Goose glanced at him sideways, still tidying. So what youre saying is he was man enough at twenty to make his own futureand youre not.
That be a b.a.s.t.a.r.d thing to say, Goose, he whispered, when he could find enough breath to speak at all.
Look, said Goose, letting his roller-brush drop by his side. If you dont want to come on the expedition, Rafe, thats one thing. Ill respect that. I will. But if you do want to, and you stay behind because of your dad? Youll regret it. Youll blame him. h.e.l.l know you blame him. And pretty soon thingsll go from bad to worse between youand chances are they wont ever improve.
He shook his head, bemused. Since when are you the smart one, Goose? Im the smart one. Youre the one with the beer and ale.
b.o.l.l.o.c.ks, said Goose, grinning. I was always smart, Rafe. You were just too arrogant to notice.
And that stung. Arrogant? I aint arrogant. I just know my own mind. So. Who else is going on this expedition, aside from you and Fernel b.l.o.o.d.y Pintte and Sarle Baden? Dyou know?
Theres a few names Ive heard mentioned, said Goose. But n.o.body definite. I heard Arlin Garrick wants to come, only Sarle Baden wont hear of it.
Good. Arlin aint right in his noggin. Hed have killed me soon as look at me, down in Westwailing. Losin his da that way And as much as he hated the poxy s.h.i.t, he couldnt help but feel sorry. The way Rodyn Garrick had been swallowed alive Rafe? said Goose. You all right?
He shook himself free of the memory. Aye.
Rafe Goose sighed, all ready sympathy. It might help if you talked on it.
The one thing hed not told Goose was the details of those deaths on the harbour. That would come too close to reliving themand the dreams were bad enough. He didnt want to put those pictures in Gooses head.
One day, he said. Goose, when dyou leave? Is it settled?
Goose nodded. Within a week. Pintte and Baden are jigging some talking stones strong enough to work this time. They dont want to go until theyre sure of that.
It was a sensible precaution. A week, he said. So theres time to change your mind.
Dont want to change my mind, Rafe, Goose said quietly. But a weeks long enough for you to talk your dad roundif you want to.
If he wanted to? Of course he b.l.o.o.d.y wanted to. The notion of Goose crossing the mountains without him? Unbearable. But to talk Da round theyd have to be talking, wouldnt they? That meant hed have to put aside his anger long enough to take the first step. Which meant what was more important: pride, or friendship?
How can I not go? This is my chance. Maybe my one chance to find out the kind of manthe kind of mageI was born to be.
Ill talk to him, Goose, he said. Ill convince him somehow. Youre right. Times come to stand up for myself. Live life the way I see it. BesidesI dont like to think on the kind of trouble youll find if I let you out of my b.l.o.o.d.y sight.
Says the man who nearly got himself swallowed by a whirlpool, Goose teased, grinning. You and me, Rafe. Adventure bound at last.
Even though his nerves were jangling, even though he dreaded the conversation to come, he grinned back. Them mountains wont know whats. .h.i.t em.
They surely wont, said Goose, and they laughed, and laughed, and laughed.
Goose shoved him out soon after, with no more help needed brewing the ale and guild work needing attention, so he made his way out of the Brewers district, on foot. His horse was lame with a twisted fetlock and thered been no other horse to borrow. Da and Mama had taken Deenie riding out to Crasthead Moor, hoping fresh air would perk her up after Westwailing. Shed been pale and indifferent ever since they came back. Nerves, said Pother Kerril. Shes too sensitive for her own good.
Thered be no argument from him on that. Every time he turned around the last few days, there was his mousy sister, watching him with those big eyes. Silently urging him to fix things with Da. He wasnt blind, he could see she was feeling their upset. But it was his business, not hers. Best she get used to that.
So many folk stopped him on his way to the High Street, putting aside any fears of him to ask after his father. Matronly Olken women patted his cheek and smoothed his hand, thanking him for what hed done down in Westwailing. They were the ones old enough to have lived through Morg and the Final Days of prophecy, who remembered life with the Doranen before the Olken rediscovered their magic. Da held a special place in their hearts.
