The paintless wooden bal.u.s.trade and flooring of the veranda were broken.
So also were the faded green shutters. The patio was but a little square of dust and stringy gra.s.s. A few dilapidated chairs stood about, homemade looking chairs with concave seats of worn cowskin.
Inside the house there was little furniture, and what there was struck Annesley as hideous. Nothing was whole. Everything was falling to pieces.
Ill.u.s.trations cut out of newspapers were pasted on the dirty, whitewashed walls.
The slatternly servant, who could speak only "Mex," had got no supper ready. Knight would let Annesley do nothing, but he deftly helped the woman to fry some eggs and make coffee. He tried to find dishes which were not cracked or broken, and could not.
If he and Annesley had loved each other, or had even been friends, they would have laughed and enjoyed the adventure. But Annesley had no heart for laughter. She could only smile a frozen, polite little smile, and say that it "did not matter. Everything would do very well." She would soon get used to the place, and learn how to get on.
When she had to speak to Knight she called him "you." There was no other name which she could bear to use. He had had too many names in the past!
As time went on, however, the girl surprised herself by not being able to hate her home. She found mysteriously lovely colours in the yellow-gray desert; shadows blue as lupines and purple as Russian violets; high lights of shimmering, pale gold.
Spanish bayonets, straight and sharp as enchanted swords which had magically flowered, lilied the desert stretches, and there were strange red blossoms like drops of blood clinging to the points of long daggers.
Bird of Paradise plants were there, too, well named for their plumy splendour of crimson, white, and yellow; and as the spring advanced the China trees brought memories of English lilacs.
The air was sweet with the scent of locust blossoms, and along the clear horizon fantastically formed mountains seemed to float like changing cloud-shapes.
The cattle, which Knight had bought from the departing rancher, had their corrals and scanty pastures far from the house, but the cowboys" quarters were near, and Annesley never tired of seeing the laughing young men mount and ride their slim, nervous horses.
This fact they got to know, and performed incredible antics to excite her admiration. They thought her beautiful, and wondered if she had lost someone whom she loved, that she should look so cold and sad.
These men, though she seldom spoke to any, were a comfort to Annesley.
Without their shouts and rough jokes and laughter the place would have been gloomy as a grave.
There was a colony of prairie dogs which she could visit by taking a long walk, and they, too, were comforting. It was Knight who told her of the creatures and where to seek them; but he did not show her the way.
If things had been well between them, the man"s anxiety to please her would have been adorable to Annesley. As soon as he saw the deficiencies of the house, he went himself to El Paso to choose furniture and pretty simple chintzes, old-fashioned china and delicate gla.s.s, bedroom and table damask. He ordered books also, and subscribed for magazines and papers.
Returning, he said nothing of what he had done, for he hoped that the surprise might p.r.i.c.k the girl to interest, rousing her from the lethargy which had settled over her like a fog. But her grat.i.tude was perfunctory.
She was always polite, but the pretty things seemed to give her no real pleasure.
Knight had to realize that she was one of those people who, when inwardly unhappy, are almost incapable of feeling small joys. Such as she had were found in getting away from him as far as possible.
She practically lived out of doors in the summertime, taking pains to go where he would not pa.s.s on his rounds of the ranch; and even after the sitting room had been made "liveable" with the new carpet laid by Knight and the chintz curtains he put up with his own hands, she fled to her room for sanctuary.
Knight"s search for capable servants was vain until he picked up a Chinaman from over the Mexican border, illegal but valuable as a household a.s.set. Under the new regime there was good food, and Annesley had no work save the hopeless task of finding happiness.
It was easy to see from the white, set look of her face as the monotonous months dragged on that she was no nearer to accomplishing that task than on the day of her arrival. Nothing that Knight could do made any difference. When an upright cottage piano appeared one day, the girl seemed distressed rather than pleased.
"You shouldn"t spend money on me," she said in the gentle, weary way that was becoming habitual.
"It"s the "good fund" money," Knight explained, hastily and almost humbly. "It"s growing, you know. I"ve struck some fine investments. And I"m going to do well with this ranch. We don"t need to economize. I thought you"d enjoy a piano."
"Thank you. You"re very kind," she answered, as if he had been a stranger. "But I"m out of practice. I hardly feel energy to take it up again."
His hopes of what Texas might do for her faded slowly; and even when their fire had died under cooling ashes, his silent, un.o.btrusive care never relaxed.
Only the deepest love--such love as can remake a man"s whole nature--could have been strong enough to bear the strain.
