aI want to talk to you.a He turned back to Gigi, but shead gone.
In his office, seated behind his desk, he felt better. aAbout Gigi,a he began.
Nance picked up a picture on his deska"Soccer Suzi, from two seasons ago. aYou and Gigi have a thing going.a aOf course we donat.a So maybe she hadnat overheard his argument with Gigi. He felt relieved. aIs that what you wanted to talk to me about?a he asked her. aNot that itas any of your business.a She set the picture of Suzi down on his desk, facing her, and gazed at him, her face troubled rather than judgmental. But her words were harsh. aYou need to be paying more attention to your family.a He thought about protesting, making excuses, but didnat have the energy. aYeah. I know.a aTalk to them. Talk to Suzi. Ask her how she is. Ask her whatas been going on.a aWhy donat you tell me, if you know something.a Nance shook her head. aYou ask her.a aOkay, I will. Now. About Gigi.a Vic suddenly found he wanted to confide in Nance about Gigi cheating with the portfolios, ask her advice.
aForget about Gigi!a Nance slammed her fist on his desk, causing his desk light to blink. aI canat stay here anymore and watch you flirt with the Dixie chick. I was going to tell your wife about you and Gigi. I want to tell her, but Iall leave that to you. This is my last day here.a aYouare quitting?a aGot that right, sailor.a She flung her red lunch bag into his trash can. aNow go home and be a husband and a daddy.a She stood up and marched out.
Vic sat behind his desk, stunned. Should he find this funny? Should he be offended? Outraged? The woman had threatened him, for G.o.das sake. What had happened to the sweet little old lady whoad sat in his living room two months ago, eating cake and complimenting? Who was this nasty busybody? Whoever she was, she had some nerve.
When Vic pulled into the driveway he saw Otis standing in the lower part of the backyard holding a blue metal wand about as long as his forearm. He was shirtless and barefoot, which was unusually careless for hima"worried as he usually was about sunburn and fire ants.
He had his back turned, and so Vic tried to sneak up on him. This seemed to be his day for that. Catching people in the act. Except that he knew what Gigi was doing as soon as he saw her. With Otis, not so much. Vic was struck, again, by how strange it was that his son was a man with hair on his chest, six feet three inches tall, an inch taller then Vic was.
Otis was looking at a little screen on the object, which had a gauge with a red flashing light on it.
aIs that a Geiger counter?a Unlike Gigi, Otis didnat jump or yell or even seem startled, because he wasnat. Of course, head heard his fatheras car and seen him coming. He was just ignoring his father, watching the needle jump on his machine.
aOats. I asked you a question.a aJust a minute,a he said, not looking at Vic, wanting only for his father to go away.
Vic stood there, trying to be patient, when G.o.d knows he wasnat in a patient mood. He felt guilty that head allowed himself to be shut out of Otisas life, and he was angry about having to feel guilty. He knew he should fire Gigi and never have a thing to do with her again and come clean with his boss and risk losing his job; tell Caroline about his dalliance (not an affair, not yet); go in and ask Suzi what was new in her life, as Nancy Archer had commanded him to do, but he didnat feel ready to do any of that.
Finally Otis turned around and looked at him, eyes unfocused. aHuh?a Vic asked him the question again.
aEr, well, yeah. Geiger counter. Used.a aWhy do you need it? Thereas no radiation in our yard, is there?a Vic knew he should stop talking, but he kept on, running his trap, giving Otis an out. aSo, why are you doing this? Just for fun?a aYeah,a Otis said, smiling that angelic, surfer-boy grin. aJust for fun!a aSo, whatas it say? Is there anything radioactive?a Otis looked at Vic like he was the stupidest person to walk the planet. aDo you hear any clicking? Thatas what it does if somethingas radioactive. Anyway, thereas small amounts of radiation everywhere.a aWhyas the red light blinking and the needle jumping around?a aThat just shows you itas working. Okay? G.o.d!a Otis went from 0 to 150 in a split second. aCanat I do anything around here without people asking me a hundred frigging questions?a Vic took a step back. aCome with me to get some ice cream. I wonat ask you any more questions. Weall just talk about whatever. The weather. Thereas another tropical storm out there. Grayson.a aIam already doing something, in case you canat tell.a aI love you, Otis.a No reply.
aJust wanted you to know.a Vic turned, deciding not to go into the house and face any kind of music at all, and trudged back to his car. There probably wouldnat be any music inside his house to face anyhow. Caroline wouldnat want to stop whatever she was doing to listen to his tale of woe about Gigi cheating. Shead barely even noticed that head been going out after work almost every night. Suzi, whom head been instructed to talk to, had been staying at a friendas house for the past couple of nights and probably wouldnat even be there.
