"Hmm." With a smile on his face, Yan Beicheng lay on the bed with Lin Chu in his embrace.
His long fingers gently pushed her hair behind her ear.
Lin Chu listened intently to his heartbeat, the calm tempo making her feel at ease.
After a moment"s hesitation, she asked, "Yan Beicheng, could you…tell me about your mom? You seem unwilling to talk about her because every time she"s mentioned, your mood immediately sours. You both…"
Lin Chu released a heavy breath and asked through gritted teeth, "What happened exactly?"
Yan Beicheng"s hand that was running through her hair paused slightly before it pushed her hair behind her ear one last time. Lightly, his palm fell against her waist. "Her?"
Yan Beicheng scoffed coldly. "I have nothing to say about her."
Even if she knew that the dislike was not directed at her, Lin Chu still felt unhappy.
She stayed quiet for a moment before releasing herself from his embrace without saying a word.
Yan Beicheng watched her calmly, confusion flas.h.i.+ng in his expression.
"Yan Beicheng, I may not know what happened between you and your mother that could have caused you such distaste when mentioning her. I won"t start preaching that I hope to salvage the relations.h.i.+p you have with her either. This is your problem. She might"ve done something that you couldn"t forgive, which is why you hate her so. But you"re dating me now, you even talked about marrying me and spending the rest of your life with me. I am the same.
"So, I want to know everything about you. Whoever you hate, I"ll hate with you; whoever you like, I"ll like with you. I don"t like that I only have a superficial knowledge about you right now. All of my affairs, be it good, bad, gratifying, embarra.s.sing, you know like the back of your hand because I don"t hide them from you. I originally thought that I understood you thoroughly but I realized that that isn"t the case. Even that Lu Weining that you said wasn"t related to you in any way knew about you more than I did. If it wasn"t for her, I would"ve never known about the bad relations.h.i.+p you have with your mother. When you were telling me about your family before, you never mentioned her too. I thought that you were unwilling to speak about her, so I figured I would wait, wait until you"ll tell me about her willingly.
"However, she"s already been mentioned, yet you still don"t want to tell me about her. I originally had confidence that I could wait for you, but I don"t know if I have that confidence anymore. Who knows, you might not even talk about her to me for the rest of your life." Lin Chu tugged at her own hands before she stopped, choosing to grasp his hands instead.
His hands were clean and beautiful, and very big. She had to use both her hands to completely cover one of his. "Yan Beicheng, you said that you wanted to marry me and only me. I feel the same way, I want to spend forever with you. I want to grow old with you, I want us to hold each other tightly as we walk around the neighborhood together. When we both retire, I want to send you off to the market and when you return with the groceries, I want to cook for you. I want to live with you and die with you, but I don"t want to die with a person that I don"t know enough of. Maybe everyone, even a husband and a wife, may have their secrets. Those secrets that are minor and unimportant don"t matter to me, but this issue is obviously not—"
Halfway through her tirade, Lin Chu sighed heavily and fell backward to lean against the wall.
"Maybe I"m just overthinking this matter completely, but someone irrelevant knew about this and I didn"t, so maybe I feel slightly wronged about it," Lin Chu said weakly.
However, she still felt unhappy.
Was he unwilling to tell her because he felt that she still did not deserve to know about the things hidden deep in his heart?
In other words, was it because she had not walked into his heart completely yet?
Once she thought about this possibility, Lin Chu felt like crying.
She was so in love with him, he was practically the apple of her eye. When she spoke about living with him and dying with him just now, she was not saying it just because it sounded nice. She truly believed that she would not be able to live a good life if he was no longer around.
However, just like the issue at hand now, there were still some things she had to find out from an outsider.
Even if she had questioned him about it directly, he still did not talk about it.
If he was actually unwilling to talk about it and had explained why to her, then she would not have prodded him further. However, he rejected her and evaded the topic completely without giving her a proper reason.
