He was an aging fighter, sighing at each step. He dragged Pazel to the far end of the Slave Terrace, then turned to look at the horrified boy.
"You"ve sailed?" he demanded.
Pazel opened his mouth, but no sound emerged. He had not spoken in two days.
"I asked if you"ve sailed."
"Sailed!" Pazel blurted. "No, sir, never. My father was Captain Gregory, but he didn"t want me sailing. I"m a natural scholar, he said, and though I"m not a proud boy it"s true I speak four languages, sir, and write three well enough for court, and know my complex sums, and he said I was not to be wasted on the mucking ocean when there was such a thing as school, which I rather enj--"
The sergeant slapped him with a leather-hard palm. "School"s over, cub. Now listen: you sailed with your father, and you were never ill at sea. Repeat it."
"I ... I sailed with my father, and I was never ill at sea." The sergeant nodded gravely. "You ask the old men, the sheet-anchor men, to teach you your rigging, and your knots, and your shipboard stations, your whistles and flags. You"ll be learning a new language, see? The language of a ship. Learn it fast, natural scholar, or you"ll feel that iron yet."
Then he had put an envelope in Pazel"s hand. It was a fine, gilt-edged envelope, sealed with wax the color of a rooster"s comb and addressed in an elegant hand:
Captain Onnabik Faral The Swan Swan
"You"ll hand this to Faral," said the sergeant. "None other. You listening, cub?"
"Yes, sir!" But Pazel could not take his eyes from the envelope. The writing looked familiar. But who would help him? Who could, with the city ablaze?
He raised his eyes--and saw the answer looking back at him. Across the Terrace, at a table outside the oystermen"s pub, sat Dr. Ignus Chadfallow. In the squalid crowd he looked n.o.bler than ever, like a prince wandered into a ragpickers" fair. Pazel would have run to him at once, but the sergeant grabbed his elbow.
Bending close to his ear, the old warrior said, not unkindly, "The sea"s better than chains, lad, but it"s a deadly place to be anyone"s fool. Beware of smiles, eh?"
"What kind of smiles?"
"You"ll know."
With that the sergeant lurched away, and Pazel sprinted to the pub. But Chadfallow was no longer at the table. Pazel rushed inside but found only soldiers and the regular boisterous girls, bouncing on Arquali instead of Ormali knees now. He fled, ran from the shipyard to the stockades and back to the pub, yet saw no trace of Chad-fallow, nor ever again caught sight of him in Ormael. But on the chair where the doctor had been he found his mother"s ivory whale and the skipper"s knife--honed now to the sharpness of a razor.
Captain Faral took him on without question, and Pazel served more than a year on the merchant ship Swan Swan as cook"s aid and cabin boy. Just as the sergeant promised, the old sailors taught him his rigging, and knots, and a thousand unfamiliar words. as cook"s aid and cabin boy. Just as the sergeant promised, the old sailors taught him his rigging, and knots, and a thousand unfamiliar words. Capstan, spritsail, binnacle, boom: Capstan, spritsail, binnacle, boom: he learned them all, and the roles they played in the great collective struggle that is sailing. Pazel was quick and good-mannered. His book-perfect Arquali made them laugh. But it puzzled them that he knew nothing of Arquali customs. Ormalis as a rule are more mystical than religious: Gregory Pathkendle had taught Pazel and Neda the sign of the Tree (the fist against the chest, opening smoothly as one raised it past the forehead), and drilled them in the first Nine of the Ninety Rules of the Rinfaith, and left it at that. he learned them all, and the roles they played in the great collective struggle that is sailing. Pazel was quick and good-mannered. His book-perfect Arquali made them laugh. But it puzzled them that he knew nothing of Arquali customs. Ormalis as a rule are more mystical than religious: Gregory Pathkendle had taught Pazel and Neda the sign of the Tree (the fist against the chest, opening smoothly as one raised it past the forehead), and drilled them in the first Nine of the Ninety Rules of the Rinfaith, and left it at that.
