Ethan Lu held on to her for as long as Lexi could remember. She didn"t ask for anything regarding his nightmare as she stayed quiet and gently patted his back. After some more time, Ethan Lu finally let her go and laid his back against the mattress.
Staring at the ceiling with half of his exposed body displayed going up and down with every breath he took, Ethan Lu moved his eyes to see Lexi"s concerned front looking down on him. With a meek smile, his deep, hoa.r.s.e voice was heard.
"Sorry…"
"Why are you always apologizing?" Frowning, a heavy exhale escaped her mouth. Before her, Ethan Lu seemed like he ran a marathon as his complexion was paler than usual. There were still beads of sweat on his forehead and his breathing was still heavy. Lexi could feel this heaviness within him hence, her heart was slowly being clenched.
"Love, remember the time when you asked me about my parents? I told you I will say it when I"m ready but…" Retracting his gentle gaze from her and aimed it to the ceiling, a bitter smile formed on the side of his lips. "I don"t think I will be ready. I hate them."
Biting her lower lip, Lexi already knew that as Edward Lu already tattled about Ethan Lu"s traumatizing past. Therefore, she didn"t need to ask him directly as she swore that she would fill the little holes in his heart with her love. Indeed, Lexi already planned it and was under the process of loving him with everything she could offer to the extent that his horrible past would be forgotten.
"Or maybe, I am not just ready to show you how I hate a person that I"m happy that they are dead." Cold and deep, his gaze remained glued to the ceiling as a light scoff slipped out from his mouth. Indeed, Ethan Lu never despised a person as much as he despised the woman that should be his strong pillar since childhood.
Perhaps, it was because he thought about not staining his own child"s eyes unlike what his mother did that this horrible repeating nightmare that he had always had while growing up returned. The very reason why Ethan Lu always drank his night away in the past and goes on a party spree until he pa.s.ses out was to avoid this memory that haunted him.
"Twenty years ago, my mother tried to kill me..." Recalling that very day, Ethan Lu could vividly see the hatred in his mother"s eyes as she raised the muzzle of the gun on him. In that young and innocent mind of his, although he was uncertain what was happening, the depths of his heart was terrified to the core.
It was as if a voice was telling him that it was dangerous and he would die. However, for some reason, his mother broke down on her knees, crying her heart out. Maybe, it was her conscience that tugged her heart or she could not bear the sight of him bleeding to death. Regardless, the trauma of the scene and the fact that his own mother had the slightest thought of killing him mentally disturbed him.
"Fine, stay here as long as you like. You would soon regret not listening to your mother…" those were the last words she spoke to me before she pointed the gun to her temple and I witnessed how blood stained the walls, and my ears deafened by the loud bang." Continuing to explain the nightmare, or rather, the repeating memories that he would never forget in a lifetime, Ethan Lu seemed as if he came back to his younger self and witnessed everything again as if it only happened yesterday.
He freshly recalled how bits and pieces of his mother"s brain popped like a watermelon. Her head was whacked and in an instant, her body crashed to the carpeted floor. Traumatizing was an understatement for a kid like him as he just sat there, staring at the blood that was rus.h.i.+ng down onto the floor soaking his mother with crimson red liquid.
He didn"t notice when and how the people rushed to the room. All he remembered was that while he was being carried away, his vision that was locked on his mother"s lifeless body went farther and farther away until everything went blank.
"I hate how she just gave up just like that. I hate that she was so weak. It"s not like she was the only one who was suffering from what"s happening to our family. But most of all, I hated that she never gave me a good memory of having a mother." Retracting his bitter gaze away from the ceiling, Ethan Lu turned to Lexi whose eyes were sweating a bucket with her hand covering her mouth.
"That"s why I am sorry, because my thoughts back then when I heard you committed suicide, I scoffed about it." Letting out a faint scoff, Ethan Lu was reminded of how he saw all women as fragile decoration. Of course, hearing the news about the infamous former fiancee of his friend just proved this twisted mentality.
However, who would have thought that despite that, Lexi would be the one who would also prove that women might reach their breaking point, but that wouldn"t mean that a person could not reflect and continue to live the best they could. Therefore, this secret insult that he threw at her without fully knowing her was something he would never forgive himself.
"You—" Trying to say something, Lexi was unable to continue as she instinctively crashed onto his chest while her arms wrapped around his neck. "Is that important? I also felt disgusted in the past whenever you winked at me and smiled. Who cares about our first impressions with each other?" In between her sobs, Lexi rat herself out as if her way of saying that it was something he shouldn"t be sorry about.
"What"s important is that we"re together now and can fix whatever problem we had and will have in the future!" Since Lexi had been a drama queen and now, an emotional preggy, she could not help but cry and comfort her man like she was the one who needed comfort.
"Thank you…" Regardless, his heart melted as what she said was true. Ethan Lu felt at peace as he returned her comforting hug, his heart telling him he found his home and safe haven.
"But, did you really feel disgusted back then? I see you always blush every time you know." Diverting the heavy subject, Ethan Lu humored as he teased her.
"That"s not blus.h.i.+ng. That"s my disgusted face." Lightly shaking her head, Lexi m.u.f.fledly explained which made him chuckle. The two of them peacefully conversed about Lexi"s impression which always. .h.i.ts Ethan Lu"s weak spots as she seemed she was indirectly insulting his charms.
After some time, after a good laugh and Lexi was finally done crying, she remained on his chest as she monitored his beating heart in constant motion. "Love?"
"Hmm?"
"I love you. I won"t ask you to forget the past but, I will make sure that I will be on your side every step of the way. Let"s get to know each other more, okay?" Her eyes softened as she heard his heart slightly raised upon hearing her statement.
This relations.h.i.+p they had, though they were not perfect and have their own flaws, their love for each other was imperfectly perfect. During the months they were together, both might not say it out loud but they realized that there are still some things that they didn"t know about. For example, Lexi"s odd taste buds and Ethan Lu"s childhood.
Regardless, with an accepting heart, they chose to accept what may come in their way and figure things out together because... they were each other"s savior.