"But we _are_ friendly! All of us! My father would do them any service in his power, consistent with his duty to--to--his business a.s.sociates."
"Ah, that"s just the point. And you would all do anything you could for them, consistent with your duty to him. That"s perfectly right--perfectly natural. But you must see that it doesn"t form a ground of common interest for us. I talked with you about the Miss Northwicks"
affairs the other day--too much, I think. But I can"t to-day. I shall be glad to converse with you on any other topic--discuss the ways of G.o.d to man, or any little interest of that kind. But unless I can see my way clearer to confidence between us in regard to my clients" affairs than I do at present, I must avoid them."
It was absurd; but in his high good-will toward Adeline, and in his latent tenderness for Suzette, Matt was hurt by the lawyer"s distrust, somewhat as you are hurt when the cashier of a strange bank turns over your check and says you must bring some one to recognize you. It cost Matt a pang; it took him a moment to own that Putney was right. Then he said, "Of course, I must offer you proof somehow that I"ve come to you in good faith. I don"t know exactly how I shall be able to do it. Would the a.s.surance of my friend, Mr. Wade, the rector of St. Michael"s--"
The name seemed to affect Putney pleasantly; he smiled, and then he said, "Brother Wade is a good man, and his words usually carry conviction, but this is a serious subject, Mr. Hilary." He laughed, and concluded earnestly, "You _must_ know that I can"t talk with you on any such authority. I couldn"t talk with Mr. Wade himself."
"No, no; of course not," Matt a.s.sented; and he took himself off crestfallen, ashamed of his own short-sightedness.
There was only one way out of the trouble, and now he blamed himself for not having tried to take that way at the outset. He had justified himself in shrinking from it by many plausible excuses, but he could justify himself no longer. He rejoiced in feeling compelled, as it were, to take it. At least, now, he should not be acting from any selfish impulse, and if there were anything unseemly in what he was going to do, he should have no regrets on that score, even in the shame of failure.
XVII.
Matt Hilary gave himself time, on his way to the Northwick place, or at least as much time as would pa.s.s between walking and driving, but that was because he was impatient, and his own going seemed faster to his nerves than that of the swiftest horse could have seemed. At the crest of the upland which divides Hatboro" from South Hatboro", and just beyond the avenue leading to Dr. Morrell"s house, he met Sue Northwick; she was walking quickly, too. She was in mourning, but she had put aside her long, c.r.a.pe veil, and she came towards him with her proud face framed in the black, and looking the paler for it; a little of her yellow hair showed under her bonnet. She moved imperiously, and Matt was afraid to think what he was thinking at sight of her. She seemed not to know him at first, or rather not to realize that it was he; when she did, a joyful light, which she did not try to hide from him, flashed over her visage; and "Mr. Hilary!" she said as simply and hospitably as if their last parting had not been on terms of enmity that nothing could clear up or explain away.
He ran forward and caught her hand. "Oh, I am so glad," he said. "I was going out to see you about something--very important; and I might have missed you."
"No. I was just coming to the doctor"s, and then I was going back. My sister isn"t at all well, and I thought she"d better see the doctor."
"It"s nothing serious, I hope?"
"Oh, no. I think she"s a little worn out.""
"I know!" said Matt, with intelligence, and nothing more was said between them as to the cause or nature of Adeline"s sickness. Matt asked if he might go up the doctor"s avenue with her, and they walked along together under the mingling elm and maple tops, but he deferred the matter he wished to speak of. They found a little girl playing in the road near the house, and Sue asked, "Is your father at home, Idella?"
"Mamma is at home," said the child. She ran forward, calling toward the open doors and windows, "Mamma! Mamma! Here"s a lady!"
"It isn"t their child," Sue explained. "It"s the daughter of the minister who was killed on the railroad, here, a year or two ago--a very strange man, Mr. Peck."
"I have heard Wade speak of him," said Matt.
