She suggested that Nance set the Elvis book on the dining room table so Ava could look at it later. Then she explained that shead just finished reading the New York Times to Wilson, who liked to be kept abreast of the news, and that the two of them were now working on the crossword puzzlea"they did it on Mondays and Tuesdays but after that, forget it, it was too hard.
aIad love to help, but Iam not too good at crosswords,a Nance said in the dim hallway.
aNeither are we,a Caroline said, wondering if poor crossword solving skill was genetic.
The previous evening, after Nance had left their house, Caroline called her best friend, Billie, and told her what she suspected. It was when Nance mentioned having lived in Memphis when her father had and having been a patient at the clinic where he worked that Caroline began to feel that there was something else going on with Nance, a hidden agenda. Then when Nance talked about the daughter she hadnat gotten to see grow up, the suspicion began to form in Carolineas mind. She knew that her mother had met her father at that clinica"that her mother, Mary, had been a patient there. And the daughter she hadnat known? Might that be Caroline? And then there were the identical birthmarksa"the same place on Mary in the wedding photo and on so-called Nancy Archer.
She knew better than to tell Vic what she suspecteda"head tell her she was imagining things and accuse her of letting Billie egg her on. It was truea"Billie did egg her on, but thatas what any good friend would do.
aMy G.o.d!a Billie said to Caroline on the phone that night. aShe could be your mother. But why has she come now? What does she want? Why the secrecy?a aExactly,a Caroline said, feeling slightly sick and dizzy. She was sitting in her own living room, usually her favorite place in the world. Who had picked out that pink floor lamp? Who were the innocent-faced children in those watercolor portraits?
aMaybe sheas afraid you hate her,a Billie suggested. aIf it is her, sheas got a reason to be afraid. Abandoning you like that.a aI donat hate her,a Caroline said but knew shead spoken too quickly. Her feelings about her mother changed periodicallya"had gone through various permutations over the years, and could even bounce all over the mapa"anger, sadness, longing, acceptance, hatreda"in one hour. aMaybe she just went out of her mind and had to leave,a Caroline had said to Billie, and Billie snorted.
aSheas still out of her mind, if sheas showing up and pretending to be someone else.a And now shead shown up again! It was an opportunity for a do-over. During Nanceas earlier visit, Caroline had gotten more and more addle-brained when she began to suspect Nance of being her mother. She had acted rashly, pretending to have forgotten Nanceas name and called her Mary. Nance had seemed startled, but really, who wouldnat have been if theyad been called Mary out of the blue? Right now Caroline had no proof of anything, there were only some odd coincidences and her own intuition. Today she would remain calm. She would strive for detached curiosity. Not an easy state for her to achieve these days, but shead try.
She led Nance back into the little sitting room where her father hung out. Each time she entered that oppressive room she was struck again by the old man smell. Sometimes she felt like everyone in her house was trying to take it over, take up all the air and s.p.a.ce and sound waves until there was nothing left for her. The big old farmhouse she and Vic had rented in Iowa haunted her. The quiet. The s.p.a.ce. And theyad been so eager to fill it up with kids! What the h.e.l.l were they thinking?
Her father, the old man who smelled, sat in his favorite chair near the TV, the nubby chair with the permanent imprint of his b.u.t.t in the cushion. Theyad have to throw it away when he died. Not that she ever thought about that.
aYou must be Dr. Spriggs!a Nance gushed. aSo good to finally meet you.a She glanced around the room and then arranged herself on the love seat across from him, settling in among the pages of the newspaper.
Her father stared at Nance in bewilderment.
If this woman was his long-lost wife, wouldnat he recognize her? True, it would have been forty-eight years ago that she left him, and his mind was going. But maybe he was only pretending not to recognize her.
Nance kept staring at him, looking him slowly up and down.
