He was exhausted and already tired of heavy meals and talking to strangers. He was also becoming increasingly frustrated with their packed days. A part of his mind was always aware of the time, and he spent much of his day wondering how he was going to be able to sneak away to call Penny.
In fact, the only good part about being back on tour-besides reuniting with his family, of course-was that his new prosthesis fit well and his stump was completely healed. Except for the occasional phantom pain, he often forgot he wasn"t walking around on two perfectly good legs.
Now, as he stood on stage, waiting for his sister to finish her hymn, he resolved to remember his promise to Penny and stay in the present. To try to appreciate each hour of each day.
Even if it wasn"t what he wanted to be doing.
As the clapping died down, he stepped forward and lifted an arm. "And so, my friends, I hope you will walk with me through this life, giving thanks for our comforts and gaining strength from the One who knows our greatest fears."
When several people in the audience called out their prayers, Michael closed his eyes, led the crowd in prayer, then at last stepped away from the microphone.
The standing-room-only crowd surged to their feet.
As the crowd erupted in cheers and the clapping grew louder, he waved his hand again, then stepped to his brother"s side as Molly led everyone in one last stanza of "Amazing Grace."
It had been a successful event. Everyone had been united, and the tangible feeling in the auditorium had been euphoric. The Lord had truly been with them tonight.
"You in pain?" Evan murmured into his ear as Molly finished and their father thanked everyone for coming.
"Nee. Why?"
"You look uncomfortable."
He was uncomfortable, but it had nothing to do with his leg and everything to do with his heart. "I"m fine."
"Sure you are," Evan replied sarcastically before walking down the three steps at the front of the stage and beginning to greet the folks who had crowded close, hoping for a private word.
Michael ignored him and moved forward to join everyone. His new prosthesis really did fit like a charm. He felt as whole as ever, was sleeping well, and his appet.i.te was back. In short, he was as good as he"d ever been. He had much to be thankful for.
All he needed was to try harder. Surely, if he tried to be happy, he"d start to feel that way?
Seeing his father talking with their organizers a few feet away, Michael prepared himself to join the conversation and say the right things. Just as he silently asked the Lord for some a.s.sistance, a man with a military haircut stepped forward.
Michael immediately noticed that his gait was uneven. Holding out his hand, he said, "Hi. I"m Michael Knoxx."
"Drew Shelton." The man"s handshake was firm. Solid. But it was the intense look on his face that drew Michael"s attention. "Do you have a minute?"
"Of course."
He looked like he was debating with himself, then finally blurted out, "I don"t usually go to things like this. My mom does. I only came because she didn"t want to go alone."
"I hope you didn"t find it too bad."
"What I"m trying to say is that I"m glad I did." He ran a hand through his buzz cut. "I was just discharged."
Hoping to set him at ease, Michael nodded. "You were in the military."
"Yeah. Army." He grimaced. "I thought I"d be a soldier my whole life." Pointing down at his right leg. "But I guess G.o.d had other plans."
"You lose your whole leg?"
"No. Just below the knee. People say I"m lucky to still have my knee."
"You are. Rehabilitation with a mechanical knee ain"t easy." Michael smiled. They both knew that was a doozy of an understatement.
"It"s been hard," Drew said. "You know, getting used to this new me."
"I know. But you will. There"s not much choice, is there?"
The other man shook his head. "Sometimes I get so angry about what happened. Then other times, I"m incredibly guilty for feeling sorry for myself when so many other men didn"t make it home." His gaze skittered across Michael"s face. "How do you do it? Why do you put yourself up there and talk about what happened to you?"
"I go up there for a lot of reasons," Michael said honestly, realizing that maybe he was finally being honest with himself, too. "But I guess I"ve always done it because I"ve thought I had a story to share."
"I"m glad I heard it today." Drew flexed one of his hands. "My docs say I need to do some more physical therapy. I"ve been putting it off. You got me thinking, though. I think I"m going to go back."
"I hope you do. I"ve just had surgery to repair some damage I caused by not taking care of myself."
More people were crowding closer. Most were staying a respectful distance away, but Michael knew they were also waiting to talk to him. Holding out his hand for Drew to shake, he said, "Thank you for coming over to talk to me. It means a lot. Walk with G.o.d."
Drew clasped his hand. "I will. Hey, have you ever thought about writing a book?"
"Not really."
"Think about it, yeah? I know a lot of guys who would benefit from reading your story." Looking sheepish, he added, "Probably a lot more than would ever come to a thing like this. No offense."
Michael laughed. "None taken. Thanks, Drew. Thanks for your service, and thanks for what you said."
After Drew left, Michael turned to the other people who had been waiting so patiently for him. He smiled and listened to their kind words and stories as best he could. However, his mind kept drifting back to Drew"s mention of the book.
He didn"t know if he was capable of writing about his experiences in a meaningful way. But if he was and if it resonated with people like Drew, Michael realized that it could be the answer to his prayers. He could continue with his life"s work but on his terms.
He wouldn"t have to travel.
He"d finally get to have a home.
And, maybe, he"d even get to have Penny after all.
TWO HOURS LATER, he was back in the s.p.a.cious cabin his family had rented for their two nights in town. As soon as he got out of the shower and threw on some sweats, Michael joined Evan and Molly. Both were lounging on the leather sectional, Evan in old pajamas and Molly in a plain white nightgown and thick terry-cloth robe.
Michael had the beginnings of a headache that was no doubt caused by the war he"d been waging with his conscience. He now knew that he was ready to move forward with his life, to finally seek everything he"d been preaching about for so long. He wanted a regular, normal life.
He wanted to ask Penny to marry him and buy a home in Pinecraft. He wanted to spend his days writing about his experiences, taking care of Penny, and walking by her side on the beach. He wanted to have children and worry about them tracking dirt on the floor and whether or not they"d gotten all their homework done. He wanted all sorts of things that most people took for granted but sounded to him like precious gifts.
