I"ll speak the honors of thy name While I have life and breath; Then, speechless, clasp thee in my arms, The antidote of death."
"Dr. M---- preached in the evening from Eph. 3:30: "For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones." It was a rich sermon; I enjoyed it at the time, but cannot recall it. Blessed Spirit, keep it for me, and feed me with the substance of it, as I stand in need.
"Accept of my thanks, blessed Jesus; that through thy meritorious life and death, I have an interest in the great whole. Accept of my thanks, blessed Spirit, for thus taking the things of Christ and showing them unto me. And accept of my thanks, Father of mercies, for the gift of thy Son, and all these blessings in him.
""Blessed be the G.o.d and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who hath blessed us with all spiritual blessings in heavenly places, in Christ Jesus." Amen."
"GREENWICH, Sabbath.
"Heard Dr. Milledoler preach in the state prison to the convicts, from Luke 19:10: "For the Son of man is come to seek and save that which was lost." He addressed them as fellow-sinners, all being by nature lost and dependent on the same means for recovery.
"True, my heart accords. O Lord, thou knowest I stand in my own estimation a sinner, the chief of sinners. These have added to their sin against thee, breach against men, and are suffering the penalty.
"My sins have been chiefly, though far from exclusively, against G.o.d, and with many aggravations. That I was born in a Christian land, of pious parents, who gave me religious instructions; brought up under faithful, lively ministers, and in religious society; exposed to few temptations but what arose from the corruptions of my own heart, are aggravations, which, perhaps, many are mourning over, as heightening the sin of unbelief in their unregenerated state. But the aggravations--the painful remembrance of which mars my comfort and covers me with shame and confusion even now, though I know that G.o.d is pacified with me--are as far above these as the heavens are above the earth. For in that Christian land, under those Christian parents and faithful pastors, while yet young and tender, I was enlightened, tasted of the heavenly gift, was made a partaker of the Holy Ghost, tasted of the good word of G.o.d and the power of the world to come. I was taken from the fearful pit and miry clay; my feet set upon the rock, and a new song put into my mouth, even to the amount of, O death, where is thy sting?--of redeeming love, pardoning grace, new covenant mercy, I had "joy and peace in believing," But forgetting my natural character, the extreme volatility of my spirits, my taste for gayety; forgetting the danger of smothering the heavenly spark by indulging to the utmost bound of lawful pleasure; forgetting my continual need of fresh supplies of grace to preserve and feed that new life which could not live on earthly food; forgetting the deceitfulness of my heart, the injunctions of my Bible, I became cold, negligent in the use of means, distant in prayer, lost enjoyment, and my heart, naturally carnal and madly fond of pleasure, got entangled.
"The l.u.s.t of the flesh, the l.u.s.t of the eye, and the pride of life"
regained their power; other loves usurped the place of that Beloved who had bought me with his blood, and betrothed me to himself; "that which came into my mind was, that I would be as the families of the countries, to serve wood and stone." Blessed be his name, he said, "It shall not be." He brought me into the wilderness and pleaded with me, caused me to pa.s.s under the rod, brought me again into the bond of the covenant.
"O how often hast thou wrought with me, for thy name"s sake. One self-willed step brought with it a train of consequences dangerous to spiritual life, filling even the path of duty with pits and snares, cutting me off from ordinances, pastor, parents, church, country, and Christian society; placing me at the same time in the midst of carnal delights; and every thing in my natural temper and dispositions was congenial to them. What saved me? What in heaven or earth could save me, but thy covenant? Truly thy covenant standeth fast; therefore I was not lost in the vortex. But "the Lord G.o.d, merciful and gracious, long-suffering, and abundant in goodness and truth, forgiving iniquity, transgression, and sin," kept his eye upon me; many a time did he stop up my path. O from how many delusions of my own seeking; how many snares and nets of my own weaving; how many pits of my own digging, hast thou delivered me, when wandering, bewildered, on temptation"s ground, in the cloudy dark day. How often hast thou sought me out; how often bound me up when broken, strengthened me when sick, and fed me with judgment, and very, very often, thou madest thyself known to me. I knew thy hand when it shook the rod, when it arrested me on some mad career. I knew thy hedge, thy bar; saw not only escapes, but my Deliverer: often paused, turned, and took fast hold of thy covenant. I had no afflictions in those days, but every pleasure lawful to be enjoyed, and natural to the heart of woman; but no pastor, no church, no Christian society; yet G.o.d was there, my Bible, my Doddridge, and other good books. And to my shame and confusion this day, he was not, in the midst of all my idolatry, a barren wilderness, nor a land of drought to me. I had many Sabbaths; literally the Sabbath was a sign between my covenant G.o.d and me: ill spent it often was, but not with company; it was spent in retirement.
