"So says his Raverince, says he:
""I"ll take my booke," says he, "an" I"ll read some rale sthrong holy bits out iv it," says he, "an" do you get a rope and put it round the hamper," says he, "an" let it swing over the runnin" wather at the bridge," says he, "an" it"s no matther if I don"t make the spirit come out iv it," says he.
"Well, wid that, the priest got his horse, and tuck his booke in undher his arum, an" the boys follied his Raverince, ladin" the horse down to the bridge, an" divil a word out iv Terence all the way, for he seen it was no use spakin", an" he was afeard if he med any noise they might thrait him to another gallop an finish him intirely.
"Well, as soon as they war all come to the bridge, the boys tuck the rope they had with them, an" med it fast to the top iv the hamper an"
swung it fairly over the bridge, lettin" it hang in the air about twelve feet out iv the wather.
"An" his Raverince rode down to the bank of the river, close by, an"
beginned to read mighty loud and bould intirely.
"An" when he was goin" on about five minutes, all at onst the bottom iv the hamper kem out, an" down wint Terence, falling splash dash into the water, an" the ould gandher a-top iv him. Down they both went to the bottom, wid a souse you"d hear half a mile off.
"An" before they had time to rise agin, his Raverince, wid the fair astonishment, giv his horse one dig iv the spurs, an" before he knew where he was, in he went, horse an" all, a-top iv them, an" down to the bottom.
"Up they all kem agin together, gaspin" and puffin", an" off down wid the current wid them, like shot in under the arch iv the bridge till they kem to the shallow wather.
"The ould gandher was the first out, and the priest and Terence kem next, pantin" an" blowin" an" more than half dhrounded, an" his Raverince was so freckened wid the droundin" he got, and wid the sight iv the sperit, as he consaved, that he wasn"t the better of it for a month.
"An" as soon as Terence could spake, he swore he"d have the life of the two gossoons; but Father Crotty would not give him his will. An" as soon as he was got quiter, they all endivoured to explain it; but Terence consaved he went raly to bed the night before, and his wife said the same to shilter him from the suspicion for havin" th" dthrop taken. An"
his Raverince said it was a mysthery, an" swore if he cotched anyone laughin" at the accident, he"d lay the horsewhip across their shouldhers.
"An" Terence grew fonder an" fonder iv the gandher every day, until at last he died in a wondherful old age, lavin" the gandher afther him an"
a large family iv childher.
"An" to this day the farm is rinted by one iv Terence Mooney"s lenial and legitimate postariors."
BILLY MALOWNEY"S TASTE OF LOVE AND GLORY.
Let the reader fancy a soft summer evening, the fresh dews falling on bush and flower. The sun has just gone down, and the thrilling vespers of thrushes and blackbirds ring with a wild joy through the saddened air; the west is piled with fantastic clouds, and clothed in tints of crimson and amber, melting away into a wan green, and so eastward into the deepest blue, through which soon the stars will begin to peep.
Let him fancy himself seated upon the low mossy wall of an ancient churchyard, where hundreds of grey stones rise above the sward, under the fantastic branches of two or three half-withered ash-trees, spreading their arms in everlasting love and sorrow over the dead.
The narrow road upon which I and my companion await the tax-cart that is to carry me and my basket, with its rich fruitage of speckled trout, away, lies at his feet, and far below spreads an undulating plain, rising westward again into soft hills, and traversed (every here and there visibly) by a winding stream which, even through the mists of evening, catches and returns the funereal glories of the skies.
As the eye traces its wayward wanderings, it loses them for a moment in the heaving verdure of white-thorns and ash, from among which floats from some dozen rude chimneys, mostly unseen, the transparent blue film of turf smoke. There we know, although we cannot see it, the steep old bridge of Carrickadrum spans the river; and stretching away far to the right the valley of Lisnamoe: its steeps and hollows, its straggling hedges, its fair-green, its tall scattered trees, and old grey tower, are disappearing fast among the discoloured tints and haze of evening.
Those landmarks, as we sit listlessly expecting the arrival of our modest conveyance, suggest to our companion--a bare-legged Celtic brother of the gentle craft, somewhat at the wrong side of forty, with a turf-coloured caubeen, patched frieze, a clear brown complexion, dark-grey eyes, and a right pleasant dash of roguery in his features--the tale, which, if the reader pleases, he is welcome to hear along with me just as it falls from the lips of our humble comrade.
His words I can give, but your own fancy must supply the advantages of an intelligent, expressive countenance, and, what is perhaps harder still, the harmony of his glorious brogue, that, like the melodies of our own dear country, will leave a burden of mirth or of sorrow with nearly equal propriety, tickling the diaphragm as easily as it plays with the heart-strings, and is in itself a national music that, I trust, may never, never--scouted and despised though it be--never cease, like the lost tones of our harp, to be heard in the fields of my country, in welcome or endearment, in fun or in sorrow, stirring the hearts of Irish men and Irish women.
My friend of the caubeen and naked shanks, then, commenced, and continued his relation, as nearly as possible, in the following words:
Av coorse ye often heerd talk of Billy Malowney, that lived by the bridge of Carrickadrum. "Leum-a-rinka" was the name they put on him, he was sich a beautiful dancer. An" faix, it"s he was the rale sportin"
boy, every way--killing the hares, and gaffing the salmons, an" fightin"
the men, an" funnin" the women, and coortin" the girls; an" be the same token, there was not a colleen inside iv his jurisdiction but was breakin" her heart wid the fair love iv him.
Well, this was all pleasant enough, to be sure, while it lasted; but inhuman beings is born to misfortune, an" Bill"s divarshin was not to last always. A young boy can"t be continially coortin" and kissin" the girls (an" more"s the pity) without exposin" himself to the most eminent parril; an" so signs all" what should happen Billy Malowney himself, but to fall in love at last wid little Molly Donovan, in Coolnamoe.