She could not help but think of that time when they were at home and she had mentioned his mother as well. Yan Beicheng had changed the topic suddenly by saying he wanted to bring her out, which meant that he did not want to talk about his mother that time too.
Suddenly, Lin Chu did not feel like discussing the topic anymore. She felt upset and tired, and so she lay back down upon the bed but turned to face her back towards him. She closed her eyes tightly, afraid that she would cry if she kept them open.
This was truly the first time that she had felt such dejection since she started dating Yan Beicheng. It was unlike the minor disagreements they had before at all.
A brief moment later, she felt the person behind her move as the bed s.h.i.+fted under his weight before she was pulled into his embrace from the back.
Lin Chu stiffened. She thought that he would say something, but as she waited, not a single word was uttered. He merely pulled her tighter into his embrace.
Lin Chu was disappointed but said nothing. For a long while, she could not fall asleep, unlike before where she would find tremendous comfort in his arms.
The next morning, the s.p.a.ce next to her was empty. Lin Chu was stunned for a brief moment before she rose to change and shower.
She a.s.sumed Beicheng had woken up early and was downstairs playing with the children or chatting with the old Princ.i.p.al.
However, when she went downstairs, she discovered that the children were playing by themselves and Yan Beicheng was nowhere to be seen nor could she hear his voice.
"Looking for Beicheng?" The old Princ.i.p.al was smiling, a plate of fried noodles in her hand. "He left early this morning. Said he had an errand to run and he didn"t want to wake you."
Lin Chu froze for a moment before she nodded her head dejectedly. She was afraid that Yan Beicheng actually had no errand to run and was merely avoiding her.
She felt slightly regretful too; if only her curiosity had not gotten the best of her, if only she had been jealous of Lu Weining knowing things about Yan Beicheng that she did not. If she had not asked him about it, then things would still be good between them and such a fuss would not have been caused; they could even be eating breakfast together now too.
"He left without eating breakfast?" asked Lin Chu
"Ah, he said it was urgent and he left in a hurry, but I managed to pa.s.s him two buns," replied the old Princ.i.p.al.
Lin Chu kept silent.
Noticing the odd expression she was wearing, the old Princ.i.p.al set her plate down and pulled Lin Chu towards her. "Did you two argue? Weren"t things between you both still good last night? You both even ran off to spend some intimate time together because you had nothing better to do."
Lin Chu shook her head. "It"s nothing."
Lin Chu was trying her best to cover things up but the old Princ.i.p.al could tell that something was different. However, she could not say anything since Lin Chu did not either, but that did not mean she was not worried about Lin Chu and Yan Beicheng.
Lin Chu was worried that the old Princ.i.p.al would worry, so she smiled and told the old Princ.i.p.al something interesting instead.
The old Princ.i.p.al patted her hand lightly. "If you"re feeling down, then there"s no need for you to comfort me. I"m not so weak yet. As for you, you shouldn"t keep everything in and cause such discomfort to yourself."
Lin Chu lowered her head, no longer pretending that she was fine. However, she was still afraid that the old Princ.i.p.al would worry about her, so she insisted, "I"ll talk to him properly about it, it"s really nothing."
The old Princ.i.p.al nodded.
After she was done with her meal, Lin Chu cleared up the table and went into the kitchen to wash her dishes.
Once she was done, she started chatting with the old Princ.i.p.al. She did not feel like going back to Ding City right now and yet, she had no idea where else to go to other than Ding City.
Xu Moyan was out hiking with Zheng Yuntong.
She was afraid that if she went back to Ding City, she would not find Yan Beicheng there, which meant that he was avoiding her. If she went back to the big house with her mood as it was now, she was scared that it would only worsen.
The old Princ.i.p.al seemed to understand so she engaged Lin Chu in her conversation. Just then, Old Lady Yan called Lin Chu, saying that she missed her terribly and telling her to come visit.
