The Grand Dowager Empress"s smile had grown ever wider and after exchanging a few laughs with Qi Sheng and me, she excused herself from the banquet, saying that she was a bit tired and needed to go back to her palace. At the sight of her leave, the Dowager Empress also stood up and was ready to move.
Everyone hurriedly stood up and made way for them. Qi Sheng pulled me over and started escorting them to the door.
The departure of these two marked the end of this banquet, but till the end of the banquet, Zhao w.a.n.g still didn"t return.
I figured he would have to spend a few days sleeping before he could meet people again.
Ever since we left, I had been following closely at Qi Sheng"s heels as we were going in the same direction. My only wish was that he would ignore me and never ask me why I hit Zhao w.a.n.g again with no reason, or why I drank like a man…
Those two questions were hard to answer. But if he had to ask me a question, then I would prefer him asking me why I beat up that poor dude Zhao w.a.n.g.
But he simply remained silent.
Feeling dejected, I followed him, but as I was walking, I started to sense that something was off.
This was weird. This was the way to Xing Sheng Palace, not his own palace. Ever since I had given birth, he had never spent a night in my place.
Could it be that he wanted to sleep at my place tonight?
But as soon as I developed this thought, a chill crept down along my back. Would this night turn into the annual conjugal night? Last year he slept with me, I ended up having a big belly for a good part of the year. If he slept with me tonight, would I be reliving that experience all over again？
While I was deep in my thought, Qi Sheng was leading the way, his tall figure walking steadily on the pavement.
I followed behind like a guilty thief, constantly looking over my shoulders and hoping that Lv Li would come forward to help me.
Lv Li had also realized something and came forward, but upon seeing Qi Sheng, she immediately backed down.
I knew it! I knew I couldn"t count on her to help me! Where was the gallantry that spurred you to hit Zhao w.a.n.g? I was sticking out my neck for you and yet you couldn"t at least help me when I was in need?
Thus, we went all the way back to Xing Sheng Palace in absolute silence. After we entered the palace, Qi Sheng acted as if he had been living here all along and ordered the maid to help him change to more comfortable clothes. He then sat down and looked at me, saying without any emotions, "Pengpeng, come here. I have something to ask you."
I was rather rattled by his question and thought that the question I feared the most might be happening right now. But I honestly didn"t know what his question was. I was still in my dress and didn"t expect that the question would come so suddenly.
The maid and servants in the palace were all well trained, and upon hearing what he said, they all quietly backed out with their heads down. Only Lv Li remained and she looked at me with a worried face, not knowing whether she should stay or leave.
I was rather pleased with her reaction and thought that this girl did have a heart after all. After all I had done for her, I expected nothing less from her.
I was about to signal her to leave when she suddenly put on a resolute face.
Before I could stop her, she threw herself at Qi Sheng"s heels and kept kowtowing, "Your Majesty, please forgive me, forgive me. I was the one who hit Zhao w.a.n.g. I fell asleep and when I woke up, I vaguely saw a man standing in front of me, and so I…"
As if to summon her courage, she paused for a while before continuing, "I thought he was up to no good, so I scratched him on the face."
Upon hearing that, I subconsciously looked at Lv Li"s delicate, slender white fingers. I knew, if anyone were to be scratched by these fingers, he would have to spend 10 to 15 days away from the public.
Suddenly, I felt rather sorry for Zhao w.a.n.g. Poor lad.
After finishing those words, Lv Li lowered her body on the floor, trembling all over.
Qi Sheng kept silent and held up his head to look at me.
Now that the reason why Zhao w.a.n.g was. .h.i.t was explained by Lv Li, it was left to me to explain why she could manage to hit Zhao w.a.n.g.
I calmly asked Lv Li, who was crying on the floor, to leave and then I sat down in front of Qi Sheng, saying, "I brought Lv Li to find Zhao w.a.n.g. I had something to ask him and so I chatted with him for a while. Then I left, but I forgot Lv Li was still inside. She must have fallen asleep."
Qi Sheng slowly nodded his head and asked, "What did you ask him?"
I licked my lips and decided to tell him the truth, "I asked why you seemed to have been avoiding your harem recently. I thought you two are close, and maybe he knows the reason."