The old men of the Swan Swan were indignant. "Tie him up! Leave him ash.o.r.e! We"d be better off with crawlies aboard than this little savage!" were indignant. "Tie him up! Leave him ash.o.r.e! We"d be better off with crawlies aboard than this little savage!"
But few of them meant it. They taught him the simple but all-important prayer to Bakru, G.o.d of the winds, and were pleased when he swore to repeat it at every launch. They taught him never to laugh in the presence of a monk, never to turn his back on a temple door, never to eat at night without a glance up at the stars of the Milk Tree. They taught him his own job, too: how to fight the other tarboys for the right to freeze in a gale, swabbing rain out through the scuppers before it could leach into the hold, spreading sawdust on the quarterdeck for footing, mending ropes before anyone ordered him to do so.
They were patient, these old men. They had survived plague, scurvy, wax-eye blindness, the talking fever that killed one sailor in three during the reign of Magad IV, cholera, cyclones, war. Being old and penniless meant that they had also survived their own ambitions, and no longer blamed the world for each thwarting incident, as young men do. In his heart Pazel thanked the nameless soldier a thousand times for directing him to their care.
The Swan Swan took him east, into the heart of Arqual. She had been pressed into service as a troop-carrier, but with the seizure of Ormael complete her captain returned quietly to trade, mostly in the bays of Emledri and Sorhn. Pazel supposed he would never see his mother or sister again, even if they had somehow dodged slavery and death. It was dangerous to think of them too often: when he did he became clumsy with grief, his mind filling with a bright, cold fog that frightened him. In any case there was nothing he could do. took him east, into the heart of Arqual. She had been pressed into service as a troop-carrier, but with the seizure of Ormael complete her captain returned quietly to trade, mostly in the bays of Emledri and Sorhn. Pazel supposed he would never see his mother or sister again, even if they had somehow dodged slavery and death. It was dangerous to think of them too often: when he did he became clumsy with grief, his mind filling with a bright, cold fog that frightened him. In any case there was nothing he could do.
When Captain Faral became a drunkard, Pazel found himself transferred to another ship, the Anju Anju, so abruptly he had no time even to take leave of the old men who had taught him the ways of the sea. This time rumor preceded him: the other tarboys knew that some wealthy doctor had paid off the Swan Swan and arranged for Pazel to be seized like a mailbag (as indeed he was) and flung into life aboard the and arranged for Pazel to be seized like a mailbag (as indeed he was) and flung into life aboard the Anju Anju. Pazel was furious with Chadfallow. The Anju Anju was a nastier ship in every sense: a whaler that stank of burned blubber and echoed with the laughs of men whose lives were butchery on a giant scale. Pazel hated it from the first. But a month after his transfer, a deckhand returned from sh.o.r.e leave with the news that the was a nastier ship in every sense: a whaler that stank of burned blubber and echoed with the laughs of men whose lives were butchery on a giant scale. Pazel hated it from the first. But a month after his transfer, a deckhand returned from sh.o.r.e leave with the news that the Swan Swan had meandered in a fog onto the Lava Shoals at Urnsfich, shattering her keel and sinking in a matter of minutes. Of her ninety sailors, just three had made it to sh.o.r.e. had meandered in a fog onto the Lava Shoals at Urnsfich, shattering her keel and sinking in a matter of minutes. Of her ninety sailors, just three had made it to sh.o.r.e.
Life on the Anju Anju was a terror. She leaked badly and her bilge-pumps clogged with whale grease. Her captain was violent and feared his own shadow. On calm days he lowered tarboys into the frigid seas to check for sabotage by murths or saltworms. During lightning storms he sent them aloft to tie live chickens to the topmasts, offerings to the demons of the sky. was a terror. She leaked badly and her bilge-pumps clogged with whale grease. Her captain was violent and feared his own shadow. On calm days he lowered tarboys into the frigid seas to check for sabotage by murths or saltworms. During lightning storms he sent them aloft to tie live chickens to the topmasts, offerings to the demons of the sky.
