"You have no right to ask me whom I mean to marry! I am not going to marry you, at least!"
"A clergyman. A man in petticoats! Well, I must say"--
She drew herself up to her full height, looking at him with anger and excitement in her heart so great that they seemed to choke her.
"Do you see this?" she asked, holding up the little mask dangling from her finger. "I fastened this to his ca.s.sock to-night. I insulted him in the sight of everybody. Does that look as if"--
"Is that the same mask?" broke in Stanford. "You begged it of me afterward!"
She could not command her voice to reply. Shame, grief, indignation, struggled in her heart; yet her strongest conscious feeling was a determination that the tears in her eyes should not fall. She slipped past him, and moved toward the ball-room. With a quick step he gained her side.
"I beg your pardon," he said contritely. "I didn"t mean to hurt you.
You used to be nice to me, but lately"--
She mastered herself by a strong effort. She was fully aware that there were too many curious eyes about her to make any demonstration safe.
"Let me take your arm," she answered. "Folks are watching. We need not make a spectacle of ourselves. I haven"t meant to treat you badly. A girl never knows how a man is going to take things, and I only meant to be pleasant. As soon as you began to show that you were in earnest"--
She was so conscious that her words were not entirely frank that she instinctively hesitated.
"I have always been in earnest," interpolated he.
"But you will get over it," murmured she, desperately.
They had come to a group of palms, where they paused to let a bevy of dancers pa.s.s.
"Do you really mean," Stanford asked, in a hard voice, "that there is really no hope for me?"
"There is no hope that I shall ever feel differently about this."
"Then I shall certainly get over it," returned he with a touch of anger in his voice. "I don"t propose to go through life wearing the willow for anybody."
She raised to his her eyes shining with shy but irresistible light.
"Ah," she half whispered, "that is the difference. I know he wouldn"t get over it."
"He!"
The monosyllable brought to her an overwhelming sense of the confession which her words had carried. She pressed the arm upon which her finger-tips rested.
"I have trusted you," she whispered hurriedly. "Be generous. Ah, Mr.
Van Sandt," she went on aloud, "I hope you didn"t think I had deserted you. Mr. Stanford found me incapable of dancing, and had to revive me with bouillon."
XXIX
WEIGHING DELIGHT AND DOLE Hamlet, i. 2.
Strangely enough the thought which most strongly impressed Maurice Wynne on the morning following the Mardi Gras ball was the simplicity of life. He had heard in the early dawn the bell for rising; he had started up, then upon his elbow realized that he had freed himself from its tyranny. He had slidden back into his warm place, smiling to himself, and fallen into a sleep as quiet as that of a child. About eight he was roused by a brother sent to see if he was ill, his absence from early ma.s.s having been noted. Maurice sent the messenger away with the explanation that having been out to the midnight service he had slept late; then, being left alone, he made his toilet with deliberation. He seemed to himself a new man. There appeared to be no longer any difficulty in life. He reflected that one had but to follow common sense, to live sincerely up to what commended itself to his reason, and existence became wonderfully simplified. He no longer experienced any of the confusing doubts and perplexities which had of late made him so thoroughly miserable.
He hesitated to don again the dress of a deacon, but he reflected that to do otherwise would be to expose himself to the curiosity and comment of his fellows. With a smile and a sigh he put on for the last time the ca.s.sock, recalling the contemptuous terms in which at the time of the accident Mehitabel Durgin had referred to the garment. He wondered at himself for ever finding it possible to appear before the eyes of men in such a dress, and blushed to think how incongruous the clerical livery must have looked in the ballroom.
Breakfast was already half over when he appeared, and the reading of Lamentations was accompanying the frugal meal. He sank into his seat in silence, casting his eyes down upon his plate lest they should betray the joy he felt. He knew that he could have no talk with Philip until after nones, and he was not willing to leave the house without bidding his friend good-by. While he went on with his breakfast he was busy planning what he would do when he had left the routine of the Clergy House behind him. He determined to go to Mrs. Staggchase for advice, and to ask her to direct him to some quiet boarding-place where he might reorganize his scheme of life.
In the study hour which followed breakfast Wynne went boldly to the room of Father Frontford, and knocked at the door. When he heard the voice of the Father Superior bidding him enter he was for the first time seized with an unpleasant doubt. The long habit of obedience half a.s.serted itself, so that for an instant he was almost minded to turn back. With a smile of self-scorn he shook off the feeling, and opened the door.
The Father looked up in evident surprise at sight of the deacon who came unsummoned at such an hour. He was alone, a fact which Maurice noted with satisfaction.
"Good morning, Wynne," he said. "Did you wish to see me?"
"Yes, sir," Maurice answered, closing the door, and standing before it.
"I came to tell you that I have decided to leave the Clergy House."
The abruptness of the communication evidently startled the Superior.
Wynne watched him as he laid down his pen, the lines about his thin lips growing tense.
"Sit down," he said gravely.
Maurice obeyed unwillingly. He would have been glad to retreat at once, his errand being done; but he knew this to be of course impossible. He sat down facing the other, meeting with steadfast eyes the searching look fastened upon him.
"Since when," Father Frontford asked, "have you held this determination?"
"Since last night."
"Is it founded upon any especial circ.u.mstance connected with your going with Mrs. Wilson to midnight service?"
Maurice looked down for a moment in thought, then he met the eyes of the other frankly.
"Father," he said, "I don"t think that I could tell you all that has led to this decision if I would; and I do not see that it would be wise for us to go into the matter in any case. It seems to me that the fact that I have decided, and decided absolutely, is enough."
The face before him grew a shade sterner.
"You seem to forget that you are speaking to your Superior."
"Perhaps," the young man returned with calmness, "it is you who forget that I have ended that relation."
Father Frontford"s face darkened.
"I do not recognize that you have authority to end it."
Maurice tried to repress the irritation which he could not but feel; and forced himself to speak as civilly as before.
"Will you pardon me," he said; "I do not wish that our last talk should be bitter. I owe you much, and I shall never cease to respect the unselfishness with which you have tried to help me. That I cannot follow your path does not blind me to the fact that you have worked so untiringly to make the way plain and attractive to me."
He was not without a secret feeling that he was speaking with some magnanimity, yet he was entirely sincere. He realized with thorough respect, even at the moment of breaking away, how complete was the devotion of the Father. There was in his mind, too, some satisfaction at the tone he had unconsciously adopted. It flattered him to find that he should be almost patronizing his Superior.