"What do you mean?"
"Well ... it"s just ... I mean, is there anything wrong between you and Dad?"
Lucy was taken aback. "What makes you ask that?"
"Because you hardly glanced at him in church, and when we came out, you seemed to be avoiding him ... as though you"re angry with him, or something."
"Oh, I expect my mind was elsewhere, that"s all." Which was not a lie.
"So, you haven"t had a fight then?"
"Not to speak of, no."
"Oh, well, that"s all right then."
Sensing that Anne had not believed her, Lucy felt guilty. "Your dad and Sam seem to be in deep conversation, don"t you think?" She had to convince herself that Martin would never reveal the sordid business between himself and Paula.
Anne agreed. "It"s good for them to talk, man to man, if you see what I mean? Sam has not been his usual chatty self this past week or so. Out of the two of us, he was always closest to Grandma and Granddad. I loved them too, but, unlike Sam, I never seemed to have much spare time to spend with them. I regret that now."
"We all have regrets, Anne, but it"s not good to dwell on them," Lucy advised. "Besides, you have a lot to deal with. You"re a wife and a mother, with many responsibilities, while Sam is still footloose and fancy-free."
"And what about you, Mum?"
"What about me?"
"It must be so very hard for you. They were your parents, and out of all of us, this must have hit you the hardest. Paula as well, I suppose, but Grandma once told me that, while you were always popping round every chance you got, Paula hardly ever went round to see them ... unless she wanted something."
"You should not say things like that, Anne."
"Grandma said it, not me!" Anne had never cared much for Aunt Paula, anyway. She always thought her too full of herself. "I know you"ll miss them more than she will."
Lucy gave a sad little smile. "Maybe, but we don"t really know that."
"I do, and I"m worried about you, Mum. I know you"re hurting, and I don"t know what to do."
"There is nothing anyone can do," she said softly. "We all have to try to deal with it in our own way."
Thinking of her parents, Lucy fought back the tears. "Don"t you worry about me, sweetheart. I"ll be all right," she promised shakily.
Anne saw the car approaching. "Here comes Les."
She ran to meet him. "Where is he?" She glanced into the back of the car, expecting to see their baby son.
"I"m sorry, love. He"s with the baby-sitter. She turned up twenty minutes ago." Les was disappointed to have missed the service. "I hoped I might not be too late. I meant to sneak in at the back and catch the end of the service. I should have been there for you, and to pay my respects."
"You can still do that," Anne rea.s.sured him. "We"ll go up and you can see all the lovely flowers ... if you want?"
Les thought that was a good idea.
First, though, having seen how pale and quiet Lucy had become, he asked her, "If there is anything I can do, just give me a shout, and I"ll be there."
Lucy thanked him. "If you mean help sort out Mum and Dad"s house and such, it"s all under control. After all the legal business is attended to, Anne has promised to help me go through their personal stuff." She gave Anne a warm smile. "When that"s done, the family can decide if they would like any keepsakes. As for everything else furniture and such Mum always said that when she "pops her clogs" she would like some pieces to be sent to the local charity shop, to help the needy."
Les smiled. "And why does that not surprise me?"
He realised there would be much to do, all of it a painful business, and that the tasks would mainly fall to Lucy. "Well, the offer is there if needed, Lucy."
Lucy thanked him and promised she would call if she needed to.
Anne a.s.sured her mother that it had been the right and proper thing not to have a reception after the service. "Grandma never liked anything like that, and besides, most people, like yourself, have taken time off work and need to get back."
After saying her goodbyes, Lucy reminded her daughter that she might pop round later, although all she wanted right then was to curl up in a corner and think of what her life might be like now, without her parents.
Having waited until Anne and Les started on their way up to the church, Paula made a beeline for her sister. "Hey! Wait a minute."
Lucy saw her coming, and tried to make herself scarce. Paula had nothing to say that she needed to hear.
"Lucy!" Paula was none too pleased at being made to chase after her. "Wait!"
Quickening her steps, Lucy hurried away. Whatever she says won"t change what they did. I won"t forgive them, she promised herself.