None of these dangers ever touched the whaling vessel. Her end came when the crew, their wits addled by spoiled rye, sailed her at ludicrous speed into Pol Harbor, where she would have rammed a Kings" clipper if the sh.o.r.e guns had not blown her to bits.
The Noonfirth Kings shipped the dazed crew back to Etherhorde, where her captain was beheaded, and Pazel transferred to a grain ship. After that, an ore-carrier, a barge on the River Sorhn, a signal-boat guiding warships through the Paulandri Shoals. Finally, just six months earlier, he had been a.s.signed to the Eniel Eniel. After each of these transfers, a rumor would eventually inform him that a certain n.o.bleman, a brooding fellow with gray temples, had made the arrangements. But Chadfallow never sent so much as a word of greeting to Pazel himself.
In the past half year Pazel had come to love Captain Nestef. The old navigator adored his ship and wanted a peaceable crew. They ate well, and had music after meals, and in each port the captain bought stories or travelogues or collections of jokes from the chandleries, and read them aloud on dull nights far from land.
Of course, he was still Ormali. Jervik in particular took care that no one forgot it. He despised Ormalis--despised anyone to whom he felt superior--and just last week had stolen his skipper"s knife and ivory whale, the only objects Pazel cared about in the world. They would be Jervik"s forever now.
But Nestef"s kindness had made it all bearable. The captain had even talked of buying Pazel his citizenship, and helping him return to school. The very thought of reading reading again filled Pazel"s mind with dazzling hopes. again filled Pazel"s mind with dazzling hopes.
And now Chadfallow had blasted them. He didn"t know why the doctor was interfering again, but this time he had plucked Pazel from the best ship he could ever have hoped for. And what what had he slipped into that tea? had he slipped into that tea?
He stood, threw a last nail into the water and turned to face the wharf. A new life: that was what he was choosing. A life without Arquali uncles. Without their protection, or their deceit.
Almost Free
3 Vaqrin 941
5:56 p.m.
Niriviel, the moon falcon, shot by overhead, a cream-colored arrow. On the bench beside the splendid catfish tanks of the Lorg Academy of Obedient Daughters, the girl with blond hair felt her heart lift at the sight, and then an instant"s regret at the thought that she would never see him again. An instant was all she could muster, for while she loved the falcon, she hated the Academy a thousand times more.
Behind her, a woman cleared her throat. The blond girl looked over her shoulder to see one of the Lorg Sisters frowning at her in silence. In her dark brown robe the Sister"s face seemed whiter than the lilies in the tanks; whiter than the fish weaving slow paths among the stems.
"Good evening, Sister," said the girl.
"Her Grace will see you in the hatcheries," said the woman tersely.
Startled, the girl rose to her feet.
"After your meditation, child!"
The Sister turned on her heel and stalked off. The girl sat again, sidelong to hide her face from the Academy windows, and pressed her knuckles hard against the wrought-iron bench. A meeting with the Mother Prohibitor! It was a rare honor: girls did not have private audiences with the head of the Order except for the gravest of reasons. It"s a trap It"s a trap, she told herself. I knew they"d try something I knew they"d try something.
The Accateo Accateo, as the Sisters liked to call it, was the most costly and exclusive school for girls in the Imperium. Also the oldest, which partly explained the Sisters" tendency to speak Old Arquali, and dress in cloaks like funeral wraps, and to serve dishes (horse-liver puddings, starling broth) that had vanished from even the most traditional Etherhorde dining rooms a century ago.
Also the loneliest, thought the girl, warming to her theme.
Also the darkest, cruelest, most ignorant heap of stone ever to disgrace the word school school.
Her name was Thasha Isiq, and she was dropping out. It ought to have been the happiest day of the two years she had spent at the Lorg. Two years without a glimpse of father or friends, without hearing the ocean or climbing Maj Hill. Two years without laughing, except softly in corners, and at the risk of punishment.