Wilson Spriggs was a commanding presence, even in his old age. If you saw him working in the yard, you might think, if you were a certain age yourself: why itas Cary Grantas look-alike! The old Cary Grant, when he wore those cool black gla.s.ses. And if you were to stop and talk to him, youad think that he must be a paid advertis.e.m.e.nt for Geritol. Clear-eyed and friendly but not overfamiliar. If you talked to him only briefly, you would never suspect that his mind was slipping. Wilson still radiated that doctor vibe: Iam important! Pay heed! The man had been married three times, the last two times to adoring nurses. But now he was unshaven, wearing his hideous brown bathrobe. If Caroline had known that Nance was coming over, she mightave insisted that her father get dressed and shave. She felt like a matchmaker.
Nance didnat appear to be smitten. She now gazed at him with a stony expression that contradicted her earlier gushiness. aFinally,a Nance muttered. aWilson Spriggs, in the flesh. As I live and breathe.a And then, in a louder voice, aYep, still living and breathing here, Wilson Spriggs!a aMe, too,a Wilson said in a jovial way.
aSo I see. Dr. Spriggs.a Nancy Archer, or Mary Conner, seemed to be harboring resentment toward Wilson. How could she resent him if she didnat know him? Interesting.
aNancy Archer is our new neighbor.a Caroline had to speak loudly, because her father wouldnat wear his hearing aid. She was speaking too loudly, but she didnat care. aShe brought Ava an Elvis book.a aGood morning,a he said to Nance, and smiled like his old charming self.
Nance refused coffee, and glanced at Caroline expectantly. Entertain me, is what her expression said. Christ, another person who wanted to be taken care of. If this woman was her mother, had she come expecting Caroline to nurse her in her twilight years? Was she looking for a handout? Nance had claimed to have plenty of money, but was that true? There were many questions that must be answered, and answered to Carolineas satisfaction.
Back in Iowa City, when Caroline was in junior high school, Wilson had told her what he knew about her mother, which was disappointingly little. The two of them had known each other only two months before they got married, Wilson explained, and they got married only because Mary was expecting a baby. Mary was eighteen at the time, a country girl from Arkansas whoad come up to the city to seek her fortune. Wilson claimed he knew nothing about her family or exactly where shead grown up. How could you not know those things? Caroline had always wondered.
Later on, when Caroline was in high school and Wilson was married to wife number three, he revealed to Caroline what had happened the day Mary disappeared back in 1959. Head dropped Mary and baby Caroline at his motheras house in suburban Memphis and had gone off to do some errands downtown. When he returned a couple of hours later, Mary was gone. What did he mean, gone? She wasnat there. Shead left. Didnat he ask his mother what had happened? Sure, but his mother swore to her dying day that she didnat see Mary leave and didnat know why or where shead gone. Didnat he try to find her? Sure he did. He checked with all their friends, visited all their old hangouts, like the Arcade and the Tick Tock. He even put an ad in the paper. No, she never asked for any of her things. Oddly enough, Wilson said, his motheras precious grand piano also disappeared a few days after Mary did, and his mother claimed that shead just felt like selling it. Wilson immediately suspected that his mother, whoad never liked Mary, had offered to give her the piano if shead disappear, but he didnat voice his suspicions to his mother, who wouldave denied it. So had Mary been a music lover? Had she ever taken piano lessons or expressed an interest in playing piano? No, Mary had never shown much interest in any kind of music. But what kind of person would swap an object they didnat care about for their own baby? Mary, apparently. What kind of person would deprive a child of her mother? The childas grandmother, evidently. Why would you suspect your own mother of secretly bribing your wife to leave and then lying about it? He did, and he couldnat explain why. The whole thing was too vexing to think about.
Caroline had long since given up expecting her mother to show up on her birthdays or to call, even send a card. Maybe thatas why shead always hated her birthday. So what had prompted her might-be mother to return now?
Keep quiet until youare sure, Caroline told herself. She sat down at the other end of the love seat, picked up the paper, shook it, and read, too loudly, aSix-letter word for animus.a aRomulus and Remus,a said Nance in a singsong voice.
Okay. Caroline took a sip of her cooling coffee. aDad? Animus.a He shook his head slowly. aDo we know any letters?a aNo! I told you that.a aHate,a he said.
aSix! Letters!a aBetty Bordney fairy sway,a Nance said, and snorted with laughter.
