"Dearest," he said, "how soon will they all go? How soon shall we be quite alone? Oh, why couldn"t they drive to the station from the church?"
Jane looked at her watch. "Because we must lunch them, dear," she said.
"Think how good they have all been. And we could not start our married life by being inhospitable. It is just one o"clock; and we ordered luncheon at half-past. Their train leaves the station at half-past four. In three hours, Garth, we shall be alone."
"Shall I be able to behave nicely for three hours?" exclaimed Garth, boyishly.
"You must," said Jane, "or I shall fetch Nurse Rosemary."
"Oh hush!" he said. "All that is too precious, to-day, for chaff.
Jane"--he turned suddenly, and laid his hand on hers--"Jane! Do you understand that you are now--actually--my wife?"
Jane took his hand, and held it against her heart, just where she so often had pressed her own, when she feared he would hear it throbbing.
"My darling," she said, "I do not understand it. But I know--ah, thank G.o.d!--I know it to be true."
CHAPTER x.x.xVIII
PERPETUAL LIGHT
Moonlight on the terrace--silvery, white, serene. Garth and Jane had stepped out into the brightness; and, finding the night so warm and still, and the nightingales filling the woods and hills with soft-throated music, they moved their usual fireside chairs close to the parapet, and sat there in restful comfort, listening to the sweet sounds of the quiet night.
The solitude was so perfect; the restfulness so complete. Garth had removed the cushion seat from his chair, and placed it on the gravel; and sat at his wife"s feet leaning against her knees. She stroked his hair and brow softly, as they talked; and every now and then he put up his hand, drew hers to his lips, and kissed the ring he had never seen.
Long tender silences fell between them. Now that they were at last alone, thoughts too deep, joys too sacred for words, trembled about them; and silence seemed to express more than speech. Only, Garth could not bear Jane to be for a moment out of reach of his hand. What to another would have been: "I cannot let her out of my sight," was, to him, "I cannot let her be beyond my touch." And Jane fully understood this; and let him feel her every moment within reach. And the bliss of this was hers as well as his; for sometimes it had seemed to her as if the hunger in her heart, caused by those long weeks of waiting, when her arms ached for him, and yet she dared not even touch his hand, would never be appeased.
"Sweet, sweet, sweet--thrill," sang a nightingale in the wood. And Garth whistled an exact imitation.
"Oh, darling," said Jane, "that reminds me; there is something I do so want you to sing to me. I don"t know what it is; but I think you will remember. It was on that Monday evening, after I had seen the pictures, and Nurse Rosemary had described them to you. Both our poor hearts were on the rack; and I went up early in order to begin my letter of confession; but you told Simpson not to come for you until eleven.
While I was writing in the room above, I could hear you playing in the library. You played many things I knew--music we had done together, long ago. And then a theme I had never heard crept in, and caught my ear at once, because it was quite new to me, and so marvellously sweet.
I put down my pen and listened. You played it several times, with slight variations, as if trying to recall it. And then, to my joy, you began to sing. I crossed the room; softly opened my window, and leaned out. I could hear some of the words; but not all. Two lines, however, reached me distinctly, with such penetrating, tender sadness, that I laid my head against the window-frame, feeling as if I could write no more, and wait no longer, but must go straight to you at once."
Garth drew down the dear hand which had held the pen that night; turned it over, and softly kissed the palm.
"What were they, Jane?" he said.
""Lead us, O Christ, when all is gone, Safe home at last.""
"And oh, my darling, the pathos of those words, "when all is gone"!
Whoever wrote that music, had been through suffering such as ours. Then came a theme of such inspiring hopefulness and joy, that I arose, armed with fresh courage; took up my pen, and went on with my letter. Again two lines had reached me:"
""Where Thou, Eternal Light of Light, Art Lord of All.""
"What is it, Garth? And whose? And where did you hear it? And will you sing it to me now, darling? I have a sudden wish that you should sing it, here and now; and I can"t wait!"
Garth sat up, and laughed--a short happy laugh, in which all sorts of emotions were mingled.
"Jane! I like to hear you say you can"t wait. It isn"t like you; because you are so strong and patient. And yet it is so deliciously like you, if you FEEL it, to SAY it. I found the words in the Anthem-book at Worcester Cathedral, this time last year, at even-song.
I copied them into my pocket-book, during the reading of the first lesson, I am ashamed to say; but it was all about what Balak said unto Balaam, and Balaam said unto Balak,--so I hope I may be forgiven! They seemed to me some of the most beautiful words I had ever read; and, fortunately, I committed them to memory. Of course, I will sing them to you, if you wish, here and now. But I am afraid the air will sound rather poor without the accompaniment. However, not for worlds would I move from here, at this moment."
So sitting up; in the moonlight, with his back to Jane, his face uplifted, and his hands clasped around one knee, Garth sang. Much practice had added greatly to the sweetness and flexibility of his voice; and he rendered perfectly the exquisite melody to which the words were set.
