"I feel like such an a.s.s. Why couldn"t I see it?" AJ turned and paced across the room, disappearing into the semi-darkness. "Why didn"t I realize that Vanu had made your life h.e.l.l, too?"
"I kept it secret." Her voice was almost a whisper in the vast chamber. "Until I couldn"t keep it secret any longer."
"Before your middle-of-the-night phone call, I didn"t even realize what I"d done." He strode back across the darkened room. "That I"d let my own fears and insecurities get the better of me. I didn"t want to live a life being second-best, the backup, the understudy after the tragic loss of my glorious brother who was loved and missed by all."
His eyes gleamed in the half light, and he let out a snort of disbelief. "But that brother never existed at all-except in my own mind, as my tormentor. The man who died was a small and petty individual who lived for his own amus.e.m.e.nt. That man can"t keep me from Rahiri-or from you."
He drew her into his arms, and she rested her head against his broad chest, feeling protected and comforted for the first time since Vanu"s boat was found. Desire flared inside her like a spark under an encouraging breath.
"I missed your smile." AJ brushed his thumb over her mouth-her smile appeared magically beneath his touch.
Lani leaned into him. "I missed your laugh." The palace had seemed so empty, so dull and lifeless despite all the staff bustling to and fro.
"I missed laughing. I haven"t done much lately." He stroked her back, and his fingers stirred up rivers of sensation. She"d tried so hard to forget the feelings he aroused in her, and she couldn"t keep them from flooding back.
"Me, either."
His lips hovered just over hers, close enough so she could feel their heat. Excitement buzzed in the air and made her skin tingle. Was it real? Could AJ really be back? Was everything going to be okay?
It seemed too much to hope for. Still, he was here, with his arms wrapped around her. Something she"d dreamed of in spite of herself the whole time he was gone.
"I missed your kisses," she whispered.
"I missed yours." He swiped a kiss close to her lips, but not quite on them. Her lips stung at the sudden and unexpected denial. "But maybe I don"t deserve to have any more."
"You may not, but I do." She narrowed her eyes at him.
"So true." He lowered his lips gently over hers, slid his tongue provocatively between her lips and gave her a kiss that made her toes curl.
Her nipples tightened against his chest and she ran her hands over the ridged muscle of his back, enjoying his strength. It made her feel safe, though it shouldn"t really, he hadn"t made her any promises.
She"d learned not to count on anything for sure except the sweetness of the present moment. "I"m glad you came back," she whispered. Even if he didn"t stay, she"d always have this moment to remember, when she felt safe and whole and loved, for a while.
AJ nuzzled her ear. "I missed you like crazy. I tried to put you out of my mind and to distract myself with the films and parties and all those things I used to enjoy, but I found I didn"t want any of it any more. Not without you."
Her heart contracted painfully. "I missed you, too." She"d ached for him, night and day. "But you"d left me, and there was nothing I could do about it."
"Except phone me." He stroked her cheek.
"I was scared to tell the truth. I wasn"t sure if you"d be angry, or think I was nuts."
"I am, and I do. I don"t think you should have put up with any of that nonsense from Vanu." He lifted her chin until their eyes met. His gaze was filled with concern. "You should have told him he was a jerk and dumped him."
Lani swallowed. Left in her heart was the one truth she"d never told anyone. "I did."
"What?"
She pushed back, separating herself from AJ inch by inch. "I told him, that night, after he...forced himself on me...that he could kill me if he wanted but that I wouldn"t stay married to him for another day. I told him I hated him." The memory of her own voice, shrill and serious in the night, made her s.h.i.+ver.
AJ stared at her. "And that"s why he left. Why he went out on the boat."
"And why he died." Her words, spoken softly, rang like a tolling bell off the stone walls. "How did he die? No one"s ever told me. Trying to spare my feelings or something."
He rubbed a hand over his mouth and looked away. "Anyone"s guess, really. There wasn"t much left. Just the skeleton. A lot of animals and birds on that island."
She let the ghastly image sink in.
"It was definitely him, though. They checked the teeth against his dental records. He won"t be back again."
She didn"t know what to say or do. How could she be pleased to hear such grim news?
AJ reached for her hand. "It"s not your fault he"s dead."
She clenched her fist inside his grasp. "I wanted him dead." The words flew from her mouth. "It"s ugly but it"s the truth and I can"t change that."
"It"s his fault that you felt like that, and I could kill him again myself for putting that sadness and guilt into your heart. You need to let go of it."
"I want to. Maybe that"s why I had to tell you the truth. I had to tell someone."
"Were you worried I wouldn"t believe you?"