Her father laughed, too, a startling sound. Caroline hadnat heard her father laugh in ages. The crossword puzzle segment of their morning was usually done in a businesslike manner, because it was one of the things the doctor had said they needed to do to help keep Wilsonas memory intact. Caroline had suspected that her father didnat enjoy it much either.
aWho is Betty Bordney?a Wilson asked Nance.
aA lady I knew. In Memphis. A nurse. Betty Bordney fairy sway. Thatas what we used to call her. Or was it Betty fairy Bordner sway?a aDid you hate her?a Wilson asked. aWas there animus between you?a aOh, no. The opposite. She and I had a lesbian affair.a Wilson blanched, uncomfortable about such things being said boldly aloud.
Was her mother a lesbian? Was that why she left? Caroline felt hysterical laughter bubbling up and tried to swallow it.
aJust playing with ya,a Nance said. aIam not a lesbian.a aBetty Bordney sounds like a cow,a Wilson said.
aAnd fairy sway sounds like a dairy dessert.a aMoo,a Wilson said.
What the h.e.l.l? Was this an inside joke from when they were married? Caroline broke out into snickers, clamped her lips together, then exploded with laughter. She laughed and tried to stop and stopped and started up again, the way she and Vic used to laugh, the way she and her high school buddies used to laugh, the way she never laughed anymore; and she kept it up until she was crying. No. Not that. She finally got control and wiped her eyes with a handy napkin.
Both Nance and her father were staring at her, her father with a worried smile and Nance with a big pumpkin grin. This Nance was a different person than the one whoad sat in their living room a couple of days earliera"the old Nance had been earnest and eager to please, even if she hadnat been convincing talking up her and Suzias trip to Italy.
aIam sorry, kids,a Caroline said in a jolly voice. She dabbed her eyes and blew her nose. aLetas get back to the crossword puzzle. Okay. Thirty-two down. An eight-letter word for nocturnal creature.a aHuh,a Wilson said. He glanced over at Nance.
Nance pursed her thin little lips and shook her head. aArmadillo?a aThatas nine letters,a Caroline said. aGood guess though.a aI saw an armadillo in your yard just now,a Nance said. aHe squeezed out from under that shed in the back.a aThatas my pet armadillo,a Wilson said. aAnimus.a aTee-hee,a Nance said.
Caroline set down the newspaper. She picked up her coffee cup, wanting to hurl it across the room. aAnyone else want coffee?a They both refused, eager, Caroline felt, to get rid of her.
When she returned, blowing on her third cup of the morning, Nance was reading an article from the paper aloud to Wilson, her voice changing when there were quotes. Caroline always read the paper in a bored monotone. Nance mustave been able to tell, just by being around Wilson for a short time, that he was in dire need of levity and a fresh face.
Caroline stood in the doorway to listen. She studied the old womanas sharp features. She could see no resemblance at all between Nance and herself.
aFrank Comas,a Nance read in a newscasteras voice, aa physician, appeared before the presidentas advisory committee to defend the work done by the Oak Ridge doctors.a Here Nanceas voice changed to a ba.s.so profundo. a aIt is with some sadness and also some annoyance, I must confess, that I am obliged to try to exonerate ourselves for something perceived by some as devilish acts where science was G.o.d and d.a.m.n all other considerations.a a Wilson sat in his chair, head down, his fingers twined together in his lap. Caroline hoped he wasnat falling asleep. It was odd. Shead just read most of that section of the paper to Wilson, and she didnat recall the article that Nance was now reading.
Nance went on reading, something about a committee and a hearing, blah, blah, blah. Caroline stood and listened for another minutea"well, not really listening but watching her father to make sure he seemed contenta"and then, with a slightly lighter heart, she drifted away.
She knew she should stay away from Ava, but somehow she found herself in the hallway outside Avaas door, where she often ended up, back at the scene of her many failures to communicate with her daughter, wondering whether or not she should go in to make sure she was studying for her algebra test. Ava, when she was involved in some activity, could react angrily to being interrupted. Caroline knew this from years of experience, but of its own accord her hand was on the doork.n.o.b, turning it, and she was looking into the room where Ava sat cross-legged on the bed, studying a book, the big book of Elvis photographs Nance had just brought over. How had she gotten hold of it so fast?
