A very tender silence fell in the library.
The twilight deepened.
Then Nurse Rosemary spoke, very low. "Mr. Dalmain, I have a request to make of you. I want to beg you not to destroy these pictures."
Garth lifted his head. "I must destroy them, child," he said. "I cannot risk their being seen by people who would recognise my--the--the lady portrayed."
"At all events, there is one person who must see them, before they are destroyed."
"And that is?" queried Garth.
"The lady portrayed," said Nurse Rosemary, bravely.
"How do you know she has not seen them?"
"Has she?" inquired Nurse Rosemary.
"No," said Garth, shortly; "and she never will."
"She must."
Something in the tone of quiet insistence struck Garth.
"Why?" he asked; and listened with interest for the answer.
"Because of all it would mean to a woman who knows herself plain, to see herself thus beautified."
Garth sat very still for a few moments. Then: "A woman who--knows--herself--plain?" he repeated, with interrogative amazement in his voice.
"Yes," proceeded Nurse Rosemary, encouraged. "Do you suppose, for a moment, that that lady"s mirror has ever shown her a reflection in any way approaching what you have made her in these pictures? When we stand before our looking-gla.s.ses, Mr. Dalmain, scowling anxiously at hats and bows, and partings, we usually look our very worst; and that lady, at her very worst, would be of a most discouraging plainness."
Garth sat perfectly silent.
"Depend upon it," continued Nurse Rosemary, "she never sees herself as "The Wife"--"The Mother." Is she a wife?".
Garth hesitated only the fraction of a second. "Yes," he said, very quietly.
Jane"s hands flew to her breast. Her heart must be held down, or he would hear it throbbing.
Nurse Rosemary"s voice had in it only a slight tremor, when she spoke again.
"Is she a mother?"
"No," said Garth. "I painted what might have been."
"If--?"
"If it HAD been," replied Garth, curtly.
Nurse Rosemary felt rebuked. "Dear Mr. Dalmain," she said, humbly; "I realise how officious I must seem to you, with all these questions, and suggestions. But you must blame the hold these wonderful paintings of yours have taken on my mind. Oh, they are beautiful--beautiful!"
"Ah," said Garth, the keen pleasure of the artist springing up once more. "Miss Gray, I have somewhat forgotten them. Have you them here?
That is right. Put them up before you, and describe them to me. Let me hear how they struck you, as pictures." Jane rose, and went to the window. She threw it open; and as she breathed in the fresh air, breathed out a pa.s.sionate prayer that her nerve, her voice, her self-control might not fail her, in this critical hour. She herself had been convicted by Garth"s pictures. Now she must convince Garth, by her description of them. He must be made to believe in the love he had depicted.
Then Nurse Rosemary sat down; and, in the gentle, unemotional voice, which was quite her own, described to the eager ears of the blind artist, exactly what Jane had seen in the studio.
It was perfectly done. It was mercilessly done. All the desperate, hopeless, hunger for Jane, awoke in Garth; the maddening knowledge that she had been his, and yet not his; that, had he pressed for her answer that evening, it could not have been a refusal; that the cold calculations of later hours, had no place in those moments of ecstasy.
Yet--he lost her--lost her! Why? Ah, why? Was there any possible reason other than the one she gave?
Nurse Rosemary"s quiet voice went on, regardless of his writhings. But she was drawing to a close. "And it is such a beautiful crimson rambler, Mr. Dalmain," she said. "I like the idea of its being small and in bud, in the first picture; and blooming in full glory, in the second."
Garth pulled himself together and smiled. He must not give way before this girl.
"Yes," he said; "I am glad you noticed that. And, look here. We will not destroy them at once. Now they are found, there is no hurry. I am afraid I am giving you a lot of trouble; but will you ask for some large sheets of brown paper, and make a package, and write upon it: "Not to be opened," and tell Margery to put them back in the studio.
Then, when I want them, at any time, I shall have no difficulty in identifying them."
"I am so glad," said Nurse Rosemary. "Then perhaps the plain lady--"
"I cannot have her spoken of so," said Garth, hotly. "I do not know what she thought of herself--I doubt if she ever gave a thought to self at all. I do not know what you would have thought of her. I can only tell you that, to me, hers is the one face which is visible in my darkness. All the loveliness I have painted, all the beauty I have admired, fades from my mental vision, as wreaths of mist; flutters from memory"s sight, as autumn leaves. Her face alone abides; calm, holy, tender, beautiful,--it is always before me. And it pains me that one who has only seen her as MY hand depicted her should speak of her as plain."
"Forgive me," said Nurse Rosemary, humbly. "I did not mean to pain you, sir. And, to show you what your pictures have done for me, may I tell you a resolution I made in the studio? I cannot miss what they depict--the sweetest joys of life--for want of the courage to confess myself wrong; pocket my pride; and be frank and humble. I am going to write a full confession to my young man, as to my share of the misunderstanding which has parted us. Do you think he will understand?
Do you think he will forgive?"
Garth smiled. He tried to call up an image of a pretty troubled face, framed in a fluffy setting of soft fair hair. It harmonised so little with the voice; but it undoubtedly was Nurse Rosemary Gray, as others saw her.
"He will be a brute if he doesn"t, child," he said.
CHAPTER x.x.xI
IN LIGHTER VEIN
Dinner that evening, the first at their small round table, was a great success. Nurse Rosemary"s plans all worked well; and Garth delighted in arrangements which made him feel less helpless.
The strain of the afternoon brought its reaction of merriment. A little judicious questioning drew forth further stories of the d.u.c.h.ess and her pets; and Miss Champion"s name came in with a frequency which they both enjoyed.
It was a curious experience for Jane, to hear herself described in Garth"s vivid word-painting. Until that fatal evening at Shenstone, she had been remarkably free from self-consciousness; and she had no idea that she had a way of looking straight into people"s eyes when she talked to them, and that that was what muddled up "the silly little minds of women who say they are afraid of her, and that she makes them nervous! You see she looks right into their shallow shuffling little souls, full of conceited thoughts about themselves, and nasty ill-natured thoughts about her; and no wonder they grow panic-stricken, and flee; and talk of her as "that formidable Miss Champion." I never found her formidable; but, when I had the chance of a real talk with her, I used to be thankful I had nothing of which to be ashamed. Those clear eyes touched bottom every time, as our kindred over the water so expressively put it."
Neither had Jane any idea that she always talked with a poker, if possible; building up the fire while she built up her own argument; or attacking it vigorously, while she demolished her opponent"s; that she stirred the fire with her toe, but her very smart boots never seemed any the worse; that when pondering a difficult problem, she usually stood holding her chin in her right hand, until she had found the solution. All these small characteristics Garth described with vivid touch, and dwelt upon with a tenacity of remembrance, which astonished Jane, and revealed him, in his relation to herself three years before, in a new light.
His love for her had been so suddenly disclosed, and had at once had to be considered as a thing to be either accepted or put away; so that when she decided to put it away, it seemed not to have had time to become in any sense part of her life. She had viewed it; realised all it might have meant; and put it from her.
But now she understood how different it had been for Garth. During the week which preceded his declaration, he had realised, to the full, the meaning of their growing intimacy; and, as his certainty increased, he had more and more woven her into his life; his vivid imagination causing her to appear as his beloved from the first; loved and wanted, when as yet they were merely acquaintances; kindred spirits; friends.
To find herself thus shrined in his heart and memory was infinitely touching to Jane; and seemed to promise, with sweet certainty, that it would not be difficult to come home there to abide, when once all barriers between them were removed.