"Yes, of course it is," he said, and looked at me at last.
"There you are," I said to James.
"A young man"s reply," said James. "Now let me make a further point "
"Your trouble, Charles," said Peregrine, who was still drinking whisky, "as I said before, is that you despise women, you regard them as chattels. You regard this woman as a chattel"
"A further point. This drama has been developing very fast and it"s a whirling ma.s.s of emotions and ideas. You say you"ve kept this image of a pure first love beside you all these years. You may even have come to think of it as a supreme value, a standard by which all other loves have failed"
"Yes."
"But should you not criticize this guiding idea? I won"t call it a fiction. Let us call it a dream. Of course we live in dreams and by dreams, and even in a disciplined spiritual life, in some ways especially there, it is hard to distinguish dream from reality. In ordinary human affairs humble common sense comes to one"s aid. For most people common sense is is moral sense. But you seem to have deliberately excluded this modest source of light. Ask yourself, what really happened between whom all those years ago? You"ve made it into a story, and stories are false." moral sense. But you seem to have deliberately excluded this modest source of light. Ask yourself, what really happened between whom all those years ago? You"ve made it into a story, and stories are false."
(At this point t.i.tus, who could bear it no longer, surrept.i.tiously seized a piece of ham and some bread.) "And you are using this thing from the far past as a guide to important and irrevocable moves which you propose to make in the future. You are making a dangerous induction, and induction is shaky at the best of times, consider Russell"s chicken "
"Russell"s chicken?"
"The farmer"s wife comes out every day and feeds the chicken, but one day she comes out and wrings its neck."
"I don"t understand, let"s leave this chicken out."
"I mean, you are a.s.suming on as far as I can see very insubstantial evidence, your memory of some idyllic times at school and so on, that if you were to carry her off you would be able to love her and make her happy, and she would be able to love you and make you happy. Such situations are in fact fairly rare and hard of achievement. Further, as a matter inseparable from the happiness you prize so much, you a.s.sume that it is morally right thus to rescue her, even in the apparent absence other consent. Now should you not"
"James, please just stop insulting me with your pompous speculations will you? I wonder if you realize how insupportable you are? As you said, this business has developed fast and it"s a first-cla.s.s muddle. And, all right, I made the muddle. But inside it there isn"t any perfect morality any more. That"s what ordinary human life is like. Perhaps cloistered soldiers don"t know about such things."
James smiled. "I like "cloistered soldiers". So you admit you aren"t sure that this rescue would be a good thing?"
"I"m not sure, how can I be? But you"re trying to force me to have an argument which isn"t the the argument of the situation. What you are saying is all at the side, it"s a sort of abstract commentary. You"re the one who"s "telling a story". I"m in the place where the real things happen." argument of the situation. What you are saying is all at the side, it"s a sort of abstract commentary. You"re the one who"s "telling a story". I"m in the place where the real things happen."
"Well, what is the the argument of the situation?" argument of the situation?"
"That I love her. She loves me. She says so. And love doesn"t rely on "evidence" and "induction". Love knows. knows. She"s been very unhappy and I"m not going to let her return to a bully who will henceforth be even more cruel to her. It will be worse. OK, I made it so, but the fact remains. For his cruelty we have a witness here, though the witness seems unwilling to testify." She"s been very unhappy and I"m not going to let her return to a bully who will henceforth be even more cruel to her. It will be worse. OK, I made it so, but the fact remains. For his cruelty we have a witness here, though the witness seems unwilling to testify."
"That"s not an argument," said James. "It"s a rather confused statement of intention."
"Well, it"s what I propose to act upon. I can"t think why I let myself be drawn into this perfectly ridiculous discussion at all."
"All right. What I personally think has probably emerged already, and of course needn"t be a matter of any interest to you. But I"d like to add this: that if you do decide, unwisely in my view, to take her away, we would all want to help you as much as we can. That"s so, isn"t it?"
"Yes," said Peregrine.
"I think I agree with Charles in some ways," said Gilbert.
"For instance, where will you take her? The details have to be considered. What will she do all day?"
"That question alone," said Peregrine, "is enough to deter any man from getting married."
"Charles, please don"t think me impertinent and above all don"t think me unkind. I can"t just stand by and see you make a mucker of this business. It calls for a joint operation. I wonder if you"d let me talk to her, just once very briefly?"
" You? Talk to her? You? Talk to her? You must be mad!" You must be mad!"
At that moment I heard a terrible sound, a sound which in fact I had been dreading ever since I embarked upon my perilous adventure. Hartley upstairs had suddenly started screaming and banging the door. "Let me out, let me out!" "Let me out, let me out!"
