"All," cried the Prophet, with increasing fervour and lack of self-consciousness. "I could not tear myself from the telescope. I longed for a perpetual night and found the day almost intolerably irksome."
Sir Tiglath"s brick-red countenance was irradiated with a smile that did not lack geniality.
"The old astronomer lendeth attentive ear to the young man"s epic," he roared, through the crumpet. "He approveth the young man"s admiration for the heavenly bodies. Go on."
But at the last command the Prophet seemed suddenly to jib. The reserved expression returned to his face.
"That"s all, Sir Tiglath," he said.
The astronomer and Mrs. Merillia again exchanged a glance which was not un.o.bserved by Lady Enid. Then Sir Tiglath, with an abrupt and portentous gravity, exclaimed in thunderous tones,--
"Sir, are you a man of science or have you the brain of a charlatan enclosed in the fleshy envelope of a conjurer and a sinner? Do you study the n.o.ble and beautiful stars for their own sakes to find out what they are, and what they are doing, what is their nature and what their place in the great scheme, or do you peek and pry at them through the keyhole of a contemptible curiosity in order to discover what you think they can do for you, to set you on high, to puff you out into a personage and cause you to be noticed of the foolish ones of this world? Which are you, sir, a young man of parts whose hand I can grasp fraternally, or an insulter of planets, sir, a Peeping Tom upon the glorious nudity of Venus, a Paul Pry squinting at the mysteries of Mercury for an unholy and, what is more, an idiotic purpose? What do you ask of the stars, sir? Tell the old astronomer that!"
The Prophet was considerably taken aback by this tirade, which caused the many ornaments in the pretty room to tremble. He gazed at his grandmother, and found her nodding approval of Sir Tiglath. He glanced at Lady Enid. She was leaning back in her chair and looking amused, like a person at an entertainment.
"What do I ask, Sir Tiglath?" he murmured in some confusion.
"Do you ask about your reverent granddam"s hallowed ankles, sir? Do you afflict the stars with inquiries about the state of the ridiculous weather? Is that it?"
The Prophet understood that Mrs. Merillia had been frank with the astronomer. He cast upon her a glance of respectful reproach.
"Yes, Hennessey," she answered, "I have. My dear child, I thought it for the best. This prophetic business would soon have been turning the house upside down, and at my age I"m really not equal to living at close quarters with a determined young prophet. To do so would upset the habits of a lifetime. So Sir Tiglath knows all about it."
There was a moment of silence, which was broken by the agreeable voice of Lady Enid saying,--
"All about what? Remember, please, that I"m a young woman and that all young women share one quality. All about what, please?"
Mrs. Merillia looked at the Prophet. The Prophet looked at Sir Tiglath, who wagged his great head and cried, with rolling pathos and rebuke,--
"Oh-h-h-h!"
"Please--Mr. Vivian!" repeated Lady Enid, with considerable determination.
"Grannie means that I--that--well, that I have been enabled by the stars to foretell certain future events," said the Prophet, glancing rather furtively at Sir Tiglath while he spoke, to note the effect of the desperate declaration.
"Oh-h-h-h!" bellowed the distressed astronomer, shaking like a jelly in his wrath.
"What?" cried Lady Enid, in an almost piercing voice, and with a manner that had suddenly become most animated. "What--like Malkiel"s _Almanac_ does?"
This remark had a very striking effect upon Sir Tiglath, an effect indeed so striking that it held Mrs. Merillia, Lady Enid and the Prophet in a condition of paralytic expectation for at least three minutes by the grandmother"s clock in the corner of the drawing-room.
The venerable astronomer was already very stout in person and very inflamed in appearance. But at this point in the discourse he suddenly became so very much stouter and so very much more inflamed, that his audience of three gazed upon him rather as little children gaze upon dough which has been set by the cook to "rise" and which is fulfilling its mission with an unexpected, and indeed intemperate, vivacity.
Their eyes grew round, their features rigid, their hands tense, their att.i.tudes expectant. Leaning forward, they stared upon Sir Tiglath with an unwinking fixity and preternatural determination that was almost entirely infantine. And while they did so he continued slowly to expand in size and to deepen in colour until mortality seemed to drop from him. He ceased to be a man and became a phenomenon, a purple thing that journeyed towards some unutterable end, portentous as marching judgment, tragic as fate, searching as epidemic, and yet heavily painted and generally touched up by the brush of some humorous demon, such as lays about him in preparation for Christmas pantomime, sworn to provide the giants" faces and the ogres" heads for Drury Lane.
"Don"t!" at last cried a young voice. "Don"t, Sir Tiglath!"