"Everyone in Beicheng"s family are good people so off you go! Seeing them being so fond of you and treating you well puts me at ease," the old Princ.i.p.al said with a loving smile.
Lin Chu nodded her head. Just as she was about to leave, somebody entered instead.
"Lin Chu? What a coincidence. I never expected to see you here since I couldn"t catch you the last few times." The lady that had just entered was about the same age as Lin Chu. She was dressed in a white s.h.i.+rt and light blue jeans, looking fresh and capable.
"Hexuan, you"re here," the old Princ.i.p.al said with a smile as she got out of her seat.
"Hmm, I had an interview nearby so I figured I could drop by too." Hexuan walked towards the old Princ.i.p.al with a bag of fruits in her hand. "Have you been well recently?"
"I"ve been splendid and I"m happy you"re here. What"s that you have with you?" the old Princ.i.p.al asked accusingly. She did not like the children spending money on her.
"It didn"t cost me a lot of money," Zhu Hexuan said with a smile, which fell slightly as she glanced towards Lin Chu.
Noticing Lin Chu looking at her with a blank face, not the least bit enthusiastic, she continued, "Lin Chu, you aren"t blaming me about that report from last time, right? After all, this is my profession and I can"t just report false facts just because I know you. However, the report doesn"t slander you in any way, I—"
"I truly dislike when my personal affairs have been published, but you have the freedom to act as you please so I can"t control much." Lin Chu looked at her coldly before she scoffed. "The most that I can do is to avoid exposing any more of my personal affairs so that I can prevent others from writing reports on me from now on."
Zhu Hexuan did not care about the mocking that was directed at her. She laughed dryly and replied, "I wouldn"t call it writing a report on you this time either. After all, the only unlucky one was the Lin family. Through this opportunity, the true face of the Lin family was exposed and they even apologized to you, so I don"t think you"re suffering any losses at all. No matter what, we did grow up together so I would never hurt you intentionally. I knew that reporting on this wouldn"t hurt you and I was acting on the professional instinct of a journalist when I published it."
"Is that so?" Lin Chu thought of when Yan Beicheng had told her that Zhu Hexuan had received money upon publis.h.i.+ng the report, and her sarcasm only worsened. "And here I thought that you had written the report because you have a good relations.h.i.+p with Jin He."
Zhu Hexuan immediately froze. She had no idea that Lin Chu knew about this and she could not keep her shock from showing.
"I"ve always thought that our relations.h.i.+p was but a simple one, but I"ve never done anything that would warrant you acting against me behind my back. Don"t a.s.sume that n.o.body knows what you"re doing. If this happens again, I won"t be so nice," spat Lin Chu.
Once she saw that Zhu Hexuan"s expression had darkened into one of anger and shock, only then did Lin Chu say that she had matters to attend to and left.
Lin Chu took a taxi to the Yan Family Mansion. Just as she entered the house, Old Lady Yan realized she came alone and asked in surprise, "Beicheng didn"t come with you?"
Lin Chu was stunned for a moment before she replied, "He already was gone when you called just now."
Old Lady Yan felt slightly embarra.s.sed. "I thought the both of you were together so I a.s.sumed that telling you was enough. This child of mine, he told me that he had nothing going on this weekend, so why has he left you alone again?"
"I think he had work." Lin Chu spoke with a smile, seemingly unbothered. She hugged Old Lady Yan"s arm and said, "Or are you bothered that I came here by myself?"
"Oh my, oh my, my darling!" Old Lady Yan was completely smitten with Lin Chu"s endearing behavior. "Why would you bother me! He doesn"t need to come back, you"re more than enough!"
Lin Chu walked with Old Lady Yan into the living room and saw that Yan Huaian and his family were here as well. Yan Huaian looked at her with a knowing gaze, as if he knew that she had just lied to Old Lady Yan.
The company was closed today nor did Yan Beicheng had any work he needed attending to.
Yan Huaian worked with Yan Beicheng so he knew this all too clearly.