The sound of Elvisas melodramatic, self-mocking voice came from Avaas room from morning until late at night. aPolk salad Annie, / the gators got your granny.a aAva,a Caroline said now. aPlease turn the music down.a Ava ignored her.
aShouldnat you be studying algebra?a Ava kept studying the photographs, hunched over, her dark hair hiding her face, the fingers of one hand busily rattling the corner of the page she was looking at. She sat surrounded by all her Elvis memorabiliaa"her Elvis posters, Jailhouse Rock Elvis clock, Teddy Bear Elvis pillows, Aloha Elvis lamp. She wore a new Elvis T-shirt, a fitted pink one which showcased the fifties Elvis. When had she gotten that one? How had she paid for it? aAva!a Finally Ava glanced up at her, disoriented, like shead just woken up. aThis has some pictures in it Iave never seen before,a she said. aFrom when he lived in Germany. Wheread this come from?a Caroline explained that Nance had brought it, which made Ava sit up straighter and smile. If only Ava werenat so beautiful, Caroline thought for the millionth time, and then scolded herself for thinking such a dumb thing, for wishing ugliness on a girl who already had the cards stacked against her.
aAfter you finish studying, thereas some forms you need to sign,a she told Ava. aFor Rhodes College.a Ava kept looking at the book.
Elvis sang that he was just a roustabout. Going from town to town.
Caroline marched over and pulled the plug on the iPod dock. aWe need to get those forms in the mail as soon as possible.a Ava, surrounded by pictures of Elvis, kept looking at the book with a little smile on her face that indicated total absorption. Mother did not exist. Nothing else existed but Elvis.
Caroline considered her options. She could go get the forms from her desk and thrust them in front of Avaas face. She could rip the Elvis book from Avaas hands. She could thrust the math book in front of Ava and yell at her about pa.s.sing math and how she wouldnat get into Rhodes College if she didnat pa.s.s math this time. Ava would scream back at her that she didnat care, didnat care about math or college or anything and just wanted to be left alone, and she might even start in yelling about how dumb she was, how ugly, how fat, and even start hitting herself, until Caroline ran from the room holding in tears.
This scene had happened many times, even though Caroline knew better than to start it, knew better because of all the years of therapy theyad had and books shead read about how to deal with Aspergeras syndrome; but it was hard to act like a calm, disinterested therapist with your own child.
Caroline, like all the other mothers she knew who had autistic kids, had become the designated therapy parent in the family. Vicas only contribution to their therapy was to get the kids hooked on watching reruns of Seinfeld. He pointed out that the show was all about social gaffes and miscommunication, and, who knows, it could be that watching Seinfeld and afterward discussing the many ways that Kramer, Jerry, Elaine, and George screw up might help Ava and Otis more than anything. Could be, Caroline agreed, but we canat just stop there. Sometimes she admired and envied his ability to stay aloof, but other times it maddened her. She needed help and he wouldnat help her. She knew it was good for the kids to have one calm person in the family, but why did it have to be him?
When Caroline got Ava diagnosed at age nine, she flung herself into trying to fix her. She quit teaching preschool in order to devote herself full-time to the cause. There were the no-wheat no-dairy diets that the family endured for only a month before Caroline called it quits, then the vitamin and mineral supplements, physical therapy, occupational therapy, Relationship Development Intervention, HANDLE neurological therapy, chelationa"removal of toxic heavy metals that might be making things worsea"tutoring, counseling, support groups, psychiatrists, etc., etc., etc. The trouble was that all these so-called therapies were very expensive, and they never had any measurable results. Caroline could never tell what worked and what didnat work, because they did many things at once. They had to. They couldnat afford to waste any time.
And Ava did seem to get better, leaving some of her bigger, more obvious problems behind hera"such as public temper tantrums and huge social gaffesa"but that could have been due to growing up as much as to any treatment.
