, and blessing me with health, restored limbs, and mercy on mercy, comfort on comfort? I want words to paint my abominable ingrat.i.tude, indolence, and cruelty; and yet, Oh yet I am spared, and my mercies are spared, as far as I know--but trial may be at hand. Perhaps I write what my children may never read. Well, even then, mercy, mercy shall be my song; for I sing the song on earth which they sing in heaven. I am just going to town to attend preparation sermon. Our feast is on Sabbath."
"JULY 17, 1801.
"What shall I render to the Lord for all his mercies--mercies temporal, mercies spiritual, mercies eternal, multiplied mercies? The one thing that I asked of the Lord has been answered in full, and Oh, how much added. G.o.d himself become my salvation, and the salvation of my house; how unspeakable the blessing. Although chastis.e.m.e.nt and affliction were the means of correction and sanctification, or even the vengeance taken on my inventions, yet, as a G.o.d, he at the same time pardoneth. For Oh, my character is ever the same with backsliding Judah and treacherous Israel. Glory to that name which is ever the same, and changeth not. "The Lord, the Lord G.o.d, merciful and gracious, long-suffering, abundant in goodness and truth, forgiving iniquity, transgression, and sin." This was his name among a stiff-necked people, an idolatrous, ungrateful people; this is his name to me alike in character. O how he has magnified this name to me, a backslider in heart and life; multiplying pardons while I have multiplied transgressions: still he has been last with me, healing my backsliding; restoring my soul; leading me to the open fountain; giving faith to wash, and joy and peace in believing; not only so, but in this land of drought, this waste howling wilderness, this vale of tears, where "man is born to trouble as the sparks fly upwards," my cup with temporal comfort is full and running over; all his creatures minister to my comfort; and as days and nights roll on, his daily providence adds, and diminishes not.
"I had hardly hoped to see the faces of my children again; for he commanded, and raised the stormy winds and lifted up the waves of the sea; they mounted to heaven and sunk again to the deep; death with all its _natural_ horrors surrounded them; the deep yawned to devour them; but G.o.d, their own G.o.d, was at hand, their anchor of hope, their ark of safety, their hiding-place till the calamity was past: they cried to him, and he saved them out of their distresses; he made the storm a calm, and the waves thereof still, and brought them to the desired haven. This trouble was not unto death, but for the glory of G.o.d and the exercising of your faith, for the manifestation of his power and goodness, and the enriching of your experience.
"O then let us praise the Lord for his goodness, and for his wonderful works to the children of men. Let us exalt him in the congregation of his people, and praise him in the a.s.sembly of the elders."
"OCTOBER 23, 1801.
"Surely, surely my heart feels grateful for the time, though this, like every other good motion, will, like the morning dew, soon pa.s.s away.
"My children not only preserved through the tempestuous storms that threatened death with circ.u.mstances shocking to nature, but my poor sick child preserved during a long and fatiguing journey; that journey made comfortable, yea, delightful, by the warm reception of many kind friends, dear to nature, and many doubly endeared by grace: among the last, the mother and sisters of the kindest and best of husbands; they receiving her as their own flesh and blood, as well as their fellow-member in Christ; blest with a measure of health to enjoy all, and a measure of grace to profit by all; eyeing by faith the dear invisible hand of a covenant G.o.d, preserving, leading, guiding through every step--his love the marrow of the whole, and their charter for safety, even amidst the dangers of prosperity.
"Is not G.o.dliness gain? profitable for this life as well as that which is to come? What is the portion of the worldling? even in this life "shadowy joy or solid woe," without a balance to the first, or consolation in the last; no sure footing in the one, nor support in the other; distanced from the fountain of happiness by nature, prosperity incrusts their hearts and increases their carnality; nestling in their worldly comforts, they forget they are the creatures of a day, that an endless eternity lies before them, and only the feeble uncertain thread of life between them and that curse under which they were born. Not so the child of G.o.d; all things work together for his good--_all things;_ his standing is not in himself; his footsteps are directed by infinite wisdom: he is kept by the power of G.o.d, through faith, unto salvation. Nothing can separate him from the love of G.o.d. His life is hid with Christ in G.o.d: there is cause to rejoice always; his privileges are boundless, infinite, for G.o.d himself is become his salvation.
