"Same as most people," replied the chauffeur tersely. He shared in the general disapproval of Chipmunk.
"But see "ere. Cap"en he tells me I must shave me face and be a "oss soldier. I never shaved me face in me life, and I dunno "ow to do it, just as I dunno "ow to ride a "oss. I"m a sailorman, I am, and sailormen don"t shave their faces and ride "osses. That"s why I arsked yer what yer thought of this "ere war."
The chauffeur struggled into his jeans and adjusted them before replying.
"If you"re a sailor, the place for you is the navy," he remarked in a superior manner. "As for the cavalry, the Cap"en, as you call him, ought to have more sense----"
Chipmunk rose and swung his long arms threateningly.
"Look "ere, young feller, do you want to have your blinkin" "ead knocked orf? Where the Cap"en goes, I goes, and don"t you make any mistake about it!"
"I didn"t say anything," the chauffeur expostulated.
"Then don"t say it. See? Keep your blinkin" "ead shut and mind your own business."
And, scowling fiercely and thrusting his empty pipe into his trousers pocket, Chipmunk rolled away.
A few hours later Oliver, entering his room to dress for dinner, found him standing in the light of the window laboriously fitting studs into a shirt. The devoted fellow having gone to report to his master, had found Burford engaged in his accustomed task of laying out his master"s evening clothes--Oliver during his stay in London had provided himself with these necessaries. A jealous snarl had sent Burford flying. So intent was he on his work, that he did not hear Oliver enter. Oliver stood and watched him. Chipmunk was swearing wholesomely under his breath. Oliver saw him take up the tail of the shirt, spit on it and begin to rub something.
"Ker-ist!" said Chipmunk.
"What in the thundering blazes are you doing there?" cried Oliver.
Chipmunk turned.
"Oh, my G.o.d!" said Oliver.
Then he sank on a chair and laughed and laughed, and the more he looked at Chipmunk the more he laughed. And Chipmunk stood stolid, holding the shirt of the awful, wet, thumb-marked front. But it was not at the shirt that Oliver laughed.
"Good G.o.d!" he cried, "were you born like that?"
For Chipmunk, having gone to the barber"s, was clean-shaven, and revealed himself as one of the most comically ugly of the sons of men.
"Never mind," said Oliver, after a while, "you"ve made the sacrifice for your country."
"And wot if I get the face-ache?"
"I"d get something that looked like a face before I"d talk of it,"
grinned Oliver.
At the family dinner-table, Doggie being present, he announced his intentions. It was the duty of every able-bodied man to fight for the Empire. Had not half a million just been called for? We should want a jolly sight more than that before we got through with it. Anyway, he was off to-morrow.
"To-morrow?" echoed the Dean.
Burford, who was handing him potatoes, arched his eyebrows in alarm.
He was fond of Oliver.
"With Chipmunk."
Burford uttered an unheard sigh of relief.
"We"re going to enlist in King Edward"s Horse. They"re our kind.
Overseas men. Lots of "em what you dear good people would call bad eggs. There you make the mistake. Perhaps they mayn"t be fresh enough raw for a dainty palate--but for cooking, good hard cooking, by gosh!
nothing can touch "em."
"You talk of enlisting, dear," said Mrs. Conover. "Does that mean as a private soldier?"
"Yes--a trooper. Why not?"
"You"re a gentleman, dear. And gentlemen in the Army are officers."
"Not now, my dear Sophia," said the Dean. "Gentlemen are crowding into the ranks. They are setting a n.o.ble example."
They argued it out in their gentle old-fashioned way. The Dean quoted examples of sons of family who had served as privates in the South African War.
"And that to this," said he, "is but an eddy to a maelstrom."
"Come and join us, James Marmaduke," said Oliver across the table.
"Chipmunk and me. Three "sworn brothers to France.""
Doggie smiled easily. "I"m afraid I can"t undertake to swear a fraternal affection for Chipmunk. He and I would have neither habits nor ideals in common."
Oliver turned to Peggy. "I wish," said he, with rare restraint, "he wouldn"t talk like a book on deportment."
"Marmaduke talks the language of civilization," laughed Peggy. "He"s not a savage like you."
"Don"t you jolly well wish he was!" said Oliver.
Peggy flushed. "No, I don"t!" she declared.
The Dean being called away on business immediately after dinner, the young men were left alone in the dining-room when the ladies had departed. Oliver poured himself out a gla.s.s of port and filled his pipe--an inelegant proceeding of which Doggie disapproved. A pipe alone was barbaric, a pipe with old port was criminal. He held his peace however.
"James Marmaduke," said Oliver, after a while, "what are you going to do?" Much as Marmaduke disliked the name of "Doggie," he winced under the irony of the new appellation.
"I don"t see that I"m called upon to do anything," he replied.
Oliver smoked and sipped his port. "I don"t want to hurt your feelings any more," said he gravely, "though sometimes I"d like to scrag you--I suppose because you"re so different from me. It was so when we were children together. Now I"ve grown very fond of Peggy. Put on the right track, she might turn into a very fine woman."
"I don"t think we need discuss Peggy, Oliver," said Marmaduke.
"I do. She is sticking to you very loyally." Oliver was a bit of an idealist. "The time may come when she"ll be up the devil"s own tree.
She"ll develop a patriotic conscience. If she sticks to you while you do nothing she"ll be miserable. If she chucks you, as she probably will, she"ll be no happier. It"s all up to you, James Doggie Marmaduke, old son. You"ll have to gird up your loins and take sword and buckler and march away like the rest. I don"t want Peggy to be unhappy. I want her to marry a man. That"s why I proposed to take you out with me to Huaheine and try to make you one. But that"s over. Now, here"s the real chance. Better take it sooner than later. You"ll have to be a soldier, Doggie."
His pipe not drawing, he was preparing to dig it with the point of a dessert-knife, when Doggie interposed hurriedly.
"For goodness" sake, don"t do that! It makes cold shivers run down my back!"
Oliver looked at him oddly, put the extinct pipe in his dinner-jacket pocket and rose.