But Annesley, blinded by the anguish which never ceased to ache, did not see that it was possible for such a nature to change. She who had believed pa.s.sionately in her hero of romance was stripped of all belief in him now, as a young tree in blossom is stripped of its delicate bloom by an icy wind. Not believing in him, neither did she believe in his love.
She thought that he was sorry for her, that he was grateful for what she had done to help him; that perhaps for the time being he intended to "turn over a new leaf," not really for her sake, but because he had been in danger of being found out.
Scornfully she told herself that this pretence at ranching was one of the many adventures dotted along his career; one act in the melodrama of which he delighted to be the leading actor. His own love of luxury and charming surroundings was enough to account for the improvements he hastened to make at the ranchhouse.
Anxiously she put away the thought that all he did was for her. She did not wish to accept it. She did not want the obligation of grat.i.tude. It even seemed puerile that he should attempt to make up for spoiling her life by supplying a few easy chairs and pictures and a Chinese cook.
"He likes the things himself and can"t live without them," she insisted.
And it was to show him that he could not atone in such childish ways that she lived out of doors or hid in her own room.
At first she locked the door of that room when she entered, thinking of it defiantly as her fortress which must be defended. But when weeks grew into months and the enemy never attacked the fortress her vigilance relaxed. She forgot to lock the door.
Summer pa.s.sed. Autumn and then winter came. Knight was a good deal away, for he had bought an interest in a newly opened copper mine in the Organ Mountains, and was interested in the development which might mean fortune. At night, however, he came back in the second-hand motor-car which he had got at a bargain price in El Paso, and drove himself.
Annesley never failed to hear him return, though she gave no sign. And sometimes she would peep through the slats of her green shutters on one side of the patio at the windows of his bedroom and "office," which were opposite. It was seldom that his light did not burn late, and Annesley went to bed thinking hard thoughts, asking herself what schemes of new adventure he might be plotting for the day when he should tire of the ranch.
Often she wondered that her life was not more hateful than it was; for somehow it was not hateful. Texas, with its vast s.p.a.ces and blowing gusts of ozone, had begun to mean more for her than her cold reserve let Knight guess, more than she herself could understand.
On Christmas morning, when she opened her bedroom door, she almost stumbled over a covered Mexican basket of woven coloured straws.
Something inside it moved and sighed.
She stooped, lifted the cover, and saw, curled up on a bit of red blanketing, a miniature Chihuahua dog. It had a body as slight and shivering as a tendril of grapevine; a tiny pointed face, with a high forehead and immense, almost human eyes.
At sight of her a thread of tail wagged, and Annesley felt a warm impulse of affection toward the little creature. Of course it was a present from Knight, though there was no word to tell her so; and if the dog had not looked at her with an offer of all its love and self she would perhaps have refused to accept it rather than encourage the giving of gifts.
But after that look she could not let the animal go. Its possession made life warmer; and it was good to see it lying in front of her open fire of mesquite roots.
She had no Christmas gift for Knight.
He had made, soon after their coming to the ranch, a cactus fence round the house enclosure; and seeing the dry ugliness of the long, straight sticks placed close together, Annesley disliked and wondered at it. At last she questioned Knight, and complained that the bristly barrier was an eyesore. She wished it might be taken down.
"Wait till spring," he answered. "It isn"t a barrier; it"s an allegory.
Maybe when you see what happens you"ll understand. Maybe you won"t. It depends on your own feelings."
Annesley said no more, but she did not forget. She thought, if her understanding of the allegory meant any change of feeling which the man might be looking for in her, she would never understand. She hated to look at the line of stark, naked sticks, but they, and the "allegory"
they represented, constantly recurred to her mind.
One day in spring she noticed that the sticks looked less dry. k.n.o.b-like buds had broken out upon them, the first sign that they were living things. It happened to be Easter eve, and she was restless, full of strange thoughts as the yellow-flowering grease-wood bushes were full of rushing sap.
A year ago that night her love for her husband had died its sudden, tragic death. In the very act of forgiveness, forgiveness had been killed.
Knight had gone off early that morning in his motor-car, the poor car which was a pathetic contrast to the glories of last year in England. He had gone before she was up, and had mentioned to the Chinese cook that he might not be back until late.
"That means after midnight," she told herself; and since she was free as air, she decided to take a long walk in the afternoon, as far as the river. It seemed that if she stayed in the house the thought of life as it might have been and life as it was would kill her on this day of all other days.
"I wish I could die!" she said. "But not here. Somewhere a long way off from everyone--and from _him_."