But she could not rejoice in her coming freedom, not yet. The Sisters" power was too great. They woke you with their songs (guttural chants recounting the evil history of womankind); they studied your private journals, not just openly but with a red quill for correcting your grammar; they questioned you about your dreams; they compared you with the impossibly pure First Sisters in the time of the Amber Kings; they gave you ch.o.r.es in house or gardens, along with meditations to recite nonstop while doing so. Then came breakfast. And after that, the real labor: your education.
Thasha had known nothing about the Academy when Syrarys, her father"s consort, announced that she was to be enrolled. When she realized Syrarys meant the walled compound with the grim towers and fanged iron gate, she refused outright. A great battle followed between daughter and consort, and Thasha lost. Or rather, surrendered: her father"s illness, a brain inflammation that had lasted years, suddenly worsened, and the family doctor told her bluntly that Eberzam Isiq would not recover unless he was spared, temporarily at least, the work and worries of fatherhood.
To Thasha the diagnosis stank of trickery. Syrarys hated her, though she pretended love. And Thasha had never quite trusted Dr. Chadfallow, friend to the Emperor though he was.
The welcome letter from the Academy promised lessons in music, dance and literature, and for a while Thasha took heart, for she had dearly loved all three subjects. Today she almost hated them.
The trouble was evil. It was the great obsession of the Sisters, and with it they poisoned everything they touched. "Literature" meant poring together over the journals of former students, now wives in the richest households across the known world: journals that recorded in humiliating detail each woman"s lifelong struggle against the inherent wickedness of her nature. "Dance" meant mastering the stiff waltzes and quadrilles of society b.a.l.l.s, or the erotic performances certain families demanded of brides for twelve nights before their weddings. "Music" just meant sin. Confession of sin in whining arias. Regret for sin in madrigals that never ended. Memory of sin in low, groveling groans.
For close to a thousand years, the Accateo Accateo had spiritually mangled girls. They entered jittery, wide-eyed waifs; they left docile dreamers, hypnotized by the epic of their own rottenness and the lifelong struggle ahead to become slightly less so. Thasha looked over at a girl her own age, pruning the roses a few yards away: eyes heavy with lack of sleep, lips moving ceaselessly with her a.s.signed meditation. Now and then she smiled, as if at some happy secret. A pretty girl, of course. had spiritually mangled girls. They entered jittery, wide-eyed waifs; they left docile dreamers, hypnotized by the epic of their own rottenness and the lifelong struggle ahead to become slightly less so. Thasha looked over at a girl her own age, pruning the roses a few yards away: eyes heavy with lack of sleep, lips moving ceaselessly with her a.s.signed meditation. Now and then she smiled, as if at some happy secret. A pretty girl, of course.
Thasha shuddered. It could have been her. It would would have been her, if she had stayed much longer. When a single story about the world pursues you all day, every day, and even prowls the edges of your dreamlands, it soon becomes hard to remember that that story is just one among many. You hear no others, and if you remember them at all, it is like remembering snowflakes in the midst of a steaming jungle: silly, fantastic, almost unreal. have been her, if she had stayed much longer. When a single story about the world pursues you all day, every day, and even prowls the edges of your dreamlands, it soon becomes hard to remember that that story is just one among many. You hear no others, and if you remember them at all, it is like remembering snowflakes in the midst of a steaming jungle: silly, fantastic, almost unreal.
Of course, that was exactly the point.
But even as these thoughts came to her, Thasha felt a stab of guilt. Hadn"t the Sisters themselves taught her all this about her mind? This, and a thousand other lessons? That there was more to love in this world than gossip and rich food and a dress from the Apsal Street tailors? And she thanked them with hate. By detesting them, laughing at them inwardly. By slandering them to her father. By dropping out.
She looked down at her hands. There was an ugly scar on her left palm that looked as though it had been made with a jagged stick. Almost two years ago, on her fifteenth night in the Lorg, Thasha had run to this bench in tears, guilt like she had never dreamed of hammering in her chest: guilt for existing, for not loving the Sisters as they loved her, for letting her father waste his fortunes in sending her here, where she spat on every opportunity. Guilt for questioning the Sisters, guilt for trying not to feel guilty. It was unendurable, this guilt, even before the elder Sisters caught up with her. We warned you, they said. We told you exactly what you would feel. A girl who chooses to be weak may hide the truth, but her heart knows. What does it know? That its owner is a vain and useless blight upon the earth. A canker. A parasite. Tell us we"re wrong, girl. Thasha could only sob as they prattled on, adding up reasons for grief, and then she reached out and snapped off a brittle rose stem and drove it straight through her left hand.
