He nodded and she saw the gleam of tears in his eyes. "I"m sorry." His voice broke. He bit his lip. She realised he was talking to her parents. Except now, they weren"t her parents at all. They were William and Natalie.
She dragged her fingers from Natalie"s grasp. "Do Bridget and Melanie know?"
"No, of course not," said William. He leaned forward; half extended his hand, let it fall to his knees.
"What about Gran and my cousins and..." she stopped. She had no Gran, nor cousins and aunts and uncles.
"The cousins don"t know but the others, the older ones, do. They love you Joelle, just as we do."
Joelle stared at William blankly. She turned to Shay. "What was our mother"s name? Did they ever find out?"
"Emily Grayson," he replied. "Her parents were very strict religious types and she was a runaway. From Toowoomba. They"ve pa.s.sed away."
"So we only have each other," she said slowly.
He nodded. Joelle stood up unsteadily, ignoring Natalie sitting distraught at her feet and walked across to where Shay had risen as well. "Thank you for searching for me. For not giving up."
She put her arms around him carefully and his arms encircled her.
After a moment he released her gently. "These are your parents, your family, Joelle."
"We love you," came William"s hoa.r.s.e voice over the sound of Natalie"s quiet sobs.
Joelle turned to look down at them, the people she"d loved unquestioningly, trusted unthinkingly, thought were irreproachable. "But you lied to me all my life," she whispered. "How could you do that? What possible excuse can there be?"
"You had no-one else, we wanted you so much and loved you so deeply we never imagined anyone would claim you, take you from us. We thought of you as ours right from the start."
"But...even so...I know you love me...I do, but shouldn"t you have told me?" she cried.
"Yes," admitted William. "I see now that we should have told you. It just became more and more difficult the older you grew. Quite frankly, I forgot. I"m sorry." He rose slowly to his feet grasping the arm of the couch for support. "Joelle, can you forgive us?"
Joelle backed away as he approached. She felt Shay"s body, comforting and solid behind her and fumbled for his hand. He took it and squeezed her fingers.
"I can"t...can"t think right now," she muttered. "Shay, I have to leave...I need...I can"t..."
She fled with William"s tortured voice in her ears, "Joelle, please darling, wait," and her mother"s wail of despair, "I knew it was wrong, I knew it. He shouldn"t have come here."
The front door latch wouldn"t open smoothly and Joelle nearly dropped her bag in the effort of releasing the catch. Shay"s arm reached over her shoulder. Suddenly the door was open and hot air hit her in the face. She stumbled blindly out into the glare of the afternoon, her one thought to escape from this house which was no longer her sanctuary and these people who had suddenly become strangers, aliens.
No parents, no sisters. One brother. That"s all. One brother who had spent his whole life with one thought in his head-find the little sister so dramatically separated from him at birth. A girl he never knew, had never even seen and still he searched for her.
Tears ran unchecked down her cheeks, flooding her eyes and distorting her vision so that she tripped on the bottom step. Shay grabbed her arm and she clung to him as they crossed the nature strip to his car.
"I didn"t know," she sobbed. "I didn"t know."
Shay flung open the car door and helped her into the pa.s.senger seat. He looked back up at the house and saw William standing at the top of the steps. Natalie was nowhere to be seen. How guilty should he feel for splitting this family apart? How much was his guilt and how much theirs? And what were any of them guilty of? Wanting a family? Loving Joelle too much?
Shay strode back up the steps to William, taking them two at a time.
He gripped William by the forearm. "Don"t worry," he said. "She needs time to absorb it, that"s all. She"s in shock. I"ll take her home and stay with her for a while. Let her come to you. She will, I"m positive of it. In a few days perhaps. Maybe less."
William stared at him through blank eyes moist with unshed tears. He blinked and his lips moved but no sound emerged.
Shay murmured, "I"m sorry." He released his hold on William"s arm and turned to leave.
"You were right." The voice came unrecognisable through the thick layer of emotion. "I"m glad she knows. Tell her I"m sorry. Tell her..." William paused and cleared his throat. "Tell her, her mother was the one who insisted on keeping it secret but I should have insisted on telling. I didn"t so I"m as much to blame. Tell her we love her."
"I will," said Shay. "But she knows that and she loves you. Just give her time and some s.p.a.ce. Let her call you."
William reached out this time and clasped Shay"s shoulder. "You"ll let us know, won"t you? What"s happening?"
"Of course."
