Chapter 387: I Only Ever Go With My Heart When It Comes To You
Yu Zi took a few deep breaths and picked up the call. “Jingchen.”
It was only when she spoke that she realized how hoa.r.s.e her voice was. The name that rolled off her tongue so easily in the past felt so foreign on her lips now.
On the other end of the phone, it seemed that Yue Jingchen could sense it too.
She heard a silence and the vague hints of a sob.
Yu Zi did not hurry him, waiting for him quietly. After a pause, she finally heard Yue Jingchen"s trembling voice over the phone. “Yu Zi, let"s… let"s talk. You"re at your parents" place, right? I went to Autumn Garden earlier, but there was no one there.”
That was why he only contacted her this late at night. It was because he had already gone to Autumn Garden to look for her.
“I"m outside your parents" place now, would you come out and meet me? Then we can talk,” Yue Jingchen pleaded. He could no longer hold back his sobs.
Even Yu Zi could barely bear to hear a grown man like him sobbing.
Indeed, she should clear the air with him by talking face to face. They had not gotten the chance to have a proper conversation that noon at Sheng Yue.
Yu Zi threw off her covers and got out of bed, walking to the window and looking out. She saw Yue Jingchen standing not too far away, his eyes trained on her window and his shoulders trembling, as though he was crying.
“Alright,” Yu Zi replied. “I"ll come out now.”
She hung up and turned around, grabbing a random think jacket from her closet to put over her loungewear before she left the bedroom.
Her parents and brother were still in the living room, so they were quite surprised to see her come out.
“You couldn"t sleep, was it?” Yuan Hejing stood up and walked to her, holding Yu Zi"s arm.
Yu Zi nodded and said, “Yue Jingchen called, he wants to talk. He"s waiting outside now. I… didn"t get to talk to him properly at noon. All I gave him was a few words, so I"m going out to make it clear to him now.”
Yuan Hejing nodded. “Do you want your brother to go with you?”
Yu Zi shook her head. “I wanna talk to him calmly.”
Yuan Hejing sighed and patted Yu Zi"s shoulder gently.
Who would have thought they would go from discussing their wedding to this?
Yu Zi saw the worry on her parents" and her brother"s faces, so she said. “Don"t worry, I"ll be back soon.”
She went to the door, changed her shoes, and went out.
As soon as she came out of the Yu Family Villa"s yard, she saw Yue Jingchen standing nearby.
When he saw her, Yue Jingchen just stood there blankly, staring. He had even forgotten to move.
Yu Zi walked to him, and Yue Jingchen reached out, grabbing her hand. “Yu Zi.”
Yu Zi lowered her gaze but did not pull her hand back. This would probably be the last time she felt the warmth of his palms.
“Come with me, and we can find a place to talk,” Yu Zi said.
Yue Jingchen had initially felt a spark of hope when Yu Zi did not break free from his grasp.
However, Yu Zi spoke with little emotion, and when she turned around, she pulled her hand away from him too.
Yue Jingchen was slightly relieved because Yu Zi had not protested earlier, and his heart was put somewhat at ease. That was why he did not hold her hand too anxiously.
As a result, Yu Zi just had to pull her hand softly to break free from his grasp when she turned around.
Yue Jingchen"s hands were empty, as was his heart.
He followed Yu Zi to a southwest corner of the housing area. The corner was rather removed from everywhere else, and it did not boast any spectacular scenery either, so not many people came this way.
After they came to a stop, Yu Zi put her hands into her coat pockets and looked at Yue Jingchen, forcing out the words, “Sorry.”
Yue Jingchen stiffened abruptly. “Are you still going to break up with me, Yu Zi?”
“Sorry, I"ve been too naive this whole time. Turns out a marriage wouldn"t be just between you and me. Jingchen, I"m sorry, but let"s break up. We… We"re still young, so there"s still time for everything,” Yu Zi said, gathering her courage to look at Yue Jingchen.
Yue Jingchen"s eyes turned red. Although he was a grown man, he had tears in his eyes right now.
“I"m not breaking up with you. Yu Zi, it"s been so many years, and we"ve been together for so long. I"ve never wanted to marry anyone else except you. Even before I proposed, I already thought of you as my wife. I don"t want to break up.” Yue Jingchen wanted to reach out and grab Yu Zi"s hand, but she evaded him.
Yu Zi shook her head and took half a step back. “Jingchen, don"t do this. We were supposed to get engaged today, but considering what I did today, your parents won"t accept me anymore either.”