Driving all the way home just to leave again was unreasonable, but this thought pleased him. He could be unreasonable all by himself. He didnat need Gigi for that. Most people would say that rooting for a hurricane to hit Tallaha.s.see was unreasonable as well. Why did they all expect him to be the reasonable one? Screw all of them. f.u.c.k all of them.
aI love you, too, Dad,a Otis tossed over his shoulder.
Not having any idea where he was going, Vic cranked up the Volvo and backed out of the driveway like h.e.l.lhounds were after him, a very unreasonable way to drive.
Caroline had not been able to have a decent conversation with Suzi. Suzi was avoiding her, staying over at Nanceas house, and shead come back home this evening, only, she informed her mother, to get some clean clothes. In the past Suzi had been something of a home girla"didnat really like being away from home. So what was up? Suzi clammed up whenever Caroline asked her what was going on. Was she angry at Caroline for something? But Caroline knew better than to get aggressive about asking what was wrong. That would just drive Suzi farther away. She resolved to be patient.
That evening Vic mustave been working late although he hadnat called, her father was watching Antiques Roadshow in his lair, and Otis was working at a Wendyas? Caroline was carrying a basket of clean clothing into Suzias room and noticed that the door to Avaas room was closed and there were voices inside. Suzi was in there, talking to Ava! That in itself was something of a miracle. The two of them used to hang out together in Avaas room all the time. When they were little they played games with their dolls and stuffed animals, and when they were older they read aloud or made up clubs or businesses or TV shows in which theyad star as two sisters who rescued animals. But lately, when they werenat fighting, they steered clear of each other. Caroline was so glad they were talking that she nearly swooned. She stepped closer to the door so she could hear what they were saying. Shead never been above snooping, spying, rifling through drawers. Whatever went on in her home was her business.
She heard Suzi say, aHe posed me.a aNaked?a Ava said.
Carolineas body stiffened. She strained to listen with everything in her being.
aHe posed me like this.a Some rustling and thumping noises. aAnd like this.a More rustling and thumping. Then the two of them snickered.
aThatas nasty,a Ava said. aThen what?a Carolineas hand went to the doork.n.o.b and she fought the urge to burst through the door and demand details. She knew shead find out more if she could make herself stand there and listen as long as she could stand it.
aThen,a Suzi said, ahe put his, you know, his thing in my mouth.a aIave never even done that.a Oh. My. G.o.d.
aHe wants to see me again,a Suzi said. aHe needs me to do this stuff with him because his wife wonat. Donat you think heas cute?a Holy s.h.i.t. Wife?
aHeas okay,a Ava said.
Silence. Keep talking, Caroline thought. Keep talking, or Iall beat it out of you.
aHeas so old,a Ava added.
There was some rustling and low talking Caroline couldnat hear.
Ava said something that sounded like, aAre you going to?a Suzi spoke a little more loudly. aNance wonat let me. She said that if I donat tell sheall call the police and Paula and make me tell Mom and Dad.a Paula? Nance? Police? Caroline took a deep breath and tried to calm down. Donat yell, she told herself. Donat scare the poor child. But she was shaking so badly she felt like she was going to fly apart.
She opened the door slowly and went in. She mustave set the laundry basket down, because she wasnat carrying it anymore. Both girls looked startled but quickly composed themselves. They were both sitting on Avaas bed.
Caroline opened her mouth and words came out. aI heard what you were saying. I need to know whatas going on.a aNothing!a Suzi said, and actually smiled. She scooted backward on the bed and s.n.a.t.c.hed a purple Elvis-head pillow and clutched it to her chest. What poses had she just been doing a minute ago? Caroline was glad she hadnat seen Suzi do them.
