Challoner turned away without answering. There was a humiliating lump in his throat. At that moment he was the most wretched man in the whole of London. How on earth could he get through the whole infernal morning? And was she always going to treat him like this in the future? refusing to see him--deliberately avoiding him.
He wandered about the West End, staring into shop windows. At twelve o"clock he was back again at his rooms. A messenger boy was at the door when he reached it. He held a letter which Challoner took from him. It was from Cynthia Farrow.
He tore it open anyhow. His pulses throbbed with excitement. She had relented, of course, and wanted to see him at once. He was so sure of it that it was like a blow over the heart when he read the short note.
DEAR JIMMY,--I am afraid you will be hurt at what I am going to say, but I am sure it is better for us not to meet again. It only makes things harder for us both, and can do no good. I ought to have said good-bye to you last night, only at the last moment I hadn"t the courage. If you really care for me you will keep away, and make no attempt to see me. I can never marry you, and though we have had some very happy days together, I hope that you will forget me. Please don"t write, either; I really mean what I say, that this is good-bye.
CYNTHIA.
The messenger boy fidgeted uncomfortably, staring at Jimmy Challoner"s white face. Presently he ventured a question. "Is there an answer, sir?"
Challoner turned then, "No, no answer."
He let himself into his rooms and shut the door. He felt as if he were walking in s.p.a.ce. For the moment he was unconscious of any emotion.
He walked over to the window and read the letter again. The only thing about it that really struck him was its note of finality.
This was no petulantly written dismissal. She had thought it well out; she really meant it.
He was jilted! The word stung him into life. His face flamed. A wave of pa.s.sionate anger swept over him. He was jilted! The detestable thing for which he had always so deeply pitied other men of his acquaintance had happened to him. He was no longer an engaged man, he was discarded, unwanted!
For the moment he forgot the eloquent fact of Cynthia"s marriage. He only realised that she had thrown him aside--finished with him.
And he had loved her so much. He had never cared a hang for any other woman in all his life in comparison with the devotion he had poured at Cynthia"s feet.
He looked round the room with blank eyes. He could not believe that he had not fallen asleep and dreamed it all. His gaze was arrested by Cynthia"s portrait on the shelf--it seemed to be watching him with smiling eyes.
In sudden rage he crossed the room and s.n.a.t.c.hed it up. He stood for a second holding it in his hand as if not knowing what to do with it, then he dashed it down into the fireplace. The gla.s.s splintered into hundreds of fragments. Jimmy Challoner stood staring down at them with pa.s.sionate eyes. He hated her. She was a flirt, a coquette without a heart.
If he could only pay her out--only let her see how utterly indifferent he was. If only there was some other woman who would be nice to him, and let him be nice to her, to make Cynthia jealous.
He thought suddenly of Christine Wyatt, of the little flame in her brown eyes when last night he had reminded her of the old days at Upton House. His vain man"s heart had been stirred then. She liked him at all events.
Mrs. Wyatt had said that she hoped they would see much of him while they were in London. If he chose, he knew that he could be with them all day and every day. Cynthia would get to hear of it, Cynthia would know that he was not wearing the willow for her. He would not even answer her letter. He would just keep away--walk out of her life.
For a moment a sort of desolation gripped him. He had been so proud of her, thought so much of their future together; made such wonderful plans for getting round the Great Horatio; and now--it was all ended--done for!
His careless face fell into haggard lines, but the next instant he got a fresh grip of himself. He would show her, he would let her see that he was no weakling, no lovelorn swain pleading for denied favours. He squared his shoulders. He took up his hat and went into the street again. He called a taxi and gave the address of the hotel where Christine and her mother were staying.
CHAPTER III
THE TWO WOMEN
Christine was just crossing the hall of the hotel when Jimmy Challoner entered it. She saw him at once, and stood still with a little flush in her face.
"I was just thinking about you," she said. "I was just wondering if you would come and see us to-day; somehow I didn"t think you would."
She spoke very simply and unaffectedly. She was genuinely pleased to see him, and saw no reason for hiding it. "Have you had lunch?" she asked. "Mother and I are just going to have ours."
If he had given way to his own inclinations he would have gone without lunch--without everything. He was utterly wretched. The kindness of Christine"s eyes brought a lump to his throat. He did not want her to be kind to him. She was not the woman he wanted at all. Why, oh, why was he here when his heart was away--G.o.d alone knew where--with Cynthia!
What was she doing? he was asking himself in an agony, even while he followed Christine across the hall to the dining-room; had she really meant him to accept that note of dismissal as final? or had it just been written in a moment of petulance?
He had not meant to think about her; he had vowed to put her out of his thoughts for ever, to let her see that he would not wear the willow for her; and yet--oh, they were all very well, these fine resolves, but when a chap was utterly--confoundedly down and out----
He found himself shaking hands with Christine"s mother.
"Jimmy hasn"t had any lunch," Christine was saying. "So I asked him to have some with us."
Her voice sounded very gay; the little flush had not died out of her cheeks.
"I am very pleased you have come," said Christine"s mother. She shook hands with Jimmy, and smiled at him with her mother-eyes.
Jimmy wished they would not be so kind to him. It made him feel a thousand times more miserable.
When he began to eat he was surprised to find that he was really hungry. A gla.s.s of wine cheered him considerably; he began to talk and make himself agreeable. As a matter of course, they talked about the old days at Upton House; Jimmy began to remember things he had almost forgotten; there had been an old stable-loft----
"Do you remember when you fell down the ladder?" Christine asked him laughingly. "And the way you b.u.mped your head----"
"And the way you cried," Jimmy reminded her.
"Didn"t she, Mrs. Wyatt?"
Mrs. Wyatt laughed.
"Don"t refer to me, please," she said. "I am beginning to think that I never knew half what you two did in those days."
Christine looked at Jimmy shyly.
"They were lovely days," she said with a sigh.
"Ripping!" Jimmy agreed. He tried to put great enthusiasm into his voice, but in his heart he knew that he had long since outgrown the simple pleasures that had seemed so great to him then. He thought of Cynthia, and the wild Bohemianism of the weeks that had pa.s.sed since he first got engaged to her; that was life if you pleased, with a capital letter. It seemed incredible that it was all ended and done with; that Cynthia wanted him no longer; that his place in her life was filled by another man; that he would never wait at the theatre for her any more; never---- He caught his breath on a great sigh. Christine looked at him with her brown eyes. She, at least, had never outgrown the old days; to her they would always be the most wonderful of her whole life.
"And what are we going to do this afternoon?" Mrs. Wyatt asked when lunch was ended.
"Anything you like," said Jimmy. "I am entirely at your disposal."
"Mother always likes a nap after lunch," said Christine laughing. "She never will stir till she has had it."
"Very well; then you and I will go off somewhere together," said Jimmy promptly. "At least"--he looked apologetically at Mrs. Wyatt--"if we may?" he added.
"I think I can trust you with Christine," said Christine"s mother.
"But you"ll be in to tea?"