Aye, he said roughly, halting two steps through the doorway. Are you going to fratch at me too?
Deenie shook her head. Pale and trembly, she looked too small for her clothes. Why would I fratch at you, Rafe? Youre only trying to help. Her face twisted. I wish I could help. But Im useless.
No, you aint, he said, and walked further into the chamber. Looking at his sister, not his father, cause looking at Da made him come over girlish and weepy. Youre keeping Da company.
For all the good its doing him.
You dont know its not. You dont know he cant hear you.
I spose, she said, disconsolate.
Looking at her closely, he saw pinch-prints of pain around her mouth. You still feeling poorly?
I feel what I feel, she said, her voice low. No point talking on it, Rafe. I cant make it go away, any more than you can.
No, he agreed. But you feel things harder. You always have. He pulled a face. I wish I was like you, Deenie. I wish No you b.l.o.o.d.y dont, she said, suddenly raging. But Deenie never raged. It was like a punch in his guts. Why would you say that, Rafe? Tears stood in her eyes, on her lashes. Youve grown up with me screaming. You know my nightmares. At least you can go out there and try fixing whats gone wrong. Me? I get to stay cooped up in this Tower, drinking muck that make me feel like Im only ever two breaths away from vomiting my guts out, and if you were like me then you would be too, so dont you talk that folderol. Not to me.
He walked all the way over to her and crouched by her side. Im sorry, Deenie. I never meant to I know you didnt, she muttered. Dont mind me. Its not been a good morning, is all.
He smoothed a wisp of dark hair behind her ear. Reckon I can see that.
Im frighted, Rafe, she said, groping for his hand. Im so frighted Das going to die.
Deenie Her fingers felt fragile and defenceless in his. He raised them to his lips for a kiss and then, at last, let himself look at their father.
Oh, Da.
So still. So silent. All his restless energy vanquished. He looked empty. Gone away. Just a shape beneath his blankets.
I keep remembering Darran, said Deenie, her voice thick. I was tiddy, I know, but I remember him. I remember that last night.
Dont, he said roughly, cause he remembered it too. Darran was an ole man. Years and years older than Da. He was palsied. Da aint dying.
Deenie looked to the chambers open door, then scrunched down in her chair. I want to tell you something, she said, so softly he could hardly hear her. Its bad. I tried to tell Mama, butshe wont listen. She says its cause Im not well. She says its the possets and elixirs making me imagine things. Pother Kerril says the same. She leaned close to him, quivering. And its true, I am having nightmares. But this aint a nightmare, Rafe. This is real.
Hed never seen her so intense. What, Deenie? Whats real?
Theres a darkness inside him, Rafe. Something bad is in there, making him sick. Keeping him asleep. Away from us.
Uncertain, he stared at her. Deenie I can feel it! She pressed his hand palm-down to Das cold forehead. Cant you feel it, Rafe? Please, please, tell me you feel it!
But the only thing he could feel was misery, to see Da sunk so low. Maybe, he said cautiously, and took his hand back. Maybe I feel something.
She shifted away from him, disgusted. Youre just saying that to jolly me. Youre as bad as Mama, treating me like a sprat. She stood, paying no heed to the book as it thudded to the carpet. I have to take another posset now. If youre going, goodbye.
NoDeenie, wait, dont But she was gone, stamping out of Das chamber all crooked elbows and crossness.
He looked at his father. Is she right, Da? he whispered. Are you in there somewhere, trying to get out?
Da didnt answer. He hadnt moved since Pother Kerril brought him out of his thrashing fit in the Weather Chamber. Days and days of silence and sorrow. Even his sunken eyes were unmoving behind his closed eyelids. His chest rose and fell as he breathed. That was it.
Da Rafel kissed his fathers raspy, stubbled cheek, then stood. Im leaving for a bit. Councils asked for my help. But Ill be back, so dont you go anywhere. You hear me?
He turned for the doorand there was his mother, tears like rain sliding down her hollowed cheeks. She stood aside as he approached, and didnt lift her face for his kiss. She always lifted her face for his kiss.
Mama She closed her eyes. Held out a hand, to fend him off.
You know where Ill be, he said, defeated. And Ive got my bit of talking stone. Call if you need me.
She said nothing. She still wouldnt look at him.