Otis, when he was about five, was also diagnosed, but in a pro forma way. Caroline and Vic saw the signs early ona"the stiffness, clumsiness, intolerance of change, lack of desire for physical contact, precocious verbal development. But by this time Caroline was so exhausted by her efforts with Ava, and she was so depressed about Otis having the same problems, that she couldnat bring herself to try every new treatment that came down the pike on Otisa"and there were new theories and treatments popping up on the Aspergeras Web sites every week. As a result, Otis had no special therapies whatsoever, nothing but what he got in school, and it was hard to see that he was any worse off, or better off, than Ava. The awful truth: she had the energy to try and fix only one of them.
Suzi turned out to be their comfort child. Caroline and Vic watched baby Suzi fixedly, and when they saw no signs of autism they were so relieved they couldnat even speak of their joy, and the guilt they felt about their joy. Caroline would carry Suzi around, reveling in her affection and attentiveness, and then some kind of internal alarm would go off and shead shove Suzi aside and go running back to Ava, whom, she thought, really needed her.
Caroline, because of all this intense activity, had come to depend on Avaas disability to give her life focus. For years shead been quietly anxious at the thought of Ava moving out on her own, but that ended once she got the idea of sending Ava to Rhodes College. Now it made her panicky when she considered the possibility of Ava flunking algebra for the second time, of her not having the grades to transfer from Tallaha.s.see Community College to Rhodes College in Memphis, where shead decided that Ava had to go, becausea"although she hadnat told anyone except her best friend, Billiea"she planned on moving to Memphis with Ava and living in an apartment in midtown while Ava lived in a dorm and went to college.
Ava would need her to be close by, shead tell Vic. And you and Suzi and Otis are doing fine here. What would she do about her father? Vic shouldnat, couldnat take care of Wilson. She could hire someone. Maybe Nance! Or maybe the two of them would realize that they still loved each other and get married again. Everything would all work out. It had to work out. Of course, Ava could stay here and go to FSU, but it was such a huge school, so big that she wouldnat make friends and her professors wouldnat know her and shead flounder, whereas Rhodes was small, had small cla.s.ses, and the professors wouldnat let her slip through the cracks. The kids would be nicer, more motivated, more accepting. And the thing wasa"if Ava stayed here, then Caroline wouldnat have an excuse to leave herself.
Caroline had no idea, until she visited Memphis last December, how tired she was of the whole kit and caboodle at home. Trying to keep everything running smoothly. Antic.i.p.ating everyoneas needs. Nodding and pretending to be interested while her husband droned on and on about portfolio scoring. Driving the same routes over and over again, pa.s.sing the same Tire Kingdom and BP station and the Melting Pot fondue restaurant where a customeras hair and face had once caught on firea"every time she drove by she felt compelled to imagine ita"and the Christian School with the electronic billboard informing you that All Roads Lead to Jesus! where the parents picking up their saintly children pulled out right in front of her or rode her b.u.mper. Forcing herself to smile at the same compet.i.tive soccer moms who forced themselves to smile back. Measuring everything she said in the Aspergeras support group so as not to seem to be one-upping or condescending to the mothers whose kids were either more or less affected than Otis and Ava. Fixing the same unappreciated lunches; sorting the same mounds of vile sour clothes; nagging people to do their ch.o.r.es.
How wonderful to be in someplace totally different from Tallaha.s.see, someplace gritty and urban and mysterious and where she wouldnat run into anyone she knew! Her father had been the youngest of four children, but his older siblings had already pa.s.sed away. None of her cousins still lived in Memphis. She had no obligations to visit anyone there. And how cool to discover that, when she and Ava visited, she actually liked the city of Memphis, found it fascinating, when shead never appreciated it before. The wonderful old buildings downtown. The civil rights history. The place where the blues and rock and roll took off. The place where her parents had lived together for a year, and where her mother had come, as a young girl, to seek her fortune. A whole new old world lay before Caroline, waiting to be explored. She loved being a stranger in her own hometown. Because Memphis was her hometown, even though shead lived there only until she was two.
She simply had to live in Memphis for a while. Had to.
Caroline was standing there, in Avaas doorway, on the verge of screaming at her daughter once again, when she heard a voice behind her.
aDoes she like the book?a Nance asked.
Caroline hadnat heard the woman approach, wondered what she was doing at this end of the house.
aI was looking for the little girlsa room,a Nance said, laying a hand on her elbow. aYour daddy fell asleep.a Ava, hearing a voice other than her motheras bothersome one, glanced up and smiled her brilliant smile.