"Have we then any cause for fear? Yes, my children, yes; though nothing can rob us of our charter, there is another side to be beheld.
In Christ we have all things richly to enjoy, but we have not all in possession: what we have is by faith; all is secured by our Surety for eternity. We shall overcome by the blood of the Lamb; but by the const.i.tution of the covenant we must enter into that rest, that perfect rest, through great tribulation. While our eternal salvation is secured by our Surety, it hath pleased infinite Wisdom to appoint another connection, which shall exist while we remain on earth: even the connection between our steadfastness, consequently our comfort, and the means of grace which he hath appointed, making the first to depend in a great measure on our diligent use of the last, insomuch that a great number of the promises are proposed conditionally. Many exhortations are given in this view, and also many threatenings. "They that wait on the Lord shall renew their strength," etc. "Seek, and ye shall find; ask, and ye shall receive; knock, and it shall be opened unto you." "Abide in me; as the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, no more can ye, except ye abide in me."
"Close, intimate, near communion with G.o.d, is to be sought by means of prayer, meditation, and reading. If the Christian be careful to husband time, and set apart a portion for G.o.d, and set about these duties, he will not always miss communion; and this prepares him for other duties, and arms him against temptation; as the promise is concerned to keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Him.
"If ye, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give his Holy Spirit to them that ask him." "So shall ye know the Lord, if ye follow on to-know him."
"Delight thyself in G.o.d, he will give thee the desire of thy heart."
"Nevertheless, I will be inquired of by the house of Israel," etc.
"If his children forsake my laws, and go astray, I will visit their faults," etc. "Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation."
"But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet," etc. "Thy Father, who seeth in secret, shall reward thee openly." All is laid before us in the Scriptures, in the view of comfort during our pilgrimage, as well as the certainty of our inheritance in the end; the ground whereon we stand, our danger, and the means of safety.
See Eph. 6:11.
"There is provision made in the covenant for great comfort, consistent with human frailty and imperfection, but not with carelessness and negligence. While, therefore, we rejoice in the Lord, we have good reason to join trembling with our exultation; while standing high in comfort, to take heed lest we fall, through the deceitfulness of sin. We carry about with us "a body of sin and death;" "the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour." We wrestle not with flesh and blood, but with princ.i.p.alities and powers," etc. We live in a world lying in wickedness; the captives of sin and Satan exerting every faculty to banish all thoughts of G.o.d, death, and eternity; contriving, with unwearied industry and amazing ingenuity, new gratifications for body and mind in endless variety, suited to all const.i.tutions, all tempers and dispositions, and to those in all circ.u.mstances. Of these, the most rational are the most subtle, and, in the hand of the enemy, the most calculated to keep men ignorant of themselves, their misery, and of the great salvation; and alas, by these he often _spoils_ unwary Christians, who, though heirs of heaven, heirs of G.o.d, and joint-heirs with Christ, are, during their minority, subject to like pa.s.sions with themselves, and ever in danger of being spoiled of their comforts when off their guard.
"With the people of the world Christians have much to do: they are fellow-members of society with them; they have many duties to perform to them, with them, and by them; many of the things of the world are necessary to them, many of its pleasures lawful; for "the earth is the Lord"s and the fulness thereof," and he gives them of it as his wisdom sees good for them. That which he gives them they gather in the same manner as and in society with the world, by industry and diligence in their lawful calling and business. Keeping near the Captain of salvation, and armed in his whole armor, they are safe.
When off their guard, the vigilant enemy gains some advantage, and they get into trouble. O how many gracious names our dear Redeemer has a.s.sumed in his word, for our comfort, our meditation, our spiritual exercise; how pleasant and delightful in the light of his countenance to a.n.a.lyze them! Besides the names peculiar to himself as G.o.d-man, how many has he condescended to take from among men, and the natural comforts and safeguards of men--our Shepherd, our Rock, our Ark, all the relations in life--and ends with our All in all. But I must have done, that I may tell you that goodness and mercy follow us in this family also."