Youruglyface here, all the chapters are between 1500-2000 words so they are quite long. Any comments or suggestions down below would be most appreciated. As always if you wish to become a patreon to help us poor translators out please do, we would be most grateful! This chapter is a little heavy so please bear with it.
– Hirito"s Side -
Ceres" and my previous was so putridly miserable.
In my previous I was known as Tsukishiro Nozomu and Ceres was Tsukishiro Chizuru.
We were born into a fairly affluent home, just going by appearances it would have seemed like we would have lived without any needs.
However, the reality was a cruel one……every day was spent in terror of a DV father, and a neglectful hysterical mother.
Thou the teachers probably noticed the unusual bruising on my body, because my father had some power everyone was afraid of informing anyone of the cruelty.
During which, I as a child I came to think "I have to defend Chizuru".
Father tried to relieve his stress using us as an outlet. In defiance of such a father, I made myself a target of his violence.
At least with this, I was able to defend Chizuru from physical harm.
In those days, I believed it was my mission to defend her.
Was it because of that kind of environment, which we were only able to trust in each other?
Then - one day, our parents died in an accident. It was as if it were the wrath of G.o.d upon them.
We, without relatives were only 12 years old at the time. Luckily, we were taken care of by an elderly married couple that didn"t have any children.
However, even thou they didn"t use violence against us, they were apathetic towards kids.
Is might be because of that our bonds grew stronger and stronger.
After we safely graduated from elementary school, soon after came junior high, the days when we remember our satanic parents have finally decreased.
It was around that time. Even thou the heart had a lot of flexibility, the love that I held for Chizuru deepened even further.
It definitely started from the day that I thought "I have to protect Chizuru" that I saw her, not as an elder sister, but as a woman.
Chizuru often said, "Nozomu is my bright shining "light". Saving me when hurts. My only prince."
That was when I thought because I heard that. I"ll live to protect her smile.
She said that I was light, Chizuru, to me, was the angel that heals me, a G.o.ddess….. she was that kind of existence.
Actually I was glad that she relied on me, but it was more than that. Her words supported me, made me work hard.
Everything was alright as long as Chizuru was there, I didn"t need anything else. She also said "I like you the most" and that "I want you to be with me forever"
It was just, I wasn"t able to keep my feelings locked away in my heart.
While growing up, the feeling of wanting to hold her was "something not to be done"…… it was something not to be known to those around me, something to absolutely be concealed.
When Chizuru became a junior high schooler, she started to show interest in those around her of the opposite s.e.x.
She would say things like her homeroom teacher was cool, or a guy in her cla.s.s was handsome…… after hearing that it became obvious that my "like" and chizuru"s "like" had completely different meanings - to her, I would never be an object of romantic love.
My feelings would never come to be. Unlike the men around her, I would never be even allowed to stand at the starting line of unrequited love.
That fact hurt me for many years. But, even still……. No matter in what form, she still needed me.
I thought that the days of us supporting each other, living close together - would always continue for a longtime.
In the summer of the first year of high school.
On a certain day after school. While talking to Chizuru walking down the hall, a guy called out to her.
It was probably a cla.s.smate. With Chizuru and I being in different cla.s.ses, I wasn"t sure if he was in the same cla.s.s as her but…….
The guy glances at me a little worried from a ways away, he tells Chizuru something.
The next moment, Chizuru bows her head in apology. Apparently it was a "confession" and it was over like that.
But, it was contrarily hasty……he had been rejected by Chizuru it seems.
I was driven to envy, as the boy was walked over, with the real meaning of restraint, I glared at the guy.
"Well, I was rejected. You"re some younger brother."
"……Ee. Yeah but"
Apparently he knows about me.
"Having that cute of an elder sister co close by, I"m so envious"
That"s the thing I least want to hear.
Only having parents good in looks, we twins were often praised for our looks.
Chizuru had the transparent air of a grown graceful high school girl.
With those big black eyes and glossy black hair flowing down her back, I"m sure it was enchanting for a cla.s.smate.
From his tone I"m sure he"s attracted to just her looks without knowing the real her.
For a many what that level of desire, I"m connected to her much more…… I can"t see him say ing as anything other than sarcasm.
"You… don"t even know anything…"
"Ee?"