Behind her, Paula cursed under her breath. That"s it! Run away, and to h.e.l.l with you! she thought. But you can"t say I didn"t try to warn you. Martin and I plan to be together, and there"s nothing you can do or say to stop it.
Having seen Lucy hurrying away, Martin and Sam ran to catch up with her.
"Mum!" Sam"s voice stopped Lucy in her tracks. "Mum, wait!"
Lucy glanced about, discreetly checking that Paula had gone.
"Mum, is it all right if I go with Dad?" Sam asked.
"Where to?" With Sam there, Lucy had no choice but to acknowledge her husband.
"We"re going fishing for the rest of the day," Martin explained. "I thought it might be a good idea ... in the circ.u.mstances." Looking at Lucy, and seeing how pale and worn she looked, Martin had a stab of conscience.
Then he saw Paula in the distance, and he felt like a man ten foot tall. That beautiful creature was his woman now. Not Lucy.
Not any more ...
"Dad"s given me his spare fishing rod!" Sam had been after that rod for a long time, and he was genuinely excited. "So, is it all right, Mum? I won"t go, though, if you need me."
"It"s all right, love. I"ve got more than enough to keep me busy just now," she said. "You go with your dad and enjoy yourself." She gave him a quick peck on the cheek. "It"ll do you good ... take your mind off things."
"Do you intend going back to work?" Martin asked.
"I"m not sure."
"See you later then." Martin gave a curt little nod.
Lucy made no reply.
With heavy heart, she watched them go. When they were out of sight, she looked back at the churchyard and lowered her head in sorrow. "Love you," she whispered tearfully. "Miss you."
Having already refused a lift from both Les and Martin, Lucy chose to walk back. She had a desperate need to be alone with her thoughts. She wondered where her life was heading. Or if she had a future.
Somehow along the way, she had lost everything, except for her two children and her darling baby grandchild.
She was immensely thankful for having been blessed in that way, but Sam and Anne were old enough to be independent now. They had their own lives to live. Anne was a wife and mother, and very soon Sam would be off to see the wider world; that much she knew for certain. He was increasingly hankering after adventure, and already he had applied to two colleges. The newsagent"s job was never going to be big enough for him.
Lucy supposed it would not be long before she was seeing him off, and what would she have then? Both her children having flown the nest; a husband who thought so little of her that he could take another woman into his bed; and a sister who had not only shamed herself and her G.o.d-fearing parents, but who had managed to destroy every ounce of love and respect that Lucy had ever had for her.
So now, with her parents gone, Lucy was made to ask herself, what was left for her?
With Anne now happily settled as a wife and mother, and Sam straining at the reins to make his own life away from these parts, and, for all she knew, Martin and Paula maybe planning to build a life together, Lucy"s prospects seemed rather bleak. She asked herself, who was she? What purpose did she now serve?
If Martin left her, who would ever want a dowdy, uninteresting, plain-looking woman who had nothing much to talk about? She had no ambitions, no achievements apart from producing two beautiful children. And because she had married at sixteen, heavily pregnant, she had little experience of life outside of raising a family.
With all of that in mind, if Martin did leave her to be with her sister, what kind of life would she have, an abandoned woman, whose children had fled the nest? No parents to look after or lean on whenever she needed someone close.
The more she thought on it, the more she realised that her future looked very bleak indeed.
In truth, right now it felt to Lucy as though her neat little life was falling apart by the minute.
It was as though the water had surged over her bridge, taking her with it. And whichever way she turned, there seemed no way back.
CHAPTER SEVEN.
LUCY HAD TOYED with the idea of going back to work for the latter part of the day. Finally, she decided not to go, and rang in to inform the office.
The boss"s secretary told her not to worry. "I know the boss asked if you would try and come back, but to be honest she did not expect you to, and she said as much to me. So, don"t give it a second thought, Lucy. We"ll see you when we see you."
Lucy was relieved. Right now she had neither the heart nor the patience to be working that big, noisy machine; especially with everyone keeping a friendly, wary eye on her.
The two-mile walk home would give her time to a.s.sess the recent events. She could scrutinise all that was wrong in her life. It would give her time to plan, time to think of herself for a change, because if there was such a thing as a turning-point in life, this was surely hers.
Almost halfway home, she was shocked to realise that already the day was slipping away, so she pushed on, needing to get home before Martin and Sam returned from fishing. Yet even then, she wondered how she could even sit at the same table as Martin. What had they to say to each other that was not already said?
And how was she supposed to behave naturally when all the while she wanted to rant and rave, and throw him out of the house, with his bag and baggage? In the past few days since her parents died, there had been the funeral to arrange, which had allowed both Lucy and Martin to set aside any confrontation about his betrayal.
Her first priorities now, though, were Sam and his sister. Lucy knew she must keep her dignity, and wait for the right moment to have it out with Martin.
As she pa.s.sed a red phone box, an idea came to mind, so she turned about. Opening her handbag as she went, she collected the few loose coins in the bottom of her purse, and counted them out. "That"ll do!" She felt pleased with herself.
Inside the phone box, she inserted some coins and dialled the number. After a few rings, Anne"s voice said, "h.e.l.lo?"
"Anne, love, it"s me ... Mum." Lucy was relieved to hear her daughter"s voice.
"Mum! Where are you? I"ve been calling the house ... There"s n.o.body there. Where"s Sam and Dad? What"s going on?"
"Nothing is "going on", love. Dad and Sam have gone fishing and probably won"t be home till late. I"m walking home. I need to clear my mind. But I"ve decided to catch a bus to Kathleen"s. She"ll be back from work by the time I get there. I promised to see her, and now is as good a time as any."
"But what about your tea? I know for a fact you"ve hardly eaten anything all day."
"I"ll get something don"t worry, love. It"ll do me good to spend a little time with Kathleen. She makes me feel better about myself."
"What"s that supposed to mean?"
"I"m not sure exactly," Lucy detected a little envy, "but she does make me smile, and she tells me off when it"s needed."
"Hmm! Well, that won"t do any harm, I"m sure. Not when you"re always thinking of others above yourself. Yes, Mum, you go and see your friend. If you want, Les can pick you up when you"re ready to come home."
"Thank you, but I"ll get the bus. There"s no need for Les to disturb his evening, but there is one thing you could do for me if you can ...?"
"Oh, what"s that then?"
"Well, there"s no food prepared for your father and Sam, and they"re bound to be starving hungry after being in the fresh air."
Anne put her mother"s mind at rest. "I"ll get them fish and chips. The chip shop on Raymond Street is always open."
"So, how will you let them know? You can"t be sure what time they"ll get back."
"Like I said, Mum, stop worrying about everyone else! I"ve still got your spare key. Les can take a note over and leave it in the kitchen where they"re bound to see it. They"ll call me, and either they can come to me and have their tea here, or Les will take the food to them. I"ll ask Sam to stay over at our house if he wants. See! It"s no problem ... and nothing for you to worry about."
"Thank you, sweetheart."
So, in spite of Lucy"s worrying, everything seemed to be slotting into place. There you are, Lucy girl, she told herself, it seems you"re not altogether indispensable after all. The trouble was, she could not make up her mind as to whether or not that was a good thing.
Ten minutes later, having called Kathleen, she was clambering aboard the bus.
"Where to?" The curly-haired conductress stood back to let her pa.s.s.
"Market Street, please." As Lucy was counting out her change, the bus suddenly moved off, and she quickly grabbed the rail.
"Sit yourself down before you fall down!" The conductress had a voice like a sergeant-major.
It was a ten-minute ride to Market Street, and almost as soon as she sat herself down, Lucy was clambering up again. "Wait until the bus stops!" the conductress bellowed. "Watch the step as you get off!"
With three other pa.s.sengers in front of her, Lucy was impatient to get off the bus and be on her way. As Lucy shuffled along behind the other pa.s.sengers, the conductress was issuing even more orders. "Come on ... come on! We haven"t got all day."
Everyone quickened their steps. "Miserable b.u.g.g.e.r!" The fat man in front of Lucy raised his voice in contempt. "A bit of respect might not come amiss. I was in the army, I"ll have you know!"