Herman seemed to hesitate in his turn.
"I"m afraid I"m a poor one to help you, Mr. Wynne. Mrs. Herman does the mental straightening-out for this family. Besides, we look at things so differently, you and I, that I shouldn"t know how to put things to you if I tried."
"I"ve no right to bother anybody with my troubles," Maurice said.
"That anybody could help you would give you a claim upon him," Herman responded cheerily. "I noticed, Mr. Wynne, that things were not going right with you before you went away. May I give you a piece of advice?"
"I shall be glad if you will."
"Then if I were you, I"d go and talk with Mr. Strathmore."
"With Mr. Strathmore!" Maurice echoed in surprise.
"Oh, I know he isn"t exactly of your way of thinking in church matters," Herman proceeded. "He"s still farther from my position, but he"s the man I should go to. He is so human, and so sympathetic, that there isn"t such another man in Boston for comfort and advice."
"But I"ve always been opposed," Maurice protested, "to all"--
"That"s no matter. He"s too big a man for that to make any difference.
Go to him as a fellow that"s in a hobble, and the only thing he"ll consider is how to help you. He"s had experience, and he has the gift of understanding."
No more was said on the subject, but the words stuck in Wynne"s mind.
Since all things seemed to him to be turning round, why should he not take this one more departure from the old ways? Yet it was in some sort almost like treason to Father Frontford to seek aid and comfort from Strathmore. Although the thing had never been so stated in words, it was understood at the Clergy House that Strathmore was to be looked upon in the light of an enemy to the faith, and Wynne felt as if he had been enrolled to fight the popular preacher under the banner of Father Frontford. It seemed the more treasonable to desert the Father Superior now that he was in the midst of a desperate struggle. Maurice knew, however, that it was useless to carry to his old confessor doubts which for the heart of the stern priest could not exist. He would simply be told that doubt was of the devil and was to be crushed; and the young man felt that this would leave him where he was now. If he were to seek aid, it must at least be from one who would understand his state of mind.
Wynne resumed his clerical garb on the morning after his return to Boston. His conscience reproached him for the strong distaste which he felt for the dress, and his spirits were of the lowest. About the middle of the forenoon, he started out to try the effects of a walk. It was a clear, brisk morning, with a white frost still on the pavements where the sun had not fallen. The air was invigorating, and Maurice began to feel its exhilaration. He walked more briskly, holding his head more erect, even forgetting to be irritated by the swish of his ca.s.sock about his legs. Without consciously determining whither he would go, he followed the streets toward the house of Mr. Strathmore, in that strange yet not uncommon state of mind in which a man knows fully what he is doing, yet a.s.sures himself that he has no purpose.
When at last he found himself ringing the bell, Wynne carried his private histrionics so far that he told himself that he was surprised to be there.
The visitor was shown at once to the study of Mr. Strathmore, whose readiness to receive those who sought him was one of the traits which endeared him to the general public. Maurice felt the keen and inquiring look which the clergyman bestowed upon him, and found himself somewhat at a loss how to begin.
"I am from the Clergy House of St. Mark," he said, rather awkwardly.
"So I judged from your dress," Strathmore responded cordially. "Sit down, please. That is a comfortable chair by the fire."
The professed ascetic smiled, but he took the chair indicated.
"It is a beautiful, brisk morning," the host went on. "The tingle in the air makes a man feel that he can do impossible things."
Wynne looked up at him with a smile. He was won by the heartiness of the tone, by the bright glance of the eye, by some intangible personal charm which put him at once at his ease and made him feel that understanding and sympathy were here.
"And I have done the impossible," he said. "I have ventured to come to talk with you about the celibacy of the clergy."
He saw the face of the other change with a curious expression, and then melt into a smile.
"And what am I, a married clergyman, expected to say on such a topic?"
Maurice smiled at the absurdity of his own words, and then with sudden gravity broke out earnestly:--
"I am completely at sea. All things I have believed seem to be failing me. I don"t even know what I believe."
"Will you pardon me," Strathmore asked, "if I ask why you consult me rather than your Superior?"
Maurice flushed and hesitated: yet he felt that nothing would do but absolute frankness.
"I will tell you!" he returned. "I was to be a priest. I went into the Clergy House supposing that that was settled. I see now that I really followed a friend. If he went, I couldn"t be shut out. Now I have been among men, and"--
He hesitated, but the friendly smile of the other rea.s.sured him.
"And among women," he went on bravely; "and--and"--
"And you have discovered the meaning of a certain text in Genesis which declares that "male and female created He them,"" concluded Strathmore.
Wynne felt the tone like a caress. He seemed to be understood without need of more speech. His condition, which had seemed to him so intricate and so unique, began to appear possible and human. He was not so completely cut off from human sympathy as he had felt.
"Yes," he a.s.sented; "I will be frank about it. I did not think that Father Frontford would understand what it meant to feel that life is given to us to be glorified by the love of a woman."
"If this is all that is troubling you," Strathmore remarked, "it seems to me that your position, though it may not be pleasant, is not very tragical. Our bishops are generally willing to absolve from vows of celibacy."
"I doubt if Father Frontford would be," Maurice commented involuntarily.
"That is perhaps one of his virtues in the eyes of his supporters,"
Strathmore suggested with a twinkle.
"I have not taken the vows, however," Maurice responded hastily, flushing, and ignoring the thrust.
"Then what is your trouble?"
"When I meant to take them, it was the same thing."
"Do I understand you that to intend to do a thing and then to change the mind is the same as to do it?"
"Oh, no; not that; but I am not clear that it isn"t my duty to take them. I"m not sure that it is right for a priest to marry--if you will pardon my saying so."
"And you come to me to convince you? It seems to me that Providence has already done that through the agency of some young woman. If you really know what it is to love a good woman there is no real doubt in your mind as to the sacredness of marriage,--for the clergy or for anybody else. Isn"t your trouble perhaps an obstinate dislike to seem to abandon a position once taken?"
The words might have sounded severe but for the tone in which they were spoken.
"But that is not the whole of the matter," Maurice continued, feeling as if he were being carried forward by an irresistible current. "If I have been mistaken on this point about which I have felt so sure and so strongly, what confidence can I have in my other beliefs?"
"Ah, it goes deep," Strathmore said with emphasis. "It is of no use to put old wine into new bottles. The effect of trying to make you young men accept mediaevalism, like clerical celibacy, is in the end to make you doubt everything. Haven"t you any respect for the authority of the church?"
"Oh, implicit!" Maurice responded.
"But," his host remarked with a smile, "because you begin to have doubts about a thing which the church doesn"t inculcate, you show an inclination to throw overboard all that she does teach."
Maurice was silent a moment, playing with a rosary which he wore at his belt. He was surprised that he had never thought of this; and he was startled by the doubt which had arisen in his mind as soon as he had declared his implicit faith in the church. He realized in a flash that while he had spoken honestly, he had not told the truth.
"I am afraid that I"m not quite honest," he said, "though I meant to be. I"m afraid that after all I don"t feel sure of all the church teaches."
"My dear young man," the other replied kindly, "you are fighting against the age. You have been taught to believe,--if you will pardon me,--that the thing for a true man to do is to resist the light of reason. There are, for instance, a great many things which used to be received literally which we now find it necessary to interpret figuratively. It would be refusing to use the reason heaven gives us if we refused to recognize this. The teachings of the church are true and infallible, but every man must interpret them according to the light of his own conscience and reason."