Promise youll give him our love, Rafel, they said. Tell him hes in our prayers. We left flowers for him in the Barlschapel. We know what hes owed, even if others dont.
The young Olken women he encountered didnt stop. They just giggled behind their hands, eyelashes fluttering as they pa.s.sed him in little groups, like flocks of doves. Well. One stopped. Charis. Bold as bra.s.s, she was, catching him by the arm so he couldnt walk on, and shooing her friend to stand off at a distance.
Charis made him nervous. She wore long bright skirts and frivolous blouses. She pinned her hair full of flowers and smelled like flowers, too. Sweet and heady, all roses and freesias. Flirty and teasing, at her das gala farewell shed asked him to dance, and with the knowingest look in her eye.
Sink me, that seems a lifetime ago.
Rafel, she said, dimpling. Is Deenie feeling less poorly? Im sorry Ive not been up to the Tower to see her, but Papa, you know, hehe She faltered, her confidence fading along with her smile. Well. Hes still aguey in his chest, no matter what the pothers do.
He knew that. Da was fretting on Uncle Pellens health, along with everything else. Aside from Mama, Pellen Orrick was the only friend he had left from the bad ole days. With Darran gone and Jed, two winters past and with him hardly speaking to any family he had left on the coast Me and Mama and Deenie and Pellen. Thats who hes got. Aint so many, when you think on it. And now heres me set on going over the mountains with Goose He shoved the inconvenient thought aside.
Rafel, said Charis, her fingers still on his arm. Is something amiss? Startled, he looked down at her. No. Course not.
Only with the expedition, and that flapdoddle in the Council meeting, and what happened in Westwailing Her fingers tightened. I know things havent been easy, Rafe. Im sorry for it.
Her warm sympathy took him by surprise. Just as surprising, the comfort he felt in her hand on his arm. He cleared his throat. Couldnt help but think of Das terse warning on the road down south.
That girls my best friends daughter, Rafe. Youll not fuddle with her unless you want real trouble.
He stepped back. Aye, well. Nowt to be done about it, is there? Charis, Ive got to Of course, she said, blushing. OnlyRafel, would you ask your father to come visit us? Soon? Papa would feel so much better for seeing him. Hes not been by since you got back andwell, Papa worries. Hes so fond of your da.
Ill mention it, he promised. And you give Pellen my best, eh? Ill be seeing you, Charis.
I hope so, she said, with a flash of her usual bold, flirty self. Her fingers waggled a goodbye wave, then she tossed her hair and rejoined her friend. They walked off arm in arm, giggling, and he turned on his heel to get back to the Tower.
Let be to mind his own business at last, with not so many folk wandering this top end of the High Street, he stared at Barls Mountains rising jagged against the clouded sky. Ole Darran used to talk on what they looked like, before the Wall came down. The way the magic softened and blurred their peaks, keeping Lur safe. He used to say how Barls Wall turned the sky gold, and you could see it shimmering on the brightest bright blue day. And how at night it was so beautiful, sometimes he used to look at it and weep.
Staring at the magickless mountains now, he tried to imagine climbing over them. On foot. Had to be on foot. No horses could get up there. It was a daunting prospect.
Step by step, thinking on it, his pace slowed. Daunting as it was or not, he wasnt frighted. He wanted to do this, so bad his insides ached. So bad he could taste it. Freedom. Adventure. The chance to prove himself, alone. Da should understand that better than anyone.
But hes forgotten how he felt when he was twenty. Hes frightedand he wants me to be frighted too.
Da had risked him in Westwailing, but only cause he had to. Didnt want him to risk himself, though. Didnt care what his son wanted. Refused to see things any way but his. Could a man be slumsk.u.mbledy? If he could, that man was Da.
If I ask them, Pintte and Baden will take me on their expedition. They might not want me, but knowing me leaving Lur will fret Da, theyll say yes. Besidesmy magics bound to come in handy and they know that, too.