"Her sisters...I have to tell her sisters," William said vacantly. His hand dropped from Shay"s shoulder. "Good-bye, Doctor Brookes."
"Shay, please call me Shay." But William had already turned to go into the house.
Joelle sat where he"d left her hunched over in the pa.s.senger seat of his car. Her fingers twined constantly in and around each other. Her face had lost all colour and when she looked at him as he slid in beside her the deep blue eyes were wide and stunned.
"Where should I take you?" he asked gently.
"Home, I want to go home," she cried, startling him with her vehemence. "Away from here."
Shay started the engine. He didn"t know where she lived but he eased the car away from the kerb and drove down the hill. Joelle said nothing. When they approached the T-junction near the town centre, he asked for directions. She started in her seat and looked around, searching for clues as to their whereabouts. Her head swung from one side to the other but she didn"t seem to be functioning properly yet. Shay pulled the car to the kerbside.
"Where do you live?" he asked. "Is it nearby? In Sunshine Point?"
Something must have clicked over in her mind. "No," she blurted. "Thirroul."
Thirroul was the next town south, slightly larger. Shay drove forward and turned right keeping his eyes peeled for signs to the highway. Joelle sat silently beside him, seemingly unaware of where they were going and the blur of weekend traffic and activity outside the car. The roads were jammed with Sat.u.r.day visitors. Progress, tortoise-like, until they reached the onramp to State Highway 68, became suddenly unimpeded when they joined the rushing flow of vehicles.
Joelle pointed when the first exit to Thirroul appeared. Shay swung left and they plunged into another mora.s.s of weekend traffic. Now Joelle began giving directions and within ten minutes, she indicated a block of white painted units. He parked in the visitors" s.p.a.ce outside her empty garage. Her car was back at her shop but she was in no shape to be driving.
She led him to unit number four and unlocked the door.
"Come in." When he hesitated she said, "Please."
Shay followed her inside. The units were on the high side of the street and hers had a wall of gla.s.s with a sliding door opening onto a balcony and a panoramic view of the sparkling blue ocean over a sea of treetops and roofs.
"Great spot," he exclaimed.
"Yes," she replied absently. "Paul found it for me."
"Paul?" he asked. The name was vaguely familiar. She"d mentioned him before. The ex-boyfriend.
She dropped her bag onto a small pine table already harbouring a pink flowering plant, mail, brochures and other personal odds and ends-nail polish and hair clips.
"He"s a real estate agent."
"Handy."
She didn"t reply but headed down a short hallway and he heard a door close and water running. Shay went into the small galley-style kitchen and found a gla.s.s for a drink of water. He swallowed two straight down. What would happen now? He rinsed the gla.s.s and left it on the draining board with her breakfast dishes.
He wandered back to the living area and sat on the bright blue futon-style couch. A papasan with a blue and white pattern was the only other seating apart from the four upright dining chairs around the table. A large mounted poster of a j.a.panese castle hung on the wall opposite. Himeji, he thought it was. He"d seen a TV doc.u.mentary about it once. A cla.s.sic j.a.panese castle design, built of perfectly cut mortarless stone blocks, perched on a hill and virtually impregnable. Guarded by ninja-the stealthy fighting warriors.
Joelle had other j.a.panese inspired elements in her decor. A beautiful painted fan rested open on the bookshelf and on closer examination he saw a whole shelf of books were either on j.a.pan itself or its art forms. An elegantly spa.r.s.e arrangement of three blooms and a sprig of greenery stood on the bench separating the kitchen from the area where he sat.
The whole room, apart from the tabletop, was neat and uncluttered. On the low pine coffee table before him sat a bonsai plant-some sort of miniature pine tree. Not something that appealed to him, really. Coming from the country, he liked nature to do its thing. Plants had enough trouble surviving where he grew up without subjected to extra constrictions.
The bathroom door opened and closed but Joelle didn"t appear. Another door clicked shut. Shay glanced at his watch-nearly three. He stood up and went to open the sliding door. Fabulous view. He drew a deep breath and leaned on the railing. A slight breeze riffled his hair, marginally cooler coming off the ocean.
Where did he and Joelle go from here? Should he stick around or leave her to sort herself out alone? Was she in her bedroom with the door closed because she wanted privacy? All his instincts and his inclination cried stay with her, don"t desert her, but she needed to be by herself for a while. Fine. He had nothing to do until Monday.