Ava, on the other hand, was sitting up straight and bug-eyed, watching her mother.
Caroline heard how calm her voice sounded and marveled at it. aI heard you say you gave some man aa should she say b.l.o.w. .j.o.b? aYouare way way too young for that kind of thing. I want to know who it was.a Now Suzi looked scared. She dug her chin into the pillow she was clutching.
aHoney, tell me who it was,a Caroline said, and then couldnat help adding. aI canat believe that you told Mrs. Archer and she didnat tell me.a aShe wanted to tell you,a Suzi said. aI begged her not to. Heall get into so much trouble.a aItas Buff,a Ava said. aThat minister dude.a aThat jerk,a Caroline said, the shock like ice water filling her body.
aYeah,a Ava said. aJerk.a Suzi reached over and gave Ava a shove. aThanks a lot. Thatas the last time I tell you anything.a aHeas wolfish,a Ava said. aHe tried to get me to do it, but I wouldnat. I told him no. Did I do the right thing, Mom?a Ava wanted to be praised for her good decision, highlighting the contrast between herself and her sister. Every occasion was one for sibling rivalry. How could Caroline even be noticing these things right now?
She walked over and sat down on the foot of Avaas bed. aYou did the right thing,a she told Ava. aBut I wished youad told me. Both of you.a aItas too embarra.s.sing,a Ava said.
Suzias face looked scary blank. Caroline scooted over and tried to hug Suzi, but she shied away. aI only did it,a Suzi said in a robotic voice, aso head leave Ava alone. I did it so she wouldnat have to.a aI was never going to,a Ava said. aIad never do that.a Shut up, Ava. aIam so sorry you felt you had to do it,a Caroline said. Understatement of the year. Of the century.
aThatas what I do,a Suzi said. aDo things to make other people feel better.a She sighed and stared up at the poster on Avaas walla"a black-and-white photo of Elvis on his Harley, taken by Alfred Wertheimer. The quintessential good boy trying to act bad. Was that what Suzi had been doing?
aHe probably does that kind of stuff all the time,a Ava said.
aThat doesnat help!a Suzi shrieked and slapped the side of Avaas head.
aOwwww,a Ava howled.
Caroline, moving quickly, caught Suzi up and held her and kept murmuring that it would be okay, that Suzi wasnat in trouble, that it wasnat her fault. But her mind was spinning into the future, toward what she had to do next.
She left the girls in Avaas room; and on the way out she tripped over the laundry basket, stumbled, and nearly fell, and then wished shead fallen so shead have a legitimate excuse to cry. She already had a reason, which wasnat the same as an excuse. She wanted to cry, to scream, to rant and rave, but she couldnat make Suzi feel worse than she already did. This was about Suzi, Caroline told herself. Keep the focus on helping Suzi get through this.
In her bedroom she dialed Vicas cell phone number, but he didnat pick up. Head been staying late at work every night. Or at least he always said he was at work, and when he did come home head sneak straight down to his computer to check that d.a.m.n hurricane Web site. Lately all he could talk about was Hurricane Grayson, a category 1 that had come ash.o.r.e in the Keys that afternoon. She felt a burst of anger toward Vic for not being available. She could follow that train of thought a long way. He was never really available. When it came to her and the kids. Except for Suzias soccer. But since he didnat have soccer anymore, head simply disappeared into hurricanes and work.
Gigi! She was probably working with Vic. Ava must have Gigias cell phone number, because of the riding lessons. Oh s.h.i.t. Gigi was Buffas sister. She dialed Nanceas number.
When Nance answered, Caroline just started talking. aSuzi told me about Buff.a aIam sick about it.a aI bet you are,a Caroline said, allowing a bit of her anger to spill over, even though she knew that Nance wasnat the right target. She railed at Nance and Nance just listened.
aCall Child Protective Services,a Nance finally suggested.
For some reason this suggestion made Caroline even angrier. aFirst Iam coming over there to talk to Buff. Are they home?a aItas Wednesday night. Theyare at church.a Caroline forced herself to take a breath. aThen Iam going to church. Now. To tell him I know.a aCan I come with you? Iad like to help any way I can.a Caroline punched the off b.u.t.ton on the phone and wished she had one of those old-fashioned phones that you could hang up by slamming the receiver down, making a point. f.u.c.k you, was the point she wanted to make.