Caroline felt something inside her settle a little. All she wanted was for Ava to be happy. And to have her own place in the world. Well, that wasnat all she wanted. She herself wanted to wander free in Memphis, tethered, only lightly, to Ava.
aThanks for the book,a Ava said to Nance.
aIt was very nice of you,a Caroline said to Nance. Then she turned to Ava. aBut right now you need to put it down and study for your algebra test.a aJust let me finish this,a Ava said.
It was one thing to be ignored when she was alone, and another to be ignored in front of an audience. She wanted her could-be mother to see that shead become a good parent in spite of being abandoned as a baby. aYou need to do it now,a Caroline told Ava in her stern voice.
aOkay!a Ava hurled the book across the room. It slammed into her bookcase and landed, open and pages folded, on the floor.
aIam sorry,a Caroline said to Nance. She walked over to the book, picked it up, smoothed the pages, wanting to howl and gnash her teeth and laugh at the same time. aAva doesnat like math. Her tutor is on vacation.a aIt doesnat make any sense!a Ava said. aWho cares what X equals?a Caroline agreed but knew better than to say so.
aI used to teach algebra,a Nance said from the doorway. aMany moons ago. How about if I help you study?a Ava didnat say anything, but her relaxed face told Caroline what she needed to know.
Caroline sat down on the carpet, clutching the Elvis book, which was shaped like a phonograph alb.u.m. It was a bit strange that Nance would volunteer to tutor Avaa"unless Ava actually was her long-lost grandchild. Either way, if it made things easier on Avaa"and Carolinea"and if it helped Ava pa.s.s algebra so she could get into Rhodes, then why would she say no? Shead see that they studied here, so how much trouble could they get in? aWead pay you what we pay Laura,a Caroline said.
aOh, no,a Nance said. aJust leave us alone for an hour and I double-dog guarantee sheall do fine on that exam.a aItas only a couple of days away,a Ava said, sliding to the edge of her bed.
aLetas not get our hopes up too high,a Caroline said, but for the second time that morning Nancea"Mrs. Archer, Mary, Mom, whoever she wasa"had caused her to feel lighter, less burdened; and as she sat there cross-legged on the floor, she could almost feel herself levitating, like those transcendental meditation people in Fairfield, Iowa, who claimed they could fly.
On the following Sat.u.r.day, Caroline and her father and Nance worked in the yard. Caroline and Vicas property had been landscaped and well tended by the previous owner, so all Carolineas family had to do was maintain it. The backyard didnat take much work, being mostly ferns and monkey gra.s.s and English ivy shaded by live oak trees, so they usually focused on the front yard.
Nance, dressed in bleach-spattered Bermuda shorts and a big straw hat, waded into the English ivy and commenced weeding the Nandina, a nasty exotic bamboo that tried to take over, and Carolineas dad, covered from head to toe to prevent skin cancer and bug bites, got to work near Nance, planting some bulbs near the p.r.i.c.kly holly bushes in front of the house. The bulbs, which Nance had brought with her, were daffodil bulbs and wouldnat survive in Florida, she informed Caroline, unless Caroline dug them up every winter and stored them in the freezer until spring, which she wasnat about to do, though she didnat say so.
Caroline supposed that what Nance mightave wanted when shead invited herself over today was to spend time with Wilson, try to get him to remember her. It was odd, but Nance didnat seem particularly interested in getting acquainted with Caroline, her long-lost child. Surely she must care about Caroline, the way shead talked wistfully about missing her only daughter. But maybe Nance could focus on only one person at a time, and shead decided to start with Wilson. Caroline told herself she was fine with that. She could wait until Nance was ready to be honest with her. That is, if the woman even was her mother and she wasnat just having paranoid delusions.
Right now she wanted to lose herself in yard work, which gave her immediate gratification. She forgot about Wilson and Nance while she mowed the front lawn. The cycle of summer soakings had recently started up again, and the lawn, newly fertilized, had turned a lush dark greena"no brown spots or orange fungus yet. After the lawn she edged and blew the brick walk and driveway off with the leaf blowera"tasks shead recently taken over from Vic because he was always off at Suzias soccer games on the weekends. And just like with running, she could get some of her frustration out this way.
