"But how am I supposed to keep my heart pure?"
"By not allowing hatred to fill it," Malcolm says, pulling me back into his arms. "We won"t let that happen to you. My father wouldn"t have sent you down here just to become something worse than Lucifer. He doesn"t play games with a person"s soul like that. Letting people have a choice in who they become has always been important to Him. You"re stronger than anyone I know, Anna. I think you were built to withstand whatever evil resides in the power of the seals."
"But, what if they"re stronger than me?" I ask, letting Malcolm share my worry because I need his strength now more than ever. "What if the power they carry ends up consuming my soul?"
"I won"t let that happen," Malcolm says fiercely. "And I believe in our son."
I look up at Malcolm. "What do you mean?"
"Lucas has seen our future together," Malcolm reminds me. "And I choose to believe we"ll live the future he"s seen for us. You need to do the same, my love. Believe that we"ll have a little boy named Liam and a little girl named Lillianna. Though, I"ve been thinking about that name..."
"Don"t you like it?" I ask, smiling at the dubious look on Malcolm"s face.
"Seriously, that name is a mouthful," Malcolm almost complains. "Let"s shorten it to Liana. If she ever does something bad, by the time I get her full name out of my mouth I will have forgotten what it was I was going to chastise her for."
I giggle, the tension from our conversation broken slightly.
"I"m fine with Liana," I tell him, my heart swelling with love for the man and future father of my children standing in front of me.
Malcolm lets me go and takes one of my hands into his.
"Come on, everyone is worried about you. Next time at least leave me a note before you just disappear. Though, I"m not sure how happy I would be if you wrote, "Gone to h.e.l.l. Be back soon"."
"I"m sorry I put you through that," I tell him. "I just couldn"t let him disappear again without getting some answers. It might even explain why Will had a hard time resurrecting me. Is he still here?"
"No. He isn"t allowed to stay on Earth for very long after he revives you."
"I wish he could stay here with us permanently," I say. "I think I could use all the friends I can get right about now."
Malcolm squeezes my hand rea.s.suringly.
"I won"t let anything happen to you," he tells me with so much conviction I have no choice but to believe him. "Now, let"s go find the others and let them know you"re back."
Malcolm phases us to the sitting room where everyone seems to be waiting on news of my whereabouts.
"Mommy!" Lucas yells, removing Luna from his lap onto the floor and scrambling off his seat on the couch beside Millie. He runs to me and wraps his little arms around my hips, hugging me so tightly I"m not sure he ever intends to let me go.
Vala leaps from her own spot on the couch and comes to sit behind Lucas, an ever-faithful protector of us both.
"Where were you, Anna?" Vala asks, worry over my sudden disappearance evident in her voice.
I look around at Millie and my Watcher protectors as they all come to stand in front of us, anxious to hear my answer.
"Lucifer came to see me, and I followed him to get some answers," I tell them, not wanting to flat out say that I travelled to h.e.l.l in front of Lucas. He was upset enough. I didn"t want to aggravate the situation.
"Have you lost your mind, la.s.s?" Desmond asks me in utter disbelief.
"My thoughts exactly," Brutus grumbles, crossing his arms over his chest and shaking his head in disappointment.
"Did you completely forget what I told you about that place?" Jered says, not bothering to hide his aggravation with me.
I look at Daniel and wait for him to chastise me too.
"I don"t think I have anything else to add," he tells me with a shrug. "They pretty much said it all."
"I went because I needed answers," I tell them. "And I got a partial one from him."
Gently, I loosen Lucas" hold on me and bend down on one knee to face him.
"Lucas, would you mind going with Millie to the kitchen and getting me something to drink. I"m really thirsty."
"Ok," Lucas says, unaware that I"m sending him on an errand so he doesn"t hear what I need to tell the others.
"Come along, Lucas," Millie says, holding out her hand to him. "I know just the thing we can fix for your mother to make her feel right as rain."
Lucas and Millie walk out of the room with Vala pushing Luna along to follow close behind them. Once I know they are out of hearing range, I go on to tell the others what I told Malcolm about Lucifer"s warning.
