"Don"t worry," Malcolm a.s.sures me, rakish grin, "nothing will be."
After our dance is over, it seems like every man in attendance wants to dance with me at least once. At some point, Linn is relieved of her piano duty, and Desmond and Daniel provide the music. Desmond plays a guitar while Daniel plays his violin.
While I"m dancing with Gladson, I notice Lucas and Bai playing chase in a corner of the room. It warms my heart to see my little man laughing with someone his own age. Once we"ve dealt with the threat of the princes, I hope he and Bai will have more opportunities to see one another and develop a lasting friendship. I smile at their play up until the moment Lucas catches Bai by gently grabbing one of her arms. I watch as Lucas suddenly stands completely still, and his eyes get a far off look to them, just like the time he had a vision about the war to come.
"Excuse me," I tell Gladson, immediately leaving him to go to my son.
Bai sees me coming.
"What"s wrong with him?" She asks, sounding worried about her friend.
Just as I kneel down beside Lucas, he seems to come out of his trance-like state. He lets go of Bai"s arm and looks over at me.
"Are you all right?" I ask him, praying he didn"t see something horrific this time.
He nods his head and looks back at Bai.
"I"m sorry," he tells her. "Did I hurt you?"
Bai shakes her head. "No. I"m fine."
"Lucas," I say, drawing his attention back to me. "What did you see?"
Lucas looks over at Bai like he"s not sure he wants her to hear what he has to say. Apparently, he decides he doesn"t because he leans over to whisper in my ear.
"I saw my future," he says to me.
"What did you see?" I whisper back.
"I saw me marrying Bai."
I feel surprised by this news for a moment but then realize it makes perfect sense. If I"m successful in having the two of them spend more time together as they grow up, it stands to reason that they might fall in love with one another.
"We should probably keep that to ourselves for now," I tell him.
Lucas leans back and nods his head in agreement. He looks over at a confused Bai and holds out his hand to her.
"Would you like some cake, Bai?" He asks her.
"Sure," Bai says, grabbing Lucas" hand and dragging him towards the cake.
I think Lucas" offer of cake meant more to him than Bai understood. I can"t stop myself from smiling as the two of them make their way towards the wedding cake in the middle of the room.
"I suppose it"s time to cut the cake?" Malcolm says coming to stand beside me.
"It looks that way," I say, but something catches my eyes through the windows that face out towards the courtyard.
Lucifer is standing in front of the bench watching me. Snow is falling outside, and I faintly wonder if he"s brought his own personal h.e.l.l with him to my wedding, but know it"s simply wintertime in the down-world.
"I need to go out there for a moment," I tell Malcolm, keeping my eyes on Lucifer to make sure he doesn"t phase away before I have a chance to speak with him. "Could you ask the guys to play another song for me?"
"Take this," Malcolm says.
I chance a glance at my husband and see him take his feather cloak off and place it over my shoulders.
"It"ll at least keep you warm," Malcolm tells me. I can tell by the tone of his voice that he doesn"t want me going out to talk to Lucifer. Nevertheless, he doesn"t make an attempt to stop me from going.
"I"ll be right back," I tell Malcolm, leaning in to kiss him on the lips just before I phase outside to speak to my guest.
"You missed the ceremony," I tell Lucifer as I stand in front of him.
"Like I said earlier," Lucifer says, "I wasn"t strong enough to watch you ruin your life."
"Malcolm will not ruin my life. He is my life."
"I have no faith in him," Lucifer replies, not bothering to mince his words. "I hope, for your sake, that I"m wrong, Anna."
"You are," I tell him without any doubt.
I hear the music I requested begin to play inside the house.
"I believe it"s customary for the father to dance with his daughter on her wedding day," I say to Lucifer. "Will you dance with me?"
Lucifer looks surprised by my request.
"I haven"t been much of a father to you, Anna. I don"t deserve the honor. Andre should be the one you dance with."
"He isn"t here," I say. "And even if he were, I would want a dance with both of you. You haven"t been in my life for very long, but I"ve come to care about you, and, I think you care about me too. Millie told me about your yearly visits to me on my birthdays when I was younger."
"She shouldn"t have told you that," Lucifer grumbles, looking uncomfortable that I know this information.
"Why did you stop?" I ask, needing to know what happened to make him end his yearly visits.
Lucifer shakes his head. "I couldn"t stand to look at you anymore."
His words cut like a knife against the inner chambers of my heart, but from the look on his face, I can tell the words hurt him just as much to say.
"Why?" I whisper, scared to hear the answer but needing to know.
Lucifer looks at me, and a silence filled with sadness on both our parts lingers between us.
Finally, he says, "You began to look too much like Amalie. It started to hurt to look at you because all I could think about were all the happy times she and I should have had with you."
I hold my hand out to Lucifer. "Then don"t miss any more. It"s not too late. You can still be a part of my life if you want. You can still be a father to me. Dance with your daughter on her wedding day, and let"s make a memory we can both cherish."
Lucifer looks down at my hand, and I fear he won"t take it. I begin to wonder if this is how Jess felt when she offered him his crown and a chance for his father"s forgiveness. I wasn"t exactly offering him redemption for his soul, but I was offering him a chance to make right one of the things he did wrong in his life. I was offering him a chance to be a part of my family, to be a father to me. But, would he take it or would he walk away from me again?