Jane listened with an overflowing heart.
"The radiant morn hath pa.s.sed away, And spent too soon her golden store; The shadows of departing day Creep on once more.
"Our life is but a fading dawn, Its glorious noon, how quickly past!
Lead us, O Christ, when all is gone, Safe home at last.
"Where saints are clothed in spotless white, And evening shadows never fall; where Thou, Eternal Light of Light, Art Lord of All."
The triumphant worship of the last line rang out into the night, and died away. Garth loosed his hands, and leaned back, with a sigh of vast content, against his wife"s knees.
"Beautiful!" she said. "Beautiful! Garthie--perhaps it is because YOU sang it; and to-night;--but it seems to me the most beautiful thing I ever heard. Ah, and how appropriate for us; on this day, of all days."
"Oh, I don"t know," said Garth, stretching his legs in front of him, and crossing his feet the one over the other. "I certainly feel "Safe home at last"--not because "all is gone"; but because I HAVE all, in having you, Jane."
Jane bent, and laid her cheek upon his head. "My own boy," she said, "you have all I have to give--all, ALL. But, darling, in those dark days which are past, all seemed gone, for us both. "Lead us, O Christ"--It was He who led us safely through the darkness, and has brought us to this. And Garth, I love to know that He is Lord of All--Lord of our joy; Lord of our love; Lord of our lives--our wedded lives, my husband. We could not be so safely, so blissfully, each other"s, were we not ONE, IN HIM. Is this true for you also, Garth?"
Garth felt for her left hand, drew it down, and laid his cheek against it; then gently twisted the wedding ring that he might kiss it all round.
"Yes, my wife," he said. "I thank G.o.d, that I can say in all things: "Thou, Eternal Light of Light, art Lord of All.""
A long sweet silence. Then Jane said, suddenly: "Oh, but the music, Garthie! That exquisite setting. Whose is it? And where did you hear it?"
Garth laughed again; a laugh of half-shy pleasure.
"I am glad you like it, Jane," he said, "because I must plead guilty to the fact that it is my own. You see, I knew no music for it; the Anthem-book gave the words only. And on that awful night, when little Rosemary had mercilessly rubbed it in, about "the lady portrayed"; and what her love MUST have been, and WOULD have been, and COULD have been; and had made me SEE "The Wife" again, and "The--" the other picture; I felt so bruised, and sore, and lonely. And then those words came to my mind: "Lead us, O Christ, when all is gone, safe home at last." All seemed gone indeed; and there seemed no home to hope for, in this world." He raised himself a little, and then leaned back again; so that his head rested against her bosom. "Safe home at last," he said, and stayed quite still for a moment, in utter content. Then remembered what he was telling her, and went on eagerly.
"So those words came back to me; and to get away from despairing thoughts, I began reciting them, to an accompaniment of chords."
""The radiant morn hath pa.s.sed away, And spent too soon her golden store; The shadows of departing day--""
"And then--suddenly, Jane--I SAW it, pictured in sound! Just as I used to SEE a sunset, in light and shadow, and then transfer it to my canvas in shade and colour,-so I heard a SUNSET in harmony, and I felt the same kind of tingle in my fingers as I used to feel when inspiration came, and I could catch up my brushes and palette. So I played the sunset. And then I got the theme for life fading, and what one feels when the glorious noon is suddenly plunged into darkness; and then the prayer. And then, I HEARD a vision of heaven, where evening shadows never fall: And after that came the end; just certainty, and worship, and peace. You see the eventual theme, worked out of all this. It was like making studies for a picture. That was why you heard it over and over. I wasn"t trying to remember. I was gathering it into final form.
I am awfully glad you like it, Jane; because if I show you how the harmonies go, perhaps you could write it down. And it would mean such a lot to me, if you thought it worth singing. I could play the accompaniment--Hullo! Is it beginning to rain? I felt a drop on my cheek, and another on my hand."
No answer. Then he felt the heave, with which Jane caught her breath; and realised that she was weeping.
In a moment he was on his knees in front of her. "Jane! Why, what is the matter; Sweet? What on earth--? Have I said anything to trouble you? Jane, what is it? O G.o.d, why can"t I see her!"
Jane mastered her emotion; controlling her voice, with an immense effort. Then drew him down beside her.
"Hush, darling, hush! It is only a great joy--a wonderful surprise.
Lean against me again, and I will try to tell you. Do you know that you have composed some of the most beautiful music in the world? Do you know, my own boy, that not only your proud and happy wife, but ALL women who can sing, will want to sing your music? Garthie, do you realise what it means? The creative faculty is so strong in you, that when one outlet was denied it, it burst forth through another. When you had your sight, you created by the hand and EYE. Now, you will create by the hand and EAR. The power is the same. It merely works through another channel. But oh, think what it means! Think! The world lies before you once more!"
Garth laughed, and put up his hand to the dear face, still wet with thankful tears.