Lin Chu sat directly opposite Yan Huaian and felt a little guilty.
Aunt Chen appeared just then with a plate of freshly cut fruits, which prompted Lin Chu to rise and go off to wash her hands. As soon as she emerged from the toilet, she saw Yan Huaian standing in the corridor with his body facing the toilet door.
Lin Chu was taken aback since it was obvious that Yan Huaian was waiting for her.
"Beicheng isn"t working today. When he left work yesterday for a business meeting, I met him at the entrance to the company and he had bragged that he would be spending the weekend with you at home since he had nothing lined up," Yan Huaian said calmly.
Lin Chu did not dare meet his eyes, which were similar to Yan Beicheng"s clear black ones. She felt that meeting his gaze would mean exposing her deepest thoughts.
"From the looks of things, did you argue with him?" Yan Huaian squinted his eyes slightly.
He was usually not a nosy person, especially when it came to the private matters between this particular couple. However, Yu Zi had noticed the oddity in Lin Chu"s reaction and had insisted that he came over to ask.
Besides, he knew Yan Beicheng"s feelings towards Lin Chu all too well, and he was sure that Yan Beicheng would not argue with Lin Chu rashly. Even if there truly was something going on, Yan Beicheng would definitely admit his mistakes first so that their disagreements would not be dragged out.
"Last night, a lady called Lu Weining came to our house." As Lin Chu spoke, she noticed Yan Huaian"s look of confusion which meant that he had no idea who Lu Weining was. "She seemed to be from Ning City."
Just then, Yan Huaian"s gaze finally changed. It was obvious now that although he did not know who Lu Weining was, he still understood the situation once Ning City was mentioned. He just did not know if it was related to the Lu family.
"She mentioned that when Beicheng went to Ning City for a business trip previously, he had met her over dinner with the elders of his family," Lin Chu continued calmly. "I don"t care about this at all. Beicheng had explained things to me clearly so I wouldn"t be angry at him because of this."
Yan Huaian remained silent; he could about guess just what had caused this unpleasantness between the two.
However, he was not wrong before; Lin Chu would never argue over minor matters with Yan Beicheng. Even the matter with Lu Weining, which would definitely count as something major to other couples and would have been cause for argument, she did not mind at all.
"However, Miss Lu mentioned a Miss Jiang yesterday night, which made Beicheng furious. This person…is the mother that Beicheng is always unwilling to talk about, right? Because I asked him about his mother and he was unwilling to tell me, so we"re currently arguing. I feel that I might be overthinking things, but I just can"t help being upset by it. An outsider like Lu Weining knew something that I didn"t and he doesn"t plan on telling me about it either. Even when I asked him about it, he still didn"t."
Lin Chu shook her head. "Even if I hadn"t asked about it, this matter would have eventually become a scar on my heart since I"ll be constantly wondering why he didn"t tell me. Maybe you men think differently from us women and feel that it doesn"t matter if we don"t know about some things since you"ll still treat us well. But I certainly don"t feel this way. I love him, so I want to know more about him. Besides, this is something that an irrelevant person knows, but I…his most intimate lover, doesn"t.
"When I woke up this morning, he was already gone and he didn"t even say anything before leaving so I have no idea where he went." Lin Chu smiled bitterly and continued in a self-deprecating tone, "Once I realized what I happened, I started regretting my decision. If only I hadn"t asked him about it."
"This matter—" Yan Huaian exhaled a deep breath before continuing, "Before even talking about how Beicheng is unwilling to mention her, this person is actually someone that our entire family is unwilling to bring up. My elder brother and his wife don"t like mentioning her too. I thought Beicheng didn"t care about it much all these years since the incident happened when in fact, he cares about it terribly, so he"s unwilling to expose himself to the hurt. The deeper it is hidden away, the more hurt he had suffered.
