She was with him; she had put him into an ecstasy of satisfaction and antic.i.p.ation. One evening alone with her in his own beautiful flat!
What a frame for her and for love! And now she said that she would not stay. It was incredible; it could not be permitted.
"But why not? We are happy together. I have just refused a dinner because of--this. Didn"t you hear me on the "phone?"
"Thou wast wrong," she smiled. "I am not worth a dinner. It is essential that I should return home. I am tired--tired. It is Sunday night, and I have sworn to myself that I will pa.s.s this evening at home--alone."
Exasperating, maddening creature! He thought: "I fancied I knew her, and I don"t know her. I"m only just beginning to know her." He stared steadily at her soft, serious, worried, enchanting face, and tried to see through it into the arcana of her queer little brain. He could not. The sweet face foiled him.
"Then why come?"
"Because I wished to be nice to thee, to prove to thee how nice I am."
She seized her gloves. He saw that she meant to go. His demeanour changed. He was aware of his power over her, and he would use it.
She was being subtle; but he could be subtle too, far subtler than Christine. True, he had not penetrated her face. Nevertheless his instinct, and his male gift of ratiocination, informed him that beneath her gentle politeness she was vexed, hurt, because he had got rid of Mrs. Braiding before receiving her. She had her feelings, and despite her softness she could resent. Still, her feelings must not be over-indulged; they must not be permitted to make a fool of her. He said, rather teasingly, but firmly:
"I know why she refuses to stay."
She cried, plaintive:
"It is not that I have another rendezvous. No! But naturally thou thinkest it is that."
He shook his head.
"Not at all. The little silly wants to go back home because she finds there is no servant here. She is insulted in her pride. I noticed it in her first words when she came in. And yet she ought to know--"
Christine gave a loud laugh that really disconcerted him.
"Au revoir, my old one. Embrace me." She dropped the veil.
"No!"
He could play a game of pretence longer than she could. She moved with dignity towards the door, but never would she depart like that.
He knew that when it came to the point she was at the mercy of her pa.s.sion for him. She had confessed the tyranny of her pa.s.sion, as such victims foolishly will. Moreover he had perceived it for himself.
He followed her to the door. At the door she would relent. And, sure enough, at the door she leapt at him and clasped his neck with fierceness and fiercely kissed him through her veil, and exclaimed bitterly:
"Ah! Thou dost not love me, but I love thee!"
But the next instant she had managed to open the door and she was gone.
He sprang out to the landing. She was running down the stone stairs.
"Christine!"
She did not stop. G.J. might be marvellously subtle; but he could not be subtle enough to divine that on that night Christine happened to be the devotee of the most clement Virgin, and that her demeanour throughout the visit had been contrived, half unconsciously, to enable her to perform a deed of superb self-denial and renunciation in the service of the dread G.o.ddess. He ate most miserably alone, facing an empty chair; the desolate solitude of the evening was terrible; he lacked the force to go seeking succour in clubs.
Chapter 20
MASCOT
A single light burned in Christine"s bedroom. It stood low on the pedestal by the wide bed and was heavily shaded, so that only one half of the bed, Christine"s half, was exempt from the general gloom of the chamber. The officer had thus ordained things. The white, plump arm of Christine was imprisoned under his neck. He had ordered that too. He was asleep. Christine watched him. On her return from the Albany she had found him apparently just as she had left him, except that he was much less talkative. Indeed, though unswervingly polite--even punctilious with her--he had grown quite taciturn and very obstinate and finicking in self-a.s.sertion. There was no detail as to which he did not formulate a definite wish. Yet not until by chance her eye fell on the whisky decanter did she perceive that in her absence he had been copiously drinking again. He was not, however, drunk.
Remorseful at her defection, she const.i.tuted herself his slave; she covered him with acquiescences; she drank his tippler"s breath. And he was not particularly responsive. He had all his own ideas. He ought, for example, to have been hungry, but his idea was that he was not hungry; therefore he had refused her dishes.
