"Thanks," I tell her. "I hope you"re right."
"I don"t have a single doubt," Kyna says with a lift of her chin. "And I plan to help you as much as you"ll let me."
When Kyna is ready, we walk out of the room and see Brutus walking towards us down the hallway. I wondered how long he would make himself wait before coming after his woman. I understood the strength of the bond between soulmates. Honestly, I was surprised he held himself back for this long.
"Princess Kyna," Brutus says.
"Please, just call me Kyna, Brutus," Kyna says graciously. "I think you earned that right after saving my life. Thank you for that by the way."
Brutus grins. "It was my pleasure, Kyna. I thought you might like to see the horses in the stables." Brutus looks over at me. "Malcolm and the others would like to have a word with you in the sitting room, Anna."
"Thank you for telling me." I turn to Kyna. "Why don"t you go with Brutus? You can see the new Arabian Jered gave me for a wedding gift."
Kyna looks slightly confused. "I thought you were still married to Auggie? But you"ve mentioned being married to Malcolm twice now."
"Legally, I am still married to Auggie," I tell her. "Mostly just so I can keep my status as Empress of Cirrus. But my heart belongs to Malcolm, and we made our vows to each other last night in front of our friends and family. To me, he"s my real husband."
"What happened to Auggie, Anna?" Kyna asks, looking baffled. "He used to be so kind."
"He used to be a totally different person," I say, not speaking a lie but unable to tell her the whole truth about the change in Auggie just yet. "He"s a monster now, and I have to find a way to take control of Cirrus away from him."
"I wish you luck in that endeavor. I know from my own experience how hard it can be to do."
Kyna returns her attention to Brutus. When she does, her face lights up with a smile, and there"s a special twinkle in her eyes as she walks to stand beside him.
"I would love to see the horses now," she says to him.
Brutus holds out a crooked arm for her to take, and they begin to walk down the hallway away from me.
I stand and watch them until they begin to descend the staircase to the first floor, hoping to give them a little s.p.a.ce and private time with one another. I would love nothing more than to witness the two of them flourish in their new relationship.
As I walk down the hallway, something draws me to my mother"s room. I stare at the painted door for a moment before I walk inside and find the person I expected to find there.
Lucifer stands by the window looking out towards the courtyard.
"I heard what you did to Abaddon," he says before turning to face me. "Did you really have to humiliate him like that in front of his people, Anna?"
I close the door to the room behind me and walk over to stand in front of him.
"He needed to be taught a lesson," I reply. "I doubt you would have even given him a chance to live if you had been in my position."
"No, I wouldn"t have," Lucifer says succinctly. "I would have killed him. Now his hatred for you will fester, and he"ll find a way to make you pay for what you did."
I sigh because I know he"s right, but I really don"t want to argue about it.
"Since you phased directly to her room, I a.s.sume you used to visit my mother here when she was still alive."
"I"ve been here before," he tells me, as his eyes are drawn to the bed. "The last time was the night you were born. I can still remember..."
Lucifer phases before he can finish his sentence. I can see by his phase trail that he went directly to h.e.l.l, but I know it wasn"t of his own free will.
Within the blackness of his phase trail stands a solitary figure, Helena. Her mocking smile seems to be daring me to come and find out what she"s doing to Lucifer.
I really hate bullies.
And I"ll be d.a.m.ned if I allow her to torture my father against his will.
Chapter 16.
When I phase into h.e.l.l, I find Lucifer sitting on the bench completely covered in a thin layer of snow that"s just beginning to acc.u.mulate on him. His eyes look glazed over like his mind is locked inside a nightmare that he"s unable to awaken from. I look over my shoulder to see what he"s staring at and see the exterior of a quaint two-story home with a faade composed of a mixture of river rocks and wood siding. I hear angry shouts come from the interior of the house and instantly recognize the voices as belonging to Lucifer and my mother. It"s night time, and I can see their silhouettes through the curtained window of one of the upstairs" rooms.
"They"re fighting about you, of course," I hear Helena say.
I look behind the bench and see her standing there looking quite pleased with herself. She"s still wearing her red sequined dress. Her long blonde hair is perfectly coifed as it hangs over her right shoulder.
"Lucifer wanted Amalie to abort you when they figured out you were killing her," Helena tells me. "But your mother was stubborn and wouldn"t even listen to his pleas for her to get rid of the monster growing inside her."