Furiously miserable, he walked past her to the landing. Picked up his buckled pack, his coat and his hat. Took the treads of the Towers spiral staircase two at a time, his boot-heels angrily rapping the marble treads. Once in the foyer he paused to shrug into his oiled coat and b.u.t.ton it up, tug his leather gloves from one pocket and pull them on, jam his hat on his head, and then strode outside, his pack hitched over his shoulder. The rain had eased to a mean drizzle, which was a blessing. His only one.
Firedragon, strained fetlock well-mended, was ready for him. He tied his pack to his saddles cantle, swung himself astride the restive stallion and held him in check until they were safely out of the stable yard. Then he gave the horse its head and they galloped pell-mell, mud flying, along the tree-lined avenue, away from the Tower, and his father, to the palace grounds main gates.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR.
His progress after that was much slower. Despite the misting rain, folk were braving the Citys streets. And since everyone knew him, and knew flame-coated Firedragon, since they knew Da was poorly, he couldnt walk the horse ten strides without someone stopping him and asking, How goes your father?
Because they loved Da, and he was Ashers son, he couldnt be rude. Couldnt jam his heels into Firedragons wet flanks and gallop like a madman to Doranas gates or slink his way out of the City down back lanes and alleyways. No. He had to nod and smile soberly and thank them for their concern. Tell them, Das abed, which aint a pleasure for him, but hes resting mighty comfortable. Ill tell him you asked.
But folk didnt ask just cause they loved Da. They were frighted too, looking for comfort and who could blame them? The mood in the City was dark, fear making everyone ripe for fratching and brangles and fisticuffs. The Citys guards were being kept on the hop. No wonder the Council had asked him to do this. And though a part of him still resented how theyd ignored Da and his warnings, which had led to the mess that was Westwailingthough he was close to hating them for thatand even though they wouldnt do what he wanted, get rid of Arlin once and for allhed never have refused them.
If only Mama could see that. If only she could see how refusing the Council wouldnt only disappoint Da, it would give b.l.o.o.d.y Arlin rocks to throw at them. There was no telling how much trouble that poxy s.h.i.t would make out of it, with the City on edge. With Lur on edge. Frighted folk were skittish folk, and skittish folk, like spooked horses they didnt much care who they trampled.
But right now Mama couldnt see straight. And he understood that, he did, only he felt like a sprat again, small and shivery inside, because his mother was fratched with him. His whole life shed been the one who understood. Now she was turned against him. Hed never felt so lost.
But sh.e.l.l forgive me when I fix this. When Da doesnt die, and I find a way to fix Lur, she wont be fratched. Sh.e.l.l be proud.
In fits and starts he continued through the City, until finally he reached its open gates. There was a whole crowd of folk waiting for him there. As a general rule that kind of folderol wasnt allowed, on account of not slowing down the travellers coming in and going out. But Captain Mason of the Guards stood on duty today, making sure folk behaved themselves and turning a blind eye to those whod gathered to wish Ashers son well. As he rode past, smiling his thanks, the Captain nodded. Good luck.
Captain, he murmured, half-raising his hand. And then couldnt utter another word, because Charis was one of the Olken patiently waiting to wave him goodbye.
Rafel, she said, as he halted restive Firedragon in front of her. Shed thrown a pretty green shawl over her head to keep off the drizzling rain, but she was still damp in patches. Mud splattered her stockings and the hem of her skirt. Rafe, can we talk?
Hed not meant to dawdle once he was free of the City. Once safely beyond the anxious well-wishers hed meant to give Firedragon his impatient head so they could gallop away from busy Dorana, to somewhere quiet that would let him hear Lur properly. That was what hed meant to do. Cept here was Charis, in the rain and splattered with mud, looking up at him with those eyes wanting to talk.
I spose, he said, half pleased, half wary. Go on ahead and wait for me down the road.
She tried to smile. I wont keep you long, I promise.
As she wriggled her way out of the crowd he looked at all the solemn Olken faces gathered on either side of the wide-open gates. Could feel Captain Masons displeasure, but knew he couldnt ignore them. Not after stopping to have a word with Pellens daughter. He could feel their fear, a cold breath on his skin. Could feel them thinking, Hes Ashers son. Hes going to save us.
He felt sick.
Now that hed stopped, an ole man raised his gnarled hand. Barls blessings on you, Rafel. And on your father.
The fervent words were repeated, rushing through the crowd like a warm wind through a field of green corn. But before he could say anything, give these good folk thanks or hope or even a smile, frowning Captain Mason started chivvying them about their business. So he tugged his hat-brim, eased his hold on the reins and let Firedragon bound through the open gates and onto the City road.
Charis had walked just far enough to keep them private, and was standing forlorn in the drizzle with her shawl pulled tight. He jogged Firedragon to join her then drew rein again.
Whats amiss, Charis? Not your da? Alarmed, he saw there were tears in her eyes. What? No, no, Pellen couldnt bethered be all kinds of noise if he wasCharis, he aint Dead? No, she said swiftly. But Rafe, hes that Council meeting I begged him not to go, I begged him, but Her voice caught on a sob. Hes stubborn. And now hes paying the price.
Im sorry, he said, feeling useless and clumsy. Bad enough when Charis was all flirty and knowing, with her cheeky smile and her frivolous blouses that stirred a man to noticing she wasnt a girl any more. But now here she was all weepy and here he was wanting to climb off Firedragon so he could hold her and comfort her and Am I in love with her? I cant be in love with her. Shes Deenies little friend. And Da warned mehe warned me Rafe? said Charis, anxious. Rafe, whats the matter? Hows your father?
Das fine, he said quickly. Settle down, you fool. Hes resting comfortable. Thanks for asking.
Oh, Rafel. Charis glared up at him. Dont talk to me like Im one of them. Her head jerked towards the stragglers still loitering about the City gates. You cant hide from me, you know. Ive known you my whole life. And who knows better than me what its like to have a father so poorly? And Asher is poorly Rafe, isnt he?
She wanted to know if Da was dying. He couldnt answer. Couldnt bring himself to think on it or let himself feel her bright, burning sympathy. He had a job to do. If even once he let himself think Ive got to go, Charis. Give my best to your She stepped into the road, blocking his way. No. Wait.
Charis Guts twisting, he soothed Firedragons fret with one stroking hand, easy in the saddle as the horse pawed the cobbles and swung his hindquarters, tail swishing with temper. What dyou want from me, eh?
The truth, she whispered. The truth would be nice.
I told you the truth, Charis. Das in his bed, hes asleep. He aint in pain. At least He cleared his throat. Kerril says he aint.
But will he get better?
I dont know. No-one knows. But if he doesntif he doesnt Staring at his gloved fingers folded tight round Firedragons reins, he flinched as Chariss hand rested lightly on his knee.
You know what Goose used to say about you? she asked. He used to say the real Rafel hardly ever showed his face.
What? Shocked, he looked down at her. What dyou mean Goose saidwhen did you and Goose ever She was almost smiling. Hes your best friend, Rafel. And Papa likes his ale. Every few days Id buy a jug or two off him, directly, and wed chat a bit.
About me?
About all kinds of things, she said. But yes. Sometimes we talked of you. Goose thought Hey, he said, scowling. Dont talk on what he used to say, Charis, or like he aint thinking anything right now. He aint dead.
Sorry, she said, and took her hand from his knee. I didnt mean toI only meant She folded her arms. I like your father, Rafel. Im worried for him. Im worried for you. What happened wasnt your fault.
No, no, no. He wasnt talking on that. Not to Charis, not to anyone. Da witless on the floor of the Weather Chamber, in his arms, thrashing and grunting, his face covered in blood Ive got to go, he said, and swung Firedragon to one side.
She leapt in front of him again. Hows Deenie, Rafel? Ive not seen her for days.
He couldnt ride over her, though the thought was b.l.o.o.d.y tempting. Just like Mama, she was a slumsk.u.mbledy wench. Charis And dont you say shes fine! Charis snapped. Dont you dare say it, Rafel. Shes my best friend. Shes the sister I never had. And I know shes feeling the upset in the earth, worse than you are. Worse than me. Her fisted hand pressed against her belly. Its bad this time, isnt it? Rafe? This time we really are in trouble.
It was hard to meet her eyes. Whats Pellen said?
Papa? Smearing spilled tears from her cheeks, she half-laughed, half-sobbed. Nothing. He thinks silence can protect me. But I see how frightened he is. Hes so sick, and hes frightened. She looked at him, her eyes beseeching. Rafel, can you fix this?