The Sisters shrieked; one hit her on the back of the head; but the act of mutilation saved Thasha"s life. She knew it: another minute and she would have died of self-loathing. As it was her head cleared instantly, and she thought, How obvious, how brilliant, to make us love them for torturing us! How obvious, how brilliant, to make us love them for torturing us! And before the Sisters marched her to the infirmary Thasha swore that however long she stayed, she would think her own thoughts and feel her own feelings when she sat on that bench. And before the Sisters marched her to the infirmary Thasha swore that however long she stayed, she would think her own thoughts and feel her own feelings when she sat on that bench.
Yes, she had become a woman here. By fighting them.
Thasha rose now, and with grateful fingers bid her bench goodbye. Then she turned and moved swiftly toward the fish hatcheries. She could see the Mother Prohibitor"s red cloak through the translucent gla.s.s. Don"t explode, don"t attack her Don"t explode, don"t attack her, she thought. You"re almost free You"re almost free.
Some girls would never know freedom again. The Lorg had no graduation process. You simply stayed until you found a way of leaving, and there were not many of those. You could drop out in highest disgrace, which was Thasha"s choice, even though the furious Sisters had promised to warn every other school in the city of her "spiritual deformities." You could murder a Sister, which was slightly less disgraceful. You could be recalled by your parents, as Thasha had begged her father to do in fifty-six letters, starting her first night in the Lorg. You could (this was Thasha"s invention) climb Sister Ipoxia"s weeping cherry until the rubbery tree bent over with your weight and dropped you over the wall; but the local constables had sharp eyes, and hauled runaways back to the Academy at once, for which they received the blessings of the Mother Prohibitor and a handful of coins.
Or you could marry. This was the one entirely legitimate way out of the Lorg. The school sponsored two Love Carnivals a year, when the Sisters dropped their teaching, gardening, wine-making and catfish cultivation to become frenetic, full time matchmakers. One of these started in just three days: by then Thasha wanted to be far from the Lorg. Her timing had enraged the Mother Prohibitor. Someone had heard her shout in the vestry: "Three hundred men seeking Love Conferences, and she renounces? What are we to tell the nine who put her at the top of their lists?"
(Nine suitors, girls had whispered behind Thasha"s back. And she"s only sixteen And she"s only sixteen.) As the Sister who taught Erotic Dance had told them yesterday (exhausted into something like honesty; her skills were in great demand this time of year), one needn"t be rich to attend the Lorg. The school also recognized merit--that is, beauty. Thasha"s cla.s.smates included a number of exceptionally lovely girls from modest households. Not a bad investment for the Lorg: what their families could not pay, their future husbands would gladly make up for in matchmaking fees.
It was a thriving enterprise. The girls nearly always consented. Marriage to a wealthy stranger felt like charity once you believed you deserved nothing more than contempt.
The Mother Prohibitor was a lanky, quick-moving old woman; in her red rector"s cloak she put one in mind of a scarlet ibis looking for dinner among the tanks of newly hatched fish. When Thasha opened the door of the gla.s.s house enclosing the tanks she looked up sharply, and gestured with a dripping hand-net.
"My eyes begin to fail me," she said, in her surprisingly deep voice. "Look at their tail spines, girl. Are they yellow?"
Thasha gathered her cloak and knelt by the tank. "Most are yellow-tailed, Your Grace. But there are some with green stripes. Very pretty fish, they"ll be."
"We must catch them. Those green ones. All of them, right now."