By the time she got to the Genesis Church, the service was more than half over. She stood in the foyer, with the gleaming terra-cotta tile floors, and peered through a round window in the door that opened into the sanctuary. Sanctuary didnat feel like the right word for that room. Arena. There was a band set up on the stage, but the spotlight wasnat on thema"it was on some man, evidently the minister, who was up there on the stage preaching, and people in the audience were shouting out aPraise Jesusa and aAmena and waving their hands in the air. The ministeras voice rose and dipped, rose and dipped. It was mesmerizing. She couldnat see Buff anywhere. What was his real name? She refused to think of him by that harmless, cuddly nickname. Honey, donat you trust old Buff?
aHey there,a said a quiet voice at her elbow. A dark-haired woman, very slight, wearing a long skirt and no shoes, stood beside her. aYouare welcome to go in,a she said. aLay your troubles on the Lord.a aDonat have any troubles.a The woman smiled and held up her bare foot, bony and supple. aG.o.d doesnat care how youare dressed.a Caroline had no idea what she was wearing, so she checked. A tank shirt and an old pair of holey shorts with green deck paint on them. So what. She imagined herself bursting into the sanctuary and making a big scene, but that would be too melodramatic. Theyad throw her out and she wouldnat get to say all she had to say.
aIs Buff in there?a she asked.
aFirst row on the right.a She pointed. There he was, sitting in a row of men, staring up at the minister but probably planning his next s.e.xual encounter with a minor. Smug b.a.s.t.a.r.d.
aWhatas his real name?a Caroline asked the woman.
The woman frowned. aWhy, Buff is his real name, far as I know.a She flapped her hand, bye-bye, and slipped into the arena.
Caroline stepped back and paced around the foyer, glancing into the Sunday school rooms that opened up off to the side. All these rooms had stages in them as well, miniature versions of the big stage in the big room. In the KidZone she spotted Paula Coffey, Buffas wife, up front with a guitar, leading a bunch of preschoolers in a song.
Caroline took her phone out and called Vic again and got no answer. This time she left a message, explaining, in a flat, terse voice, what had happened and where she was and why.
Church finally ended with a wild burst of singing and clapping, and then people started filing out. Caroline sat down in a big plush armchair in the corner of the lobby. Shead wait for Buff to come out and shead surprise him. She imagined the look on his face and squeezed her knees together to keep from flying apart. The smell of popcorn and coffee was making her feel queasy. She wished she had a weapon. Anything sharp would do. Or hard. She imagined smashing a hymnal into his face. She suddenly remembered the face of the teenage boy who lived next door to her family in Iowa City. Artie Finnegan. Shead been only five or six. Had he done something to her? Shead gone into his house with him once but couldnat remember a thing about it.
She couldnat sit there any longer. The surge of people leaving had slowed to a trickle and she got up. She walked over and looked through the door and saw Buff standing with his wife, Paula, up front near the stage. Howad Paula get in there? Paula was holding a squirming blond toddler. Angel. Another young couple stood there, talking to them, laughing. Behind them, the band was packing up their instruments. Caroline felt paralyzed for a minute, imagining how Paula was going to feel, but the self-satisfied look on Buffas face sent her forward, propelled her up the aisle. She stood behind him, her teeth chattering.
She finally had to say, aExcuse me.a All four adults and the toddler turned to look at her. Everything was happening in slow motion, like the time her car spun off the icy road in Iowa and landed in a ditch. She couldnat stop that and she couldnat stop this.
Buff smiled quizzically. Paula just smiled. The toddler stared.
aIam Suzi Witherspoonas mother,a she said. aRemember me? Remember Suzi?a Buffas mouth opened.
aSoo-see. Soo-see Widderpoon!a Angel said.
aSuzias such a great girl,a Paula gushed.
aYes, she is!a Caroline said heartily, idiotically. Her ears were ringing. Shead never been this angry in her life. aWhatas your name?a she asked Buff. aI donat mean Buff. I mean your real name. Not your nickname.a aAh, itas Buffington. Buffington Coffey.a aBuffington Coffey! Buffington Coffey!a said Angel.
aWell, Buffington Coffey,a Caroline repeated and then let loose with a string of foul language and accusations and threats that scared the h.e.l.l out of her.