I ran out of the kitchen, slamming the door behind me, and up the stairs. When I reached Hartley"s door she was still screaming and kicking at the panels. She had never done anything like this before. "Let "Let me out! Let me out!" me out! Let me out!"
I wanted to scream myself. I pounded the door frenziedly with my fist. "Oh stop it! Stop it! Shut up!
Stop shouting, will you?"
Silence.
I ran downstairs again. There was silence in the kitchen too. I ran out of the front door and across the causeway and started walking along the road towards the tower.
Later on that day, towards evening, sitting on the rocks with James, I had begun to agree to things which had by now begun to seem inevitable.
"Charles, it"s a terrible situation. That"s one reason why you"ve got to end it. And there is only one way to end it. You do see that now?"
"Yes."
"And you"ll write the letter?"
"Yes."
"I think the letter is important. You can explain things clearly in the letter."-"He won"t read it. He"ll tear it up and stamp on it."
"Wellor may keep it as evidence against you, but I think that risk is worth taking. I believe he"ll read it out of curiosity."
"He"s below the level of curiosity."
"And you agree that we should come?"
"I agree that you you should come." should come."
"I think the more the better."
"But not t.i.tus of course."
"Yes, t.i.tus too. It might help her, and it could help t.i.tus, if he could be polite to his father for five minutes."
" Polite? Polite? It sounds like a tea party." It sounds like a tea party."
"The liker it is to a tea party the better."
"t.i.tus wouldn"t agree."
"He has agreed."
"Oh."
"Then it"s OK that Peregrine can go into the village now and make that telephone call?"
I hesitated. It was the last moment. If I said yes now the whole situation would slide out of my control. I would be sanctioning a totally new and unpredictable future. "Yes/ "Good. You stay here. I"ll go and brief Peregrine."
In the afternoon I had talked with Hartley. I did not admit it to James, but his "discussion5 had helped me to see certain things more clearly, or had battered certain ideas into my head; or else I had in any case reached a certain decisive point of despair. That terrible "let me out, let me out" had cracked my faith and my hope. I asked her if she really wanted to go home. She said she did. I said all right. I did not make any more appeals or offer any more arguments. And as we looked at each other, silently, neither venturing to add to the words firmly spoken, I felt a fresh barrier rise between us. Before, I had thought our communication difficult. Now I realized how close we had had been. The plan was that Peregrine should go to the village and telephone Ben and say that Mr Arrowby and his friends would be bringing "Mary" back. Would Ben say, "Go to h.e.l.l, I don"t want her now"? No. Very unlikely. Whatever he ultimately wanted he would not oblige me by that move. But perhaps he would be away, perhaps he would have disappeared, perhaps when it came to it Hartley would change her mind... But by now anything was better than hope. been. The plan was that Peregrine should go to the village and telephone Ben and say that Mr Arrowby and his friends would be bringing "Mary" back. Would Ben say, "Go to h.e.l.l, I don"t want her now"? No. Very unlikely. Whatever he ultimately wanted he would not oblige me by that move. But perhaps he would be away, perhaps he would have disappeared, perhaps when it came to it Hartley would change her mind... But by now anything was better than hope.
James was re-appearing, leaping over the rocks.
My heart beat violently, sadly.
"It"s all right, he says bring her round, but he says tomorrow morning, not tonight."
"That"s odd. Why not tonight?" His woodwork cla.s.s perhaps!
"He wants to pretend he doesn"t care. It"s an available insult. He wants to make it clear we come at his his convenience. It"s just as well. It gives you more time to write that letter. It might be as well to deliver the letter convenience. It"s just as well. It gives you more time to write that letter. It might be as well to deliver the letter before before we all arrive, he"ll be more likely to read it." we all arrive, he"ll be more likely to read it."
"Oh, James"
"Not to worry. Sic biscuitus disintegrat." Sic biscuitus disintegrat."
"What?"
"That"s the way the cookie crumbles."
