Sarah wasn"t sure what she was supposed to say to that so she said nothing.
"I resent this, Daniel," Muriel said, following Daniel into the den.
"Would you like a list of all the things I resent, Mother?"
"I can see you"re in one of your moods."
"Good. Now you can leave."
"We came here to talk about Drew."
Daniel swung around. "What about Drew?"
"If you"d listen to your messages, you"d know."
"What about Drew?" Daniel repeated firmly.
"He ran away," his father answered.
"What? When?"
"Last night," Muriel told him. "That"s why we were calling you. Drew listens to you."
"Tell me what happened."
Dan took a swallow of his scotch. "Your mother visited a home in France that caters to people like Drew. She thought he might like the change, but when she mentioned it, he became very upset, ranting about things we couldn"t understand. Later, Claude called and said Drew had run away. He found him wandering the streets about three this morning."
"Where"s Drew now?"
"He"s back with Claude and I told him he didn"t have to go to France. He doesn"t seem to understand, though, and he wants to talk with you."
"I"ll call him right away," Daniel promised. "Claude has my cell number. Why didn"t he phone?"
"He probably did, but you were otherwise engaged." Muriel glanced at Sarah.
Dan downed the rest of his scotch. "I think it"s time for us to go, Muriel, before you get your foot so far in your mouth that it"ll require surgery to remove it."
"Why are you drinking, Dan?" Muriel snapped, turning her attention to him. "Now I"ll have to drive and you know how I hate to drive at night."
"Call a cab, Muriel. That"s what I"m doing. I"ll be at the club." He grabbed the bottle of scotch. "I"m taking this, son."
"You"re becoming an alcoholic," Muriel complained.
"That"s better than being a shrew."
"How dare you talk to me like that in front of people!"
"Why?" Dan took a swig from the bottle. "You have no qualms about berating our son in front of his guest. So how does it feel? Not too d.a.m.n good, huh?" He moved toward the door. "I"ll call a cab from my cell phone. Good night, Daniel and Sarah. Have a nice evening. I plan to."
Muriel ran after him. "What about me?"
Dan turned to look at her. "In the words of Rhett Butler-I really don"t give a d.a.m.n." He raised the bottle and opened the door at the same time.
"Dan Garrett, come back here!" Muriel followed him outside.
DANIEL CLOSED THE DOOR, turned the deadbolt and reset the alarm. "So help me, if they come back I might have to use my gun," he joked, walking back to Sarah.
She sat in a chair with her knees drawn up and her arms locked tight around them. She wore a closed expression that he knew well.
"Sarah, I"m so sorry. I..."
His phone rang, cutting him off. "I"ll be right back." He went to answer it. It was Drew.
"Hi, buddy."
"Sh-sh-she-"
"It"s okay," Daniel stopped him. "Mom"s not sending you anywhere. I promise."
"Home, Danny. Sh-she...she take me to a home for-for stupid people."
"Drew, I won"t let her take you anywhere. Do you understand me?"
"N-n-no. I can"t go. I have to stay here."
Drew was in such a state that nothing was getting through. Daniel wanted to strangle his mother, but then that was always his reaction to Muriel"s single-minded insensitivity. The only thing Daniel knew to do was to distract Drew with something else.
"Tell you what, buddy. I"m working on a real important case and when it"s over, you and I will go fishing on the coast-just you and me."
"I can"t go."
"Drew, listen to me. I"m talking about fishing."
"I-I-I"m a stupid person. I can"t go."
Daniel gripped the phone tightly. "You"re my brother. You"re not stupid and I love you."
"I"m sorry, Danny."
"Don"t be sorry, buddy, think about our fishing trip. You like to go to the coast, don"t you?"
"Yeah, but I can"t."
"Drew-"
Claude came on the line. "Don"t worry, Daniel. I"ll calm him down."
"Thanks, Claude. I"m real sorry I can"t come over. Please take care of him until I"m able to get there."
"I will, and if you can, keep your mother away from here. She only upsets him."
"I"ll try, but Muriel is a law unto herself. I thought they were going to be in France for a while. I apologize for the intrusion."
"That"s okay. Now I"d better go to Drew."
Daniel hung up with a long sigh. Could this day get any worse? He caught sight of Sarah and knew that it just had. She hadn"t moved and his heart twisted at the expression on her face. It wasn"t fear, it was something else, and it had to do with what his mother had said. He walked to her and squatted down in front of her.
"Sarah, what is it?" he asked softly.
"It"s so hard to overcome the past."
"Please don"t listen to my mother."