I never could ondherstand why in the world it was Bill fell in love wid HER, above all the girls in the country. She was not within four stone weight iv being as fat as Peg Brallaghan; and as for redness in the face, she could not hould a candle to Judy Flaherty. (Poor Judy! she was my sweetheart, the darlin", an" coorted me constant, ever antil she married a boy of the Butlers; an" it"s twenty years now since she was buried under the ould white-thorn in Garbally. But that"s no matther!)
Well, at any rate, Molly Donovan tuck his fancy, an" that"s everything!
She had smooth brown hair--as smooth as silk-an" a pair iv soft coaxin"
eyes--an" the whitest little teeth you ever seen; an", bedad, she was every taste as much in love wid himself as he was.
Well, now, he was raly stupid wid love: there was not a bit of fun left in him. He was good for nothin" an airth bud sittin" under bushes, smokin" tobacky, and sighin" till you"d wonder how in the world he got wind for it all.
An", bedad, he was an illigant scholar, moreover; an", so signs, it"s many"s the song he made about her; an" if you"d be walkin" in the evening, a mile away from Carrickadrum, begorra you"d hear him singing out like a bull, all across the country, in her praises.
Well, ye may be sure, ould Tim Donovan and the wife was not a bit too well plased to see Bill Malowney coortin" their daughter Molly; for, do ye mind, she was the only child they had, and her fortune was thirty-five pounds, two cows, and five illigant pigs, three iron pots and a skillet, an" a trifle iv poultry in hand; and no one knew how much besides, whenever the Lord id be plased to call the ould people out of the way into glory!
So, it was not likely ould Tim Donovan id be fallin" in love wid poor Bill Malowney as aisy as the girls did; for, barrin" his beauty, an" his gun, an" his dhudheen, an" his janius, the divil a taste of property iv any sort or description he had in the wide world!
Well, as bad as that was, Billy would not give in that her father and mother had the smallest taste iv a right to intherfare, good or bad.
"An" you"re welcome to rayfuse me," says he, "whin I ax your lave,"
says he; "an" I"ll ax your lave," says he, "whenever I want to coort yourselves," says he; "but it"s your daughter I"m coortin" at the present," says he, "an that"s all I"ll say," says he; "for I"d as soon take a doase of salts as be discoursin" ye," says he.
So it was a rale blazin" battle betune himself and the ould people; an", begorra, there was no soart iv blaguardin" that did not pa.s.s betune them; an" they put a solemn injection on Molly again seein" him or meetin" him for the future.
But it was all iv no use. You might as well be pursuadin" the birds agin flying, or sthrivin" to coax the stars out iv the sky into your hat, as be talking common sinse to them that"s fairly bothered and burstin"
wid love. There"s nothin" like it. The toothache an" cholic together id compose you betther for an argyment than itself. It leaves you fit for nothin" bud nansinse.
It"s stronger than whisky, for one good drop iv it will make you drunk for one year, and sick, begorra, for a dozen.
It"s stronger than the say, for it"ll carry you round the world an"
never let you sink, in sunshine or storm; an", begorra, it"s stronger than Death himself, for it is not afeard iv him, bedad, but dares him in every shape.
But lovers has quarrels sometimes, and, begorra, when they do, you"d a"most imagine they hated one another like man and wife. An" so, signs an", Billy Malowney and Molly Donovan fell out one evening at ould Tom Dundon"s wake; an" whatever came betune them, she made no more about it but just draws her cloak round her, and away wid herself and the sarvant-girl home again, as if there was not a corpse, or a fiddle, or a taste of divarsion in it.
Well, Bill Malowney follied her down the boreen, to try could he deludher her back again; but, if she was bitther before, she gave it to him in airnest when she got him alone to herself, and to that degree that he wished her safe home, short and sulky enough, an" walked back again, as mad as the devil himself, to the wake, to pay a respect to poor Tom Dundon.
Well, my dear, it was aisy seen there was something wrong avid Billy Malowney, for he paid no attintion the rest of the evening to any soart of divarsion but the whisky alone; an" every gla.s.s he"d drink it"s what he"d be wishing the divil had the women, an" the worst iv bad luck to all soarts iv courting, until, at last, wid the goodness iv the sperits, an" the badness iv his temper, an" the constant fl.u.s.thration iv cursin", he grew all as one as you might say almost, saving your presince, bastely drunk!
Well, who should he fall in wid, in that childish condition, as he was deploying along the road almost as straight as the letter S, an" cursin"
the girls, an" roarin" for more whisky, but the recruiting-sargent iv the Welsh Confusileers.
So, cute enough, the sargent begins to conva.r.s.e him, an" it was not long until he had him sitting in Murphy"s public-house, wid an elegant dandy iv punch before him, an" the king"s money safe an" snug in the lowest wrinkle of his breeches-pocket.
So away wid him, and the dhrums and fifes playing, an" a dozen more unforthunate bliggards just listed along with him, an" he shakin" hands wid the sargent, and swearin" agin the women every minute, until, be the time he kem to himself, begorra, he was a good ten miles on the road to Dublin, an" Molly and all behind him.
It id be no good tellin" you iv the letters he wrote to her from the barracks there, nor how she was breaking her heart to go and see him just wanst before he"d go; but the father an" mother would not allow iv it be no manes.
An" so in less time than you"d be thinkin" about it, the colonel had him polished off into it rale elegant soger, wid his gun exercise, and his bagnet exercise, and his small sword, and broad sword, and pistol and dagger, an" all the rest, an" then away wid him on boord a man-a-war to furrin parts, to fight for King George agin Bonyparty, that was great in them times.