I wait for what seems like forever. I keep my hand outstretch to Lucifer, praying that he takes it and accepts his place in my life.
Slowly, I see him raise his right hand. I realize I"m holding my breath, waiting to see if he changes his mind at the last minute.
He doesn"t.
I firmly grab hold of his hand and move in closer to him. We begin to sway to the music still playing inside the ballroom.
"I haven"t danced in years," Lucifer warns me, even though his movements are surefooted.
"You"re doing fine," I tell him, letting him lead the dance.
"Don"t take this as my approval of your marriage." Lucifer is quick to say, as if making sure I understand that fact.
"I wouldn"t dare think you were that wishy-washy in your opinions," I a.s.sure him.
Lucifer grins and lets out a half-laugh. "Good. I don"t want you to think I"m someone who changes his mind easily."
"I would never a.s.sociate you with someone who was indecisive. However, I do hope in time you come to understand Malcolm better. I would like for the children I have with him to have a relationship with their grandfather."
"Grandchildren." Lucifer says the word like it never even occurred to him that I would one day have children with Malcolm. "I hope you"re not planning to have them anytime soon."
"As soon as possible," I tell him truthfully. "After the seals are safely back in Heaven, I don"t see any point in waiting."
Lucifer doesn"t say anything, but I see his jaw muscles tighten like he"s holding back some words of advice I probably wouldn"t appreciate.
The music inside the house comes to an end. Lucifer lets go of me and takes a step back.
"You should probably return to your friends," he tells me. "I do wish you the best, Anna. I just have a hard time believing Malcolm can be the man you deserve."
"He"s the man I love," I tell him. "And I want you to know that you are welcome in our home anytime you want."
Lucifer looks surprised by my offer. "I don"t think Malcolm will appreciate that."
"He understands how important you"re becoming to me."
"Why?"
It"s my turn to look surprised by a question. "Why? Because you"re my father. I would like to get to know you better."
"Not many people would want that."
"No one else is your child."
Lucifer doesn"t seem to have a comeback for my response.
"I hope you enjoy the rest of your party," he tells me. "And... I"ll see you soon."
Lucifer phases away and Malcolm phases in as if he was simply waiting for Lucifer to leave.
"How did it go?" Malcolm asks.
"He still hates you, but at least he danced with me," I sigh. "That was a step in the right direction I think."
"I wish you didn"t feel a need for me and Lucifer to form an amicable relationship with one another, Anna," Malcolm says gently. "It"s never going to happen. Too much has pa.s.sed between us for either of us to simply forget we hate each other."
"I know. I understand that. But I want a relationship with him, Malcolm. You won"t do anything to try and prevent me from having one, will you?"
"No," Malcolm says. "I might not think it"s the healthiest thing in the world, but I can see how much it means to you. I would never try to stop you from doing something your heart needs. The only reason I would is if he started taking advantage of you or hurt you in some way. I won"t stand by and hold my tongue if I think he"s damaging you emotionally, Anna."
"He won"t," I say confidently. "I think he wants to know me better too."
Malcolm holds his hands out to me, and I place mine into his.
"Can we stop talking about Lucifer and go back inside to eat some cake?" Malcolm says, drawing me in closer to him. "And after all of that is done, maybe we can go up to our room so I can have my real dessert. I"m sure your skin will taste much sweeter than any confection."
"Well, if you would just take me to bed already, you could find out just how sweet I taste," I tease.
"Never fear, my love," Malcolm says, lowering his head to mine. "I intend to take my time and explore every lovely part of you until you beg me to stop."
"I don"t beg," I tell him as his lips hover over mine.
"Is that a challenge?" Malcolm says, his eyes lighting up with excitement.
"If you want it to be," I say. "All I know is I want us to finally break down that wall between us. Our bodies are the only things that we haven"t shared with one another completely. Now that we"re married, there"s nothing preventing us from enjoying each other in the most intimate way two people can."
"Then let"s go eat some cake and make our goodnights," Malcolm says, pulling back from me. "I would like for you to get at least a couple of hours of sleep tonight."
"It"s not that late," I tell him with a smile. "How long does making love usually take?"
Malcolm"s serious face reappears. "This will be your first time, Anna. I plan to take things slowly and make it as enjoyable as I can for you. But, there will be some discomfort I won"t be able to prevent. All I can do is make it as easy for you as I can by bringing you more pleasure than pain. There are ways to make it less uncomfortable, but in the end, you will end up feeling it. I just want to make sure the experience is worth the agony."
"I can take pain," I tell him. "And Malcolm," this time it"s my turn to be completely serious, "don"t you dare hold anything back from me tonight because you"re worried you"ll hurt me. Holding yourself back from me would hurt me even more."
"I won"t hold back," he promises me. "I"ll give you all of me tonight, Anna. Everything."
"Then let"s go back inside and do what needs to be done so we can start this long love making session you have planned."
"You"re wish is my command," Malcolm says with a grin as he phases us back inside the ballroom.
I silently pray I can make it through the next few minutes, and will my hormones to stay under control for just a little while longer.
Chapter 11.