So. His decision was made. He was going. No matter what kind of fuss Da kicked up. Whether he managed to talk his father round, or not, he was going. A pity he couldnt sneak away in the dead of night, like Da had left Restharven all those years ago. Itd be a sight easier.
And I wont feel guilty for going, either.
Except except Da had wept, in Westwailing.
That night, with the township in an uproar, its harbour a wasteland of waterspouts and whirlpools, after hed hunted that b.a.s.t.a.r.d Mayor Threeve out of the Dolphin, hed seen the depth of his fathers love. The unlimited reach of his fear, that something might happen to his only son. It was raw. Painful. Almost too private. And hed looked so frail.
Fresh resentment stirred. Love didnt excuse lying. And it could be an anchor, as well as a blessing.
If he really loves me, he wont stand in my way. So Im going. I am.
Except except Da had wept, in Westwailing.
But I cant let Goose go alone. Da could be wrong about whats over the mountains, but what if he aint? If I let Goose go alone and something happened to him? Id never forgive myself. Hes my best friend. Hes like my brother.
Surely Da would understand that. After what happened to King Gar? Hed have to understand.
But if I go, and Da frets on me so much he makes himself sick or worse how do I live with that? If I cross the mountains and come home again a hero, only to find Das perished of fear for me while I was gone?
The thought made him sick. So now he had to choose between his best friend and his father? Between his own freedom, and his fathers life?
How is that fair?
Except except there was no choice.
Goosell understand. Hes got a father, too.
Resentful and resigned, he kept on walking for home.
Hearing the rap-rap of knuckles on his closed library door, Asher looked up. Come in.
The door opened. Rafe. His eyes were wary. Da. You busy? You look busy.
Slowly, carefully, he put down his freshly inked quill, his breathing not quite steady. No. I aint busy. He flicked the papers on the desk in front of him. Just gettin ready for a case in Justice Hall. Youd reckon folk could keep emselves brangle-free for five minutes at a stretch, but they cant. Fools, the lot of em.
Rafe hesitated, then came in and dropped into the chair on the other side of the desk. You been sayin that my whole life, Da. You goin to sit there and tell me you be surprised?
That tugged a small smile out of him. No. Spose I aint. Awkward silence. Rafe rubbed at his nose. It were one of his little habits when he was fratched, or comin to confess a misdeed. You sure youre ready for Justice Hall, Da? You aint too tired still?
Didnt fall off my horse this morning, he said, mildly enough. Reckon I can sit in a chair down Justice Hall. Rafel b.u.mped into Charis, down on the High Street, said Rafel, skritching at a dried stain on his trews. Uncle Pellens asking after you, she says. She says why aint you been down to see him since we got back?
p.r.i.c.kled with guilt, he looked out of the library window. The clouds were coming down again. Thered be rain before sunset. Kerril said he aint been spry. Dont want to tire him. It was true. Well, partly true. Pellen would ask him about Rafel, and Westwailing, and he didnt have the strength to talk on it. Not yet. Ill maybe go see him tomorrow. Or the day after.
Rafel nodded. You should. She was fretted. More than Ive ever seen her.
Oh, Pellen. I will. Rafe Rafel shoved to his feet and wandered over to the window. Stared down into the Towers gravelled forecourt. His face, not quite hidden, was brimful of secrets. Crowded with all the things he hadnt said.
Did you hear? The Councils told Pintte and Baden they can have their expedition.
Aye. The b.l.o.o.d.y fools. He shook his head. Theyll be sorry.
Rafe flicked a glance sideways. Goose is going with them.
Fright like a fist of iron, crushing his heart. Aye? Well, you aint.
Aint I? said Rafel, and shoved his hands in his pockets. Decided that, have you, Da?
Thats right.
Rafe swung round, scowling. Just like you decided to keep my Doranen magic a secret?
He stood. He had to. This werent a sitting down conversation. Mind your manners, sprat.