"I already know this," I say, not needing to be reminded of the fact that my birth killed my mother. It was a truth I had lived with all my life. Intellectually, I understood there was nothing I could have done to prevent her death, but emotionally such a guilt never quite leaves you even when reason says otherwise.
Helena smiles. "Well, here"s your chance to learn the facts and not just what you were told."
"Lucifer," I hear my mother say behind me, forcing me to turn around to face the scene inside the house in living color.
My mother is lying in a bed already looking on the edge of death. Her eyes are ringed with dark circles, and her skin is as pale as the white sheets she"s laying under. She doesn"t look that far along in her pregnancy because there"s barely a b.u.mp on her belly. Lucifer is pacing back and forth beside the bed, clearly agitated.
"Lucifer," my mother says again, finally drawing his attention, "stop fighting me on this. There"s no point."
Lucifer stops pacing and stares at my mother like she"s completely lost her mind.
"She"s killing you, Amalie!" He shouts, as if the volume of what he"s saying will help her understand his words better. "How can you just lie there and let it happen? We don"t need a child to make us complete. We"re perfect just the way we are."
"I will not murder my own baby," my mother says fiercely, even though I can see that each word is costing her precious energy to say. "You can"t ask that of me, Lucifer. Not if you truly love me as much as you profess to. You of all people should understand me well enough to know I could never kill my own flesh and blood."
"I can ask it of you and I will!" Lucifer bellows. "You say you would be murdering her, but isn"t that what she"s doing to you? Every moment you let that thing grow inside you is a moment of life that you will never get back."
"She didn"t ask to be born into this world," my mother argues. "We are the ones who created her. How can you even think about destroying a child that"s half you and half me, Lucifer? She was conceived out of the greatest love I"ve ever known in my life. Why would you want to kill something so beautiful?"
Lucifer walks up to the bed and sits down beside my mother.
"I can ask because if I lose you, I lose myself, Amalie," Lucifer says, looking on the edge of desperation. "You are dooming me to live in a world where you don"t exist anymore. If you truly love me, you won"t leave me to suffer the rest of my life without you."
"And if you truly love me, you won"t keep asking me to kill our baby for selfish reasons."
Lucifer takes one of my mother"s frail hands into his, bringing it up to his lips.
"Please, Amalie. I"ll find you a dozen babies to raise as your own. I"ll do anything you ask. But please, abort this child before she takes you away from me. I can"t survive in this world without you."
"Lucifer," my mother says, tears streaming down her face. "I love you, but I love our child more."
After those words, Lucifer"s expression changes almost instantaneously. It hardens into a mask of complete indifference. He drops my mother"s hand and stands from the bed.
"If you don"t love me enough to kill that thing," he says, "then...I release you from the vows you made to me on our wedding day."
"Lucifer don"t..." my mother begs, sobbing uncontrollably. "Don"t do this to us. Not now."
Lucifer shakes his head at her. "I can"t stand by and watch you die. That thing is only inside you because of me. I"m the one who"s truly killing you, Amalie. If it wasn"t for me, you would have lived a normal life."
"But I would have never known true happiness."
"How can this make you happy?" Lucifer asks scathingly. "Do you like being on the edge of death? You know you"ll never survive that creature"s birth!"
"But I will have brought a child into the world who is the best parts of us both. She"s a gift that could have never been made if we hadn"t fallen in love. She will be unlike anything this world has ever seen, Lucifer. She"ll be perfect."
"A perfect abomination," Lucifer spits out. "And I refuse to have anything to do with her."
"You"re her father," my mother says, as if trying to drive the truth of that simple fact home. "She"ll need you after I"m gone."
"She won"t even know I exist if I have anything to say about it," Lucifer says. "And if I know your bleeding heart Watchers, they"ll raise her and make sure she knows nothing about me."
"But that"s not what I want," my mother cries. "I want her to know you! You"re her father whether you want to be or not!"
"I will not love her," Lucifer says with so much conviction and hatred I feel his words sting my heart. "She will be nothing to me. I refuse to care for something that takes the only person I"ve ever loved away from me. You can"t force me to love something like that!"
"She"s your daughter," my mother says reproachfully. "She isn"t a thing!"
"She"s nothing to me," Lucifer says resolutely. "And that"s exactly the way I"ll treat her."
"Lucifer," my mother says, stretching out a hand towards him, "please, don"t do this to me."
