"There"ll be n.o.body at church?" asked Sally.
"Only the General, and I suppose the s.e.xton."
"I am glad." She leaned forward, we clasped hands, and I saw that the eyes she lifted to mine were starry and expectant, as they had been that day, so many years ago, when she stood between the gate and the bed of geraniums in the General"s yard.
The carriage rolled softly over the soaking streets, and above the sound of the wheels I heard the patter of the rain on the dead leaves in the gutters. I can see still a wet sparrow or two that fluttered down from the bared branches, and the negro maid sweeping the water from the steps in front of the doctor"s house. There was no wind, and the rain fell in straight elongated drops like a shower of silvery pine-needles. The mixture of a fighter and a dreamer! On my wedding-day, as I sat beside the woman I loved, approaching the fulfilment of my desire, I was conscious of a curious gravity, of almost a feeling of sadness. The stillness without, intensified by the slow, soft fall of the rain on the dead leaves, seemed not detached, but at one with the inner stillness which possessed alike my heart and my brain. I, the man of action, the embodiment of worldly success, was awed by the very intensity of my love, which added a throb of apprehension to the supreme moment of its fulfilment.
The carriage crawled up the long hill, and stopped before the steps leading to the churchyard of Saint John"s. Like a sombre omen up went the umbrella in the hands of Aunt Euphronasia; and as I led Sally across the pavement to the General, who stood waiting under the dripping maples and sycamores, I saw that she was very pale, and that her lips trembled when she smiled back at me. With her arm in the General"s, she pa.s.sed before me up the walk to the church door, while Aunt Euphronasia and I followed under the same umbrella a short way behind.
At the door the minister met us with outstretched hands, for he had known us from childhood; and when Aunt Euphronasia had removed the bride"s moist cloak, Sally joined me before the altar, in the square of faint light that fell from the windows. The interior of the church was very dim, so dim that her white dress and the minister"s gown seemed the only patches of high light in the obscurity. Through the window I could see the wet silvery boughs of a sycamore, and, I remember still, as if it had been illuminated upon my brain, a single bronzed leaf that writhed and twisted at the end of a slender branch. Never in my life had my mind been so awake to trivial impressions, so acutely aware of the external world, so perfectly unable to realise the profound significance of the words I uttered. The sound of the soft rain on the graves outside was in my ears, and instead of my marriage, I found myself thinking of the day I had seen Sally dancing toward me in her red shoes, over the coloured leaves. In those few minutes, which changed the course of our two lives, it was as if I myself--the man that men knew--had been present only in a dream.
When it was over, the General kissed Sally, and wiped his eyes on his silk handkerchief.
"You"re a brave girl, my dear, and I"m proud of you," he said; "you"ve got your mother"s heart and your father"s fighting blood, and that"s a good blending."
"I wish the sun had shone on you," observed the old minister, while I helped her into her cloak; "but we Christians can"t afford to waste regret on heathen superst.i.tions. I married your mother," he added, as if there were possible comfort in a proof of the futility of omens, "on a cloudless morning in June."
Sally shivered, and glanced across the churchyard, where the water dripped from the bared trees on the graves that were covered thickly with sodden leaves.
"The sun may welcome us home," she replied, with an effort to be cheerful; "we shall be back again in a fortnight."
"And you go South?" asked the minister nervously, like a man who tries to make conversation because his professional duty requires it of him.
Then the umbrella went up again, and after a good-by to the General, we started together down the walk, with Aunt Euphronasia following close as a shadow.
"The rain does not sadden you, sweetheart?"
"It saddens me, but that does not mean that I am not happy."
"And you would do it over again?"
"I would do it over until--until the last hour of my life."
"Oh, Sally, Sally, if I were only sure that I was worthy."
A light broke in her face, and as she looked up at me, I bent over and kissed her under the leafless trees.
CHAPTER XX
IN WHICH SOCIETY RECEIVES US
It was a bright December evening when we returned to Richmond, and drove through the frosty air to our new home. The house was large and modern, with a hideous brown stone front, and at the top of the brown stone steps several girl friends of Sally"s were waiting to receive us. Beyond them, in the brilliantly lighted hall, I saw ma.s.ses of palms and roses under the oak staircase.
"Oh, you bad Sally, not even to ask us to your wedding. And you know how we adore one!" cried a handsome, dark girl in a riding habit, named Bonny Page. "How do you do, Mr. Starr? We"re to call you "Ben" now because you"ve married our cousin."
I made some brief response, and while I spoke, I felt again the old sense of embarra.s.sment, of strangeness in my surroundings, that always came upon me in a gathering of women--especially of girls. With Sally I never forgot that I was a strong man,--with Bonny Page I remembered only that I was a plain one. As she stood there, with her arm about Sally, and her black eyes dancing with fun, she looked the incarnate spirit of mischief,--and beside the spirit of mischief I felt decidedly heavy. She was a tall, splendid girl, with a beautiful figure,--the belle of Richmond and the best horsewoman of the state. I had seen her take a jump that had brought my heart to my throat, and come down on the other side with a laugh. A little dazzling, a little cold, fine, quick, generous to her friends, and merciless to her lovers, I had wondered often what subtle sympathy had knit Sally and herself so closely together.