"She"s right," she mumbled. "I was a stripper."
"Not by choice."
"What difference does it make? Some people will always think of me that way." It hurt and she was obviously having a hard time dealing with everything going on inside her. A madman was after her, trying to kill her, but it was his mother"s words that cut the deepest.
"They don"t matter."
Sarah locked her arms tighter.
"Tell me what you"re feeling," Daniel invited.
"It"s really hard to explain."
"We have all night."
She took a deep breath. "The other day I was wondering why I had the need to hold on to Gran"s house and I had to admit I wanted her love. Every day I kept striving for that, but that wasn"t it at all. Gran loves me. I found that out when I got the note from Boyd. It"s something much deeper-I"ve also been striving to be accepted by society, by people like your mother-hoping I wouldn"t be judged by my past."
"Sarah-"
"When I was growing up, we didn"t have a lot of money for extras. I didn"t have ballet or music cla.s.ses or attend private schools where poise, etiquette and manners were taught."
"Like Serena?"
She nodded. "When I first lived with her and Gran, I felt as if I didn"t belong, that I was out of place, and tonight...tonight when your parents walked in here and looked at me so disapprovingly I felt the same way-like I"m still trying to be accepted."
"Why?"
"Because when I hear people like your mother talking about me, I see myself through their eyes and I feel uncomfortable. I feel..."
"Did you feel uncomfortable when we were kissing?"
She glanced up, the tears in her eyes sparkling. "No. I felt good about that."
"Then let me tell you something. My parents are sn.o.bs. That"s not me-until a year ago I lived in an apartment that didn"t have hot water half the time. I bought this place because I like hot showers in the winter. I manage on my cop"s salary and live like an ordinary working Joe. That"s me. I"m not like my parents. And there are a lot of people who feel the same way I do about you-who admire your courage."
She knew he was trying to make her feel better, but she could feel her defenses going up. She couldn"t let that happen because she had fought too hard to reach this point. Daniel had come to mean a lot to her and she knew he wasn"t like his mother.
"I know that," she said. "But I took my clothes off in front of men and that revulsion is always with me."
"Sometimes in life we make choices, life-changing choices, and we have to stand by them and we have to defend them. You chose to fight for your life and to fight for justice for Greg. To do that you had to degrade yourself-that took enormous courage. You said you stayed alive because you were weak and didn"t fight back and Boyd enjoyed your fear. I think it was just the opposite-a weaker woman wouldn"t have been able to deal with Boyd and his demands and he would have killed her. By taking your clothes off you bought time-time for the cops to find you and time for justice."
She ran her hands up and down her shinbones. "Then why do I still feel so dirty?"
"What do you tell clients when they ask you that question? What did you tell Brooke Wallace?"
"To talk about what happened to her, not to keep it all bottled up-that"s the main thing-and of course to replace bad memories with happy memories."
"Have you talked about what happened to you?"
She leaned her head back. "Yes. Serena and I have talked and I also talked with Dr. Mason. And I"ve been talking to you."
His face softened. "What about the memories? Have you tried to make happier memories?"
She glanced into the brown eyes she was beginning to love. Love! All of a sudden it was clear as day. The ball stopped bouncing in her head-game, set, match. She loved him. The thought was cathartic, bringing the bad stuff to the surface-stuff she had to share with him.
She inhaled a shuddering breath. "No. Up until a few days ago I covered myself completely and I"d get cold chills if a man looked at me."
"So you were letting the fear win?"
"Yes. Then I decided I wasn"t doing that anymore. I"d told Brooke that it takes a concentrated effort and I knew I hadn"t done that. Of course Serena always boosts my confidence."
"Getting the note put a dent in that new confidence?"
"It certainly brought back the fear, but I was surprised to find my confidence in myself as a woman was still intact. That"s why I was able to kiss you at the motel."
"And we kissed a little while ago and everything was fine until my mother arrived and said those awful things."
"I felt dirty again and wanted to crawl away in shame."
His eyes caught hers. "You have nothing to be ashamed of."
Daniel"s faith and belief in her was uplifting. It had been there for years and she"d blocked it out. He was right. She had nothing to be ashamed of and she had to prove that to herself and no one else. She had nothing to be ashamed of.
For the first time she really believed that. She slid to the floor to face him. "No, I don"t," she said with confidence. "Your mother and people like her can"t demean me anymore-not unless I let them. I"m taking my life back and I need your help."
"What can I do?"
"Help me to make happy memories, to erase the bad ones."
"How do I do that?"
Her eyes held his. "Touch me."
He swallowed. "Where?"