"You"ve given me no other choice," Lucifer says, keeping his voice emotionless. "Goodbye, Amalie."
Lucifer phases and the scene goes black. All I hear are my mother"s plaintive cries.
I swallow hard, trying to contain my own tears after watching the scene. I turn around to find that Helena has moved to stand right behind me.
"There"s no need to hide your pain," she croons, closing her eyes and smiling as if she"s experiencing a moment of ecstasy. "Your sorrow is almost as deep as your father"s. Why do you still feel guilt over your birth?"
"Who wouldn"t feel sad that their birth was the cause of their mother"s death?"
Helena opens her eyes and smiles. Her gaze is drawn to something over my shoulder and I know she"s conjured up yet another scene. I brace myself because I know which of Lucifer"s memories she"s about show me.
When I turn around, I see my mother"s room in Malcolm"s house. Positioned in the room like statues are my papa, Lucifer, Desmond, Brutus, Daniel, Jered, and Millie. Lucifer is standing off in the farthest dark corner while the others are around the bed. Papa is sitting on the bed beside my mother holding one of her hands while Millie is standing on the other side holding her other hand. My mother appears to be in mid-push considering the strained expression on her face. Desmond is situated on the far end of the bed acting as my mother"s doctor. The others are busy tending to preparations for my entry into the world.
Brutus is readying a wooden cradle with blankets. Jered is laying out towels and what looks like some of Desmond"s medical equipment on a table. Daniel is walking into the room with a bowl of steaming water and extra towels draped across one arm.
"Is this the moment you most dread to watch?" Helena whispers in my ear. "The moment you killed your mother."
I remain silent because I don"t want to give Helena anymore pleasure than she"s already taking from me. I refuse to let her taunts provoke a reaction inside me.
Instantly, the room comes alive with action. It"s almost like a switch was flipped to set the scene into motion.
"Push, Amalie," Desmond encourages my mother. "Just one more and I think we"ll have her."
My mother squeezes my papa"s hand tightly and screams as she pushes with all the strength she has left in her body.
I watch as my body slides head first out of my mother and into Desmond"s awaiting hands. After being so rudely thrust into the cold world, I begin to cry. Desmond hands me to Millie and she rocks me in her arms trying to bring me some comfort. Millie quickly hands me off to Jered who lays me on the towels on the table. Daniel quickly washes the evidence of my birth off my skin before Desmond comes over to examine me.
"You did it," Papa tells my mother, lovingly moving sweat soaked strands of hair off her emaciated face.
My mother"s breathing is labored, and I think everyone in the room knows she doesn"t have much longer to live. She opens her eyes and anxiously searches the room until she finds Lucifer still standing alone in his corner.
"And here she is," Desmond says, bringing me to my mother swaddled in a pink blanket. He lays me in the crook of her right arm on the bed.
"Oh my," my mother says, tears streaming down her face. "She"s even more beautiful than I could have imagined."
My mother looks back over at Lucifer.
"Lucifer, come meet your daughter," my mother begs, holding out a weak, shaky hand, urging him to come closer.
Everyone in the room watches to see what Lucifer will do.
Finally, he pushes away from his spot in the corner and walks over to my mother and me. The others move away to allow them a small bit of privacy.
Lucifer sits down on the side of the bed and stares at me as I rest against my mother"s side.
"Lucifer," my mother says, drawing his gaze to her face. "I want you to do something for me."
"You know I would do anything for you."
"Raise our child," my mother begs. "Let her get to know the side of you that you"ve only shown to me. There"s so much goodness inside you, but you refuse to let anyone see it."
"You"re the only one who ever bothered to look."
"You know that"s not true," she tells him. "Your father has always known it was there. I think he sent me to you so that you would remember who you once were. Let go of your hatred and jealousy towards humanity. Love our child and show her what a beautiful person you are on the inside. There"s so much you have to offer and teach her. Please, promise me you"ll keep her with you, keep her safe."
"I can"t do that," Lucifer says, wiping at the tears that have fallen across his cheeks. "I wouldn"t even know where to start, Amalie. She"ll be better off staying here with your friends."
"But I don"t want that," my mother sobs. "I want her to grow up with you. She deserves to know how much her mother and father love her. Don"t take that opportunity away from her."
"But you"re leaving us," Lucifer says as tears continue to stream down his face. "How are we supposed to go on without you? How am I supposed to live without you, Amalie?"