Paula cowered and she and Angel backed away, and the other couple stepped back, too. Only Buff stood his ground, listening, as if she were reciting Bible verses.
aThereas been some mistake,a he said when she stopped. aWould you like to come back with me to my office? We can talk in private.a Then he addressed his wife. aThereas nothing to this. Suzias got some problems.a aShe does now!a Caroline yelled. aAfter what you did to her.a She went on and on, saying that there was no way in h.e.l.l shead go back to his office and did he want to take nasty photos of her and get her to suck his d.i.c.k, too?
There was quiet after this last outburst, and then she heard a rumbling behind her. It was Vic, growling like a bear, running up the aisle. He tackled Buff, like the football player head been in high school, and then started whaling on him, beating the tar out of him, and Caroline was glad, very glad.
Buff didnat fight back but lay there like he deserved it.
She hadnat been to Mission San Luis since elementary school, and what she mostly remembered was the long climb uphill to get there. Otis had dropped her off at the bottom of the hill and zoomed off to G.o.d knows where, refusing to wait, even when Ava promised shead just be a few minutes. He was off on some Otis errand of mysterious importance. But actually she was glad that head gone, glad to be left alone and entirely free of her family.
It was late afternoon. On top of the hill the live oaks shaded the paths and buildings. She followed the path to the right, past the friary and the huge thatched-roof church, seeing no one until she noticed a few people gathered in front of a cottage across the field. She had no idea what sort of craft or trade Travis demonstrateda"had no idea whether or not Travis was even working today. But she needed to talk to him. Talking to someone she didnat know well on the phone made her nervous, and he wasnat on Mys.p.a.ce, so shead taken a chance and come here. Shead taken a chance! She didnat usually take chances.
A gaggle of little boys in baseball caps raced past her, going the opposite way, red-faced and shouting. She approached the cottage. There were gardens around it and a small bonfire in a clearing. The smell of meat cooking wafted up from an iron kettle in the fire. A costumed woman was holding forth near the fire, while an earnest middle-aged couple in matching T-shirts and shorts, with big smiles plastered on their faces, looked on.
The talking lady, who wore an ivory linen mantilla and silver earrings and an ivory linen bustled dress, turned to include Ava as part of her audience, and Ava felt obliged to stand and listen.
aThatas my cook,a the talking lady said, pointing to a darker, younger woman sitting on a log nearby, sewing. aSheas fixing our stew for dinner. I have to keep an eye on her so she doesnat burn it.a The young woman, also in costumea"a much simpler onea"didnat even look up.
aIave just been at the church, saying my rosary,a the talking lady went on, as if theyad asked. aMy older brother is the friar here, and another brother is the merchant trader. He has three ships anch.o.r.ed down at St. Marks. He takes the things we make here in the village and trades them in Havana for things from Europe, like playing cards and tools and olive oil. Thereas his stand.a She gestured at a little thatched-roof stand across the path, where animal skins hung on a line.
aIs there anyone working there now?a Ava jumped in.
aMy brother has just set off down the Wakulla River with some Indians in canoes, headed for St. Marks, carrying more of our products to trade. Iave been praying for their safe return.a Ava guessed that this meant that Travis wasnat acting as the merchant trader today. She stood there, swatting gnats away from her eyes, wishing she could swish her ponytail like a horseas tail.
The talking lady gazed quizzically up at the sky. aOh dear. Looks like rain.a Actually, it didnat. But it was cooler today than it usually was in August, or so everyone was saying. Only in the mid-eighties, with low humidity. It could be because Hurricane Grayson had gone back out into the Gulf. And then, who knew what it would do?
aHeavens, I need to bring in my childrenas beds before it rains!a said the lady. aI set them out to air this morning. My husband and I and our ten children live in that cottage.a A black rooster and some speckled hens darted past, weaving this way and that.
The man listening asked the talking lady if the hens were hers.