"Do you trust what he told you?" Jered asks, knowing I would be able to tell if what Lucifer said was the truth or a lie.
"I...think he was telling me the truth," I tell them, only then realizing I didn"t feel confident in my answer. Usually, my natural sixth sense would tell me definitively whether or not someone was speaking the truth. Why didn"t I feel it while I was talking to Lucifer?
"Why don"t you sound sure?" Malcolm asks, looking as worried as I feel.
"Because I"m not," I admit, seeing no need to hide the fact from them.
No one says a word, but they all look unsettled by this revelation.
"Do you think it"s a side effect from having two of the seals?" I ask them.
"It"s possible," Jered says. "We"re entering unknown territory here, Anna. None of us knows all the answers. We"ll just have to deal with the consequences of you obtaining the seals as they happen."
"Let"s a.s.sume for now that Lucifer was telling the truth," Brutus says. "Is collecting them really worth the risk it poses to Anna? Because I don"t think retrieving them is worth losing her like that."
"I understand your concern," I say, "but Malcolm and I don"t think G.o.d would send me to do something He doesn"t think I can handle. We need to have faith that He knows what He"s doing."
Jered sighs in resignation. "Anna"s right. We need to trust that our father has a plan to keep her safe."
"I still don"t like it," Desmond says, running one hand through his shoulder length hair in frustration. "I don"t like it one bit."
"I don"t think any of us like it," Daniel tells him, "but when have you known our father to do something without thinking it through? He sent Anna to this particular point in time for a reason. I think we just need to trust Him. But," Daniel looks at me, "if there comes a time when you feel like you"re losing yourself, you need to say something. Don"t hide anything from us, Anna. You may think it"ll cause us worry, but your silence would worry us even more. Promise me you"ll ask for our help if and when you need it."
I nod my head. "I promise you I won"t keep what"s happening to me a secret. I"m going to need all of you to help me survive this."
Malcolm puts an arm around my shoulders.
"We"ll get through this together," he promises me.
There"s a moment of silence before Jered clears his throat to break it.
"I think we need to talk about Botis," Jered says. "And... what else might be happening."
"What do you mean?" I ask.
"We seriously doubt Botis is the only one Lucifer placed in a position of power here on Earth," Jered tells me. "I think it would be a good idea if we all split up and scouted out the other cloud cities."
"It makes sense," Malcolm agrees. "If Lucifer wants to prevent Anna from killing the princes, placing them in high profile positions would definitely make it more difficult. Plus, it would feed their greed for power and keep them happy for a time."
"Why would he allow them to have that much authority on Earth?" I ask.
"Normally, he wouldn"t," Desmond says. "But to protect you, I guess he"ll do just about anything."
Desmond volunteers to go to Stratus even though I can tell Brutus wants to be the one who goes there. It makes me even more determined to find a way to introduce Brutus to Kyna Halloran, his soulmate. I"m selfishly curious to see Kyna"s reaction when she first sees Brutus. Will her face reveal exactly how she feels just like mine did when I first saw Malcolm? I seriously doubt I"m the only one who met their soulmate and looked like a lovesick puppy dog afterwards.
Brutus ends up going to Virga while Daniel goes to his home cloud city of Cirro. Jered decides to travel to Alto, which leaves only one cloud city to investigate.
"I"ll go to Nimbo," Malcolm volunteers.
"I can go there for you," Jered says. "You should stay here with Anna."
"It will be faster if we all split up," Malcolm says. I suspect there is another reason behind Malcolm"s decision to go there, but I decide not to ask while we"re still in the company of the others. "Besides, Anna needs to get some rest."
"I"m fine," I tell him, not wanting him to use my human frailties as an excuse to leave me.
"You died and you"ve been to h.e.l.l and back, literally," Malcolm says. "You need to try and get some sleep. I think you"ll do that better if I"m not here."
"Then at least walk with me to the kitchen before you leave," I say, finding a reason for us to be alone so I can ask him his real reason for leaving me.