A handsome and very happy looking woman came to the door, and stilled the little one"s boisterous proclamation to the hoa.r.s.e whisper of, "A lady! A lady!" as she took her hand; but she did not rebuke or correct her.
"How do you do, Mrs. Morrell," said Suzette, with rather a haughty distance; but Matt felt that she kept aloof with the pride of a person who comes from an infected house, and will not put herself at the risk of avoidance. "I wished to see Dr. Morrell about my sister. She isn"t well. Will you kindly ask him to call?"
"I will send him as soon as he comes," said Mrs. Morrell, giving Matt that glance of liking which no good woman could withhold. "Unless," she added, "you would like to come in and wait for him."
"Thank you, no," said Suzette. "I must go back to her. Good-by."
"Good-by!" said Mrs. Morrell.
Matt raised his hat and silently bowed; but as they turned away, he said to Suzette, "What a happy face! What a lovely face! What a _good_ face!"
"She is a very good woman," said the girl. "She has been very kind to us. But so has everybody. I couldn"t have believed it." In fact, it was only the kindness of their neighbors that had come near the defaulter"s daughters; the harshness and the hate had kept away.
"Why shouldn"t they be kind?" Matt demanded, with his heart instantly in his throat. "I can"t imagine--at such a time--Don"t you know that I love you?" he entreated, as if that exactly followed; there was, perhaps, a subtle spiritual sequence, transcending all order of logic in the expression of his pa.s.sion.
She looked at him over her shoulder as he walked by her side, and said, with neither surprise nor joy, "How can you say such a thing to me?"
"Because it is true! Because I can"t help it! Because I wish to be everything to you, and I have to begin by saying that. But don"t answer me now; you need never answer me. I only wish you to use me as you would use some one who loved you beyond anything on earth,--as freely as that, and yet not be bound or hampered by me in the least. Can you do that? I mean, can you feel, "This is my best friend, the truest friend that any one can have, and I will let him do anything and everything he wishes for me." Can you do that,--say that?"
"But how could I do that? I don"t understand you!" she said, faintly.
"Don"t you? I am so glad you don"t drive me from you--"
"I? _You!_"
"I was afraid--But now we can speak reasonably about it; I don"t see why people shouldn"t. I know it"s shocking to speak to you of such a thing at such a time. It"s dreadful; and yet I can"t feel wrong to have done it! No! If it"s as sacred as it seems to me when I think of it, then it couldn"t be wrong in the presence of death itself. I do love you; and I want you some day for my wife. Yes! But don"t answer that now! If you never answer me, or if you deny me at last, still I want you to let me be your true lover, while I can, and to do everything that your accepted lover could, whether you ever look at me again or not. Couldn"t you do that?"
"You know I couldn"t," she answered, simply.
"Couldn"t you?" he asked, and he fell into a forlorn silence, as if he could not say anything more. He forced her to take the word by asking, "Then you are offended with me?"
"How could I be?"
"Oh--"
"It"s what any girl might be glad of--"
"Oh, my--"
"And I am not so silly as to think there can be a wrong time for it. If there were, you would make it right, if you chose it. You couldn"t do anything I should think wrong. And I--I--love you, too--"
"Suzette! Suzette!" he called wildly, as if she were a great way off. It seemed to him his heart would burst. He got awkwardly before her, and tried to seize her hand.
She slipped by him, with a pathetic "Don"t! But you know I never could be your wife. You _know_ that."
"I don"t know it. Why shouldn"t you?"
"Because I couldn"t bring my father"s shame on my husband."
"It wouldn"t touch me, any more than it touches you!"
"It would touch your father and mother--and Louise."
"They all admire you and honor you. They think you"re everything that"s true and grand."
"Yes, while I keep to myself. And I shall keep to myself. I know how; and I shall not give way. Don"t think it!"
"You will do what is right. I shall think that."
"Don"t praise me! I can"t bear it."
"But I love you, and how can I help praising you? And if you love me--"