She held out the net. Thasha noted the great emerald ring on the woman"s pale hand. Girls gossiped about that ring: it bore the words DRANUL VED BRISTOLJET DORO DRANUL VED BRISTOLJET DORO--Where thou goest, I follow fast--in silver Old Arquali script about the priceless gem. Some girls thought the phrase a magic charm. Others held that it was the motto of a secret order, not the Lorg merely but some guild of crones scattered across the world and elbow-deep in the plots and schemes and stratagems that ruled it. Thasha felt the old woman watching her. She took the net from her hand.
The tank was shallow, and Thasha caught the dozen or so green-tailed hatchlings in a matter of minutes, dropping them one by one into a bucket next to the Mother Prohibitor.
"They will not be pretty fish, Thasha Isiq," said the old woman when she was done. "They will not be any sort of fish much longer. The Accateo Accateo now specializes in bili catfish, these yellow-tails. A more succulent meat, they have. They fetch an excellent price, and the Slugdra ghost-doctors will also pay for their intestines, which they use in love potions. There, Sister Catarh has brought your street clothes." now specializes in bili catfish, these yellow-tails. A more succulent meat, they have. They fetch an excellent price, and the Slugdra ghost-doctors will also pay for their intestines, which they use in love potions. There, Sister Catarh has brought your street clothes."
Thasha looked up quickly at the Sister in the doorway, who set down a bundle tied with string, bowed and withdrew.
"I will thank you not to grin like an imbecile," said the Mother Prohibitor. "Get up! So you"re leaving. Did you meditate this morning on your tragically altered fortunes?"
"I did, Your Grace."
"You"re lying, naturally," said the old woman, her tone matter-of-fact as she churned the water of the tank with her cane. Thasha bit her tongue. Legend held that the Mother Prohibitor felt a needle in her side whenever a girl lied in her presence. Thasha hoped for a few more opportunities.
"Failure," the Mother Prohibitor was saying, "is not an accident. Not a thug who grabs you in an alley. It is a liaison in a darkened house. It is a choice."
"Yes, Your Grace."
"Be still. The bane of that choice will pursue you. Though you flee to the ends of the earth, it will dog your heels."
Really, thought Thasha. We live just nine blocks away.
The Mother Prohibitor took a letter from her robe and studied it, as one might a fruit gone suddenly and swiftly rotten. "Failure withers the lives of those who choose it. That is why it has no place in our curriculum. Only two girls this century have left in disgrace. I praise your good father"--she raised the letter--"that he has kept you from becoming the third."
"He sent for me!" The words burst out of Thasha before she could stop herself.
"While you wear that robe you are a Lorg Daughter, and will obey me," said the Mother Prohibitor. "Yes, he sent for you. Do you know why?"
"Perhaps he misses me, Your Grace. I know he know he does." does."
The old woman just looked at her.
"Are you of the faith, child?" she asked. "Do you believe that there is a Tree in Heaven, the Milk Tree as we name it, and that this world of Alifros is but one of its fair fruits that in time must ripen and fall, or be picked by Rin"s own hand?"
Thasha swallowed. "I don"t know, Your Grace."
The old woman sighed. "The truth will find you, if you are half the young woman you seem. Go now with our blessing, and know that the voices of your sisters old and young will be raised in song, that the Angel who guides all honest pilgrims will bring you safe to distant sh.o.r.es."
Stunned, Thasha lowered her eyes. She had expected curses, humiliation. In the school hymnal, the canticles for dropouts read like death sentences. To invoke the Angel of Rin ...
"Do you see that box on the workbench? Bring it here. I have two gifts ere you depart."
Thasha fetched the box, about the size of a hatbox. At the old woman"s command she untied the string and lifted the lid. Inside was a buckled leather pouch, and within the pouch, a book. Thasha turned it in her hands. The book was old and very thick: four inches thick, but not heavy in the least. Its smooth black leather bore no words at all.
Thasha was struck first by the paper, which was so thin she could see her hand through a page if she lifted it alone, but sharp and white when laid against the rest.
"Dragonfly-wing leaf," said the old woman. "The thinnest paper in the world." Taking the book from Thasha, she opened it to the first page and held it up: