SIR PETER. Hey!--what the Plague--are you ashamed of having done a right thing once in your life?
SNAKE. Ah: Sir--consider I live by the Badness of my Character!-- I have nothing but my Infamy to depend on!--and, if it were once known that I had been betray"d into an honest Action, I should lose every Friend I have in the world.
SIR OLIVER. Well--well we"ll not traduce you by saying anything to your Praise never fear.
[Exit SNAKE.]
SIR PETER. There"s a precious Rogue--Yet that fellow is a Writer and a Critic.
LADY TEAZLE. See[,] Sir Oliver[,] there needs no persuasion now to reconcile your Nephew and Maria--
SIR OLIVER. Aye--aye--that"s as it should be and egad we"ll have the wedding to-morrow morning--
CHARLES. Thank you, dear Unkle!
SIR PETER. What! you rogue don"t you ask the Girl"s consent first--
CHARLES. Oh, I have done that a long time--above a minute ago-- nd She has look"d yes--
MARIA. For Shame--Charles--I protest Sir Peter, there has not been a word----
SIR OLIVER. Well then the fewer the Better--may your love for each other never know--abatement.
SIR PETER. And may you live as happily together as Lady Teazle and I--intend to do--
CHARLES. Rowley my old Friend--I am sure you congratulate me and I suspect too that I owe you much.
SIR OLIVER. You do, indeed, Charles--
ROWLEY. If my Efforts to serve you had not succeeded you would have been in my debt for the attempt--but deserve to be happy--and you over-repay me.
SIR PETER. Aye honest Rowley always said you would reform.
CHARLES. Why as to reforming Sir Peter I"ll make no promises-- and that I take to be a proof that I intend to set about it-- But here shall be my Monitor--my gentle Guide.--ah! can I leave the Virtuous path those Eyes illumine?
Tho" thou, dear Maid, should"st wave [waive] thy Beauty"s Sway, --Thou still must Rule--because I will obey: An humbled fugitive from Folly View, No sanctuary near but Love and YOU: You can indeed each anxious Fear remove, For even Scandal dies if you approve. [To the audience.]
EPILOGUE
BY MR. COLMAN
SPOKEN BY LADY TEAZLE
I, who was late so volatile and gay, Like a trade-wind must now blow all one way, Bend all my cares, my studies, and my vows, To one dull rusty weatherc.o.c.k--my spouse!
So wills our virtuous bard--the motley Bayes Of crying epilogues and laughing plays!
Old bachelors, who marry smart young wives, Learn from our play to regulate your lives: Each bring his dear to town, all faults upon her-- London will prove the very source of honour.
Plunged fairly in, like a cold bath it serves, When principles relax, to brace the nerves: Such is my case; and yet I must deplore That the gay dream of dissipation"s o"er.
And say, ye fair! was ever lively wife, Born with a genius for the highest life, Like me untimely blasted in her bloom, Like me condemn"d to such a dismal doom?
Save money--when I just knew how to waste it!
Leave London--just as I began to taste it!
Must I then watch the early crowing c.o.c.k, The melancholy ticking of a clock; In a lone rustic hall for ever pounded, With dogs, cats, rats, and squalling brats surrounded?
With humble curate can I now retire, (While good Sir Peter boozes with the squire,) And at backgammon mortify my soul, That pants for loo, or flutters at a vole?
Seven"s the main! Dear sound that must expire, Lost at hot c.o.c.kles round a Christmas fire; The transient hour of fashion too soon spent, Farewell the tranquil mind, farewell content!
Farewell the plumed head, the cushion"d tete, That takes the cushion from its proper seat!
That spirit-stirring drum!--card drums I mean, Spadille--odd trick--pam--basto--king and queen!
And you, ye knockers, that, with brazen throat, The welcome visitors" approach denote; Farewell all quality of high renown, Pride, pomp, and circ.u.mstance of glorious town!
Farewell! your revels I partake no more, And Lady Teazle"s occupation"s o"er!
All this I told our bard; he smiled, and said "twas clear, I ought to play deep tragedy next year.
Meanwhile he drew wise morals from his play, And in these solemn periods stalk"d away:--- "Bless"d were the fair like you; her faults who stopp"d, And closed her follies when the curtain dropp"d!
No more in vice or error to engage, Or play the fool at large on life"s great stage."
<1> This PORTRAIT and Garrick"s PROLOGUE are not included in Fraser Rae"s text.
<2> From Sheridan"s ma.n.u.script.
<3> The story in Act I. Scene I., told by Crabtree about Miss Let.i.tia Piper, is repeated here, the speaker being Sir Peter:
SIR PETER. O nine out of ten malicious inventions are founded on some ridiculous misrepresentation--Mrs. Candour you remember how poor Miss Shepherd lost her Lover and her Character one Summer at Tunbridge.
MRS. C. To be sure that was a very ridiculous affair.
CRABTREE. Pray tell us Sir Peter how it was.
SIR P. Why madam--[The story follows.]
MRS. C. Ha ha strange indeed--
SIR P. Matter of Fact I a.s.sure you....
LADY T. As sure as can be--Sir Peter will grow scandalous himself--if you encourage him to tell stories.
[Fraser Rae"s footnote--Ed.]
<4> The words which follow this t.i.tle are not inserted in the ma.n.u.script of the play. [Fraser Rae"s footnote.--Ed.]
<5> From this place to Scene ii. Act IV. several sheets are missing.
[Fraser Rae"s footnote.--Ed.]