"Although I count as an insider about this matter, I don"t think it would be appropriate for me to talk about it." Yan Huaian rubbed at the corner of his eye. "I think this is Beicheng"s personal issue, so it would be better if he talked about it himself since it would be crossing boundaries if I spoke about it. Besides, if he finds out, he might even blame me as well. However, what I want to you to know is that Beicheng never intended for Lu Weining to find out about this. Miss Jiang truly is an existence that is difficult for Beicheng to talk about, so it would be incredibly difficult for him to take the initiative to talk about this matter. If it was possible, our entire family wishes that this person didn"t exist so we wouldn"t have to think about her ever. Him not telling you isn"t because he doesn"t care about you or doesn"t want to share his past with you, it"s just that it"s too difficult for him to talk about it. If it were me in his shoes, I wouldn"t know how to tell Yu Zi either. So I hope you don"t blame him because of this and cause a misunderstanding between you both."
Lin Chu nodded her head despondently. "I didn"t know…I had forced him to something he was unwilling to."
Yan Huaian shook his head. "He is very serious about you. He isn"t not telling you because he doesn"t care about you. On the contrary, he has you in his heart. I"m afraid that he himself isn"t willing to face this matter with his mother, so he doesn"t want you to face it either."
Yan Huaian chuckled. "Us men are very prideful. Maybe he doesn"t want to tell you because he thinks it"s embarra.s.sing and is worried that you"ll look down on him."
Lin Chu did not know if Yan Beicheng really thought so, but if he really did, then she would call him a fool.
However, after listening to Yan Huaian, Lin Chu was no longer as uncertain as before. Besides, she even felt like she had gone on a wild goose chase about this whole thing too.
Recognizing that she had figured it out, Yan Huaian then left first.
After having lunch at the Yan Family Mansion, Lin Chu started worrying about Yan Beicheng and thought about returning to apologize to him so that he would not overthink things. Ever since he left that morning, he had not called at all so she did not know what he was currently feeling.
Old Lady Yan had Xiao Deng send her home. In the car, Lin Chu wanted to give Yan Beicheng a call. However, she discovered that her phone had completely run out of batteries.
Once she arrived at Ding City and entered the house, she saw Aunt Zhuang wiping the table. Nothing else could be heard going on in the house otherwise. "Beicheng isn"t back yet?"
"Yes," replied Aunt Zhuang. She was just about to ask Lin Chu were the both of them not together but once she saw Lin Chu"s reaction, she stopped herself.
Lin Chu was slightly dejected. She thought he had returned but since he had not, she could not find out if he was still angry at her or not.
She returned to the bedroom with her head lowered and planned to charge her phone while she changed so that she could call Yan Beicheng after.
After changing, she went downstairs once more to see Aunt Zhuang hang up a call. Noticing Lin Chu"s presence once she turned around, Aunt Zhuang said, "It was Master and he asked if you had come home. I said you did but before I could say anything else, he hung up."
As long as he had contacted home, Lin Chu could rest a.s.sured. Due to Yan Huaian"s words, she did not dare let her imagination run wild but she still could not decide if she should call him or not.
She returned to her room with furrowed eyebrows, her phone in her hands as she wavered back and forth on her decision. Half an hour went past as she pondered when suddenly, the room"s door was roughly pushed open.
Lin Chu glanced up in surprise to see Yan Beicheng standing at the door, still dressed in yesterday night"s clothes, albeit slightly wrinkled. His usually clean and clear face was even growing stubble. It was probably because he left early in the morning and had not brought anything with him yesterday night, which was why he did not shave and even looked mildly disheveled.
She did not know if it was due to the stubble that gave him a disheveled appearance, but Lin Chu noticed that his eyes were bloodshot. Ever since he appeared in the door, she could the smell of cigarettes drifting about him. The smell hung heavily in the air and she could even smell it despite being quite a few steps away. She did not know where he went off to in the morning, nor did she know just how much he had smoked.