The Lord did not leave me so far as to give up the Sabbath to the world. Though my heart was incrusted, and spiritual life scarcely discernible, sometimes the Lord met me, and strange to tell, not with threatenings causing terror, but with compunction, melting, turning, and ere the day was over, manifestations of pardon, though not joy; for I was grieved at my ingrat.i.tude.
"I did expect affliction long before it came, and my presumptuous heart calculated upon the fruit being the peaceable fruit of righteousness, and to take away sin; but still I held my way, gadding about, drinking the waters of Sihor and the rivers of Syria, and eating the worldling"s dainties. Oh, Oh, at last it came; yes, it came. Thou didst cut off the desire of my eyes with a stroke, and with that made the world a blank to me. But O the stately steps of thy providential mercy previous to that trying hour. O my G.o.d, I must ever wonder and stand amazed at thy exuberant grace. In consistence with thy covenant, thou mightest have struck me among these worldlings, in that dry and barren land, where not one tongue could speak the language of Canaan, nor bring forth from thy precious Bible the words of consolation to my wounded and bereaved spirit; richly had I merited this; but never, no, never hast thou dealt with me as I sinned.
Through the whole of my life, from the time that the Lord called me out of darkness into his marvellous light--from the time that he first led me to the Saviour, and enabled me to take hold of his covenant, wanderer, backslider, transgressor, rebel, idolater, ingrate, and if there be any name more expressively _vile_ and _abominable_, that is mine. And from the hour of my birth, through the whole of this refractory perverse life, "the Lord, the Lord G.o.d, merciful and gracious, long-suffering, abundant in goodness and truth, forgiving iniquity, transgression, and sin," has been, and now is, thy name to me.
"No, ye strong-built walls, ye grated windows, ye gloomy cells, ye confine no such sinner as I. And did the Lord take vengeance on my inventions? O no, _mercy_ preceded, _mercy_ accompanied judgment; yea, it was all mercy, not vengeance. He brought me and my idol out of that barren land, placed us under the breath of prayer, among a dear little society of Methodists; he laid us upon their spirits, and when the messenger Death was sent for my beloved, the breath of prayer ascended from his bedside, from their little meeting, and I believe from their families and closets. The G.o.d of mercy prepared their hearts to pray, and his ear to hear, and the answer did not tarry. Behold, my husband prayeth; confesses sin; applies to the Saviour; pleads for forgiveness for his sake; receives comfort; blesses G.o.d for Jesus Christ, and dies with these words on his tongue, "I hold fast by the Saviour," Behold another wonder; the idolatress in an ecstasy of joy. She who never could realize a separation for one single minute during his life, now resigns her heart"s treasure with praise and thanksgiving.
"O the joy of that hour; its savor remains on my heart to this moment. For five days and nights I had been little off my knees: it was my ordinary posture at his bedside, and in all that time I had but _once_ requested life. Surely the spirit of prayer and supplication was poured out. The Spirit helped mine infirmities with groanings which could not be uttered, leading me to pray for that which G.o.d had determined to bestow; making intercession for my husband, according to the will of G.o.d.
"O sing unto the Lord a new song, for he hath done marvellous things. His right hand and his holy arm hath gotten him the victory.
The Lord hath made known his salvation. His righteousness hath he openly shown in the sight of the heathen. He hath remembered his mercy and his truth toward the house of Israel. All the ends of the earth have seen the salvation of our G.o.d." Psalm 98.
"FRIDAY, December.
"Sermon from John 4:10: "If thou knewest the gift of G.o.d, and who it is that saith, Give me to drink, thou wouldest have asked of him, and he would have given thee living water,"
"This is part of my provision laid in for my pa.s.sage through Jordan. Christ is the gift of G.o.d. Christ is the water of life; he is this living water, and the bread of life _given_; given by G.o.d, received by the sinner. Life and comfort are experienced, and fruit produced is the evidence; but first of all, this gift must be known, and the soul"s need must be known; Christ, the anointed prophet, taught this woman both, and no other could. "Search me, O Lord, and try me." Hast thou not taught my soul its miserable and ruined state by nature; its helplessness as well as misery? Hast thou not also brought me to this living, life-giving water? Oh, hast thou not given me faith to come, faith to drink; and have I not experienced its solacing quality? Has it not satisfied my soul, and in some degree allayed my thirst for carnal delights? Blessed Spirit, the gift of the Father and of the Son, pour into my soul repeated draughts of this living water; yea, be in me, according to my Redeemer"s promise, a well of water springing up to eternal life, and cause me to bring forth fruit to the glory of the Father.