Dear Mr Fitch, This is not a very easy letter to write. I just want to make a number of things quite clear. The main thing is that I brought your wife to my house and kept her there against her will. against her will. The fact that she did not even take her handbag with her is proof, if proof be needed, that she was not "running away". (Forgive me if I say the obvious, I want this letter to be a final and definitive account of what has happened.) I decoyed her into my car by telling her that t.i.tus was at my house, which he was. When she arrived I locked her up. So you were right to charge me with having "kidnapped" her. She has not ceased to ask to go home. It goes without saying that I have had no "relations" with her. She has throughout resolutely resisted all my proposals and plans and has desired simply to be allowed to return to you. She is therefore The fact that she did not even take her handbag with her is proof, if proof be needed, that she was not "running away". (Forgive me if I say the obvious, I want this letter to be a final and definitive account of what has happened.) I decoyed her into my car by telling her that t.i.tus was at my house, which he was. When she arrived I locked her up. So you were right to charge me with having "kidnapped" her. She has not ceased to ask to go home. It goes without saying that I have had no "relations" with her. She has throughout resolutely resisted all my proposals and plans and has desired simply to be allowed to return to you. She is therefore totally blameless totally blameless in this matter. My friends Mr Opian and Mr Arbelow, and my cousin General Arrowby, who have been here with me in the house throughout, will vouch for the truth of what I say. in this matter. My friends Mr Opian and Mr Arbelow, and my cousin General Arrowby, who have been here with me in the house throughout, will vouch for the truth of what I say.
There is no point in apologies and little point in further explanations. I have been in a state of illusion and caused much fruitless distress to your wife and to yourself, which I regret. I did not act out of malice, but out of the promptings of an old romantic affection which I now see to have nothing to do with what exists at present. And perhaps at this point I should add (again something obvious) that of course I have not seen or communicated with your wife in any way since she was a young girl, and our recent meeting was completely accidental.
I trust and a.s.sume that since you are a reasonable and just man you will take no reprisal against your wife who is completely innocent. This is a matter of deep concern to me, my cousin and my friends. She has been perfectly loyal to you in word and deed and deserves your respect and grat.i.tude. As for myself, I trust you will feel that I have suffered enough humiliation, not least in consciousness of my folly, Yours truly, Charles Arrowby.
It was just as well that I had the extra time since it took me all the evening to compose this letter. It was indeed a difficult letter to write and I was far from satisfied with the final result. My first version was considerably more bellicose, but as James, to whom I showed it, pointed out, if I accused Ben of being a bully and a tyrant this would at once suggest that Hartley had said so. I could not justify my proceedings on that ground without casting an aspersion upon the upon the "perfect loyalty" which I had perjured myself by swearing that Hartley had exhibited. This omission of course left my self-defence almost non-existent, and I was well aware, without having it mentioned to me by James, that in another age both Ben and I would have been forced by convention and our own honourable consciences to fight each other to the death. In another age, and, in the case of a man like Ben, perhaps in this one too. My slender "apologies" were also difficult to word, since I had to crawl sufficiently to propitiate, should Ben be disposed to forgive, but not so much as to seem negligible should he prefer to fight. I could only hope that Ben"s own sense of guilt would weaken his aggressive instincts. The pompous reference to "my cousin and my friends" was James"s idea, though the false a.s.sertion that they had been present "throughout" Hartley"s sojourn was mine. James thought that the vague presence of a more disinterested, more formidable, group of persons might make Ben feel that his proceedings had an audience, and might thus temper the violence of his reactions. I did not believe this. His behaviour might be a matter of "deep concern" to all sorts of worthy persons other than myself, but once the front door was closed upon the married pair Ben would do as he pleased. James did not repeat his request to be allowed to talk to Hartley. It was in any case too late. Gilbert dropped my missive through the letter box at Nibletts at about ten o"clock that evening. I spent a little time with Hartley. It was very odd. I told her that she was going home tomorrow. She nodded, blinking her eyes intelligently. I asked her if she wanted to come down and have supper with the others. She declined, to my relief. I did not ask her again if she was content to go. We sat on the floor and played cards, a form of "snap" which we had invented for ourselves when we were children. Everyone in the house went to bed early. "perfect loyalty" which I had perjured myself by swearing that Hartley had exhibited. This omission of course left my self-defence almost non-existent, and I was well aware, without having it mentioned to me by James, that in another age both Ben and I would have been forced by convention and our own honourable consciences to fight each other to the death. In another age, and, in the case of a man like Ben, perhaps in this one too. My slender "apologies" were also difficult to word, since I had to crawl sufficiently to propitiate, should Ben be disposed to forgive, but not so much as to seem negligible should he prefer to fight. I could only hope that Ben"s own sense of guilt would weaken his aggressive instincts. The pompous reference to "my cousin and my friends" was James"s idea, though the false a.s.sertion that they had been present "throughout" Hartley"s sojourn was mine. James thought that the vague presence of a more disinterested, more formidable, group of persons might make Ben feel that his proceedings had an audience, and might thus temper the violence of his reactions. I did not believe this. His behaviour might be a matter of "deep concern" to all sorts of worthy persons other than myself, but once the front door was closed upon the married pair Ben would do as he pleased. James did not repeat his request to be allowed to talk to Hartley. It was in any case too late. Gilbert dropped my missive through the letter box at Nibletts at about ten o"clock that evening. I spent a little time with Hartley. It was very odd. I told her that she was going home tomorrow. She nodded, blinking her eyes intelligently. I asked her if she wanted to come down and have supper with the others. She declined, to my relief. I did not ask her again if she was content to go. We sat on the floor and played cards, a form of "snap" which we had invented for ourselves when we were children. Everyone in the house went to bed early.
