"I have," she said. "I"ve seen her."
She knew what grave surprise was in the colonel"s face. But no such thing appeared in Jeff"s. He only turned to her as if she were the next to be interrogated.
"How does she look?" he asked.
The complete vision of her stretched at ease eating fruit out of a silver dish, as if she had arranged herself to rouse the most violent emotions in a little seething sister, stirred Lydia to the centre. But not for a million dollars, she reflected, in a comparison clung to faithfully, would she tell how beautiful Esther appeared to even the hostile eye.
"She looked," said she coldly, "perfectly well."
"Where d"you see her?" Jeff asked.
"I went over," said Lydia. Her colour was now high. She looked as if you might select some rare martyrdom for her--quartering or gridironing according to the oldest recipes--and you couldn"t make her tell less than the truth, because only the truth would contribute to the downfall of Esther. "I went in without ringing, because Farvie"d been before and they wouldn"t let him in."
"Lydia!" the colonel called remindingly.
"I found her reading--and eating." Lydia hadn"t known she could be so hateful. Still she was telling the exact truth. "We talked a few minutes and I came away."
"Did she--" at last suddenly and painfully thrown out of his nonchalant run of talk, he stopped.
"She"s a horrid woman," said Lydia, crimson with her own daring, and got up and ran out of the room.
Anne looked appealingly at Jeff, in a way of begging him to remember how young Lydia was, and perhaps how spoiled. But he wasn"t disturbed. He only said to his father in a perfectly practical way:
"Women never did like her, you know."
So Anne got up and went out, thinking it was the moment for him and his father to pace along together on this road of masculine understanding.
She found Lydia by the dining-room window, savagely drying her cheeks.
Lydia looked as if she had cried hard and scrubbed the tears off and cried again, there was such wilful havoc in the pink smoothness of her face.
"Isn"t he hateful?" she asked Anne, with an incredulous spite in her voice. "How could anybody that belonged to Farvie be so rough? I can"t endure him, can you?"
Anne looked distressed. When there were disagreements and cross-purposes they made her almost ill. She would go about with a physical nausea upon her, wishing the world could be kind.
"But he"s only just--free," she said.
They were still making a great deal of that word, she and Lydia. It seemed the top of earthly fortune to be free, and abysmal misery to have missed it.
"I can"t help it," said Lydia. "What does he want to act so for? Why does he talk about such places, as if anybody could be in them?"
"Prisons?"
"Yes. And talking about going West as if Farvie hadn"t just lived to get him back. And about her as if she wasn"t any different from what he expected and you couldn"t ask her to be anything else."
"But she"s his wife," said Anne gently. "I suppose he loves her. Let"s hope he does."
"You can, if you want to," said Lydia, with a wet handkerchief making another renovating attack on her face. "I sha"n"t. She"s a horrid woman."
They parted then, for their household deeds, but all through the morning Lydia had a fire of curiosity burning in her to know what Jeff was doing. He ought, she knew, to be sitting by Farvie, keeping him company, in a pa.s.sionate way, to make up for the years. The years seemed sometimes like a colossal mistake in nature that everybody had got to make up for--make up to everybody else. Certainly she and Anne and Farvie had got to make up to the innocent Jeff. And equally they had all got to make up to Farvie. But going once noiselessly through the hall, she glanced in and saw the colonel sitting alone by the window, Mary Nellen"s Virgil in his hand. He was well back from the gla.s.s, and Lydia guessed that it was because he wanted to command the orchard and not himself be seen. She ran up to her own room and also looked. There he was, Jeff, striding round in the shadow of the brick wall, walking like a man with so many laps to do before night. Sometimes he squared his shoulders and walked hard, but as if he knew he was going to get there--the mysterious place for which he was bound. Sometimes his shoulders sagged, and he had to drive himself. Lydia felt, in her throat, the aching misery of youth and wondered if she had got to cry again, and if this hateful, wholly unsatisfactory creature was going to keep her crying. As she watched, he stopped, and then crossed the orchard green directly toward her. She stood still, looking down on him fascinated, her breath trembling, as if he might glance up and ask her what business she had staring down there, spying on him while he did those mysterious laps he was condemned to, to make up perhaps for the steps he had not taken on free ground in all the years.