A peal of laughter followed the remark, of that laughter which is loud and yet entirely without the saving grace of merriment, a mere sudden demonstration of hysteria.
"Oh, Sir Tiglath--don"t!"
A second laugh joined the first and rang up with it, older, but also hysterical--Mrs. Merillia"s.
"No, no--please don"t, Sir Tig--Tig--"
A third laugh burst into the ring, seeming to complete it fatally--the Prophet"s.
"Sir Tiglath--for Heaven"s sake--don"t!"
The adjuration came from a trio of choked voices, and might have given pause even to a descending lift or other inflexible and blind machine.
But still the astronomer grew steadily more gigantic in person and more like the G.o.d of wine in hue. The three voices failed, and the terrible, united laughter was just upon the point of breaking forth again when a diversion occurred. The door of the drawing-room was softly opened, and Mrs. Fancy Quinglet appeared upon the threshold, holding in her hands an ice-wool shawl for the comfort of her mistress. It chanced that as the phenomenon of the astronomer was based upon a large elbow chair exactly facing the door she was instantly and fully confronted by it. She did not drop the shawl, as any ordinary maid would most probably have done.
Mrs. Fancy was not of that kidney. She did not even turn tail, or give a month"s warning or a scream. She was of those women who, when they meet the inevitable, instinctively seem to recognise that it demands courage as a manner and truth as a greeting. She, therefore, stared straight at Sir Tiglath--much as she stared at Mrs. Merillia when she was about to arrange that lady"s wig for an a.s.sembly--and remarked in a decisive, though very respectful, tone of voice,--
"The gentleman"s about to burst, ma"am. I can"t speak different nor mean other."
Upon finding their thoughts thus deftly gathered up and woven into a moderately grammatical sentence, Mrs. Merillia, Lady Enid and the Prophet experienced a sense of extraordinary relief, and no longer felt the stern necessity of laughing. But this was not the miracle worked by Mrs. Fancy. Had she, even then, rested satisfied with her ac.u.men, maintained silence and awaited the immediate fulfilment of her prediction, what must have happened can hardly be in doubt. But she was seized by that excess of bravery which is called foolhardiness, and driven by it to that peculiar and thoughtless vehemence of action which sometimes wins V.C."s for men who, in later days, conceal amazement under the cherished decoration. She suddenly laid down the ice-wool shawl upon a neighbouring sociable, walked up to the phenomenon of the astronomer, and remarked to it with great distinctness,--
"You"re about to burst, sir. I know it, sir, and I can"t know other."
At this point the miracle happened, for, instead of responding to the lady"s-maid"s appeal, and promptly disintegrating into his respective atoms, Sir Tiglath suddenly became comparatively small and comparatively pale, sat forward, wagged his head at Mrs. Fancy, and rumbled out in his ordinary voice,--
"Have you never heard where liars go to, woman? Oh-h-h-h!"
On finding that nothing of supreme horror was about to happen, Mrs.
Fancy"s courage--as is the way of woman"s courage--forsook her, she broke into tears, and had to be immediately led forth to the servant"s hall by the Prophet, exclaiming persistently with every step they took,--
"I can"t help it, Master Hennessey. I say again as I said afore--the gentleman"s about to burst. Them that knows other let them declare it."
"Yes, yes. It"s all right, Fancy, it"s all right. We all agree with you.
Now, now, you mustn"t cry."
"I can"t--know--other, Master Hennessey, nor--mean different. I can"t indeed, Master Hennessey, I can"t--know other--nor--"
"No, no. Of course not. There, sit down and compose yourself."
He gave the poor, afflicted liar tenderly into the care of the upper housemaid, and retraced his steps quickly to the drawing-room. As he entered it he heard Sir Tiglath saying,--
"The stars in their courses tremble when the accursed name of Malkiel is mentioned, and the old astronomer is dissolved in wrath at sound of the pernicious word. Oh-h-h-h!"
"There, Hennessey!" cried Mrs. Merillia, turning swiftly to her grandson with all her cap ribands fluttering. "You hear what Sir Tiglath says?"
"If that accursed name belonged to an individual," continued the astronomer, waving his hands frantically over the last remaining crumpet, "instead of representing a syndicate of ruffianly underground criminals, the old astronomer, well stricken in years though he be, would hunt him out of his hiding-place and slay him with his own feeble and scientific hands."
So saying, he grasped the crumpet as if it had been an a.s.segai, and a.s.sailed himself with it so violently that it entirely disappeared.
"But Malkiel is an--" began Mrs. Merillia.
The Prophet stopped her with a glance, whose almost terror-stricken authority surprised her into silence.