History
FIVE.
The next day was one of the worst days of my life, perhaps the worst. I awoke as for execution. No one except t.i.tus had any interest in breakfast. The hot stuffy weather continued, with a few distant grumblings of thunder now.
Hartley looked terrible. She had made up her face with especial care and this made her look pathetically older. Her yellow dress was dirty, crumpled and torn. I could not send her back to her husband in my dressing gown. I searched among my clothes and found a sort of blue unis.e.x beach coat which I made her put on. I also found a light scarf to put over her head. It was like dressing a child. We did not dare to say much to each other. By now I wanted the whole thing to be over. I could scarcely endure the idea that she might even now say "I don"t think I want to go after all"; and the impulse to cry out "Stop!" was a pain which I urgently wanted to be without. Perhaps she felt much the same. And I thought at one moment: why, it"s just like it was then then. I"ve done everything I can for her, everything. And she"s just leaving me. I put into a plastic bag her make-up and the mottled pink stone with the white bars which I had given her (and which she had apparently not looked at since). She said nothing, but she watched me put the stone into the bag. Gilbert shouted up that the car was ready. While Hartley was in the bathroom I went on downstairs carrying the bag and waited in the hall. They had decided that what Peregrine called "the delegation" should be carried in Peregrine"s white Alfa Romeo. James and Perry and t.i.tus were already outside. Gilbert came out of the kitchen. He said to me, "Charles, a funny thing, last night, I didn"t tell you."
"What?"
"When I delivered that letter at his place I thought I heard a woman talking inside.
"It was TV."
"I don"t think so. Charles, there won"t be a fight, will there? I mean his asking us not to come till today. Perhaps he"s mustered all his pals to beat us up."
This idea had occurred to me too. "He has no pals." The woodwork cla.s.s?
Hartley began to come down the stairs. I pushed Gilbert and he went out. She walked slowly, clutching the banister, as if walking were difficult. She was wearing the scarf over her head, as I had intended her to, and her face was shadowed. I would have liked her to wear a veil. It was our last moment, our last second, alone together. I took her hand and pressed it and kissed her cheek and said, as if it were something quite ordinary, "It"s not goodbye. You will come to me. I shall be waiting." She squeezed my hand but said nothing. She was not tearful. Her eyes looked far away. We went out together onto the causeway. The others were waiting by the car. It was curiously like the emergence of a bride and bridegroom.
All eyes were averted as we approached the car. I had not arranged the seating. t.i.tus opened the rear door and I hustled Hartley in and followed her, and t.i.tus got in next to me. The other three squashed up in the front. Hartley drew her scarf forward to veil her face. The three in front did not look round. Peregrine, who was driving, said, "It"s straight on and then right?"
Gilbert said, "It"s through the village, I"ll direct you."
Hartley was crushed against me. She was stiff, stiff. t.i.tus was stiff too, his eyes staring and unseeing, his pink mouth slightly open. I could feel his fast breathing. Everyone was gazing straight ahead. I folded my hands together. The sun was shining. It was a bright day for the wedding. We were just approaching the big rocks through which the road pa.s.sed in a narrow defile, the place which I called the Khyber Pa.s.s, when a stone struck the windscreen with amazing force. Everyone in the car came abruptly out of whatever trance he was in. Then another stone struck the car and then another. Peregrine stopped. Another driver might have accelerated, but not Perry. "What the h.e.l.l is going on?
Somebody"s throwing stones at us, they"re throwing on purpose." He got out of the car. We were now inside the defile with yellow rocks towering up on either side. James was saying something to Peregrine, perhaps telling him to get back into the car. I had time to think: Ben has arranged a brilliant ambush, he has chosen just the right place. Then the windscreen suddenly shattered. A sizable rock, pushed over the edge from above, had fallen directly upon it. With a sizzling report the gla.s.s became white, crackled and opaque. The rock rebounded on the radiator, dinting it, and scudded onto the road. Peregrine uttered a cry of rage.
t.i.tus had jumped out of the car and I followed him. Gilbert stayed where he was. James moved into the driver"s seat and, with a handkerchief wrapped around his hand, punched a hole in the gla.s.s. Then he too got out.