"A little." She hesitated and watched his expression. "And I was a little afraid that you wouldn"t care."
"Because I ran out on you?"
She nodded.
"But now you know that I did that because of my own past with Vanu. I gave up telling people about it a long time ago. I wanted to leave him in my past." He reached toward her and stroked her shoulder. "I think we should both do that."
Lani swallowed. "We can"t."
"Why not?"
"Because I"m still carrying his baby."
AJ"s eyes dropped to her belly, which was still barely more than flat. "It"s hard to believe there"s a whole person in there, getting ready for life."
Lani swallowed. Did he now intend to be a father to that tiny person, or simply an uncle? She didn"t dare ask.
He frowned, thoughtful. "Your baby won"t be raised by Vanu. All of his or her genes come from my mother and father, just like mine, and from you. There"s no reason why Vanu should cast a shadow over the child"s life. We"ll raise it with affection and love."
"And if he or she does have any problems or issues, we won"t pretend they don"t exist. We"ll do our best to help. I"ve had enough of trying to pretend things are perfect when they aren"t. I"ve spent way too much time trying to be nice and make everything go smoothly, and all my efforts nearly ruined everything. Trying to make everything perfect by glossing over the truth is at the root of all of our problems."
"You"re right." He tilted his head. "And I"ve spent my adult life creating and maintaining elaborate fantasies for the screen. I guess my childhood prepared me really well for that."
Lani filled her lungs with air. "From now on we"ll face problems head-on, and talk to each other honestly about them."
"That"s a promise." AJ stared at her, his expression unreadable. "I love you, Lani."
She froze. The words entered her brain, but it didn"t know what to make of them. What did love even mean? She"d tried to love Vanu, and failed miserably. She had strong feelings for AJ, but she"d told herself time and time again since he left that they were most definitely not love.
It wasn"t until he"d gone and left her alone again that she"d realized she loved him.
He reached for her hand and she let him take it. He must have noticed it was trembling slightly.
She didn"t know what to say. She wanted to say, "I love you, too," but it seemed too much, too soon, when she didn"t even know what his intentions were.
And despite all her exhortations to get real, she was afraid to ask.
Words failing her, she stepped forward and kissed him hard on the mouth. Too much emotion. She couldn"t process all the strange feelings roiling in her mind and body.
AJ"s arms around her waist sent heat flooding to her core. She clutched him closer, winding her fingers into the fabric of his s.h.i.+rt, then plucking and tugging at it until she pulled it loose from his pants.
Their kisses grew more frantic as she struggled with his b.u.t.tons and clawed the fabric away from his chest. She yanked at his belt buckle, hating that she had to pull back even a few inches to get her hands on it. She just wanted to bury herself in AJ"s large body, to lose herself in him and revel in the sheer fact that he was right here, right now.
Her nipples stung and tingled with intense arousal as they brushed against his bare chest through the thin fabric of her dress. AJ"s hands roamed over her as she kissed his face and his neck and pushed his s.h.i.+rt off over his muscled arms and back.
His eyes gleamed with pa.s.sion as he undid the fastening on her dress and let it fall to the floor.
Impatient with his stiff jeans, Lani pushed and shoved at them until they fell past his powerful thighs and he stepped out of them and stood, clothed only in the pale light drifting through the skylight above.
Lani s.h.i.+vered in antic.i.p.ation at the sight of his arousal. AJ pulled her to him, his chest heaving. He lowered his mouth over hers and took her in a kiss that sucked the breath from her lungs. Lani kissed him back with all the emotion she"d locked away deep inside her after he left. All the pain and hurt mingled with affection and pa.s.sion and exploded over them both, locking them together in a powerful embrace that shut out the world.
Lani felt AJ lifting her off the floor, carrying her in his strong arms. She didn"t open her eyes, just let him take her wherever he wanted. It felt good to stop planning and worrying and scheming and simply go with him.
He set her down in a sitting position on a smooth, stone surface that contrasted intriguingly with the hot, yielding strength of his body. The sensation made her wriggle against him, as he stood in front of her, his erection level with her very aroused s.e.x.
"Now," she pleaded, gripping him gently with her fingers. She needed to feel him inside her. She wanted him to fill the gap he"d left when he went away.
AJ entered her slowly, pulling her to the edge of the stone and wrapping her legs around his waist. She groaned as he sank deep inside her and a sensation of relief and joy filled her from the inside out. She pressed her body against his and hugged him tight as he moved slowly inside her.
I love him.