When she was up on a ladder with Vicas electric trimmer, attacking the front hedgea"Florida anisea"inhaling the rich licorice scent, someone snuck up behind her and grabbed her calf. aBoo!a The ladder swayed and Carolineas stomach lurched. She turned the trimmer off. aMy G.o.d,a she said, shaking free of Nanceas gloved talon. aBe careful. This thing could slice us up.a Nance tipped her straw hat back on her head. Her face was coated with a sunscreen containing zinc oxide which turned her complexion chalky white. She looked like shead escaped from The Mikado. She gazed up at Caroline. aI believe Iam done weeding for now,a she said. aYou have a hand trimmer in that little shed back there?a Caroline explained that the shed had once been used to store tools, but theyad bequeathed it to Otis after they got tired of his blowing things up in the house. He was working on something in there now that had to do with smoke detectors. aI think he tells his granddad what heas doing but not me. He doesnat want any of us to go in that shed until heas ready.a The hedge trimmer was getting heavy, and she was itching to turn it on again. She was itching, period. Biting things were nibbling on her legs. She swiped her forehead with her T-shirt sleeve. aWell, back to work,a she said.
But Nance leaned on the ladder. aArenat you proud of that Suzi?a she asked. aSheas such a dynamo.a aI am,a Caroline said.
aAnd Ava could be a model. Truly. You know that show, Americaas Next Top Model? She could win that.a aNever seen it.a aThe winner gets scads of money!a Nance said. aAnd, believe me, sheas got what it takes.a aDonat tell her that,a Caroline protested. She had a horror of her daughters being caught up in the cultural obsession with looks and youthfulness, perhaps because she was fighting her own battle with it. aBut youare very nice to say so.a aIam not nice!a Nance protested. aThat child is gorgeous! Just like her mother.a Caroline smiled. She and Ava looked like entirely different animals. aWhereas my dad?a aWeeding over in the side yard. Iam going on home now, hon. Iam just p.o.o.ped.a Nance waved good-bye and set out for home, walking quickly for somebody who claimed to be p.o.o.ped.
Caroline finished clipping the hedge, which took another fifteen minutes, and then turned the trimmer off. She glanced around the front yard, a rectangle enclosed by white picket fencing on the short sides, their one-story yellow brick house on one long side and, on the other long side, next to the street, a wire fence hidden in the hedge Caroline had just trimmed. The metal swing, where Wilson liked to sit, dangled empty from the limb of the live oak tree in the center of the yard. Parson roasted in a spot of sunlight on the front porch.
She climbed down the ladder, wondering if maybe head gone inside. She didnat think her father wouldave wandered off anywhere, but with his memory getting worse, who knew?
She set down her clippers, and started calling aDad!a like he was a missing dog. He wasnat visible in the side yard. She strode back through the front yard and into the house, tromping down the hall in her dirty sneakers, shedding flakes of dirt and gra.s.s on the hardwood floors that shead have to clean up later, calling for her father as she went, her actual dog, Parson Brown, on her heels. But the housea"upstairs and downa"was silent, and Wilson wasnat there.
She stepped out onto the deck which overlooked the backyard, sloping gently downward, totally enclosed by trees and bamboo and viburnum. Otisas shed, in the far corner of the yard, was always locked. She couldnat see Wilson anywhere. She called his name a few times. aDad! Wilson! Dad!a Nothing.
Her heart was beating fast now, painful adrenaline pumping through her like it did when one of her children had wandered off. She walked back through the house again, yelling Wilsonas name, through the front yard and then up and down their block of Friaras Way, calling for him. There was n.o.body about, n.o.body that she could question. Should she start knocking on doors? He could be anywhere by now. Should she get in the car and start looking that way? She needed help. Vic wouldnat answer his phone. Ava was at Aspergeras support group. Otis would be home from work soon, but she couldnat wait for him.
She trotted back home and, in the kitchen, Parson panting beside her, called the police. Shead just finished up giving her report, fighting back panic, when Wilson and Otis, in his McDonaldas uniform, stepped in through the back door.