But in order to do all of that, he needed to be completely honest with his family.
When his parents joined them on the couch, his mother holding a calendar in her hands, obviously planning for their next stop, Michael knew it was time. Gathering his courage, he blurted his news in the worst possible way. "Mamm, I don"t want to do this anymore."
She glanced his way. "You don"t want to do what?"
"I don"t want to tour anymore. I want to be settled. Live in a home not a hotel room. I want to stop getting on a stage and telling strangers how I overcame a frightening moment in the past."
Four pairs of eyes stared at him in shock.
His heart beating fast, Michael turned away. How was he ever going to apologize enough for that little speech?
His father frowned. "When did you decide this?"
"I"ve been thinking it for a while, but I made up my mind tonight."
Molly jumped to her feet and scampered to his side. "Michael," she said, tugging on his sleeve. "Why in the world didn"t you ever say anything?"
As he gazed up at his sister, he realized that she did not look horrified. Instead, she was looking almost amused. It was definitely not the reaction he"d been preparing for! "What?"
She rolled her eyes. "I wish I would have known. I would"ve been mighty happy to stop touring for a while."
He could hardly believe what he was hearing. "What?" he repeated.
"You heard me. Constantly flitting around from one place to another is no way to find a husband, you know."
Michael turned to his brother. "Did you know about this?"
Evan had the grace to look guilty. "No."
"I didn"t tell anyone," Molly said. "How could I?"
"Easily," Michael retorted. "You should have told me."
"I couldn"t! I would have been too ashamed for you to know."
"Why would you be ashamed?"
"Michael, you were touring and traveling even when you needed to rest. Even when you needed surgery. How could I say anything when you were giving this family your all?"
"What about you, Evan?" their mother asked. "What do you think about this constant touring?"
"I don"t know what there is to think about. It"s our job."
"Nee, it"s our calling," their mother gently corrected. "But our calling doesn"t mean the only options we have are traveling and speaking to crowds for the rest of our lives."
Evan frowned. "But what choices do we have?"
"Plenty," their mother said. "Molly could concentrate on her singing and doing the things most women her age do-making friends, courting, helping others. You, Evan, could at last follow your dreams and do some woodworking. Or even offer your services to another group and be their manager. You"re the most organized of any of us."
"We wouldn"t have to stop cold turkey, either," their father mused. "We could simply cut back. Maybe only tour a few weeks a year." Turning to their mother, Daed smiled. "We could start sleeping in."
Evan still looked skeptical. "But how would we earn a living?"
"We have money saved. And G.o.d will provide," their father said.
Their mother got to her feet and walked to Michael"s side. "What we need to remember is that our family"s happiness is what is important. That includes you, son. We want you to be happy, not just to be the ill.u.s.trious Michael Knoxx," she added with a smile.
"Are you sure about this, Michael?" Evan asked. "Are you sure you"re not just feeling overwhelmed after your recovery?"
"I"m sure." He now realized that his brother had pushed his own agenda on Michael when they"d talked on the phone about Brownsville.
"I guess the decision is made," his mother said. "Let"s finish out our tour dates, then take a break."
"Which means I"ll be heading to Pinecraft sooner than later. And as soon as I get there, I"m going to start making plans with Penny."
"Jah," his mother said with a happy smile. "Michael, you should go call Penny soon and tell her the news."
"I don"t know what she"s going to say about me coming back." Suddenly Michael wondered if maybe she"d liked him being relatively famous. Maybe she wouldn"t still love him if he was just another man living in Pinecraft.
"Which is why you need to call her," his father said again, as if completely changing his life was the easiest thing in the world to do.
But as Evan quietly handed him his cell phone with only understanding in his eyes, Michael realized his father was absolutely right. He simply needed to call Penny and be honest with her. He needed to tell her what was in his heart.
CHAPTER 27.
Michael"s decision to leave Pinecraft had been a very good thing, Penny decided as she dipped a cloth in hot soapy water before running it along the insides of another kitchen cabinet.
It had been a very good thing, indeed.
After noticing that her mother was quietly humming to herself as she organized the silverware, Penny let herself dwell on all the changes that had taken place in the last month.
Watching Michael push himself to do what he felt was right had encouraged her to do the same. She knew G.o.d had given her all the tools she needed to come out of her sh.e.l.l and become even more independent. Penny simply wasn"t sure that she would have tried as hard if she"d had Michael"s comforting presence to rely on.
Since he"d left, she"d made a pact with herself to talk to one new person every day. She was getting the hang of looking people in the eye when she shopped now and of chatting with people at the Orange Blossom Inn. She"d also spent time with Violet and her family. Actually, she was gathering a whole group of friends right here in Pinecraft.
Her friendship with Tricia had grown as well. As Penny learned more about Tricia"s past, she realized how pretty much everyone had something in their lives to overcome. It made Penny feel as if she and Tricia had a lot in common besides working for Beverly and trying to do a good job at the inn.
Her relationship with her parents was better than ever, too. They"d stopped asking her to account for each minute of her day. Instead, they asked her opinion about things. They were interested in hearing about her new friends and seemed to love her stories about things that happened at the inn. Her parents were reaching out more, too. They had even made friends with some other folks who loved pizza as much as they did and often went out with their new friends.
But above all, the three of them had at last moved forward. Though Lissy"s memory was always present, none of them felt the need to dwell on the pain and heartache any longer.
These small steps forward made Penny feel like her family was much like flowers opening to the sun: growing and prospering because they were finally getting what they needed.
In the end, she"d never been happier.
Except when she went to sleep at night. Only then did she let her mind dwell on the one person who would have made her life even better.