He could murder a cold beer. Too much to hope she"d have some in the fridge. Shay went back inside to investigate. Yes! Ta.s.sie beer. Four stubbies. Probably for the boyfriend-ex-boyfriend. He wouldn"t be drinking them now. Shay flipped the top off one and took a long swallow of the icy, amber fluid.
Someone rang the buzzer. Shay walked down the hall to the closed door and tapped softly. "Joelle? Door, shall I get it?"
"Yes," she said, her voice almost inaudible. Then stronger, "Shay?"
"Yes."
"Will you stay for a bit, please? I need to talk to you-in a while.""
The buzzer sounded again.
"Sure," he said.
He opened the door still holding his beer in one hand. A young woman stood outside with an expectant smile, which faded when she saw him. She had a battered suitcase at her feet and a large soft backpack slung over one bare shoulder. Short denim shorts exposed long brown legs adorned with ankle jewellery. Her black tube top clung to her b.r.e.a.s.t.s with gravity defying bravado. He hastily switched his attention away from her chest to her face.
"Hi," she said with a smirk. "Who the h.e.l.l are you?" She peered pa.s.sed him and called, "Jo? You there?"
"She"s in her bedroom," said Shay. "I"m Shay Brookes." He held out his hand. "Who are you?"
"Mel, Jo"s sister." She gave his fingers a perfunctory shake and edged pa.s.sed him. "Mind bringing in my bag? Thanks."
Melanie, the erratic, pregnant little sister. Moving in? The innocuous looking bag was much heavier than he expected. He placed his beer carefully on the floor and hoisted the bag two handed. He left it just inside the door. Melanie meanwhile had dumped her backpack on the living room floor and was in the kitchen plundering the fridge for a cold beer.
"You the new boyfriend?" she asked eyeing him over the upraised bottle as he stood watching.
"No," he said.
"Oh?" She considered this information for a moment. Her eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Is Jo all right?"
"She"s had a shock," he said.
Without a word, Melanie pushed pa.s.sed him and headed for the bedroom but Joelle had already emerged. She stood pale-faced staring first at her sister and then at Shay.
"Did you tell her?" she asked hoa.r.s.ely.
"Tell me what?" demanded Melanie.
"No," said Shay.
"I"m adopted," said Joelle. "Shay"s my brother."
"What? You"re kidding." Melanie stood open mouthed. She turned to Shay who shook his head. "How do you know?" Back to Joelle. "Did he tell you that? How do you know?"
"Mum and Dad told me. We"ve just been there. Shay and I have the same mother."
"I don"t believe it. Look at you two! You"re completely different."
"We may have different fathers," said Shay. "We don"t know who our father was."
"They never told you?" gasped Melanie. "None of us knew."
"Gran and the aunts and uncles know," said Joelle. "But no-one else."
"Why didn"t they tell you-or us?"
"Dad said they forgot," said Joelle bitterly.
"He regrets it, Joelle," put in Shay. "He feels very guilty."
"So he d.a.m.ned well should," cried Melanie. "What about Mum?"
"She said she always thought of me as her baby because I was only two weeks old when they got me."
Melanie stepped forward and hugged Joelle. "You"re my sister," she said fiercely. "I don"t care about anything else. You"re my sister."
Joelle clung to her and Shay moved away surrept.i.tiously to sit on the couch sipping his beer as they sniffed and sobbed together. A minute or two later Melanie pulled away. "Sorry, I have to pee."
Joelle wiped her hands over her face and came to sit next to Shay. She was glad he"d stayed. There were thing she had to ask despite the embarra.s.sment at her behaviour on her parents" doorstep. His reaction to that was understandable now, but her own feelings were far too confused to be unravelled. What was love after all? She loved her sister and Mel had proven the return of that love. So would Bridget, she knew without a doubt. She loved Shay; she could love him as a brother. She must love him as a brother. Anything else was unthinkable, as he had already demonstrated.
How would she ever forget what she"d done, how shocked he was? Could he forget? Not think too badly of his little sister? His sister, the girl who threw herself on a man and kissed him after they"d barely met.
"Don"t be hard on your parents," he said.
"Do you think of the people who adopted you as your parents?" she asked.
"Of course. I don"t have any others. Neither do you."
That was true.
"I feel betrayed," she said after a moment. "I always thought they were as honest as could be."
"I"m sure they are. They were trying to protect you and themselves, I suppose."
The toilet flushed. Joelle stared at the bag lying on the floor. Where had that sprung from?