She knew him better now. Save on one subject, discussed in the afternoon, he was a dull, narrow, direct man, especially in love. He had no fancy, no humour, no resilience. Possibly he worshipped women, as he had said, perhaps devoutly; but his worship of the individual girl tended more to ritualism than to ecstasy. The Parisian devotee was thrown away on him, and she felt it. But not with bitterness. On the contrary, she liked him to be as he was; she liked to be herself unappreciated, neglected, bored. She thought of the delights which she had renounced in the rich and voluptuous drawing-room of the Albany; she gazed under the reddish illumination at the tedious eternal market-place on which she exposed her wares, and which in Tottenham Court Road went by the name of bedstead; and she gathered nausea and painful longing to her breast as the Virgin gathered the swords of the Dolours at the Oratory, and was mystically happy in the ennui of serving the miraculous envoy of the Virgin. And when Marthe, uneasy, stole into the sitting-room, Christine, the door being ajar, most faintly transmitted to her a command in French to tranquillise herself and go away. And outside a boy broke the vast lull of the Sunday night with a shattering cry of victory in the North Sea.
Possibly it was this cry that roused the officer out of his doze. He sat up, looked unseeing at Christine"s bright smile and at the black gauze that revealed the reality of her youth, and then reached for his tunic which hung at the foot of the bed.
"You asked about my mascot," he said, drawing from a pocket a small envelope of semi-transparent oilskin. "Here it is. Now that is a mascot!"
He had wakened under the spell of his original theme, of his sole genuine subject. He spoke with a.s.surance, as one inspired. His eyes, as they masterfully encountered Christine"s eyes, had a strange, violent, religious expression. Christine"s eyes yielded to his, and her smile vanished in seriousness. He undid the envelope and displayed an oval piece of red cloth with a picture of Christ, his bleeding heart surrounded by flames and thorns and a great cross in the background.
"That," said the officer, "will bring anybody safe home again."
Christine was too awed even to touch the red cloth. The vision of the dishevelled, inspired man in khaki shirt, collar and tie, holding the magic saviour in his thin, veined, aristocratic hand, powerfully impressed her, and she neither moved nor spoke.
"Have you seen the "Touchwood" mascot?" he asked. She signified a negative, and then nervously fingered her gauze. "No? It"s a well-known mascot. Sort of tiny imp sort of thing, with a huge head, glittering eyes, a khaki cap of _oak_, and crossed legs in gold and silver. I hear that tens of thousands of them are sold. But there is nothing like my mascot."
"Where have you got it?" Christine asked in her queer but improving English.
"Where did I get it? Just after Mons, on the road, in a house."
"Have you been in the retreat?"
"I was."
"And the angels? Have you seen them?"
He paused, and then said with solemnity:
"Was it an angel I saw?... I was lying doggo by myself in a hole, and bullets whizzing over me all the time. It was nearly dark, and a figure in white came and stood by the hole; he stood quite still and the German bullets went on just the same. Suddenly I saw he was wounded in the hand; it was bleeding. I said to him: "You"re hit in the hand." "No," he said--he had a most beautiful voice--"that is an old wound. It has reopened lately. I have another wound in the other hand." And he showed me the other hand, and that was bleeding too.
Then the firing ceased, and he pointed, and although I"d eaten nothing at all that day and was dead-beat, I got up and ran the way he pointed, and in five minutes I ran into what remained of my unit."
The officer"s sonorous tones ceased; he shut his lips tightly, as though clinching the testimony, and the life of the bedroom was suspended in absolute silence.
"That"s what _I_ saw.... And with the lack of food my brain was absolutely clear."
Christine, on her back, trembled.
The officer replaced his mascot. Then he said, waving the little bag:
"Of course, there are fellows who don"t need mascots. Fellows that if their name isn"t written on a bullet or a piece of shrapnel it won"t reach them any more than a letter not addressed to you would reach you. Now my Colonel, for instance--it was he who told me how good my mascot was--well, he can stop sh.e.l.ls, turn "em back. Yes. He"s just got the D.S.O. And he said to me, "Edgar," he said, "I don"t deserve it. I got it by inspiration." And so he did.... What time"s that?"
The gilded Swiss clock in the drawing-room was striking its tiny gong.
"Nine o"clock."
The officer looked dully at his wrist-watch which, not having been wound on the previous night, had inconsiderately stopped.