She remembered that Yan Beicheng had told her before that he would only smoke if he was particularly troubled, otherwise he would not smoke at all. Furthermore, ever since they started dating, she had not seen him pick up a cigarette.
Even when he came to pick her up after work, she had never picked up the faintest scent of cigarettes off him, which meant that he did not smoke when he was not with her during the day either.
With his long legs, Yan Beicheng strode over in two to three steps before immediately picking up Lin Chu, who was looking at him dazed on the bed, to pull tightly into his embrace.
With a loud smack, his large palm smacked against her behind once, leaving Lin Chu stunned.
Then, her head was cradled by his strong palm before being pushed tightly into his chest, rendering her unable to look up at him. She could only smell the scent of tobacco that had stained his s.h.i.+rt and the slight cold that it carried.
"Where did you run off to? None of my calls went through either!" berated Yan Beicheng, though she could tell that he was relieved to see her as well. "When I came to the orphanage, the old Princ.i.p.al said that you were called to the family mansion and she was worried that we had argued too. Then I went to the mansion but they told me you had already left. I tried calling you but none of my calls went through so I went to Xu Moyan"s place yet no one was home. Then when I called home just now, Aunt Zhuang told me you came back and then only I could I breathe a sigh of relief. I thought you were angry with me and had disappeared to G.o.d knows where!"
He was truly panicked. He actually left to go clear his head briefly since he was wondering how to tell Lin Chu about it. Things like this have never been easy to explain.
He never expected to see Lin Chu missing when he returned.
When he thought of what she had said yesterday as well as the att.i.tude he had responded with, he realized that she might have misunderstood him. He was afraid that she would be upset and would be unwilling to return to Ding City, so he was running around like a headless chicken trying to look for her.
Once he heard Aunt Zhuang say that she was back home, only then could he relax. Without saying anything else, he had hung up the phone to turn his car around and rushed home immediately. He kept telling himself that no matter what, he would not let her leave quietly while the misunderstanding happened.
"You almost gave me a heart attack!" Yan Beicheng exclaimed somewhat uneasily and smacked her behind once more. "Didn"t I tell you the last time not to scare me like this again?"
Lin Chu shrank immediately upon hearing his words, even feeling slightly guilty as well. "You left without saying anything this morning and I didn"t see you once I woke up, so I thought you were chatting with the old Princ.i.p.al in the living room downstairs. Yet when I went down, I was told that you had already left. You didn"t even wait for me nor did you tell me why. Things were so terrible between us last night so I didn"t dare call you since I was scared you wouldn"t pick up the call or that you wouldn"t want to talk to me. I thought we were close enough for you to share things between us, yet your reaction last night said otherwise.
"Once Old Lady Yan called me, I went to the Yan Family Mansion. I wanted to call you on the way back but I realized my phone was dead. I was just about to call you just now too but you called home instead, only to hang up once you heard I was back. I was scared you didn"t want to talk to me, I—"
Lin Chu wrapped her arms around his waist and gave him an exasperated smack upon his back. "You said I almost gave you a heart attack, well it was the same for me! Because of you leaving without saying anything after yesterday night"s fiasco. I kept thinking that I shouldn"t have asked so much and that if only I hadn"t asked you then things would be fine. Could I not have acted stupidly? Then we wouldn"t have argued. Yan Beicheng, you were the one that said I should never feel scared or sad, but I was worried sick this time. Not only that, I was scared and regretful, I even hoped that time would turn back. I—"
Lin Chu could not speak anymore since the tears that she was trying her best to hold back finally fell. Her voice was already breaking as she spoke, so she was trying her best not to cry since she did not want to embarra.s.s herself further, but she caved in the end.
Her hot tears soaked his s.h.i.+rt and turned cold, causing it to stick to his chest, though it felt hot to him all the same.
Yan Beicheng stiffened and he pushed her away slightly to see her tears fall from her red eyes. Her grieving face made his heart feel like it was being stabbed.