""Other foundation can no man lay, than that which is laid, Christ Jesus."
"Do I, O my G.o.d, seek for or desire any other foundation? Are not all my hopes for time and eternity built on this foundation? Is not Christ all my salvation and all my desire? Do I not embrace thy covenant just as it is, believing that thou givest unto me eternal life, and that this life is in thy Son, whom thou hast given "to be a covenant of the people." Iniquities prevail against me; but thou wilt not only purge them away, but wilt subdue them. Sin shall not have dominion over me, for I am not tinder the law, but under grace."
To Miss Walker, Edinburgh.
"NEW YORK, 1812.
"My dear Miss Walker, I think, is in my debt; but that is no reason why I may not inquire after her health and welfare, and through her, of that of her brother, sister, and other dear friends yet in their pilgrimage. My dear, dear Mrs. Walker lives in my affections, and surely what concerns her children can never be to me a matter of indifference. Your dear brother"s persevering kindness and tried friendship have written grat.i.tude in indelible characters on my heart.
"A friend in need is a friend indeed;" and such was he. I trust the Lord has rewarded and will reward him. I have still in my possession many dear remembrances of your worthy mother; her sensible, pious letters, some of which have proved prophetic, are among my treasures.
What a lovely group presses upon my memory at this moment, united to Jesus and to one another on earth, and the union is now perfected in heaven. Your dear mother, Mrs. Brown, dear Mrs. Randall, and Lady Glenorchy, all zealous for the welfare of the widow and orphans, whose way lay peculiarly through Vanity Fair, and whose spirits were too much a.s.similated to the wares there exhibited, and most unworthy of all the care and pains they bestowed upon her. Tell my then dear pastor the pilgrim is not lost; he will find her in the 18th chapter of Ezekiel: he may remember that he and dear Doctor Erskine gave me over to the Lord when leaving Edinburgh. Well has he kept the charge, though I have not my part, after all the chastis.e.m.e.nts and charges received. But he is "the Lord, the Lord G.o.d, merciful and gracious, long-suffering, and abundant in goodness and truth, keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity, transgression, and sin."
"I am now a happy Mary, enjoying the full sense of pardon and the light of his countenance in the meantime, and the full prospect of being soon with him, made like him, and capacitated to praise him.
"I. GRAHAM."
"SABBATH, January 18.
"Dr. R----. "By grace ye are saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of G.o.d."
"All is of grace, all is free gift, or we wicked, wretched sinners, could have no interest in it. Thanks be unto G.o.d for his unspeakable gift of Jesus Christ, given for a covenant of the people.
Thanks be unto G.o.d for the gift of faith, by which we apprehend this covenant, and become interested in him, as the salvation of our souls.
Thanks be unto G.o.d for life to work; for new principles and new motives, new desires, new hopes, new fears, and, in some measure, new conduct. All of grace, and to the G.o.d of grace be all the glory.
"Afternoon. "Let not the wise man glory in his wisdom, neither let the mighty man glory in his might; let not the rich man glory in his riches: but let him that glorieth, glory in this, that he understandeth and knoweth me; that I am the Lord which exercise righteousness, loving-kindness, and judgment in the earth: for in these things I delight, saith the Lord." Jer. 9:23.
"O Lord, hast thou not taught me by thy word, by observation, and by experience, that "all flesh is gra.s.s, and all the glory of man as the flower of gra.s.s?" Alas, how much have I gloried in even more worthless and transient things; but thou hast put a worm in them, which I hope has cut the roots, and they are in a dying state. O let grace supplant them; let me now glory only in thee and thy blessed, gracious, and well-ordered covenant. Do I understand and know thee, that thou art the Lord which exerciseth righteousness, loving-kindness, and judgment in the earth? Dare I say that I, worm as I am, and a sinful worm, am the subject of this loving-kindness, through the righteousness of Christ? Yes, I dare, by the const.i.tution of thine own covenant--the Covenant of the people, the Mediator, the guarantee of the covenant of grace, which is all summed up in him.
