The power of the seal hits me all at once. Oddly enough, the pain strikes me in the pit of my stomach first, instead of my back, and courses from that epicenter to the rest of my body. I fall to my knees, but soon feel Malcolm lift me up into his strong arms. I faintly hear Jered speak to Belphagor before Malcolm phases me back home to our bedroom to lay me down on the bed. He lies down beside me and simply holds me as the pain from absorbing Belphagor"s seal tears through my veins like molten lava. Only Malcolm"s closeness makes it bearable enough to breathe. I begin to shiver like I have a fever, but I know it"s simply my body"s reaction to the added energy it"s having to cope with.
"I love you, Anna," Malcolm says to me. "I love you."
Malcolm tells me repeatedly how much he loves me. He begins to tell me about all the things we"ll do after I"ve completed my mission, and I let my mind drift along on his dreams for our future. I want nothing more than to live the life Malcolm sees for us. But, in times like this, I begin to wonder if it will ever come to pa.s.s. Will I be able to survive this ordeal? And if I do survive physically, will I remain the person I am or become the monster Lucifer and Helena seem so certain the seals will transform me into? I refuse to give into doubt and decide to stay true to myself for as long as I can.
After a while, the pain subsides, and I"m able to pull away from Malcolm to look into his face.
He peers down at me. His expression is a perfect mirror of the helplessness he feels.
"I wish I could do more for you," he tells me, knowing he"s powerless to save me from the torture I have to endure.
"You help me more than you know," I tell him. "You always have."
"I would bear the pain for you if I could."
"You have enough of your own to deal with," I say, letting him know I haven"t forgotten the daily suffering he has to endure because of Lucifer"s curse. "I"m strong. I can handle it."
"But for how long?" He asks worriedly. "It seemed like this seal caused you more pain than the others."
"It was a bit more...intense," I admit. "But it"s pa.s.sed now."
Malcolm kisses me on the forehead and holds me close. We rest in each other"s arms until there"s a soft knock at the door.
Malcolm kisses me on the forehead one more time before getting up to see who our visitor is.
"How is she?" I hear Jered ask anxiously.
"As well as can be expected," Malcolm says. "Did you make arrangements with Belphagor?"
"Yes, he said he would make sure Botis was alone during his morning bath. With the time difference, that"s about seven hours from now. Will she be ready by then?"
I sit up in the bed.
"I"ll be ready, Jered."
Malcolm turns slightly to look at me, giving Jered a chance to peer inside the room.
"You should wear your leather outfit. You"ll need to go there invisible and wait for Belphagor to get rid of the guards."
"And how exactly does he plan to do that?" Malcolm asks.
"He"s going to tell the guards beforehand that the empress wants to spend some intimate time alone with her husband. As soon as Botis gets comfortable in his bath, the guards will sneak out to give the royal couple an opportunity to be with one another."
"Botis will know something"s up," I say.
"Yes, but probably not before you make your presence known to him and pick a fight."
"Do you think he"ll stand and fight me?" I ask. "Or will he try to run away like he did in Nacreous?"
"Even if he does, it"s not like you can"t follow him this time," Jered says. "He"ll know that. I have a feeling he"ll take his chances and fight you rather than try to run. There"s nowhere he could go where you wouldn"t follow him."
"Good," I say. "I don"t think I"ll be in the mood to chase after him anyway. I only wish Olivia could witness the death of her husband"s executioner."
"She"ll be plenty satisfied to just know you"ve killed him," Malcolm tells me.
"I"ll be back when it"s time to go," Jered says to Malcolm. "Belphagor showed me where to take Anna so she can wait for Botis."
"I"ll be ready," I promise.
Malcolm closes the door and crawls back into bed with me.
"You should get some rest," Malcolm tells me. "You look tired."
Even though I had just slept through the night, the ordeal of taking in the seal has indeed left me completely exhausted. I should have known Malcolm would notice it.
I curl myself against him and breathe in deeply. In no time at all, I"m sound asleep.