"Got a spade?" she heard him call.
"Yes." It was Anne"s voice. "Here it is."
"Why, it"s new," Lydia heard him say.
He was under her window now, and she could not see him without putting her head over the sill.
"Yes," said Anne. "I went down town and bought it."
Anne"s voice sounded particularly satisfied. Lydia knew that tone. It said Anne had been able to accomplish some fit and clever deed, to please. It was as if a fountain, bubbling over, had said, "Have I given you a drink, you dog, you horse, you woman with the bundle and the child? Marvellous lucky I must be. I"ll bubble some more."
Jeff himself might have understood that in Anne, for he said:
"I bet you brought it home in your hand."
"No takers," said Anne. "I bet I did."
"That heavy spade?"
"It wasn"t heavy."
"You thought I"d be spading to keep from growing dotty. Good girl. Give it here."
"But, Jeff!" Anne"s voice flew after him as he went. Lydia felt herself grow hot, knowing Anne had taken the big first step that had looked so impossible when they saw him. She had called him Jeff. "Jeff, where are you going to spade?"
"Up," said Jeff. "I don"t care where. You always spade up, don"t you?"
In a minute Lydia saw Anne, with the sun on her brown hair, the colonel, and Jeff with the shining spade like a new sort of war weapon, going forth to spade "up". Evidently Anne intended to have no spading at random in a fair green orchard. She was one of the conservers of the earth, a thrifty housewife who would have all things well done. They looked happily intent, the three, going out to their breaking ground.
Lydia felt the tempest in her going down, and she wished she were with them. But her temper shut her out. She felt like a little cloud driven by some capricious wind to darken the face of earth, and not by her own willingness.
She went down to the noon dinner quite chastened, with the expression Anne knew, of having had a temper and got over it. The three looked as if they had had a beautiful time, Lydia thought humbly. The colour was in their faces. Farvie talked of seed catalogues, and it became evident that Jeff was spading up the old vegetable garden on the orchard"s edge.
Anne had a soft pink in her cheeks. They had all, it appeared, begun a pleasant game.
Lydia kept a good deal to herself that day. She accepted a task from Anne of looking over table linen and lining drawers with white paper.
Mary Nellen was excused from work, and sat at upper windows making a hum of study like good little translating bees. Anne went back and forth from china closet to piles of dishes left ready washed by Mary Nellen, and the colonel, in the library, drowsed off the morning"s work. Lydia had a sense of peaceful tasks and tranquil pauses. Her own pulses had quieted with the declining sun, and it seemed as if they might all be settling into a slow-moving ease of life at last.
"Where is he?" suddenly she said to Anne, in the midst of their weaving the household rhythm.
"Jeff?" asked Anne, not stopping. "He"s spading in the garden."
"Don"t you want to go out?" asked Lydia. She felt as if they had on their hands, not a liberated prisoner, but a prisoner still bound by their fond expectations of him. He must be beguiled, distracted from the memory of his broken fetters.
"No," said Anne. "He"ll be tired enough to sleep to-night."
"Didn"t he sleep last night?" Lydia asked, that old ache beginning again in her.
"I shouldn"t think so," said Anne. "But he"s well tired now".
And it was Lydia that night at ten who heard long breaths from the little room when she went softly up the back stairs to speak to Mary Nellen. There was a light on his table. The door was open. He sat, his back to her, his arms on the table, his head on his arms. She heard the long labouring breaths of a creature who could have sobbed if he had not kept a heavy hand on himself. They were, Lydia thought, like the breaths of a dear dog she had known who used to put his nose to the crack of the shut door and sigh into it, "Please let me in." It seemed to her acutely sensitive mind, prepared like a chemical film to take every impression Jeff could cast, as if he were lying p.r.o.ne at the door of the cruel beauty and breathing, "Please let me in." She wanted to put her hands on the bowed head and comfort him. Now she knew how Anne felt, Anne, the little mother heart, who dragged up compa.s.sion from the earth and brought it down from the sky for unfriended creatures. And yet all the solace Lydia had to offer was a bitter one. She would only have said: