There you go, said Rafel, stroking the ponys warm brown neck as it crunched and s...o...b..red, white apple-foam dripping. You did good today, running faster than Gooses nag. Youre the best pony in the kingdom.
Stag snorted, agreeing. Rafel rested his forehead against Stags cheek, fingers reaching to scratch behind the ponys ears, where it sometimes itched. He heard the funny flap-flap-slap of Stags droopy lips, the sound the pony made when his fingers found the right spot.
Im frighted, Stag, he whispered. Da and Mama say what I felt in the riverpond was Lur rolling over in its sleep, thats all, but that aint true. I know it aint true. And I reckon Das gonna try and stop whats really wrong. But what if he cant, Stag? Its bad. Its really bad. What if Dawhat if he He couldnt say the words out loud. He felt dizzy to think them, even.
He smeared his sleeve across his face, angry at himself for being frighted Da might die. Angry at his father for lying. For still treating him like a sprat.
I aint Deenie. Im old enough to know.
Stag nudged his arm, asking for more apple.
Sorry, he said. I only brought one. I only ever bring one. Reckon you ought to know that by now, you ole trout.
Stag snorted again, nose wrinkled, and stuck out his long tongue. Because it was their game, and it wasnt Stags fault he was frighted, Rafel grabbed the ponys tongue and tugged it, but only a few times. He wasnt in the mood for playing.
Night, Stag, he said, and patted him goodbye. See you in the morning.
He walked back to the Tower, feeling the cloudy night stretching dark and quiet around him. Even the nightbirds singing was soft, as though they couldnt not sing but were afraid of waking something. Bright light burned in Da and Mamas parlour window. It was far too early for them to be asleep. Halfway up the Towers wide stone steps he slowed, then stopped. He was meant to go straight to bed now, that was the way it worked. One apple for Stag then upstairs to sleep. Except How am I sposed to sleep when they wont tell me the truth? They should tell me the truth, after what I felt today.
But there was no point arguing on it, even though he surely wanted to. Hed already tried once. Made Da all fearsome, so Mama had to soothe him down. She was good at that. She got a lot of practise. But seeing Da fearsome made him glad he hadnt told his parents everything. Hed told them what hed felt at the riverpond with Goose, but he left out the part about calling the silver carp. It wasnt Doranen magic, but even so theyd be fratched. Last thing he needed was for Da to be fratched. When Da was fratched he noticed things.
And if he figures out what else Ive been doing when hes already riled Feeling guilty and scared, and twice as p.r.i.c.kly because of it, he stamped into the Tower and up the winding staircase to the blue floor, which was all his. Maybe hed feel better for reading Tollins adventures again. They were fearsome toohe and Goose had near wet themselves, reading that parchmentbut in a funny way it was a good kind of fright. A ghost story fright. Theyd played explorers the whole afternoon after reading it, and pretended to die dozens of lingering, gruesome deaths. But as he rode home hed remembered the riverpond and his happiness had fizzled. Cheering himself up with Tollins parchment was sure to help. Except Deenie was perched on the middle of his bed, waiting for him.
What do you want? he said, slamming the chamber door behind him, his heart slamming just as hard. If shed been snooping if shed found the hidden parchment This is my room. You aint allowed in here.
Knees pulled up to her chest, arms wrapped around them, her long nightdress glowing pinkly in the bedside lamps glimfire, Deenie looked at him. Her eyes filled with tears.
Snivel, snivel, snivel, he added, feeling savage. Youre such a girl, Deenie. Go back to bed.
She sniffed, not budging. What happened today, Rafe?
That made him blink. Nowt. Why? What dyou mean?
I felt something, she said, hugging her knees even harder. I feltI felt you.
You did not, he retorted. Youre just a sprat, Deenie. You cant feel nowt.
Yes, I can, she said, nodding hard. You did a big magic, Rafe. And then you got all scared and upside-down when the earth went funny. I felt it.
No, you didnt! His mouth was dry, his belly churning. And if you tell Da and Mama you did, IllIllI dont do big magic!
Her chin was all wobbly. Yes, you do. Today you made the fish jump. And other times you crack stones and you dance leaves and you do silly things with your bathwater. She was breathing all hiccupy now, her eyes glitter bright. You do trickier things too. Andand this morning you did something really tricky.
She could feel him doing the spells he pinched from Arlin? Shed felt him picking Das Doranen lock? Shocked breathless, he stared at his sister. And then he shoved her hard with both hands so she tumbled backwards onto his pillows.
If you tell Da or Mama any of that IllIll spit on you! he panted, nearly cross-eyed with fright. With magic in it! See if I dont!
Deenie scrambled to the floor, putting the quilt-covered bed between them. I wont tell. Why would I tell? Dont spit on me. Please dont spit on me, Rafe.
Suddenly he felt horrible, like the worst person in Lur. Deenies eyes were so wide. She was a bratty sprat, his little sister, a girl, but she was family. And there she stood staring at him with her wide eyes dribbling tears, because of him. Hed done that. Hed made her afraid.
I wont, he said, hot with sudden shame, and dropped onto his bed. I wont, Deenie. I promise.
Sniffing again, she clambered up beside him. Whyd you go all upside-down, Rafe?
I aint sure, he said, and held out his arm for her to snuggle against him. Its hard to explain. How come you know when I do tricky magic, Deenie? Not even Da knows that.
Safe and soothed beside him she shrugged, a tiny wriggle of her shoulders. I just do, she whispered.
Aye, but how?
Another wriggle. I feel it, she said. In here. She poked a finger into her nightdress-covered chest. Like a tickle.
Hed never heard of such a thing. Pother Kerril had never said anything on it. Neither had Da or Mama. Who knows you feel magic?
No-one, she said. Just you.
Da doesnt know? Or Mama?
She shook her head. No.
You aint even told Charis?
Rafe Why not? You tell her everythin else, he said. Youre always whisperin and gigglin, you two.
She wriggled right out from under his arm. We are not! Anyway, you and Goose are the same. Cept you dont giggle. You snort. Thats boys giggling, Charis says.
Charis, he sneered. Shes a frilly sprat, she is.
She is not! said Deenie. Anyway, Goose is aagoose.
He aint no such thing!
Is too!
Is not!
Istoo!Hehe You hush up, Deenie, he said, fist raised. This is my room, and Goose is my friend. So you dont get to call him names.
Flushed and teary again, Deenie slid off the bed and put her hands on her hips. Youre mean, Rafel. Youre aabossy ole fart!
He rolled his eyes. Im ten, Deenie. I aint b.l.o.o.d.y old.
Oooh! she said, and slapped a hand to her mouth. You said b.l.o.o.d.y, Rafel. You said a swear.
He smirked. So did you. So were even. So there.
Its not the same!
Is too.
Is not!
Frustrated and furious they glared at each other. Then Deenie giggled. He tried to stay cross with her, tried to keep his scowl from slipping, but he couldnt. So they giggled together, Deenie scrambling back to his side again, knees scrunched tight to her chest the way she liked best.
And then he didnt feel like giggling any more, because he remembered what shed said. Like probing a sore tooth with his tongue, he couldnt leave it alone. You really felt me call those fish?
Solemn, eyes round like an owls, she nodded.
And after that? You feltyou felt He couldnt say it. Whenever he thought about Lurs groaning earth he went trembly sick inside.
Mmm, said Deenie, and her eyes filled with more tears. Deenie was a watering pot, she cried all the time. She was such a girl. Everything went funny, she whispered. Crackly and crinkly. The air smelled wrong. And you were so scared.
He wanted to say, I was not! But he knew shed argue. Funny how she described it. Crackly and crinkly. It wasnt the way he felt things, but Pother Kerril said every mage was different.
He frowned at his bratty, spratty sister. Have you told Da or Mama about you feeling the earth go funny?
No, she said, and seemed to shrink into herself. Dont you, either.
That surprised him. Why not?
Instead of answering, she drew pictures on his quilt with one careful finger.
Deenie, why not?
She shrugged. Das fratched. He doesnt like magic.
Deenie was too young for Da to talk to her man to man. So how would she know he was fratched? Is that you feeling things again? he said, suspicious.
I cant help it, she said, her voice wobbling. I just do.
He didnt like it, but he sposed he couldnt blame her. Why aint you told Charis?
Cause, said Deenie slowly. She gets all bouncy and she cant keep a secret. She doesnt mean to tell, she just does. She sighed. Did you tell Goose?
Course I did, he said, scornful. He aint bouncy. He knows how to keep his trap shut. Not like a girl.
Its not cause shes a girl! Its cause shes Charis. But shes still my bestest friend. Deenies cross face turned wistful. She grows beautiful sunflowers. Better than me.
Rafel nudged his sister gently with one knee. Maybe. But she cant feel things like you do.
I think she might. Now Deenie traced a fingertip up and down one of the quilts fat blue stripes. Im not sure. I havent asked her. But I think she knows somethings wrong, too.
Rafel thought about that. He knew. Da knew, and Mama. Deenie knew. And now Charis? Da wanted to keep it a secret, but how could he? Maybe lots of people knew. And if they did then soon theyd come clamouring at him. Thats what people were like. Theyd make a fuss, expecting him to fix things like he did before cause he was the Innocent Mage. Fear surged again, hot and hungry and crowding into his throat.
He aint got King Gar to help him this time. Hes got Mama, but its not the same. It aint fair. This is all the Doranens fault. They started it. They should fix it. What if Da cant fix it on his own? What ifwhat if Rafel? said Deenie. Her voice was nearly a whimper. Rafel, whats the matter? What And then the chamber door opened, and Mama was standing there with such a look on her face.
Rafel? Deenie? Jervales mercy, what do you think youre doing? she demanded. Do you know what time it is? Back to bed at once, young lady. And you, Rafe! You should be in bed too. Therell be no more supper apples for that pony if this is how you carry on!
Deenie tumbled off the bed, swallowing a sob. She never could help snivelling if ever a voice got raised at her. Sorry, Mama.
I should think so. And you, Rafe? said Mama, as Deenie squeezed past her on bare, scurrying feet. Are you sorry too?
No, he wasnt, but if he said that, Stag wouldnt get his supper apple for nigh on a week, most like. So he ducked his head. Aye, Mama.
Ha, said Mama. She was a tough one to fool. A likely story.
She still sounded cross, but not too cross. So he looked up again. Mama What is it? she said, and came properly into his chamber. Rafe? What were you and Deenie talking on? You didnt tell her anything, did you? About what happened today?
No, Mama. She told me. But he couldnt say that, either. Course not. You said not to say.
Good, she said, and sat on the bed beside him. Smoothed her hand over his hair. Because she might be bright as a b.u.t.ton but shes still a little girl. A shy little girl, Rafe. Shes not rough and tumble bold, like you.
Rough and tumble bold. Mama had never called him that before. He liked it. Deenies a watering pot, he said, pulling a face. Boo hoo hoo, all the time.
Mamas fingers pinched his ear. Thats not nice, Rafe. Big brothers look after their little sisters. They dont call them names.
Yes, Mama, he said, like a good boy, because he didnt want her taking away his nightly visit to the stables. Sorry, Mama.
Wheedler, she said, half-smiling, half-scolding. As bad as your father. Now into your nightshirt, my fine fellow, and bed.
All right, he said. I will.
This time she kissed his forehead. Good boy.
Mama he said, as she stood. DaDa What about Da?
Can he save us? Will he save us? But he couldnt get the words past the lump in his throat. Mama dropped to a crouch, and took his cold hands in hers.
Rafel, youre not to fret, she said softly, her eyes hard and bright. Nowt bad is going to happen. Your da wont let it. Your da is the strongest, bravest man in the kingdom. Were safe as safe, all of us. I promise.
He nodded, feeling his eyes sting, seeing her face blur. He hadnt snivelled once when he was telling her and Da about what hed felt in the riverpond but now he couldnt help it.
Hush, now, Mama said. And into bed. When I come back I want to find you fast asleep.
Yes, Mama, he said, gulping a bit.
As she closed the chamber door behind her, he kicked off his boots. Yanked off his socks. Stripped off his shirt and trews and smalls, leaving them draped all anyhow over his chamber chest, and slithered into his nightshirt. Dove beneath his blankets and doused the glimfire lamps with a finger-snap.
Your da is the strongest, bravest man in the kingdom. Were safe as safe, all of us. I promise.
Hugging Mamas words tight, his fears banished for now, and not needing Tollins parchment, he drifted to sleep.
CHAPTER TEN.