Barls b.l.o.o.d.y t.i.ts He breathed out, hard. I dont know. I dont know if anyone can. Even Da. If hewhen he wakes.
Oh, she said, her voice small. Then she tilted her chin. Well, I did ask for the truth. And Deenie?
Aint nowt you can do for Deenie, Charis. Aint nowt anyone can do. She feels things and they hurt her. Thats just the way it is.
His blunt words upset her, he could see that, was sorry for it, but she didnt lash out. Instead, she tugged her shawl tight again. Im holding you up. Perhaps when you come back from your Council business you could stop in and see Papa? He does fret so, being cooped up in the house with mostly me for company.
He doesnt get other visitors?
Oh yes, but its not the same, she said. How can it be the same? They came to know Papa afterwards.
She meant after the Wall came down. He remembered Da saying that once, when he wasnt paying close attention to his words. After hed downed two pints of particular strong ale. There be the folk as were there, and the folk that werent, sprat, hed said. Some things, you cant explain em, or share em. If they were there, you dont need to. And if they werent, they wont understand.
Then I dont see as how Ill make a difference, he said. It was Da knew him then, not me.
Her smile was brief, her eyes full of quiet misery. True. But youre Ashers son, so its almost as good. But only if youve the time, Rafel. I dont want to impose.
And that made him feel mean. Charis But she was walking away, back towards the City gates, and Fire-dragon was about ready to stand on his hind legs with temper, being made to wait for so long. So he loosened his hold on the stallions mouth, clicked his tongue and let the horse leap into a bouncing canter, hooves pounding wetly on the soaked City road. Overhead the clouds lowered groundwards, heavy with rain. The drizzle thickened and the air swirled cold and damp. Summer, it was sposed to be, but this wasnt like any summer Lur had ever seen. Not in a long time. Maybe not ever.
Charis, her eyes beseeching. Rafel, can you fix this?
Heavy with dread, he urged Firedragon faster.
The stallions long, easy strides swallowed the open road. He pa.s.sed a handful of carts and carriages heading for the City, but with his hat pulled down and rain misting thickly no-one saw it was him. And then Firedragon threw his head up, ears p.r.i.c.king, pace slowing without being asked. Looming out of the gloom ahead, a motionless, solitary horse and rider. Rafel didnt know the animal but he recognised the man sat unmoving in its saddle.
Arlin.
Reaching him, Rafel pulled Firedragon to a plunging halt. Dorana City was a goodly distance behind him now, just its rooftops and the old palace visible above the gentle rise and fall of the rolling green countryside, dotted with yellow-tipped wild lampha bushes and bold scarlet frantins. Arlin and his horse stood on the Home Districts crossroad. Turn right and after ten leagues or so a traveller would come across the beehive district of Rumfylde. Turn left, and the Saffron Hills sweetly beckoned. Keep straight on and after days and days and a few round-aboutations, thered be the coast.
Rafel, said Arlin, his pale hair darkened with rain and his pale eyes shadowed with unfriendly thoughts.
He smoothed a wet lock of Firedragons mane. Hed intended to ride towards Rumfylde, but Arlin was in the way. Of course. That was what Arlin did. He got in the way. But he wasnt about to start something, cause they were alone and it didnt pay to be careless where this Doranen was concerned. Not after what hed glimpsed in the Council chamber.
Hes been hiding himself, like I have. Arlin b.l.o.o.d.y Garricks a sneaky little s.h.i.t.
Arlin, he said, pleasantly enough. Youre a long way from home on a wet day.
Arlin lifted his bare head and stared quizzical at the clouded, weeping sky. Very wet, yes. I wonder, can you tell me when its due to stop raining?
I reckon you know I cant.
Arlins lip curled in a sneer. So much for being the new Asher.
Never said I was, he replied, as Firedragon shorted, unsettled. Only said Id help, if I could.
Arlin laughed. Help? You think you can help? Like you helped in Westwailing? He tipped his head, quizzical again. I wonder how many more men and women must die from your helping them, Rafel.
Sink me ArlinIm sorry.
You expect me to believe that? said Arlin, eyebrows lifting. To believe youre capable of remorse?