"I"m sorry," Yan Beicheng said hoa.r.s.ely as he watched her cry, his chest aching.
He could not help wondering why he was being so cautious. She was right; he knew every single thing about her and yet, why did she not know every single thing about him?
If it were him, he would also be upset and overthink if she was hesitant and unwilling to tell him about herself.
"Don"t cry." Yan Beicheng was slightly panicked now. He did not know how to comfort her since she had never cried so much in front of him before.
At a complete loss on what to do, he held her shoulders and lowered his head subconsciously to kiss her tears away.
"Don"t cry, I"m sorry, it was my fault, I"m sorry." With her in his arms, Yan Beicheng kissed her tears away with every single apology.
Sometimes, when a person was crying as hard as this, they would only cry more upon being comforted and act more like a spoiled child.
Lin Chu shook her head and sobbed. "I"m the one at fault. I already knew you would be unwilling to talk about it since it might"ve been something that would make you upset, yet I still forced you to. Yan Beicheng, I won"t ask anymore. If you don"t want to talk about it, you don"t have to. Once you want to talk about it, I"ll listen. If you"re unwilling to talk about it, then I won"t ask forever. Don"t disappear without saying anything like today anymore. Even if you"ll come back looking for me after you leave, but you know that I don"t know. I was so scared, I thought you were angry at me and didn"t want me anymore—"
Before she could finish, he caught her lips in a kiss along with the salty tears that rolled past it. He tasted her tears that had flowed into her mouth in his and felt his heart ache at the saltiness.
"I"ll never not want you, never ever in my life." With her tears staining his lips, he spoke hoa.r.s.ely, her crying face making his heart ache uncomfortably.
At this moment, he felt like his heart was being twisted together like clay. He could not help pulling Lin Chu back into his embrace. He held her tightly and pushed her against his heart, only then did the ache fade slightly.
"I finally found you after so much difficulty. Now that I"ve met you, why would I not want you." Yan Beicheng continued, "I"m sorry, it was my fault. I"ll never do that again. Please stop crying, it hurts me."
Lin Chu shook her head and sniffled, her tears automatically soaking his s.h.i.+rt even more.
Once she lifted her head, all her tears had been wiped away. All that was left was her red eyes, as red as a rabbit"s.
She sniffled again. "I know I don"t have a good personality and I"ve hurt you with this. I won"t ask about this anymore. But since we"re living together now, there"ll definitely be more arguments and tantrums thrown in the future, if not for this matter then for other matters. My personality is that after I"ve thrown my tantrum, I"ll feel better in a couple of days. If I made a mistake and you get angry, could you give me a couple of days please? You can argue with me and berate me but please don"t leave without saying anything like this again. If you think you"re at your wit"s end with me and don"t want to be in the same s.p.a.ce as me during that moment, you can leave but tell me, please? Tell me that you"ll be coming back no matter where you go, okay?"
Yan Beicheng knew he had truly scared her this time and hated his rashness even more. He held her even tighter than before, unsure on how to properly comfort her and set her mind to rest.
"I promise you." Yan Beicheng continued lightly, "It was all my fault this time, I"m sorry."
Lin Chu shook her head. "As long as you"re back."
Yan Beicheng lowered his head to lightly kiss her hair as they sat together upon the bed.
Worried that she might be uncomfortable, he placed a pillow against her back so that she could lean against it comfortably. Seeing Lin Chu"s red face from all her crying, he felt like slapping himself.
He was the one that told her she would not cry or be upset around him, yet he was the one that went back on his own words. He started berating himself inwardly—this was the woman that he had finally pursued after much difficulty so he had sworn to protect and love her properly, yet he had made her sad again and again.
"I didn"t leave this morning because I was angry at you." Yan Beicheng sat directly in front of her, his tone was soft but his expression was serious. He paused briefly before continuing, "I just needed some s.p.a.ce to clear my head because I was thinking about how to talk to you about my mother. To be selfishly honest, I truly am unwilling to talk about her."
