The moment Ethan touched her soft hand, his grip lightly tightened as if he was holding on his lifeline before he slightly loosened it. On the other hand, Lexi didn"t avoid his touch as she was preoccupied to process every data Ethan Lu was delivering.
Slowly, she turned around to see his conflicted countenance. His eyes were filled with thousands of unspoken stories that he was holding back.
Seeing this, Lexi was lost of words. She knew this was coming and prepared her outright "no"; yet, before him, his sincerity, his honesty… the simple one word that Lexi should utter was stuck on her throat.
"All these years, I had been fooling around -- I know that I"m wasting my time but, I didn"t care. I had always done things in my own way because I am that selfish, Lexi." Looking straight at her unreadable eyes, Ethan Lu lightly gritted his teeth as he exposed his dirty laundry.
"I party all night, hooked up with different girls, neglect my responsibilities... that"s what I had been doing all my life! That was my motto; to live life to the fullest. But then, you came into the picture." Ethan heavily sighed and gulped a mouthful of saliva. He could feel his sweat covered his back as he continued,
"I approached you with a hidden agenda. But the longer I spent time with you, the more I realized how little of a man I am."
"Unlike you who could admit your wrongs and reflect on it… unlike you who could accept and let go of the person you devoted your heart even if it hurts; unlike you who could confidently keep her head high despite the odd glances and harsh criticisms -- I, on the other hand, couldn"t do anything; I never fought for anything." A bitter smile formed on the side of his lips as he uttered his statements.
Indeed, Ethan Lu often runs away and avoided things that would disturb his meaningless tranquility. Yet, this woman in front of her had suffered a lot that nearly pushed her to death -- yet, after her failed attempt, Lexi chose to be a stronger woman.
"Even when I know I liked you, I chose to stay away just to forget. Just to convince myself that I only think of you as a friend… but then I realized that you, Lexi Yang was my karma."
"I don"t know when it started or how it happened -- I just woke up one day and my heart began to race just the thought of you. G.o.d knows I resisted and I don"t wanna ruin what we currently have… but, I just can"t!"
"I fell in love and keeps falling for you every day." Ethan stopped. He wanted to say more but he knew it would be an endless confession.
For a moment, neither of them spoke a single word, yet, Ethan kept holding on her hand. When he saw Lexi gaze down before she slowly pulled her hand from him, a terrible pain struck his heart; as if it was pierced by a sharp dagger.
He knew it. He already expected this yet, he never thought that her silent rejection was this painful. Looking at his empty hand that was holding hers earlier, he could somehow feel her warmth receded.
Indeed, she was his karma. The only woman he ever loved didn"t feel the same way. And without a word, she had shattered his heart in a fraction of one second. Alas, he was a fool and a stubborn man.
"Ethan… I -- I don"t think --" Lexi was looking for the right words to say. However, she was interrupted midway as Ethan Lu spoke.
"I know..."
Lexi raised her gaze and met his. There, she saw Ethan smiled albeit the more she stare in his eyes, she could clearly see the pain behind it. After all, Lexi concealed her agony back when she was relentlessly chasing after Morris Liu.
"Before going here, I mean, before leaving the temple, I am a hundred percent sure that you"d say no. But, I never really thought that it was this painful. Haha." Ethan chuckled with a touch of bitterness in his voice. He continued as he fixed his indiscernible gaze on her.
"Still, I already said I am selfish and so, this is not a matter of a yes or no question. I confessed my feelings because I don"t want to be just a friend -- I want you to know that I am a man as well, not a huh, sis." His gaze softened as Ethan smiled a little wider while raising his brows and sliding his hands in his pocket.
"Lexi, I never thought that a day I will desire to prove myself worthy would come. I"m not perfect and even if I wanted to, I will never be. I might unintentionally hurt you one way or another but I will do my best not to. You might not like me now and I won"t say I will wait for you to like me… I am not a martyr and this pain right now -- I am barely hanging…" Ethan briefly bit his lower lip as he let out a faint sigh. He resumed after a second,
"But, I will make you notice me. I won"t just sit and wait but I will make you like me… no matter how long it will take, I will continue to prove myself worthy to hold your hand and change your surname to Lu. And until then… until you get married and maybe if I failed and you found someone better -- I will never stop loving you." Ethan uttered those words with a genuine smile on his face. Although his last sentence hurts, Ethan treated them as a challenge to whoever competes with him.
Hearing everything, his unfiltered words -- Lexi would be lying if she said she wasn"t moved. All these years, she had been doing the chasing part that even Lexi noticed that she has degraded herself to the lowest of the low.
Yet, Ethan regarded her with great value that he considered himself unworthy to hold her hand. He was also determined to change her surname; meaning, he was dead serious about this whole thing. However, no matter how moved she was, Lexi silently agreed with Ethan.
If he was willing to prove himself to her, Lexi also wanted to prove something to herself. She preferred to confidently answer him wholeheartedly -- and if that time comes, whether her answer is a yes or not, at least, they won"t have any regrets.
"Alright, do that." Finally, Lexi meekly smiled back with a slight nod.
"Hmm?"
"I said, make me notice you -- make me like you that I will think about you 24/7. If you ever succeed, I won"t just date you. You wanted to see my crazy side right? Then, accomplish that… you"ll see the next day, you will have a wife beside you." She uttered in one go.