"There! There!" Peregrine was shouting and pointing upward.
A stone flew past my head. I looked up and outlined against the blue sky I saw Rosina. She was kneeling on one knee on top of one of the highest rocks and had evidently provided herself beforehand with an a.r.s.enal of missiles. She was black, a black witch, wearing something that looked like a peasant woman"s shawl. I saw her snarling mouth and her teeth. It soon too became apparent that her main target was Peregrine. A stone struck him on the chest, another on the shoulder. Instead of seeking cover he began, still bellowing, to return the fire. Stones were flying round Rosina"s head, but I think none of them hit her.
"Who is this lady?" said James in his rather fastidious tone.
"Peregrine"s former wife."
"Need she detain us?"
"Perry, get back in the car, get back in the car!" get back in the car!" I grabbed his coat tail. He pulled himself angrily away and stooped to pick up more ammunition. I grabbed his coat tail. He pulled himself angrily away and stooped to pick up more ammunition.
A stone struck me painfully upon the hand and I returned hastily towards the car.
"Rosina! Rosina!" It was t.i.tus, shouting, waving. It was like a war cry. He gesticulated and danced. I pulled him back with me. James got hold of Perry. In a moment we were all back inside and Peregrine was accelerating violently. The car flashed onward and round the curve to where the village road forked inland.
Here Peregrine stopped the car with a jerk, went round to the boot and came back with a jack with which he violently knocked out the rest of the windscreen, showering us all with white fragments of gla.s.s. He inspected the dint on the radiator. "What the h.e.l.l is that b.l.o.o.d.y b.i.t.c.h doing here?" he said, but not in a tone that seemed to require an answer. A little later he said thoughtfully, "She used to play cricket at school."
The bizarre violence of the incident had left me dazed, and I returned with a sick shock to my acute consciousness of Hartley who, during the whole of the episode, had not moved, and seemed not to have noticed what was happening. Then I suddenly remembered what Gilbert had said about hearing a woman talking in the bungalow last night. Had Rosina carried out her obscene threat of going to "console" Ben, and if so had that been why Ben was not ready to receive Hartley last night? How else had Rosina known we were coming? This thought filled me with confused helpless anger. By now we had pa.s.sed through the village, past the church where I had talked so shyly with Hartley so long ago, and turned up the hill towards the bungalows. Peregrine, driving savagely, was red in the face, and remained so completely absorbed in his own thoughts that he took no further active part in the proceedings and seemed scarcely to know what was going on.
When I had imagined Hartley going home I had not imagined opening the car door and ushering her out and unlatching the gate and walking up the path, at any moment of which proceedings I could have cried out "No! No more!" and seized her hand and dragged her away. I did not do so. I did not touch her. She slipped off the scarf and the blue coat and slithered quickly out of the car. I opened the gate for her and followed her up the path. James followed me, then t.i.tus looking frightened, Gilbert also looking frightened, then Peregrine in some kind of private rage.
Hartley rang the bell. Its sweet chime had scarcely sounded when there was a volley of fierce barks, followed by the sound of human cursing. A door banged and the barking was less audible. Then Ben opened the door. I think he would have liked to let her in and shut it again, only in accordance with orders issued by James I went in quickly on her heels and the others came after me. I had, equally, not imagined the scene inside the house, or in so far as I had imagined it I had pictured either an instant fracas fracas or else a solemn council, with Hartley somehow featuring in both. As it was, no sooner was Hartley inside the door than she vanished. In a second she had slipped away like a mouse and gone into the bedroom and shut the door. {The main bedroom that is, not the little room where I had talked to Ben.) or else a solemn council, with Hartley somehow featuring in both. As it was, no sooner was Hartley inside the door than she vanished. In a second she had slipped away like a mouse and gone into the bedroom and shut the door. {The main bedroom that is, not the little room where I had talked to Ben.) The dog, which seemed to be a rather large animal, went on barking as an accompaniment to what was going on in the hall. Ben had retreated to the sitting room door, Gilbert was leaning against the now closed front door, Peregrine was angrily inspecting the picture of the knight in armour, James was looking at Ben with an air of interest, and Ben and t.i.tus were staring at each other. Ben spoke first, "Well, t.i.tus, then.5 "h.e.l.lo."
"You coming home with mummy, you going to stay here now?"
t.i.tus was silent, trembling and biting his lip.
"Going to stay here now, eh? Eh?"
t.i.tus shook his head. He said in a strangled whisper, "No I think I"ll stayaway."