“No, they will. To tell you the truth, they… they say things they shouldn"t, but they still hope we can be together,” Yue Jingchen said urgently. His gaze wandered Yu Zi"s face, looking for a hint of relent, but in the end, his disappointment only grew.
“But I can"t accept it anymore. Jingchen, I"m sorry. Blame me if you want, I"m the one who selfishly decided I can"t be with you anymore, not if it means my parents and brother have to suffer like that. And… and I think I won"t be happy if I stay with you,” Yu Zi said. Her last words, however, were too harsh.
Yue Jingchen stumbled half a step back. “Are you blaming me for not stopping my parents in time at noon today?”
“It wasn"t just noon today, this isn"t something that comes about over a day. I know they"re your parents and you can"t say anything about them. If you could stop them, you would"ve done it a long time ago, and what happened at noon today would not have happened. But it"s not that easy to change someone"s personality. Even if we end up together in the future, who knows how they"ll treat me, and what they"ll say to or demand from my parents,” Yu Zi said with a sarcastic laugh. “We were just getting engaged, and they"d already gone so far. Jingchen, look into your conscience and tell me honestly. If I say yes and get back with you now, will your parents not do what they said they would at noon? Can you guarantee they won"t torment me or my parents?”
“So you want to break up? Are you calling off our relations.h.i.+p of so many years, just like that?” Any couple who would consider marriage had to have a strong relations.h.i.+p.
“Just think of it as me being selfish. I don"t want my parents to suffer for my sake, not even for… you. I compared how much my parents and how much you mean to me. Sorry,” Yu Zi said, her voice turning cold.
“But what if I won"t have it? Even if I"m not as important as your parents, I still refuse to break up with you!” Yue Jingchen said stubbornly.
Yu Zi took a step back. “Then you"ll be the selfish one here. You know very well how your parents treat me and how they"ll treat me in the future, so if you can"t stop them, you shouldn"t stop me. They"re your parents, so I"ve no right to say anything about how you treat them. But you can"t be filial to them while asking me to bow my head. If you don"t want to break up with me, it means you want me and my parents to suffer. Am I right?”
“No, I—”
Yu Zi did not wait for him to complete that sentence, interrupting him and saying, “My parents and my brother have already tolerated and suffered enough for me. If I really get married to you now, they"ll definitely lower themselves even further to protect me from any suffering. You don"t stop your parents from going overboard with their words or actions because you"re filial to them. Likewise, I have parents to be filial to as well, and I can"t have your family making mine suffer, do you understand? They"ve loved me for a lifetime, and I can"t have them living their lives in utter chaos because of me.”
Yue Jingchen knew that. He knew everything Yu Zi was talking about.
Even so, he just could not let her go. He could not just let her go.
“Yu Zi, I love you,” Yue Jingchen said, his voice trembling.
“Forget it, Jingchen. Either way, your parents aren"t satisfied with me. Just like my brother said, we should just let them find a daughter-in-law that they"re happy with.” Yu Zi took a deep breath. “I"m not saying this on an angry whim. I mean it. It"s over.”
Once she said that, Yu Zi walked past him and headed back home.
Behind her, Yue Jingchen shouted, “Yu Zi, who am I to you? What was our love to you? How could you give it all up just like that?! Is that the extent of your love for me?”
“I worked hard for you for six years. Ever since you brought me to meet your parents, you know how they treated me and how I responded. But have you done anything for me? Have you ever put in any effort for me when it comes to your parents?” Yu Zi paused and turned around to look at him.
Yue Jingchen opened his mouth, but nothing came out.
Yu Zi sniffled and said with a cynical laugh, “I"m tired. I don"t want to work like this anymore, especially since I know it won"t have any effect. If you say you love me, then let me go, let me relax a little. Jingchen, you know me, I"ve always been very logical. I only ever go with my heart when it comes to you, and I insisted on dating you despite my family"s advice. But I can"t anymore. I know what I did for you, so I don"t feel guilty. Just think of it as me being heartless. Let"s break up. You live your life as you like, staying filial to my parents. Stop clinging on to me, it"s not good for either of us.”
After she said that, Yu Zi did not stop any longer. She walked away briskly, not pausing for a moment no matter how Yue Jingchen shouted at her to stay.
Yue Jingchen had burst into tears behind her, his voice shaking. “I was wrong, Yu Zi! I"ll protect you from now on, I won"t ever let my parents say such horrible things about yours again. I was wrong, please come back! I"m begging you, Yu Zi, come back! Give me another chance, please?”
Yue Jingchen gave chase behind her, but Yu Zi never stopped.