With a sour feeling I mutter out loud.
Did he not hear, he looked back at me at me who was looking down.
"From where I"m standing I"m the one who is envious of you."
"……? What do you mean—"
He inclined his head as if to say "I don"t understand what you"re trying to say"
But, his expression was normal. He probably couldn"t imagine that I really love my real elder sister, did he.
But this guy……after having been rejected once by Chizuru? Aren"t you both just strangers?
Even still you have as many chances as you want. You aren"t "blood related" to her……because of that I"m envious of you.
If I were this guy, how many times would I have confessed by now?
I wouldn"t regret it no matter how hard it was, the effort to make her look at me would have been made.
Even thou I love her so much more than anyone else, because I"m her blood related brother I can"t even express my feelings.
How often have I cursed was to have the same blood as her?
How often have I wished "I want to be reborn as someone that doesn"t have the same blood as her"?
With a puzzled face the guy turns around saying "well with this" with his back facing me.
"……Were you confessed to?
Chizuru turns to me with a little awkward expression when I ask.
"Aa, un. I turned him down. I have someone I already like……"
"Someone you like……?"
"Un"
The moment I heard that, my vision went dark.
I know that such a day would come, I was prepared. But…… to actually hear it straight from the horses mouth, it was more painful than I could have ever imagined.
"……Who is it?"
"Kaname-kun"
Sakuraba Kaname —- he was a cla.s.smate we used to hang out with when we were in junior high, a friend.
"Is that so……? I kind of had that feeling"
"Ah, was it exposed after all? Just being twins you got it right, you can foresee anything!"
Because Chizuru laughed so innocently, I forced myself to smile in return.
"………To Chizuru I"m not your prince any more huh?"
While watching Chizuru"s back as she walked ahead with a light step, I muttered feeling a little lonesome.
"Eh? Did you say something?"
"……No, it was nothing"
Chizuru turns her back towards me again, I leak a deep sigh.
"—Please don"t leave and go far away"
I reflexively say that. But to my sorrowful cry she doesn"t turn around, it"s drowned out by the annoyingly loud cry of the cicada.
After sever several months, Chizuru and Kaname started dating.
Every day after that was a true h.e.l.l. Every day I was driven mad with envy—then finally I wasn"t able to endure it any longer and told her my feelings.
Then that day, our lives were taken in that accident.
Thou I wasn"t able to realize my desire, if I could die with the person that I loved then that would have been fine too.
But still……for some reason, G.o.d gave us a second life. Also as twin siblings.
This world strongly resembles my former life except for the disgusting dystopian princ.i.p.al of magical supremacy where "all those that have no magic are to be ruled over by those that do"
In other words, the expectation that "in another world those born as siblings would be able to get married" was splendidly betrayed.
–Even if you were to have romantic feelings towards Chizuru, don"t force them on her. If she were to know that her true younger brother had those feelings for her, what would Chizuru think? At worst, it would cause her mental harm.
The words from my previous life echoed around in my head many times.
……Aa, I know. Even if you don"t say anything, from long ago I had always worried about that.
Thou I transmigrated my memory is just as it was. Chizuru"s feelings won"t change so easily, there"s no way she"ll look at you like that, is what you want to say right?
But—-Even if there was harm, these feelings won"t disappear.
It coiuld be …… having been reborn as her younger brother, it might be punishment for loving my true sister in my previous life.
Now, I"m "dead" forcefully separated "I was finally able to separate Chizuru from Kaname at last" I am relieved.
I myself was surprised that I had those kind of dark feelings within myself.
For the me that has such thoughts, G.o.d probably decided I should be punished.
But, I can"t, for the life of me, believe that because she"s family that it"s such a horrible crime to love her.
I apologize to Chizuru but…… I don"t think that I"ll be able to protect the promise of "I"ll make an effort to return to being normal siblings".
Someday, if Chizuru remembers the things from that day and again "rejects me" I"m honestly scared.
But …… When Chizuru understood I was me, Chizuru was so happy she cried.
Therefore, even if she can"t see me as anything other than a younger brother, no matter how painful it may be, in this world, I will love her anyways.
……Even if have to fight G.o.d.
I only have one wish - that is to be together with her. Just that. I don"t wish for anything else.