She couldnat give a straight answer, it seemed. aI lost three hens to hawks last week.a She went on and on, in her phony antiquated English, when Spanish wouldave been more accurate. Ava listened as long as she could stand it. Finally she interrupted and asked her if Travis was working there today.
aHeas a soldier, down at the fort,a she told Ava. aWould you like to see inside my cottage?a she asked her group. The nice couple followed her and Ava turned and hurried off toward the fort.
She wanted to talk to Travis about everything that had been going on at home. Things had been bad, very bad. Travis might not be glad to see her at all, since Rev. Buff was his motheras brother, and his uncle, but this was another chance she had to take. The red dust on the paved path got between her flip-flops and her feet, and she wished shead worn sneakers. She didnat have much tolerance for the physical irritations that most people could just ignore, but if she banged her head hard on something it didnat seem to hurt her as much as it would most people. Most people. She got tired of most people. Travis wasnat like most people, either.
A log stockade enclosed the white stucco fort. Inside, Travis was talking to the group of sweaty little boys. He wore the same white collarless shirt and breeches with the braided belt and felt hat that head been wearing at church, the same brown knee sock thingies and leather shoe boots. aAva!a he said, and she could tell he was really glad to see her. He held up his finger, meaning, wait a minute. So she did.
A set of military spears with wooden handles and wicked-looking blades hung on the wall behind him, and he explained the differences among them to the boys. They were different kinds of pole arms, he said. One was for fighting on horseback, another type had different-shaped blades to demonstrate rank. The boys made sounds of approval.
Then he showed them the matchlock and flintlock muskets hanging on another wall and some swords lying on a shelf right at the boysa eye level.
The boys crowded close to the swords, itching to pick them up. They werenat even listening to Travis, she could tell. Each one wanted to s.n.a.t.c.h up a sword and stab something.
Finally Ava couldnat stand it anymore. aYou boys need to get out of here,a she said. aTimeas up. Move along.a There were four of them, and they all looked at her with varying degrees of surprise and annoyance on their faces. Then one of the boys said, aVamoose,a and they all took off together out of the fort like a school of little fishes.
aIs there anyone else in here?a Ava asked him, and Travis said no.
aWhen are you going to be on Americaas Next Top Model?a He leaned back against the clay shelf that was built into the wall. aIave been watching it every week.a Was that all he cared about? She leaned against the shelf next to him. She told him she wasnat interested in being on that show anymore.
aGood,a he said. aItas really lame.a That made her feel better. aYou didnat come to support group yesterday.a He shrugged, lifting his tricorne back off his forehead. There was a slight indentation in his forehead and Ava longed to touch it the way the boys had longed to touch the swords.
aI donat need to go to that group,a he said. aI donat have Aspergeras.a aWhat do you have, then?a aYou mean like what disorder? I donat know and I donat care. Iam just going to live my life. Screw all that disorder and syndrome s.h.i.t.a aTough talk,a Ava said. She knew she would think of herself as someone with Aspergeras syndrome for the rest of her life, and it felt like a huge, unfair burden. If she ever voiced this sentiment, someone would point out that everyone had burdens of one kind or another. That was the Christian way to look at it, but she wasnat a Christian, so did she have to look at it that way? It sucked. Period. But at least she could read about Aspergeras and make sense of herself, and how many people could say that?
aDid you just come here to yell at me for not coming to group?a Travis said. aI didnat think youad care.a aIam not yelling. I care.a aThatas good,a Travis said, and they both leaned in awkward silence. Ava kicked the toe of her flip-flop in the red clay floor. Outside there was the sound of birds, a rooster crowing, and the boys somewhere yelling and whooping.
aI wish I could just stay in the seventeenth century,a Travis said.
aWhy?a aMy mom. Sheas always in a bad mood. Either drunk or trying not to drink or has a hangover. Do you drink?a Ava shook her head. aI mean, I have a couple of times.a That was a lie. Shead tasted wine once and hated it. In high school shead never been invited to the parties where kids drank. Her few friends in high school had been the uncool supersmart girls, now gone off to good colleges across the country, whoad had slumber parties where they watched Gilmore Girls.
Travis straightened up, turned around, reached up and removed one of the rifles from the wall.