Qi Sheng didn"t expect me to be so straightforward, and the expression on his face froze. After a pause, he asked, "Do you think I don"t like woman?"
I nodded and replied calmly, "Pretty much. Not like a man, or rather, a normal man."
Hearing that, Qi Sheng slightly smirked and asked, "In your opinion, what does it mean to be a normal man?"
Although I found his question a little weird, I still answered without hesitation, "Many men stick to their own principles when it comes to women, but few men could really resist the temptation. Men are different from women. They don"t think about love all day long. They wouldn"t need you to be loyal physically and mentally. It is in men"s nature to l.u.s.t after all women. The stronger a man is, the more women he wants to possess. It is neither good or bad. It is just an instinct, a physiological impulse which could not be suppressed by reasons. "
It"s like when you wake up in the middle of the night, you find there is a beautiful, naked woman lying beside you. As long as you are a man, no matter you are thrilled or surprised, your c.o.c.k would go hard no matter what.
Qi Sheng listened quietly and attentively.
The more I talked, the more confident I felt, to a point where I felt emboldened to continue, "For example, I love a woman very much, but not to such an extent where I would be willing to commit exclusively to her, unless she states explicitly that I would lose her if I were to see someone else. In that case, I may hesitate and try to restrain my instinct. In another words, when there is a moral constraint on people, then people have to control their instincts and be loyal to their partner. But without this restraint, men would always be men and would always be seeking new conquests."
I stopped halfway through my speech.
The smile on Qi Sheng"s face still lingered on, but his eyes had somehow grown cold. He looked at me with his sharp eyes and asked, "You seem to know a lot about man. I have become ever more curious as to who you are."
I was rendered speechless, wondering how he would react if I still stood by my story that I was a deity. Would he trust me on my words, or would he kill me so that I could return to the heaven sooner?
I was having a hard time figuring out what Qi Sheng was thinking, and so I dared not speak a word.
Qi Sheng raised his lips and said slowly, "I"ll put it another way. Before you become the Crown Princess, were you a woman… or a man?"
Though he spitted those words out slowly, it still took me a few seconds to grasp the gist of his question and then I was struck dumb.
Qi Sheng still stared at me with his black eyes as deep as the lake in the winter night. The surface of that lake was smooth, but it reflected cold, elusive and murderous light.
I hadn"t seen him like that for a long time.
My head went blank for a moment and I was suddenly reminded of something that a wise man once said to me. He said that when you didn"t have anything to say, you could keep laughing to the point where the one you were talking to was utterly confused. Then, things would become much easier.
I opened my mouth, trying to laugh. But I failed, and could only stared at Qi Sheng and said, "What do you mean?"
Qi Sheng crooked up his lips and smiled, "What do you think I mean, Pengpeng?"
Well, if he believes that I am a woman, then great. If not… then there is really nothing to say.
At this critical moment, my head was running at maximum capacity and I was trying really hard to project sadness, anger and unwillingness from my eyes. But however hard I tried, I simply couldn"t do it, not without moving my facial muscles.
Not knowing what to do next, I closed my eyes, looking as if I was extremely sad, and asked Qi Sheng with a hoa.r.s.e voice, "Are you asking me whether I was a man or a woman before I become the Crown Princess?"
"Hmm," Qi Sheng remained silent for a while and then whispered.
I took a deep breath and looked at him, "You are wondering where I come from, who I was and whether I was a man or a woman. But you never asked me where Zhang shi had gone. You don"t give her the slightest attention, even when she died, even when she was carrying your baby. Am I right?"
Qi Sheng was apparently shocked. He stared at me with his lips squeezed tightly.
His reaction only emboldened me. I paced around the palace and decided to further spin this story.
"Since you are asking me right now, I will tell you the whole truth," I stopped, turned around and watched him with cold eyes, "Yeah, I have been lying to you. I was never a deity. For as long as I can remember, I have always been a lonely ghost, forever chained to the Taiye pool. I watched Zhang shi struggling in the river, and I watched her reaching out to you with her last strength, and then I watched you swim to Jiang shi without hesitation…"
Qi Sheng sat up straight and stayed still, with obscure light in his eyes.