"When thou givest Christ, thou givest freely all the blessings of the new covenant.
""And this is the record, That G.o.d hath given to us eternal life, and this life is in his Son."
"I believe the record, and do understand and know that thou art the Lord, etc."
"FEBRUARY 4, 1813.
"My dear grandchildren J. and I. B---- waited on their beloved pastor Dr. Romeyn, and professed their faith in the Lord Jesus Christ as the Saviour of sinners and their Saviour, their desire to give themselves to the Lord and to his church, and to be in all things governed by it; to receive the seal of the covenant of grace, commemorate the dying love of their Redeemer the next opportunity, and swear allegiance to him over the symbols of his body and blood.
"Glory to G.o.d for this fresh manifestation of his mercy and grace to sinners. Not unto us, O Lord G.o.d, but to thy name be the glory.
Thou hast made a covenant with thy chosen, and with believers in him; and thou hast, by thy Holy Spirit, drawn them to take hold of this thy own covenant, and to give themselves to thee to be made the subjects of it. And now, O Lord, remember thy own covenant, and do as thou hast said: Put thy laws in their minds, and write them in their hearts, and be unto them a G.o.d, and they shall be unto thee a people; be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their iniquities remember no more. Give them understanding to know and believe thy laws, memories to retain them, hearts to love them, consciences to recognize them, courage to profess and power to put in practice. O, grant that the whole habit and frame of their souls may be a table and transcript of thy law. Blessed Redeemer, gather these lambs in thy arms and carry them in thy bosom. O, seal them with the Holy Spirit of promise. They look forward to that feast of love which thou didst inst.i.tute in that same night in which thou wast betrayed into the hands of sinners. If it may please thee, manifest thyself to them as thou dost not unto the world. Blessed Shepherd, call these lambs by name; may they know thy voice, rejoice to hear it, and follow thee. In all the preparatory exercises speak to their hearts and commune with them in secret. O give them some love-tokens, which they may never forget; and make thyself known to them in the breaking of bread. Exercise their parents with thankfulness and grat.i.tude, and thine aged servant, to whom, in an especial manner, belong "shame and confusion of face," while she stands amazed at the stately steps of thy free, sovereign mercy and grace to her, and to her children according to the flesh. Husband of the widow, Father of the fatherless, Shield of the stranger, glorify thy name, magnify thy grace: all these thou hast been to me; give these parents deep humility, if they have received grace to be more faithful than I; yet thy holy eye has seen much shortcoming in them also. Glory to thy name for the grace in which they stand, and that thou hast enabled them to train up these children for thee. Oh, let this be a heart-searching time with us all; humble us, and exalt thy name, and magnify thy grace.
"O Lord, my covenant G.o.d, all my desire is before thee; is it not that thou magnify thy grace in me and in my family? There are others, Lord, and the residue of the Spirit is with thee. Put forth thy power in the heart of I.G. S----, and compel him to come in. And Oh, my dear I. S---- and her family; thou biddest me open my mouth wide. Lord, see, there is much for thee to do. I praise thy name for what thou hast done, and lay me at thy feet waiting for further manifestations of thy mercy, thy sovereign mercy: I have no other plea.
"Work with us, for thy name"s sake, and with J. M----, for whom my worthless prayers have been presented to thee, as also a member of this family. O Lord, he is now gone out into the world; he is no longer under the control of man; bring him under thy gracious control; call him into thy kingdom of grace, and make him a willing subject in the day of thy power. Father, glorify thy name."
"APRIL, Sabbath, 1813.
""Wherefore, laying aside all malice, and all guile, and hypocrisies, and envyings, and all evil speaking, as new-born babes desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby." 2 Peter, 2:1, 2.
"Blessed Spirit, thou hast convinced me of the indwelling of every one of these, and also of my helplessness of myself to make successful war against them. But Oh, hast thou not led me to the Captain of salvation for armor, for strength, for wisdom, for power; and is not my dependence for success on thy promise that sin shall not have dominion over me; that thy grace is sufficient for me; that as my day, so shall my strength be?"
"MAY 5.
""Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with G.o.d, through our Lord Jesus Christ." Rom. 5:1.
"Blessed, blessed, blessed doctrine; by no other doctrine can I be justified and saved. Christ the gift of G.o.d, and faith the gift of G.o.d. All, all is of grace.