"You"d always promised that I should be your bridesmaid," she remarked reproachfully; "she"s hurt us dreadfully, hasn"t she, Bessy? And it"s very forgiving of us to warm her house and have her dinner ready for her."
Bessy, the little heroine of the azalea wreath and my first party, murmured shyly that she hoped the furniture was placed right and that the dinner would be good.
"Oh, you darlings, it"s too sweet of you!" said Sally, entering the drawing-room, amid palms and roses, with an arm about the neck of each.
"You know, don"t you," she went on, "that poor Aunt Mitty"s not coming kept me from having even you? How is she, Bonny? O Bonny, she won"t speak to me."
Immediately she was clasped in Bonny"s arms, where she shed a few tears on Bonny"s handsome shoulder.
"She"ll grow used to it," said little Bessy; "but, Sally, how did you have the courage?"
"Ask Bonny how she had the courage to take that five-foot jump."
"I took it with my teeth set and my eyes shut," said Bonny.
"Well, that"s how I took Ben, with my teeth set and my eyes shut tight."
"And I came down with a laugh," added Bonny.
"So did I--I came down with a laugh. Oh, you dears, how lovely the house looks! Here are all the bridal roses that I missed and you"ve remembered."
"There"re blue roses in your room," said Bonny; "I mean on the chintz and on the paper."
"How can I help being happy, when I have blue roses, Bonny? Aren"t blue roses an emblem of the impossible achieved?"
Bonny"s dancing black eyes were on me, and I read in them plainly the thought, "Yes, I"m going to be nice to you because Sally has married you, and Sally"s my cousin--even if I can"t understand how she came to do it."
No, she couldn"t understand, and she never would, this I read also. The man that she saw and the man that Sally knew were two different persons, drawing life from two different sources of sympathy. To her I was still, and would always be, the "magnificent animal,"--a creature of good muscle and sinew, with an honest eye, doubtless, and clean hands, but lacking in the finer qualities of person and manner that must appeal to her taste. Where Sally beheld power, and admired, Bonny Page saw only roughness, and wondered.
Presently, they led her away, and I heard their merry voices floating down from the bedrooms above. The pink light of the candles on the dinner table in the room beyond, the vague, sweet scent of the roses, and the warmth of the wood fire burning on the andirons, seemed to grow faint and distant, for I was very tired with the fatigue of a man whose muscles are cramped from want of exercise. I felt all at once that I had stepped from the open world into a place that was too small for me. I was a rich man at last, I was the husband, too, of the princess of the enchanted garden, and yet in the midst of the perfume and the soft lights and the laughter floating down from above, I saw myself, by some freak of memory, as I had crouched homeless in the straw under a deserted stall in the Old Market. Would the thought of the boy I had been haunt forever the man I had become? Did my past add a keener happiness to my present, or hang always like a threatening shadow above it? There was a part in my life which these girls could not understand, which even Sally, whom I loved, could never share with me. How could they or she comprehend hunger, who had never gone without for a moment?
Or sympathise with the l.u.s.t of battle when they had never encountered an obstacle? Already I heard the call of the streets, and my blood responded to it in the midst of the scented atmosphere. These things were for Sally, but for me was the joy of the struggle, the pa.s.sion to achieve that I might return, with my spoils and pile them higher and higher before her feet. The grasping was what I loved, not the possession; the instant of triumph, not the fruits of the conquest. Love throbbed in my heart, but my mind, as if freeing itself from a restraint, followed the Great South Midland and Atlantic, covering that night under the stars nearly twenty thousand miles of road. The elemental man in me chafed under the social curb, and I longed at that instant to bear the woman I had won out into the rough joys of the world. My muscles would soon grow flabby in this scented warmth. The fighter would war with the dreamer, and I would regret the short, fierce battle with my compet.i.tors in the business of life.
A slight sound made me turn, and I saw Bonny Page standing alone in the doorway, and looking straight at me with her dancing eyes.
"I don"t know you yet, Ben," she said in the direct, gallant manner of a perfect horsewoman, "but I"m going to like you."
"Please try," I answered, "and I"ll do my best not to make it hard."
"I don"t think it will be hard, but even if it were, I"d do it for Sally"s sake. Sally is my darling."
"And mine. So we"re alike in one thing at least."
"I"m perfectly furious with Aunt Mitty. I mean to tell her so the next time I"ve taken a high jump."
"Poor Miss Mitty. How can she help herself? She was born that way."
"Well, it was a very bad way to be born--to want to break Sally"s heart.
Do you know, I think it was delightful--the way you did it. If I"m ever married, I want to run away, too,--only I"ll run away on horseback, because that will be far more exciting."