You never shouldve kept it a secret, Da, said Rafe, his chin up, his eyes hot. Not from me.
You didnt need to know, Rafe.
Maybe not when I was a sprat, said Rafe, closing half the distance between them. Maybe not then. But now? Im a man now. You shouldve told me.
And I did tell you, didnt I? When it was needful.
For you, Rafe spat at him. Where was his sweet son? But its my magic, Da. You had no right to hide it, just like youve got no right to decide where I go or what I do with my life!
Fright hammered him again. Fernel b.l.o.o.d.y Pintte and his sinkin expedition. I shouldve let the b.a.s.t.a.r.d drown. So you reckon you can just walk out on your family? Is that what you reckon?
You mean like you did, when you were my age? Rafe retorted. Walked out in the middle of the night without even sayin a proper goodbye?
Asher banged his fist on the desk, making the ink pot jump and splash. I left Restharven for the City so I could make money to take care of my da. Thats why I left. Why dyou want to leave? Cause the work facin us here in Lur aint adventurous enough for you? You reckon to make yself some kind of hero, traipsin about in other peoples barren lands?
No! said Rafel, hands clenching. I couldnt care less about being a b.l.o.o.d.y hero. Reckon Ive heard enough about heroes to last me the rest of my life!
And that were a deliberate, personal stab. Sick with the thought of losing his boy, hurt by the jibe, he shoved out from behind the desk.
You need to pin your ears back, Meister Roughtongue, and lissen close to what I say, he said, jabbing a pointed finger into his sons fancy weskit. Them fools Pintte and Baden got good Olken killed once already. And now they be tryin to get more good men killed goin over them mountains. You got knucklebones in your noggin, Rafe, if you reckon what they be plannin wont end in blood and tears. And if You dont know that! Rafel shouted, knocking his hand away. Youre just guessing.
Mayhap I am, he retorted. Mayhap I were guessin when I warned em not to fuddle with Dragonteeth Reef, too. But I werent wrong about that, eh?
No, said Rafe tightly. But that doesnt make you right about everything else. And Goose Oh, aye, Goose, he said, scornful. Call yself his best friend, do you? Well, if thats true youd talk him out of this madness, stead of eggin him on. Did you say youd go with him?
And if I did? said Rafel, his breathing harsh and hard. So what if I did?
Then youd best turn round and tell him you made a mistake. Cause you aint goin with him, Rafe. You aint settin a toe out of this City.
Rafe shook his head. That aint up to you, Da, cause I aint a criminal and this aint Justice Hall. You dont get to lay the law down on me. I can walk out that door and you dont get to say otherwise. If I want to, I can join that expedition and you dont get to say I cant.
No? he said, his voice soft with anger and fear. Best you think again, Rafe. There aint a man or woman goin over them mountains without the Council gives em leave. Now, things might be fratched a bit between me and them just this ticktock, but if you reckon theyll let you go when I say I want you here? Then, sprat, you be a sinkin b.l.o.o.d.y fool.
Rafes eyes were bright with tears. Youd do that? he whispered, his voice close to breaking. Youd shame me like that before the Council? Before the City?
Shaking, trying to hide it, he nodded. Rafel, Id do a b.l.o.o.d.y sight more than that to keep you safe. Youre my son.
Aye, said Rafe, stepping back. That I am. Mores the sinkin b.l.o.o.d.y pity.
The door slammed loudly, finally, behind him.
Adrift on the librarys handwoven rug, Asher listened to his pounding heart. Told himself this were nowt, it were nowt.
Fathers and sons fratch, thats the way things be. h.e.l.l get over this. He will. Its for his own good. He knows that. h.e.l.l come back to me, by and by.
And all around him, the silence stretched on.
Dathne found her son in the hushed, glimlit stable yard, fussing over his precious Firedragon. Kneeling in the stallions straw, he looked up from rubbing liniment into the horses strained fetlock, pain and anger glowering in his eyes.