When I awaken, I feel one of Malcom"s hands gently glide up and down my hip as I lay with my back pressed firmly against him. I turn to lay flat on my back to look up at his face as he slides his hand to rest on my thigh.
"Did you sleep well?" He asks.
"Yes. How long was I asleep?"
"A couple of hours."
"Have you been lying here all that time?"
"Where else would I want to be?"
I run my right hand over Malcolm"s shoulder and bury my fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck. Malcolm doesn"t need any more encouragement than that simple gesture. He lowers his mouth to mine, kissing my lips tenderly. I press my lips against his more forcefully demanding a more penetrating kiss from him. I turn my body into Malcolm"s and grab his shoulders with my hands as I wrap one leg around his waist and press him onto his back without ever breaking the contact of our lips.
I reach down in between us and hastily yank his shirt out of his pants, popping the lower b.u.t.tons free. Malcolm sits up, allowing me free access to slip his shirt off his shoulders. He quickly takes it the rest of the way off. Hastily, Malcolm helps me shed the shirt and bra I"m wearing, exposing my b.r.e.a.s.t.s to his undivided attention. Normally, I would enjoy his tender teasing of my body but gentle isn"t what I"m craving. I take Malcolm"s head in my hands and roughly push him back against the pillows.
He watches me as I float in the air to hover over him. I reach down and grab the waistband of his pants, ripping them down the middle and up the sides with brute force. Not feeling in the mood to waste any time, I do the same to his underwear until he"s completely exposed to my touch. I quickly shed the rest of my own clothes until I"m finally naked too.
I hover over Malcolm for a moment before settling myself down onto his hips to take the full length of him inside me. I watch his face as I begin to move against him. He closes his eyes and begins to murmur my name like a litany. The faster I move the deeper his groans of pleasure grow. I lean down and grab the hair on either side of his head forcing him to look at me.
For a moment, a confused expression pa.s.ses over Malcolm"s face as his eyes meet mine. I lean down and kiss him to wipe it away.
I feel Malcolm pull on my hair gently, forcing me to break the contact of our lips. He peers into my eyes looking alarmed now.
"Anna," Malcolm says, breathing hard, "what are you doing?"
"What does it feel like I"m doing?" I ask, a bit aggravated by his question because there"s really only one thing I want from him at the moment.
"Your eyes," he says staring into them. "They"re glowing blue."
Malcolm"s words act like a splash of cold water on my body. I sit upright on his hips.
"Glowing blue?" I ask, hoping I misunderstood what he said.
"Yes," he replies, continuing to stare at me.
It"s only then that I realize what it is I"m really doing to Malcolm. I"m simply using him to satisfy a s.e.xual hunger I feel. I wasn"t viewing him as my lover but simply a means to satisfy my physical urges.
"I"m sorry," I say, fully realizing what I was doing.
Malcolm reaches up and cups one side of my face tenderly. I close my eyes and try to reconnect to the real reason we make love. Before that moment, I was simply trying to gratify a baser need, but that wasn"t right, not with the man who held my heart.
I open my eyes and look at the man I love again with a clearer perspective.
He smiles. "That"s better."
Malcolm rolls me over onto my back.
Each kiss he plants on my face is a gentle reminder of how much he loves me. I ride the wave of his love to bring me back to who I really am.
"Malcolm," I say. "Make love to me."
I feel him smile against the base of my neck.
"I have every intension of doing just that," he a.s.sures me.
With every touch of his hands and his lips on my body, Malcolm reminds me that what we have with one another should never be reduced to just s.e.x. The connection between us is so much deeper than that.
As Malcolm brings my body to the brink, I feel myself free-fall into the warmth of his love for me. Something I vow never to take advantage of again.
Afterwards, I lie in Malcolm"s arms, grateful for the comfort he selflessly gives me.
"I"m sorry," I tell him again. "I"m not sure what happened to me."