The words filled her brain as the notion filled her heart. Again. Was that enough? It should be. Love-and whatever those other sensations were called-filled her to overflowing and made her gasp as AJ moved over her.
He kissed her gently, then firmer, and lifted her up so she was in his arms, still moving with him. She felt light as a feather, supported by his powerful frame. Her arms and legs still wrapped around him, AJ eased himself into position on the stone surface so she was sitting on top of him, her feet resting on the throne.
AJ sucked her neck and she arched her back, taking him deeper still. She found she was able to move over him easily, keeping a tight hold around his neck and back, and moving up and down with her feet. Moving faster, and then slower, she let emotions and sensations cascade over her.
Pure pleasure trickled through her body and she wanted to enjoy it to the fullest. She"d known so little pleasure in the last few years that it was like a precious jewel she wanted to hold and admire for as long as she could.
Judging from the sounds he was making-earthy groans and whispered endearments-AJ was enjoying it, too. His hands moved tirelessly over her skin, stroking and supporting at the same time.
She kissed him, thrusting her tongue into his mouth in time with her movements. The sensation was cheeky and delicious. With AJ she could take risks and do silly, fun things without worrying about being judged or scolded.
She peppered kisses all over his face and ran her hands through his thick, silky hair, drinking in the masculine scent of his warm, sweaty skin. She loved the rough feel of his cheek against hers, the firm pressure of his fingers on her skin.
Although her climax hovered so close she could almost feel the convulsions, she delayed it. She slowed the pace, pulled back just as she was about to burst. Part of her wanted to forge ahead and taste the sweetness of their joint explosion, but the rest of her wanted to prolong this blissful experience as long as she could.
She still didn"t know why AJ had come back, or for how long. He"d said he loved her, but she knew love wasn"t always enough. Right now that didn"t matter. What she shared with AJ was already so much more wonderful than anything she"d experienced in her years of marriage, and if it was all she got, she could live with that.
She kissed him, drinking in his scent and tasting the sweetness of his kiss as if this was the last time she"d touch him. Savored each precious millisecond of his hands on her skin and his hard belly pressed to her soft one. She moved so slowly, as if she could alter the pa.s.sage of time and prolong the present moment infinitely.
"You"re torturing me." AJ"s whispered words tickled her ear.
"Maybe you deserve it." She trailed a light fingernail along his spine.
"I do." He nipped at her ear. "But you could encourage me to be a bad boy more often with this kind of punishment."
Lani pressed her b.r.e.a.s.t.s into his chest, enjoying the sting of pleasure in her nipples. "Maybe I will. It seems I enjoy inflicting torment." She s.h.i.+fted her weight slightly, and felt him move inside her.
"I should have known there was more to you than meets the eye."
She opened her eyes and met his dark gaze. "I warned you when we first met."
"You did." He narrowed his eyes and raked them down her body, causing her skin to tingle. "Maybe that"s what intrigued me. Then the way you kissed me..."
"You could tell I had a dark side."
"Or a delicious side. Either one worked for me." AJ licked her mouth and she shuddered in response.
She pressed her mouth to his ear. "Do you think it"s possible we bring out the worst in each other?"
"Absolutely." He lifted her chin with his thumb so he was looking into her eyes again. "Why else would we be making love on our nation"s ancient throne?"
Lani gasped and looked down. "Oh, no."
"Oh, yes. What did you think we were sitting on?"
"I don"t know." She frowned. "I didn"t think."
AJ"s mischievous chuckle rocked them both. "I never would have imagined it could be so...comfortable. I can"t help wondering if anyone"s done this before."
Lani let a wry smile lift her mouth. "We really don"t know that much about the customs and culture of the Old Ones. Maybe this is exactly what they did on it."
"Very wise of them, in my opinion. Perhaps we could revive the custom."
"Apparently we already have."
AJ s.h.i.+fted his weight and moved deeper inside her. Lani arched her back and shuddered, again dancing just microseconds from release. Could this really be a new beginning? If AJ stayed and became king, almost anything was possible, for Rahiri as well as for her.
Are you staying?
The words hovered just behind her lips, but she swallowed them back, afraid to spoil everything. He"d come back, and that was enough.
She leaned into him and started to move again, letting the delicious sensations pulse through her until she started to lose control. This time she didn"t stop, but pushed them both over the edge of pleasure into the strange, dark, powerful, empty s.p.a.ce beyond, where thoughts and feelings collapsed and their bodies became one.
When she finally opened her eyes again, they were both lying back on the polished basalt. She"d never realized how big the great stone was. Side by side, holding hands, they lay under the skylight, the surface oddly soft beneath their totally relaxed limbs.