Wilson, red-faced under his brown safari hat, strands of his white hair pasted to his forehead, looked on the verge of heatstroke.
aNever mind,a she told the woman on the phone and hung up. aWhere have you been?a Caroline removed his hat, got him situated in a chair, and made him drink a gla.s.s of water.
aHot as h.e.l.l in there,a he said.
aIn where?a aIn my shed.a Otis slapped his grandfather on the shoulder as if he were a naughty little rascal. aI heard him rattling the door, trying to get out.a aHe mustave locked himself in,a Caroline suggested. aDid you give him a key?a Wilson had been advising Otis on his current project, whatever it was. Theyad been science pals for years.
aIt was unlocked,a Wilson said.
Otis shook his head. aNo, sir. I always keep it locked. Thereas a key hidden out there, but he doesnat know where it is. n.o.bodyas allowed in there but me.a Caroline sank into a kitchen chair.
aI didnat want to go in there,a Wilson said. aShe made me.a aWho made you?a Caroline asked, but she knew the answer.
aThe padlock was locked from the outside,a Otis said. aHe couldnat have done it.a aThat woman,a Wilson said. aThat strange woman. She pushed me in there and locked the door.a Caroline found herself wanting, horribly, to giggle, the way she had when they were attempting the crossword puzzle. aWhy would she do that, Dad?a aI d.a.m.n near suffocated in there. Couldnat get the windows open.a aHe shouldnat be in there,a Otis said to his mother in a scolding tone. aThereas dangerous chemicals in there.a aWhat chemicals?a He took a few steps away from her. aJust my stuff. I know what Iam doing. But if youare in there, you need protection.a aProtection,a Caroline repeated, and thought of birth control, which brought the giggles back up to the surface. She forced them down again.
aShe hates me, for some reason,a Wilson said.
aShe doesnat hate you,a Caroline said. aWhy would she hate you? Iam sure it was an accident. You need to go lie down for a while.a So I can call Billie and give her an update, she finished silently.
She hated the a.s.swiper Support Group, but her mother dropped her off at the Methodist Church downtown at one oaclock every Sat.u.r.day afternoon. The a.s.swipers met in a dank bas.e.m.e.nt that had one of those floors covered with tan linoleum squares that had been there since the dawn of time, or since the 1950s, and there were black scuff marks all over the floor that Ava stared at while the other people were talkinga"the guys were talking, because it was only her and a bunch of losers.
She didnat like looking at the guys, noticing all their facial irregularitiesa"it was better to stare at the scuff marks on the floor and try to see pictures in them. Each week she made sure to sit in the same chair so that she could revisit the scuff mark pictures shead already conjured up. There was the clipper ship shead christened the Ordinary, and there was the tree of life shead noticed for the first time last week, and over there the state of California, and right in front of her a profile of Elvis, the 1968 comeback Elvis, with sideburns and thin face.
Ava had seen the face of Elvis in the marbled swirls of a shower stall in a Super 8 Motel, in the clouds, in a half-used bar of olive soap from the Italian deli. Hang in there, Ava baby, he was always telling her, things will get better. He understood, because he had Aspergeras, too, only head grown up in the good old days before people even knew what Aspergeras was, so it was more of a live-and-let-live kind of a thing, instead of a live-and-try-to-fix-the-other-guy kind of a thing. Back then, you were just labeled a freak and left alone, which really wasnat ideal either, she had to admit, unless you also happened to be a gorgeous musical genius. h.e.l.lo there, Elvis. She tapped his chin with the toe of her flip-flop. Hey, Elvis. Hey, guitar man.
One time shead mentioned to the freaks in her group that, in her opinion, Elvis had Aspergeras, and the only response shead gotten was the most gung ho Christian guy going, aRock and Roll music is sinful. The beat is meant to make you think of the s.e.xual act. The phrase rock and roll is actually a euphemism for the s.e.xual act. Even Christian rock isnat wholesome. Doesnat matter that the lyrics are about G.o.d.a What could you say to this kind of nonsense? For somebody who was so against s.e.x, he sure liked to talk about it a lot. s.e.xual act. Why add the act part?