After everyone phases to start his own inspection of the cloud cities, Malcolm and I make our way to the kitchen hand in hand.
"Why are you really going to Nimbo?" I ask him.
Malcolm peers over at me, and I can tell he knows I can"t be fooled.
"To be honest with you, Anna, I"m still mad about what you did. I need some time alone to get over it."
"You"re mad I went to h.e.l.l without telling you," I say, just to make sure I fully understand the reason.
"I"m mad that you went there at all!" Malcolm says, allowing a bit of his temper to show. "And being mad at you is the last thing I want right now. Therefore, I"m going to go to Nimbo and find out what"s happening there, if anything. It"ll give you some time to rest and give me some time to cool off."
I stop abruptly in the hallway leading down to the kitchen. Malcolm has no choice but to stop too because I don"t let go of his hand. He turns to face me and waits for me to say something.
"Would it help at all if I said I was sorry?" I ask.
"Not really because that would just be you lying to me," Malcolm answers brusquely.
"You"re beginning to know me a little too well," I say, as I let my gaze slide to the floor, unable to look at the disappointment on his face any longer.
"I just need a little time to myself to get over it," Malcolm tells me.
"How long will you be gone?" I ask, my heart already starting to ache with just the thought of his absence from my side.
"I"ll be back tomorrow," he promises me, his voice sounding gentler. "I don"t want to stay away from you for very long either. Just...let me do this. Let me go blow off some steam and then come back to you with a clearer head."
Malcolm pulls me into his arms and holds me as he lets out a heavy sigh.
"I love you, Anna, but what you did was reckless and inconsiderate not only to me but to everyone who loves you. Can you promise me you won"t go there again?"
I consider lying to Malcolm, but I know he would see right through it.
"No, I can"t promise you that," I tell him.
He sighs heavily once more.
"I suppose I expected that answer, but I was hoping you would give me another one." Malcolm pulls back to look at me. "If you go there again, don"t stay long, Anna. The longer you stay there the more of a hold h.e.l.l will gain over you. It will rummage through your memories and try to find a way to make you want to stay there."
"I promise I won"t go there unless I absolutely have to," I tell him. "But I won"t let Lucifer use it as an escape route from me either."
"Just be careful," Malcolm cautions. "It"s the one place I can"t go to help protect you."
"Why? Because of your curse?"
"Not just that. h.e.l.l feeds off your guilt and uses it to trap you there. I have enough remorse to fill a thousand lifetimes, Anna. If I ever stepped foot inside it, I would be lost forever."
"I thought G.o.d forgave you for all of that, Malcolm."
"He did. And I forgave myself to an extent. Nevertheless, I still feel shame over what I did, and I don"t think that"s a bad thing. If I felt nothing at all, then I would be worried. I keep my guilt close to me as a reminder of what I once was. If I simply forgot all those people and what I did to them, I think that would be more disrespectful to their memories than anything else I could do."
I understand what Malcolm is saying, but I still wish he could forget about his past. Then again, if he did that, he wouldn"t be the man I love.
We continue to make our way down to the kitchen. Millie is slowly stirring something in a pot on the stove while Lucas reaches up into a cabinet from his stepstool to bring down two gla.s.s mugs.
"We"re just making you some warm milk," Millie says to me when she sees us walk into the room. "I know how much you like to drink it right before you go to sleep."
"Thanks, Millie," I tell her, taking a seat at the table.
"I should be going," Malcolm says, leaning down to give me a kiss on the lips. "I"ll be back tomorrow. I might even be back before you wake up."
I nod. "Be careful."
Malcolm winks at me. "Always."
He phases away, leaving me longing for his presence almost instantly.
"Where is Master Malcolm off to?" Millie asks me, setting my mug of warm milk in front of me while Lucas comes to sit beside me with his own gla.s.s filled to the brim.
"Just a little reconnaissance trip to Nimbo," I tell her vaguely, not wanting to cause Lucas any worry over his father"s absence.
"Well, drink up, my sweet. You should try to get some rest afterwards."