"I have to admit I found it pretty s.e.xy at first," he says. "But I knew something was wrong. Your eyes simply confirmed it."
"I"ve heard people say that the eyes are the windows into the soul," I say. "Do you think it means mine is changing?"
"Absolutely not," Malcolm says with conviction, but it sounds more like he"s trying to convince himself than me.
I don"t make mention of my suspicions to him. I just hug my husband close and silently promise to keep hold of who I am for as long as I can.
I pull back and kiss his lips.
"I"ll be right back," I tell him. "I just need to go to the bathroom."
I crawl out of bed and go into the bathroom. I immediately look at myself in the mirror just to confirm that no trace of my alternate persona is visible anymore. Thankfully, all I see are brown eyes that look familiar and all mine. I"m not sure what change Belphagor"s seal has made in me, but I vow to fight against its effects. I turn my back towards the mirror so I can see the third seal there. When I turn my head to look at my reflection, I hear myself gasp in surprise right before a deep-set anger grabs hold of my heart.
I see no third seal on my back. Yet, the pain I felt when Belphagor supposedly gave me his seal was real. How did he cause such agony yet retain the seal for himself?
I feel angry, and I feel betrayed, two emotions that make for a dangerous combination.
When I look up into the mirror to face my reflection again, I find myself staring at blue glowing eyes.
Chapter 21.
I decide to keep Belphagor"s treachery to myself for the time being. I don"t want to cause Malcolm anymore distress than I already have. He"s dealt with enough of my drama for one day. I will myself to calm down and stay in the bathroom until my eyes go back to their natural color. When I do finally emerge back into the bedroom, Malcolm is already up and getting dressed.
"Are you hungry?" he asks me.
"I am actually," I say, feeling the gnaw of hunger in the pit of my stomach.
Malcolm walks over to me and pulls me to him.
"I"ll go make us something. Would you rather eat up here or do you feel like being with everyone else?"
"I would rather have our family around me right now," I tell him.
"Then family time it is," he says, kissing me in a way that makes me think he would much rather we just stayed in the room alone the rest of the afternoon.
"Come down when you"re ready," he says, forcing himself to leave me.
After Malcolm goes down to the kitchen, I go ahead and dress in my white leather outfit so I"m ready when Jered comes to get me. I grab my baldric and sword to have it close.
If I"m being honest with myself, I"m looking forward to the fight with Botis. I feel in need of the physical combat to get rid of some of my built up anger before I confront Belphagor and force him to tell me what he really did to me. I have a feeling whatever he did is responsible for my behavior with Malcolm earlier. I can well imagine him laughing at me the whole time he worked his magic. He was able to deceive me once, but I would be d.a.m.ned if I would ever let it happen again. The more I think about his deception the angrier I become.
Once I"m dressed, I go to the bathroom to check my eyes and see that they are glowing blue with anger. It takes me a good ten minutes to calm down enough to have them return to their normal color. I don"t even bother to walk down to the kitchen. I simply phase there because I feel an overpowering need to have my family close around me. They"re my tie to sanity in an insane world, and if there was ever a time I needed to keep a clear head, it"s now.
"Just in time," Malcolm says when he sees me. He moves away from the stove with a bowl of soup in his hands and sets it on the table in front of my regular seat.
"Mommy!" Lucas yells, standing up from his spot on the floor where he was playing with Luna. He lunges at me and hugs me around the waist. It feels like the best medicine to soothe my growing ire towards Belphagor.
Luna comes up to me and nudges my leg with her muzzle wanting attention too.
I lean down and pick her up, realizing she"s grown quite a bit since I last held her.
"How are you feeling, Anna?" Vala asks me from her spot near the table.
"A lot better now," I rea.s.sure her.
And it"s the truth. I do feel better with my family near, more like my true self. I try to push the image of my blue glowing eyes to the back of my mind. I don"t need to think about that right now. I need to concentrate on my family and gain clarity through their love for me.
Millie and Giles join us for lunch making the table complete.