"If you"re really unwilling to, then—"
Yan Beicheng held Lin Chu"s hands and interrupted her. "I"m not unwilling, I"m just too embarra.s.sed to since the whole matter really wasn"t honorable at all. Since I started dating you, I want to be a completely good person in your eyes so I didn"t want you to find out any of my embarra.s.sing matters."
"I don"t think any of your matters are embarra.s.sing." Lin Chu furrowed her eyebrows. "Take my matters for instance, like the things with the Lin family and the fact that I"m an orphan, I might be even worse than ordinary folk. I don"t think I"m suitable for you at all, yet you"ve never found me embarra.s.sing or troublesome. You view all of my troublesome issues as your own too so why would I think that your issues are embarra.s.sing?"
Lin Chu knew too that this was merely a man"s ego at play. He hoped that he would be seen as just and honorable, as bright and neat in her eyes. Even if it was not a shameful thing to her, but since he cared about her greatly, the entire issue had been greatly magnified in his heart.
However, Lin Chu did not say this to him. She merely met his gaze directly so that he would understand her thoughts clearly.
"So you left in the early morning and smoked so much because you were concerned about this?" Lin Chu glared at him.
Her unrestrained reaction was enough to make Yan Beicheng subconsciously relax.
"You might find it silly, but I was really—" Yan Beicheng"s lips pulled up into a self-deprecating smile. "I spent the entirety of this morning telling myself that you would never look down on me because of something like this. I was wondering how to talk to you about the whole thing too. It"s been a lot of years since someone"s mentioned my mother. She… After all these years, I"m much more used to calling her Miss Jiang.
"The era when she married my father wasn"t a good time for free love. Most of the relationsh.i.p.s started because family elders either introduced couples to each other or set them up on blind dates. The foundation of the Jiang family is in Ning City and before she was set up on a blind date with my father, she had a lover called Lu Zhenting, who was also from Ning City. However, the fortunes of the Lu family wasn"t as successful as the Jiang family. The Jiang family were one of the elite in Ning City and the Old Lady of the Jiang family, which was also Miss Jiang"s mother, was very different from my grandparents. The Old Lady was very sn.o.bbish and never laid an eye on the Lu family. Without caring for Miss Jiang"s opposition, she had her married to my father.
"The Lu family sent Lu Zhenting on a blind date as well. The family was much more powerful than the Lu family so it was considered as Lu Zhenting climbing the social ladder by claiming kins.h.i.+p." Yan Beicheng laughed dryly before continuing, "However, although she had married my father, she never once forgot about Lu Zhenting. My father and her treated each other like guests. After they got married and she gave birth to me, she felt that she was done with her work. I was a son she had with a man she didn"t love. So in her eyes, my father was one of the reasons behind the Jiang family forcing her to break up with Lu Zhenting. She felt that if it wasn"t because the Yan family suddenly spreading rumors that my father was looking for a wife, then she just might"ve had a chance to be with Lu Zhenting. Because of this, she dislikes me too.
"I look very similar to my father and I share little similarities with her, so she disliked me even more. Since I was a young boy, she wouldn"t even look at me since looking at me reminded her of my father, who she didn"t love. So there have been a lot of times where I"ve noticed that she would look at me differently. I couldn"t understand her gaze when I was young, but as I grew older, I understand that she was looking at me with disgust in her eyes."
Lin Chu could not help but feel angry; no matter what had happened, he was still her child. She had carried him for ten months and had given birth to her with much difficulty too. Lin Chu just could not understand why she would look at her own flesh and blood with disgust.
Regardless of what Yan Beicheng had suffered, it was obvious to Lin Chu from Yan Beicheng"s personality that Yan Beicheng"s father was definitely a splendid man. Besides, the pair of elders in the Yan family were lovable folks too, so their son must have been raised well too. Be it his character or his appearance, both would definitely be excellent.